Chapter 21: Why Can't I Show My Love?

Though his eyes were closed Erik had been awake for some time now. He lay, rather satisfied, with his arms behind his head, a pure white sheet rucked up around his slender hips. He leaned his head back and smiled. Christine's head rested on his chest, her slender arms around his waist, her fingers locked so he couldn't move. But it wasn't like he wanted to. He sighed in content and moved one arm so he could stroke her hair, the furious carnal lust had died down and that pleased him. He sighed again, he had no regrets…but did she? He glanced down at her; she was still asleep, her lips slightly parted. He sighed and moved down slowly, until he held her in his arms and they were face to face. He softly kissed her lips then gently unwound her arms, stood, pulled his clothing and mask on and left the room.

"Into town…" he muttered, "I need a walk…" as he passed Julius, who looked at him curiously.

Julius whinnied and went back to grazing; he was used to Erik's strangeness.

When Erik arrived in the town he walked immediately to the nearest pub and ordered some liquor. When it arrived he downed it on one gulp and asked for more. Not much later his thinking was hazed and he felt less miserable.

"Hello cutie…" a male voice murmured in his ear.

Erik looked behind him and saw a handsome man standing there.

"Mmm…you're even cuter from the front…and this mask just adds to the mystery…"

Erik blinked a few times then wrinkled his nose and turned back around, away from the man.

The man was having none of this though, "my name's Phillipe…what's yours cutie?"

Erik sighed and turned back around, thrusting his hand out, which Phillipe took and shook, "my names Erik…" he murmured.

Phillipe sat next to Erik, "so what ails you?"

Erik sighed, "a lot…"

"Tell me about it."

Erik shrugged, my whole life story? No…let's just go with current, "I had sex with the woman I love last night, I assuredly have no regrets…but I'm not quite sure if she does or not. I left her sleeping…"

Phillipe smiled, "well…you should talk to her."

Erik sighed and gazed at the amber liquid in his glass, "I suppose I should…"

"And hurry back before she thinks you abandoned her…"

Erik smiled, and stood, "thank you…how can I repay you?"

Phillipe waved a hand, "think nothing of it, I can't stand to see people upset. Your happiness is payment enough."

Erik nodded, "thank you once again…"

He nodded back, "you are very welcome kind sir. But if I may ask…the mask? Why do you wear it?"

Erik grimaced, "deformity…" he muttered.

Phillipe nodded, "alright."

Erik was surprised, "you're not going to ask?"

Phillipe shrugged, "you don't seem to want to talk about it."

Erik smiled, grateful, "once again, thank you."

"Once again," he chuckled softly, "you're welcome cutie."

Erik blushed a bit under his mask, this man made him feel comfortable until he called him cutie.

"You seem embarrassed…cutie…ah that's it isn't it…makes you uncomfortable," Phillipe stood, "don't worry, cutie, I'm not going to hurt you. I wouldn't rape you; unless you were willing I wouldn't touch that cute little body."

Erik blinked a couple of times then stammered out, "t-thank y-y-you…"

Phillipe chuckled, "but you're so embarrassed…and it just makes you that much more desirable…"

Erik was still blushing under his mask, he was starting to feel a bit embarrassed, this man was…gay?

Phillipe gazed at him, "I see you've realized my little predicament…yes I am gay…and, like any man, I do feel lust when my gender of choice comes by with such a cute, desirable body…"

Phillipe stepped towards him, took him firmly by the upper arm, and escorted Erik outside.

Once they were outside Erik felt a bit better, the air was cleaner and he could breathe better, though his mind was still alcohol hazed.

"Hurry back to your lady," Phillipe said, letting go of Erik's upper arm.

Erik turned and smiled, "once again, thank you."

Phillipe nodded, "once again, you're welcome."

Erik quickly turned and hurried back to the old mansion, back to Christine.

…

Christine awoke but kept her eyes closed, the bright sunlight streaming through the curtains was lovely, but it would also hurt her eyes. She rolled over, to be closer to Erik's warmth, but was only met with an empty and cold side of the bed. Her eyes flew open and she sat up quickly.

"Erik?" she called, "Erik where are you?"

No response.

She quickly stood and got her dress back on, she then opened the door and practically flew down the stairs.

"Erik?" she called again.

Once again, she got no response.

She strode to the door and opened it, "Erik?"

But she was simply met with silence.

She stepped out onto the porch and shivered, the air was quite frigid, though there was little snow left.

"Erik?" she whispered, tears coming to her eyes.

"Erik…did you leave me?" she whispered, "H-how could you?"

She dashed down the steps, not caring how cold the dewy grass was on her bare feet, and ran to the back, where the stables, and the large field where Julius was, were located.

When she arrived Julius looked up, whinnied and trotted over to her.

