Detox
A Star Trek: Voyager fanfiction by Andrew J. Talon
DISCLAIMER: This is a non-profit fan based work of prose. Star Trek: Voyager, Deep Space Nine, The Next Generation et al are the property of CBS Television, Paramount and the creation of Gene Roddenberry. Please support the official release.
Set Prior to Janeway's debriefing...
Kes closed her eyes and sighed with a soft smile on her face. She was sitting on a bench in Alamo Park, leaning back and just enjoying the sounds of birds and children playing. Their eager minds were broadcasting happy, carefree thoughts. So full of wonder and excitement at everything in their tiny universes, ranging from the insects crawling in the grass below to antigrav toys floating overhead.
Kes expanded her consciousness further, seeing how far she could go. How many minds she could pick up, here in the center of the Federation. More and more, surface thoughts of every kind of being. Human, Vulcan, Klingon, Andorian, Tellarite, Bajoran, Ferengi, Betazed, Bolian, Cardassian, Caitian, Grazerite, Benzite, Trill, Saurian, Edosian... So many different cultures and mindsets, all in one place... All living busy, busy lives. It was something Kes had only ever gotten in a small dose on Voyager, but here in the core of the Federation? It felt like a dream given form.
Loves, hates, joys, sorrows, boredom, excitement: It was like the weather patterns of a world, swirling into storms and patterns and ever changing. It was breathtaking beyond anything else she had ever experienced, even with her diminished power.
"Having fun?"
Kes opened her eyes and blinked. There stood a tall human man, bald and bearded, with dark skin and intense eyes. He wore a Starfleet uniform, with the four pips of a captain emblazoned on his command red collar.
"I... Yeah, actually," Kes said with a smile. "Your home, I take it?"
The man smiled, showing off bright white teeth. "For a little while. I somehow never made it to this park, even on breaks from the academy."
Kes nodded, and made to stand respectfully. The captain waved his hand, and Kes sat back down. He sat next to her.
"But I found my true home... Out there, really," the captain said, pointing upwards. Kes smiled.
"I did, too," she said. "I'm Kes."
"Captain Benjamin Sisko," Sisko replied. "You're the young lady from Voyager?"
"I am," Kes said with a nod.
"Helped them stay together, even after everything they went through... Even being ignored," Sisko continued. Kes smiled again.
"Yeah..."
"And you finally got to come here... A galaxy away from your homeworld." Sisko chuckled. "I'm surprised they haven't offered you a commission."
"They did, actually," Kes said softly, looking out over the green hills of the park. "Ensign. Doctor. Medical officer. I've completed the coursework and passed the exams."
"With rather shining recommendations," Sisko noted. Kes chuckled.
"Yeah..."
"And yet you're here," Sisko said. "Looking lost."
Kes smiled back at him. "Guess I don't hide my emotions as well as I'd like to."
"Well, I have some experience with discerning the truth," Sisko said. "Part of being a good captain."
Kes chuckled again, a bit more sadly.
"... I could just take the job, take the uniform... Go from there," Kes said.
"But...?" Sisko prompted. Kes sighed.
Kes frowned. She wasn't sure why, but the captain seemed to radiate understanding. Strangely, she couldn't really read his mind. Still... He was a captain. Maybe he could help?
"I guess," Kes began, "I'm just wondering if this is really the best choice for me," Kes admitted. "I've been keeping things together for a crew of people lost from their home and high off their asses for the last seven years. And I recently got to come to the home of these people. I've passed every test, done everything they wanted... Faster than anyone else..." She looked down at her hands. "And yet, here I am questioning things. Questioning getting everything I've ever wanted."
"It's natural to do that," Sisko said gently. "Second guessing yourself, when you're embarking on such a change. It's the trepidation before the jump: It's just natural, across most species."
"Yeah... I suppose," she said with a nod. She rubbed her hands together. "I guess I just wonder if... If this is what I really should do."
"What else would you do?" Sisko asked. Kes sighed, and looked up at the sky.
"Wander, I guess," Kes said. "Just hop from planet to planet... See everything there is to see. There's no need for me to hold the crew together anymore... We've made contact with their home..." She shrugged. "Work to fix my homeworld, I suppose."
"And any reason you can't do that as part of Starfleet?" Sisko asked gently. Kes laughed softly.
"I guess not... And yet..." She shrugged helplessly. "I mean... This power I have... I keep thinking I should use it for something greater. Something... Bigger."
"That's possible, with your powers," Sisko said with a nod. "I mean, throwing a starship ten thousand lightyears? That's very impressive."
"Nine and a half thousand," Kes corrected him. Sisko chuckled.
"It isn't an exact science," he said. "Have you been able to do that lately?"
"No," Kes said. "Not lately... I haven't been pushing myself as hard. Doing what I... I should do-"
"Says who?" Sisko asked. Kes blinked.
"I guess... Myself, maybe. I've been doing all this to save my crew, and now they don't need saving and..."
"And you feel like your job is over?" Sisko asked softly, eyebrows raised. Kes flushed.
"Maybe a bit... I wouldn't know what to do with myself if I did, either."
"I faced something like that, too," Sisko said. "After my wife died, it felt like... The heart of my life had just gone out."
"I'm sorry," Kes said in compassion, resting a hand on his shoulder. He smiled back at her in appreciation.
"Thank you. I had a son, I had work to do. I buried myself in it, but the truth is I was just running away from the problem. Running away from the pain." Sisko tilted his head. "It took a while to realize that the uniform wasn't the thing that hurt; just the pain. The uncertainty came from not being able to imagine life without my wife."
"What did you do?" Kes asked.
"I realized that the job and the pain weren't the same thing... And that ultimately, the job was for me. I'm a Starfleet officer. That's what I am, and what I'll always be." Sisko looked at Kes intently. "So the question is... The job you've been doing, keeping a crew together... What would make it different as a Starfleet officer?"
Kes smiled a bit wanly. "I guess... It wouldn't be that different. I guess..."
"You've been the council of wisdom for so long, you felt at a loss when you couldn't answer something for yourself so easily?" Sisko asked.
"There's that annoying perception thing again," Kes said. Sisko chuckled.
"It's a good trait for a captain to develop. That, and a thick skin." He smiled at her. "I think you could do it... If you wanted to."
"I guess I'll have to find out," Kes said with her own smile, looking at the park with the happy children playing. "I mean, the only captains I really know are Captain Janeway and..." She looked back, and blinked. Captain Sisko was gone. She looked around, confused. She couldn't sense even the slightest hint of him, anywhere.
"... And a possible figment of my imagination," she sighed. She shrugged. "Still... As far as figments go? He offered a lot of good advice."
She rose and made for the curb to summon a hovercab. She had a uniform to try out...
How's that for an ending...? Well I suppose I can address Neelix's fate... Later.