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Chapter 21

Charlie was surprised to learn that I had actually come home at 2:30 am instead of daybreak. I think he half expected me to come home pregnant and addicted to crack. Charlie was beyond pessimistic. I slept in on Sunday, waking only because of the hard raindrops falling outside.

I rubbed my eyes, lost in the world between sleep and awake. Thoughts of Jacob were running vividly through my mind, campaigning for me to return to the world of sleep. Last night had been…magical…beautiful. I closed my eyes to absorb the memory of Jacob looking statuesque; my mind was not ready to let go of the image of him lying beneath me. The way his face was altered every time I touched him, every time I kissed him. The way the muscles of his stomach rippled when my mouth followed their perfect path. I couldn't let go of any of it. I took in a deep breath hoping his taste was lingering somewhere in the midst. I had enjoyed every minute with Jacob.

My body was commanding me to move. My muscles were screaming at me to be stretched. I managed to tear myself from the warm confines of my bed, a place that had once been dreadful, that had harbored many nights of nightmarish sleep. It had been a reminder of Edward and the many nights I spent with him. After he left me, I sometimes slept on the floor out of sheer rebellion.

So much had changed, and the bed I once loathed – I even considered lighting it on fire once- had became a place of warm, sweet refuge. It had become an escape from the outside world to surround myself in the memories of Jacob; it had become a place to bide my time until I could see him again.

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I hated feeling rushed. It had already been a frantic morning and I was still behind. I was going to be late for my own graduation. It was hard to believe that only three weeks ago I was at the prom with Jacob.

Normally, punctuality was not a regular flaw of mine, but my nerves were set on edge with the excitement of the day. I hated big crowds; I hated the thoughts of having to walk across a stage to get my diploma. I hated cameras, and I was especially going to hate the party that Charlie and Renee were giving me.

It was a kind thought, to celebrate the occasion with both parents. I was ecstatic when Renee said she and Phil were coming, but my happiness was short lived when Renee unleashed her plans to have a party. She joined forces with Charlie and I had no choice but to accept . I had made both of them promise nothing big-just a small get together.

I managed not to fall off the stage while accepting my diploma. No catastrophes took place and I arrived back at Charlie's house intact. I actually felt very liberated and accomplished. It was only a few weeks ago I that had my doubts about graduating at all. And now, I was, in fact, a high school graduate.

Not only that, but I had also been accepted to Washington State University. I had received the letter a couple of days ago and I had yet to discuss it with Jacob. Vancouver was only five hours away, so I could probably be home at least every other weekend.

My heart was already missing Jacob, and I hadn't even registered for classes yet. I didn't know how to tell him that I would be going so far away. Of the colleges I applied to, WSU was the one farthest.

"Bella, I'm just so proud of you. Graduating, going to college, becoming a beautiful young woman; all of it just makes me so proud." Renee was being all sentimental and emotional. Her pride was clear in the expression on her face.

"Thanks Mom," I said, trying not to draw attention to Renee's heartfelt moment.

Charlie and Renee kept their promise, the guest list was small. Other than Charlie, Renee and Phil, the only other people that came were from La Push: Billy and Jacob, Sam and Emily, Sue Clearwater, and of course the rest of the pack. Angela and Ben even stopped by for a few minutes before making their way to a family barbecue that Angela's parents were hosting.

The excitement of the party eventually dwindled down and I wasn't the center of attention anymore. Renee was a little shocked at all the food the pack had eaten. I giggled at her amazement. After a few hours, everyone had vacated the party except for Billy, Jacob, Renee, and Phil. We were sitting outside taking advantage of the beautiful evening.

"Okay, Bells. Time for presents," Renee announced.

"Presents," I groaned and sighed. Nobody had mentioned presents.

"This is from your dad and me." Renee handed me a medium sized box covered in pink and white striped paper.