She stroked his mane, "where did Erik go…?" she whispered, tears streaming down her pale face.

He whinnied again and nuzzled her cheek; she stroked his white blaze and buried her face in his neck, wrapping her slender arms around his neck, crying softly.

Erik…where are you? Did you leave us?

"Christine!" a voice called.

Still holding on to Julius she turned and saw Erik. His hair was a mess, as were his clothes, and his boots were muddy.

"Where were you?" she cried, "I was terrified!"

He strode to her and took her hands in his, "I apologize for worrying you…I…I didn't mean to."

She jerked away, "I thought you had left us…" she whispered, tears still streaming down her face.

He tried to brush away her tears but she pulled away from him again, wiping them away herself.

"Christine…" he whispered.

"I am not some little lady who needs to be pampered and taken care of, Erik!"

"I…I never said that you were…"

She spun and glared at him, "but you act like it! You wipe my tears away, you're so gentle with me, you pamper me and take care of me! I don't need that Erik!" she yelled, "you act just like Bellenger sometimes! Expecting me to be a proper lady when I'm not!"
Erik stared at her, speechless for a moment, then, "h-how does this tie into my not being here?"

Christine let out an exasperated and loud groan that was almost like a roar, "it doesn't! all I'm saying is that I am not a little girl who needs to be taken care of and I am not a proper little lady who wants to be pampered and waited on!"

Erik glowered at her, "pardon me. I apologize for treating you like one and for acting in the most gentlemanly matter I could."

She scowled, "I don't need a gentleman, Erik. Bellenger was supposed to be a gentleman and so were you!"

"What is that supposed to mean?" he snarled, taking a step towards her.

She scoffed and narrowed her eyes at him, "what kind of gentleman kills without mercy? What kind of gentleman lives with gypsies? What kind of gentleman makes love to a woman and then just leaves without even telling her?" she yelled the last part, tears in her eyes again.

Erik growled, "I killed so that I could find you and get Meg, Madame Giry and myself out of there! And do you think I didn't try and run away from that horrible place?" he yelled, "every time I would Jacobi would simply find me, drag me back to my wonderful little cage, and beat me! And I left because even though I had no regrets, I assumed you did and were utterly horrified with yourself and decided to give you some time alone!"

She glared, "there you go again with your whole 'everyone in the entire world hates me' attitude!"

Erik's hands clenched into fists, "that's because almost everyone does…" he hissed.

Christine trembled, "well that's their problem and not yours!"

Erik sighed, "Christine please…I don't care what others think," he muttered.

"Then why do you act like you care?" she cried.

He shrugged, "as if I know…"

"It's because you do care!"

He scowled, "you don't know anything about me!"

She glared, "oh you've been lying the entire time I've known you?"

He scoffed, "you wouldn't even be alive had I not taken mercy."

"What are you talking about…" she whispered.

"I was paid to kill you and your lovely little fiancé, and I was going to. You just looked so pitiful lying there with this terrified look on-"

She slapped him, so hard that she knocked his mask off.

…

Erik stared at her, blinking. His face stung but he barely felt it. All he could feel and see was Christine's anger and hurt.

"Y-you bastard…" she whispered, tears streaming down her face.

Erik kept staring at her, "C-Christine…?" he whimpered, "I…I'm so-"

"I don't care…I can't believe…you were going to kill me? And you didn't because you pitied me…? I would have rather you killed me. You're worse than Bellenger! I hate you!" she screamed.

He jerked, as if slapped again, and indeed he was, but by her words this time.

"You're a monster…a demon of Hell and that's where you belong!" she sobbed, turning on her heel and running into the mansion, leaving a trembling Erik behind.

Erik knees failed and he dropped on the ground, he crossed his legs and buried his face in his hands. He could deal with her calling him a monster and a demon of Hell…but she hated him now too…

Erik tilted his head back and howled in anguish, then, "Christine…" he whispered.

…

Christine heard Erik's howl of anguish and she sobbed harder, what had she done?

…

Erik stormed into the stables and threw a stool against the wall, it splintered and kept breaking things. Throwing them, he then spun and slammed his fist into the wall, the old wood splintered and badly cut his knuckles. He collapsed on his knees and sobbed softly, "Christine…I love you…"

He tugged at his raven black locks, "if she hates me, then…let the world be done with me…I give up…I don't even want to be normal and handsome anymore…all I want is Christine to love me…but if she doesn't…then…I just give up…" he hung his head in defeat.

Not too far away, but too far for either miserable lover to hear, a lone wolf took up a mournful howl. Soon he was answered by an equally mournful she-wolf. And as the two wolves howled their misery, Erik and Christine both cried, with their heads in their hands, longing to take back what they had said.

A/N:…sometimes I have to wonder why I can't ever let my charas be happy…

Ps. did anyone else like Phillipe? He was fun to create…