AN: My forever thanks to the best beta and friend a girl could ask for, FloraOne. None of this would be possible without you, and you have no idea how grateful I am to have you! Also, she has a new story out, which you NEED TO READ, and review, because I have a little bet going with her about if her first chapter gets 40 reviews, so make that happen for me, k? ;)
Thank you so much for all the reviews on the last chapter, you all keep me going, and I promise it won't be 3 months between updates next time 333
Enjoy, and let me know what you think!
oOo
"So, I was thinking maybe we could spend Saturday together, if you were free?" Mamoru suggested from his place at the coffee table, never really looking up from the book he was studying.
Usagi stretched and yawned lazily on the couch, having been roused from her dozing by his voice. "Mmm, I wish I could, Mamo-chan," she said with her usual pout. "But the girls and I were planning on spending the day in Odaiba."
He did his best to hide his disappointment in the tone of his voice. "I see. Well, maybe Sunday then."
"You could come with us, you know," Usagi suggested hopefully, her eyes lighting up with her idea.
Mamoru let out a nervous laugh. Odaiba with the girls. Crowded, noisy Odaiba with an equally noisy gaggle of teenage girls?
"That's alright, Usa," he said with a comforting smile. "You all go and have fun."
He turned back to his book, assuming the matter was closed. Of course, he often forgot what a dangerous thing assuming could be.
"Why do you never want to spend time with the girls and me?" Usagi asked after a long silence. She sat up as she spoke, her posture almost rigid.
Mamoru sighed, snapping his book shut. Taking off his reading glasses, he pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. "Usako, it's not that I don't want to spend time with you. You know that."
Usagi huffed, crossing her arms over her chest. "Coulda fooled me."
"I just asked you to spend Saturday with me!" he countered more harshly than he'd intended. He tried to backtrack when he saw how hurt her expression was. "I just want you to have some quality time with your friends, that's all."
"You know I see them every day, right?" she said after a brief pause, and he couldn't help noticing the frustration in her voice.
"Seeing and spending quality time aren't the same thing. It's healthy for you to be around people your own age," he supplied, cringing internally at how condescending it had sounded.
"God, you sound like my dad," Usagi said, clearly annoyed.
Mamoru flinched visibly. Of all the comparisons…
"Considering how much you love your father, I'll take that as a compliment." He couldn't help that he had a smart mouth sometimes.
"Yeah, well, you shouldn't."
This was going nowhere quickly.
"Usako, listen-"
"People my own age? I mean it's not like you're exactly ancient, you know! Although your reading habits say otherwise," she interrupted.
"Gee, thanks-"
"Are you embarrassed by me?" she blurted out suddenly, her voice rising in pitch, and the telltale tears began to well up in her eyes.
Mamoru through his hands out in front of him, as if he could stop her words from reaching him with the gesture. "No, of course not!"
"Then why won't you spend time with all of us? It's not like they're strangers to you or something!"
He found himself running a hand through his hair, a gesture Usagi had pointed out numerous times before that he did anytime he was nervous or uncomfortable. Mamoru quickly withdrew his hand, and Usagi raised her brow at him.
"I told you, Usa. I just want you to have the time with your friends, that's all," he told her, exasperation seeping in like it hadn't since they used to bicker and name call on the streets.
"Bullshit," Usagi threw back, standing up with her hands on her hips in defiance.
"Excuse me?" he asked jumping to his feet, taken aback by her strong language. Not that he wasn't used to the occasional curse coming from her mouth. Normally he found it to be rather cute! Until it was directed at him.
"Bull. Shit." she repeated, emphasizing each word with a poke to his chest.
It took everything in him not to roll his eyes. "I'm well aware of what you said. I'm just wondering if you could clarify for me what exactly you're 'bullshit'-ing," he used the finger quotations that Minako always found so annoying.
"You bow out of stuff all the time, Mamo-chan," she said, hands still firmly placed on her hips.
He reached back and scratched the back of his neck. "Not all the time…"
"Oh, really?" Usagi replied, taking a step closer to him, and glaring up at him.
Mamoru's mouth opened to respond, but only a strange choking sound emerged at Usagi's withering gaze.
"Should we count the times in the past month you've chosen to not come around when other people are involved?"
He took an involuntary step back, feeling the need to put some distance between them. "I don't think that's really necess-"
"Let's see! You wouldn't go on a double date with Motoki and Reika because you claimed they needed time together since she returned from Africa," she held up one finger, and then another as the list kept going. "You've avoided coming to dinner at my house, because you claim you don't want to intrude, even though I've told you over and over that you're not. Anytime Minako pops up, you're gone as soon as you possibly can be, AND you wouldn't come with me to Naru's birthday party because, as you so kindly put it, 'she's not my friend, Usako. Why would I go?'"
Mamoru couldn't help the indignant anger that was beginning to rise in him as Usagi continued to count just how horrible of a boyfriend he was off on her fingers. He knew he'd never been very good for her. Worlds had ended because he loved her. But to be reminded of just how unworthy he was of her by a simple count of her fingers felt as if she were plunging an icy dagger into him. Perhaps worst of all, he'd been the one to hand her the blade.
"Are you finished?" he said quietly, looking down towards his feet, while his fists clenched at his side.
Usagi sighed, her frustration and anger seeming to fade from her, as she stepped towards him and took one of his large hands into hers. "Mamo-chan, I just want you to talk to me. Tell me why you avoid everyone."
Her eyes were so full of patience and understanding that he had to look away or he'd drown and spill everything to her. Everything about himself he wasn't sure he was ready to face. "Usa, I told you, I'm not avoiding anyone. I only want you to have the time with your friends. Now, please, I don't want to talk about this anymore."
To his surprise, Usagi didn't let go of his hand. She simply squeezed it and stood quietly with him while an untold number of seconds ticked by. He avoided her eyes as diligently as he held onto her hand.
Mamoru wasn't sure what exactly he had expected her to do. But the traitorous part of him, the part that always whispered that he was unworthy of her, wished she would run, flee the apartment, so he wouldn't have to face disappointing her anymore. But the larger part of him that yearned for her constantly, knew he would never be able to force her away.
Usagi wordlessly lifted his hand and kissed it tenderly, before placing it back by his side. She moved away from him towards the small alcove that held her bag and shoes. With a grace he didn't often see from her, she bent down picked up her bag in one fluid movement and slid her feet into her tiny ballet flats.
"I'll be here whenever you're ready to talk, Mamo-chan," she said kindly, and he nodded, unable to think of a coherent sentence without the risk of falling apart.
Usagi smiled at him one last time before she moved to the door. Her hand reached up to the knob, but she paused and spoke without turning around. "You know, it's funny. Even when we have no enemy to fight, your mask is just as firmly in place as it's ever been."
And then she was gone, leaving him in a state he was all too used to being. Alone.
AN: So, I wrote this drabble 2 months ago, but seeing as it's going to be kind of a two-parter, I waited until I had actually finished the second part to post this one. Look for the 'conclusion' in the next week or so 333