I started tearing the paper slowly. Piece after piece fell to the ground and my mind began to wander back to my last birthday. I could see the burning look in Jasper's eyes as if he were standing in front of me. I could feel the air move from the force of Edward's heroic save. My arms begin to sting from the glass scraping across my skin. My breath stopped and my body became still with horror. I wanted to cry, but then I was jerked back to the present.

"Bella, are you ever going to get this thing opened?" Charlie was being impatient as usual.

I concentrated on the task at hand. Underneath all of that pink and white paper was a new laptop.

"Uh. Thank you, but really, you didn't have to. You shouldn't have." I was stunned, the gift was a bit extravagant.

"It's for you to take to college. So you can keep in touch with me and Charlie. I am going to teach Charlie how to work email. You can't go to Vancouver and just forget us, you know," Renee rambled.

Renee was being lighthearted but her words had cut Jacob hard. I looked at him, and his eyes said so much more than words could ever say. I wanted to run to him, to hold him, to explain myself. But I couldn't move.

"Oh, Bella, here is a card. It's from Sue." I smiled and thanked Sue for her kindness. She had given me fifty dollars.

"Just a small token of appreciation for all you and Charlie have done for me," she offered. She had sadness in her tone and her heart was full of misery. Losing Harry had devastated her. I couldn't imagine what would happen if she lost Seth and Leah. I thanked her once more.

"Uh, Jake don't you have something for Bella," Billy said, interrupting the awkward silence.

Jacob hadn't said a word since Renee let the cat out of the bad about my moving five hours from him. He had just looked at the ground beneath him, never lifting his eyes.

"Oh, yeah. I do," Jake barely mumbled the words. I was undeserving of any gift from Jacob and he knew it. He had given me honesty, trust, and love. He felt betrayed, even though I didn't intend for him to.

Jacob handed me a white gift bag with blue tissue paper. He would not look me in the eyes, crushing my very core.

"Thank you." The words were almost muted, hollow.

I removed the tissue and inside was a silver heart keychain with a single key. I looked at Jacob confused. What should have been a tender, sweet moment, was uneasy. Renee's unveiling of my college choice had changed everything.

"It's for the Cherokee," Jacob said. "You're truck is on its last leg; you needed something more dependable." He stopped short before adding, "looks like you'll be needing it more than I realized."

I deserved Jacob's anger. I shouldn't have waited to tell him. Jacob had spent hours working on the Jeep. I didn't realize he was doing it for me, I just thought he was trying to make some extra money.

"Well, are you going to go show it to her?" Billy prompted.

Jacob nodded and stood up beside me. "Sure."

His silence was tearing me apart. My ribs were on the verge of breaking from the tense pressure building in my body.

I opened the driver side door and got in. Jacob got in the passenger side and sat beside me. His eyes fixed out the windshield.

"Jake. I…I'm…I was…"

"Bella, really it's fine. I knew you would be going to college," he said, quietly.

"I only got the letter a couple of days ago. I just couldn't find the right time," I tried to explain.

"Bella, I'm not upset at you." Insecurity floated in the air as he spoke the words.

I couldn't wrap my mind around Jacob's hostility. Was he lying to me? I didn't think so.

"Are you disappointed?" I asked.

He absorbed the question.

"Yes," he said flatly. "I'm disappointed, but not in you. I want you to be happy, I want you to make a life for yourself. I had just secretly hoped that you would be closer. I feel like I'm losing you and there isn't one thing I can do about it."

"Jake, you're not losing me. Vancouver is not that far away. It will work, it has to. I need you just as much as you need me."

He turned to face me. He touched my face, taking in every touch.

"Bells, I love you. I just can't comprehend my life without you. Dust to dust seems like a better option," he said.

"Jake, don't say that," I pleaded.

He leaned into me and kissed me with passion and force, unlike any other kiss I had ever experienced. Hurting Jacob was not something I ever wanted to do. He was too good, to pure to be subjected to any pain. The road before us was going to be difficult, but I would weather the storm. I had to.

Chapter End Notes:

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