A/N: Okay, so y'all have kicked my butt into gear! As of last week, this chapter wasn't even written and now I'm up to chapter 24. I got lazy and the chapters started creeping up on me, which I hate letting them do. I like having tons in advance, because I never know when I'll get busy or lazy.

I have kind of mixed feelings about this chapter - I'll let y'all decide. I'll settle for saying it's pretty good, but it'll probably grow on me with time.

I had tons of things to say that I can't remember now (which I will as soon as I post), but I do remember one thing I meant to say in my A/N for HoM and forgot: Hands on Me has surpassed 900 reviews! That's crazy! That's less than one hundred away from a thousand!

And since I know most of you read both POVs, I just want to say thank you all so, so much. Really. Y'all are amazing.

Disclaimer: I don't own the lyrics found here, although I am obsessed with them. Just thought they fit well there - oh, and I couldn't decide on a chapter title so you get what you see before you. Two. ;)

Black Family Rule Number One (Or, Bringing Mumus Back)

sweatpants, hair-tied, chillin' with no makeup on
that's when you're the prettiest
i hope that you don't take it wrong

- drake, best i ever had

-

This was heaven.

If I ever did die, and by some crazy-ass stroke of luck managed to end up in heaven, how God was gonna top this was lost on me. He'd probably just replicate this situation, which was just damn fine with me.

It couldn't get better than this. It just couldn't.

Nessie, all warm and perfect and soft, snuggled up into my arms. Her face pressed into my chest, taking those deep breaths and making those perfect little contented sounds I knew well. If my scent was half as comforting for her as hers was for me well then, damn. I didn't even know what to think.

It was so good - it was so damn good - to not have to pretend I didn't love Nessie the wrong way. That I loved her the absolutely perfectly right way and she loved me back. It was so good that I could just reach out and wrap my arm around her tiny little waist and rub my hand against the small of her back.

Because it wasn't wrong to want her closer now. Just not too close, but I could deal with that. I could deal with that forever, if I had to.

"Are you sleepy?" She did look tired and a nap snuggled up against my Nessie before we went out on our very first date didn't seem like such a bad idea at all. "Do you want to take a nap before we go out?"

Nessie's wide eyes wandered up to my face and one of her hands came up to slide her fingers just along the place on my neck where my t-shirt ended. Damn.

"I'm not sleepy," she said, but she pressed herself a little bit closer into me anyway. "But we can stay here for awhile."

I'm in no rush, Nessie, baby. I'll stay here forever if it's what you want and not complain a bit.

I nodded and Nessie leaned her head back into my arm, pressing her face into my chest. Her fingers still playing along the skin just above my shirt neck. It felt so damn good.

And that's when I felt it open.

The connection between us . . . gapped, almost, opening just a little. Just enough for me to see my girl's thoughts. Just enough to see my girl wishing for her family. Then I felt her get anxious.

I watched every piece of clothing she had with us flip through her mind and watched each get dismissed. I knew Nessie wasn't showing me intentionally, that she hadn't noticed the connection was open but I couldn't stop her. I just had to see.

I felt her . . . desire to look good, to want to dress up for me. And then I felt her wish to go shopping.

My Nessie would never want for anything. As of last night, that shit became a Black family rule.

"Done," I announced, not even thinking, and the little jump Nessie gave in my arms told me I had startled her.

She looked up at me with those eyes that still made me melt every time. "What?"

"We'll go shopping." We'll go to the moon, Nessie, if you just wanted to see what it looked like.

The cutest dumbfounded look passed over Nessie's face and she opened and closed her mouth for a minute. I knew when she got it because her cheeks flushed pink and her eyes went shy.

She was so damn gorgeous.

"No, Jake, don't worry about it." She shook her head into my chest like it was going to convince me. "I'm just letting my thoughts wander. I - don't worry about it."

"No, Nessie." I held her a little tighter. I'll never not worry about you. "We'll go. I want tonight to be as perfect as possible for you."

I wanted to kiss her again. So, so bad - but I'd already done enough of that for today. Definitely. I couldn't be constantly on her all the time - I had to take this easy.

I couldn't have her mouth, so I settled for a kiss on her soft forehead.

"I'm sorry Bella isn't here, or the rest of your family," I told her, because I didn't want her thinking I didn't recognize what she was suffering too.

In a way, what she was going through was worse than what I was. I was used to being on my own - I'd spent months as a wolf, without anyone except the occasional intruder in my head that I was pretty much able to ignore.

But Nessie - she's never been away from her family. She's only been with them seven short years and she hadn't spent more than a day away from any of them. And definitely not all of them at once - it was only natural she should miss them. I was an idiot for not noticing sooner. I'd been so wrapped up in my own shit -

"I know why my family isn't here, and I know there's a good reason," she told me firmly, kinda taking me back a little. "And I don't need to go shopping, I don't want to be a burden, I just want to spend time with you. Whenever, wherever."

My heart did a little jump in my chest. It wanted to leap when at Nessie's love for me but it sunk at the word 'burden'. She didn't think she was a burden, did she? How could she possibly even think that?

"You are not a burden." I tried to keep the Alpha out of my tone but it crept in anyway. Nessie gave a small groan. "And I know you don't care, but this is obviously something that would make you happy, and I want to do this right."

I have to do this right.

Nessie closed her eyes for a second, and when she opened them again her face was a lot . . . softer.

"I don't want you to feel like you have to dress up for me," I told her, my voice coming out low and weird and Nessie's cheeks got darker. "You could be in a trash bag for all I care, but you . . . just come on, Ness, don't make this harder than it has to be."

It was absolutely and utterly disgusting that the idea of Nessie wrapped in only a trash bag was appealing to me.

I got up off the bed and pulled Nessie up with me. I didn't want to be any farther away from her warm body than I had to, but I was just glad she let me, She was trying to act like she was annoyed, but the corners of her lips kept turning down.

Her pretty pink lips. When would I get to kiss them again?

I couldn't help but smile back as I watched Nessie pull her shoes on. I even whistled a little, but that was mostly to try and force the image of Nessie bending over to tie her shoes out of my brain.

I drove back out towards the highway since I'd thought I'd seen a sign advertising a shopping center. After about ten minutes, we found a small little center with a few shops in it.

I nodded my head to the building, slowing down so Nessie could catch a look.

"Is this okay?" Because I'll drive you to the fucking Mall of America if it's not.

Nessie rolled her eyes at me, but she was still smiling when she told me it was fine.

I parked and up front and got out. I was walking around to Nessie's door to open it for her, but she had already hopped out at damn lightening speed. The little smirk on her lips told me she'd done it on purpose. I don't know why she was so weird about stuff like that. I rolled my eyes at her and her smirk got a little bigger.

We went into the first shop and I immediately felt a little lost. There were slinky, strappy things everywhere. Shoes and skirts and panties and bras and high heels and things I didn't even recognize. I hope Nessie could navigate this shit better than me - seven years with Alice should have taught her something.

Nessie turned to me.

"But you're not supposed to see the clothes. That negates the whole point of buying a new outfit." She shot me a challenging look. "So what're you gonna do?"

The idea came to me almost instantly. And it was a win-win.

I could give Nessie what she wanted, and irritate her at the same time.

I shut my eyes, turned around, and grabbed Nessie's hand. Why turned around, you ask, if my eyes were already shut.

"Lead me."

"You've got to be kidding me, Jake."

That's why.

"Nope." I could barely keep from grinning. "You're right, I shouldn't see. And I can't leave you alone, so . . . . "

Get to shopping, babe.

"Stop being stupid." I didn't even need my eyes open to know she wasn't really mad. "Just open your eyes and come on."

"Na-uh, Ness." I shook her hand to hurry her up. She wasn't winning this one. "You were right. Now go find your clothes."

I obviously couldn't see, but I would be willing to bet just about everything except Ness that she rolled her eyes just then. But she started walking, and pulled me with her.

Jake one, Nessie nine hundred sixty-seven.

Hey - I take what I can get.

It went on like this for awhile. I guess Nessie was looking at clothes, because I heard stuff moving and every once and awhile Nessie dragged me a few more steps. I entertained myself by imagining what Nessie would look like in some of the stringy stuff I saw when we first walked in.

Sometime during this, I smelled a human scent get closer and then heard who I reckon was the shop girl ask Nessie if she needed any help finding anything.

"Yeah, I'm not really good at this kind of stuff."

I couldn't help but smile. She was so damn cute. Didn't she know she could buy the ugliest damn thing in here and walk out looking like the sexiest girl on the planet?

"Okay, sure," I heard the girl say. "What are you looking for?"

"I'm not sure. I need something cute to wear . . . out."

My grin got wider.

"Like to a club?"

"Oh, no." I could hear the nervousness in Nessie's voice and a chuckle got out. I tried to imagine Nessie in a club. "Just like, out to eat and to the movies."

"Oh, that should be easy." Of course it should be - you see her, don't you? "Are you looking for a top or a dress . . . ?"

Now Jake was about to get some visuals.

"A top, I think."

Now, was that stringy thing a top? Or a bottom? Not sure exactly how you'd wear it if it was either, but still.

And as much as I was having fun in my head imagining Nessie in that thing, there was no way in hell I was taking her to the movies wearing it if she somehow by some shot in hell did manage to buy it.

But I knew my Nessie, and she wouldn't do that.

"Any particular color?"

"I like green." No, I like green. My stomach tightened at the thought of her thinking about that kind of stuff. "But I don't really care."

"Green is pretty with your skin." Everything is pretty with her skin - are you blind? "Purple would be too. And blue. I wouldn't do too much red though, so it doesn't detract from your hair." Nessie could wear a tomato bottle costume and still look better than you, lady, so watch it. "It's really pretty, by the way."

Of course it is.

Nessie thanked her, because she was the sweetest thing ever.

"Is it natural?"

Again - of course it is. Nessie was quiet for a second before she answered. It probably took her a second to get it - she wasn't into all that cosmetic, girly stuff.

And like any dye on this earth could make her hair look better than it did now.

"Ugh, I'm jealous." You should be. "Here, try these."

Nessie started to walk away, still guiding me by the hand.

"Is he okay, or . . . ?"

Never been better.

"He's not allowed to look," I heard Nessie explain, and could practically feel her cheeks getting hot. "And he won't leave me alone for more than five minutes, so . . . "

I couldn't let that pass, so I reached down and wrapped my arm tight around Nessie's waist, pulling her a little closer. Just a little.

"Look at here: would you leave her alone?"

Not saying you swing that way, but a blind man could appreciate the beauty that is Nessie.

"Aw, that's so sweet," she said finally, and Nessie's face was seriously radiating heat at this point. I loved it. "I hope you're planning on leaving her along to change, though."

I gave a loud, disappointed, dramatic sigh to cover up the sound of my heart thrumming loud as hell at the thought of not leaving Nessie alone to change.

"I guess so." But I really, really don't want to.

Nessie pulled me a few more steps and then told me to open my eyes. "All the clothes are hidden."

I peeked one eye open and then the other, keeping with the joke, and Nessie laughed at me. Damn, I loved her laugh. I kinda stared at Nessie like an idiot for a second before I noticed the salesgirl in the corner of my eye.

"Hi," I told her, since I didn't feel like being rude. And she was helping Nessie, even if she wasn't smart enough to know that all colors looked amazing on my girl.

"Hi," she said back, looking confused.

I liked confusing people, but then I always judged them for it. Oh, well.

"I'm going to try on my clothes now," Nessie told me slowly, her eyes wide like she was talking to a child. Teasing me. My mind was too full of the image of Nessie changing now to do anything but play along. I settled into a chair, sitting on my hands. My girl rolled her eyes. "Whatever, Jake. I'll be out in a minute."

The salesgirl asked if Nessie wanted her to stay and Nessie said yes. She came to stand beside where I was sitting and was silent while she waited for Nessie to call her. Me? I was just trying to keep my mind on other things besides the sound of clothes hitting the floor in the the dressing room. Of what Nessie probably looked like in that dressing room right now, half-undressed.

Fuck. Now was not the time or place for this.

The girl was really friendly, talking with Nessie and giving her opinion on each thing she tried on, even though I didn't get to see any of it. It weirded me out a little to hear her calling my Nessie Vanessa, though.

Finally, the girl came back from the dressing room and this time instead of just standing quietly beside me, instructed me to close my eyes. Guess Nessie was coming out now. Yes.

I opened my eyes when Nessie's warm hand slipped into mine, guessing the clothes were already gone. They were nowhere in sight, so I assumed I was right. I let Nessie lead me, eyes opened, to the shoe section. I closed my eyes when we got there though - I had committed to this bit; I wasn't stopping halfway through.

I smelled the human girl approach and heard some movement, but no voices. Maybe Nessie didn't need as much help with shoes. Nessie told me when I was clear to walk to the counter but I close my eyes again when I got there, pulling out my wallet and passing it to her.

Nessie paid for her stuff easy enough, which got me to wondering if she had ever had to pay for anything before. Probably not - she'd always been with one of us.

When she was done, she told me to open my eyes, but I shook my head no and took her hand. This was purely to irritate her, because like I said, I was committed.

"Are you planning on driving like that?" She asked me once we got to the car.

I decided I was done. I would have to open my eyes to drive, after all. I grinned at her and she smiled back. My stomach flipped.

Nessie let me help her into the car this time, and I was a good sport and didn't even try to peek into her bags as she got in although it was tempting.

"Got everything you need?" I asked as I started the car, before I pulled out.

"Oh, yes." Nessie looked down at her bags and kind of blushed. "Thank you, Jake."

"It's not even nothing, Nessie," I told her, but she didn't look like she believed me. I reached my hand out to her and she let go of her bags, dropping them into the floorboard, to take it. Damn. "Besides, it's your money anyway."

She pursed her lips and rolled her eyes at me, but the pink stayed on her cheeks.

She fell silent then, and I watched her out of the corner of my eye all the way back to the hotel. She was so damn gorgeous - it didn't matter what she bought, she was going to blow my mind. She couldn't help it.

Nessie shifted in her seat, leaning forward and towards me so she could tuck her feet up under her. Her chest just barely brushed across where my arm was resting between the seats to hold onto her hand but it was enough to coil my stomach into a tight spring.

I wasn't sure how I was going to survive the night.

I mean, damn. I was already kinda nervous - okay, now that I thought about it, nervous as hell. Just because I really, really wanted everything to go good tonight for Nessie. And my hormones were already freaking out now and she was just sitting next to me in jeans and a t-shirt.

I eyed the bag in the floorboard warily. For my mental and hormonal sanity, I hope it contained a mumu.

Coming up:

I mean, it was stupid because it was just my Ness. She took a shower every single day and I waited on her every single day just like I was doing now, but now it was different.

Seriously, what could she be doing?

Then I heard the bathroom door open. I felt the steam against my neck - then I felt the irrational surge of jealousy. Lucky steam - locked in the bathroom with Nessie that whole time.

Like I said, I had to have been losing it. That was the only explanation I had for sitting there, being jealous of fucking steam, while Nessie was coming out of the bathroom.