*Author note- I know I'm the worst for taking this long to post another chapter and I'm gravely sorry, but life got a hold of me. I can't promise that it won't happen again since I'm not able to see into the future but I can promise that I will finish this story no matter how long it takes. I hope that I still have some readers for this little fanfic. And since it took me so long to actually post another chapter I've decided to make this one a lot longer. Please forgive any errors, feel free to give me feedback whether its through a comment or a direct message, and as always enjoy my lovelies :) Without further adieu please read on.
-007twihunger xoxo
Chapter Twenty One: Waiting It Out
"Gale. Where is Gale?" I think, spinning in a circle looking all around the woods that surround me, but nothing. The trees all around me are swaying in the light breeze, the wind is cold against my nose and cheeks. A shadowed figure steps out from between two trees causing me to immediately stop and trip over a tree root, which effectively makes me slam into the ground leaving me gasping for air. I stare up into the sky gasping, trying to regain my ability to breath when a shadow looms over me. I turn, still slightly gasping and I see a very familiar blond standing over me. Looking at me as if I were a prize in its self and this alone has me wanting more than anything to just die before he can act out any of the twisted things floating around in his head.
Cato smirks looking down at me, "just the two of us left Madge" he puts forth, his dark blue eyes seem to gradually turn more black then blue. My heart about stops, my head feels like its swirling so dangerously that I might puke. "No that's not right" I think, my eyes staying locked on Cato's, taking in the emptiness that gives him an almost dead stare. I swallow thickly, pulling in a large breath once I can, then I'm slowly raising myself up on my arms, so slowly that it would almost seem I wasn't moving at all. I freeze when Cato looks away from me and smirks, and of course curiosity gets the best of me and I glance to where he's looking. A sharp pain surges through my very core. A type of pain I had no idea I was capable of feeling. All around me is carnage, blood everywhere. My stomach turns as the edges of my vision starts to blur and for a few seconds I don't know why until I feel the very familiar felling of tears start gliding down my cheeks, no doubt making clean marks in there wake. My tears drip off my chin then absorb into my shirt.
My throat is hoarse and dry not permitting any sound besides the occasional sniffle. All around me are the dead bodies of my allies and of the other tributes, some I've personally killed. "I'm going to have some fun with you before I kill you twelve." Cato practically purrs at me, making vomit quickly rise up into my throat. My head jerks some so I'm once again staring at the large tribute from two. My heart pounding rapidly in my ears as my eyes widen, seeing the shiny glint of the dull blade Cato holds in his clenched right hand.
Quickly as I can I start scrambling backwards before stumbling to my feet, I give Cato one last glance before I make a run for it but he's expecting this. With one swift movement of his arm, Cato grabs a handful of my hair easily stopping me and jerking me back down to the ground. I hit the ground with a loud gasp as my stomach and face hit the ground causing a small billow of dirt to cloud in front of me. My eyes slowly start to take in the still form that lays motionless not even a foot away from me. With one glance at the figure a sob chokes in my throat and tears prick my eyes. Rue lays wide eyed a few feet away from me just staring at me lifelessly, but I know she's not really looking at me from the dull lifeless look to her big brown eyes. A sharp pain erupts through my left side causing me to grunt as the air leaves my body, from the connection of Cato's foot to my side. I can't stifle the cry that leaves my throat the second time his boot collides with my side once again, this time causing me to roll over from the force he puts into his kick. My ears are met with his cruel sick laughter as my eyes land on the pale face of River. More tears fill my eyes as I begin to make a lame attempt at crawling away from Cato but am stopped when he grabs a hold of my ankle and pulls me back, causing my heart to instantly drop and the last sliver of hope to sizzle into nonexistence.
Just as soon as Cato grabs my ankle he drops it with force. My eyes meet his for a half second before he glances down, a sick twisted smile now plastered on his face, then the next thing I know is that I'm being dragged by a handful of my hair towards a very bloodied body. I don't care that no one besides us can hear as I let a hoarse scream erupt from me, my fingernails digging at Cato's much larger hands even though I know its useless since I was going to die in the very near future by this crazed career. With a harsh shove Cato drops me to the ground, my head smacks into something as equally as hard as it making me instantly dizzy. I try to rise up so I'm sitting since my head is filled with fuzzy dizziness but every attempt is met with a shove or a kick to my side from Cato until I finally just give up, allowing the sticky yet warm blood absorb into my clothes and cake my body and hair as I lay still on the hard earth.
The sky is an eerie gray, one that tells of my coming doom. The kind that you can feel in your very bones by just taking a look around, all too suddenly rain starts to fall down on us.
A guttered choke causes me to flinch then turn swiftly around so I'm now facing the blood covered body of someone. My eyebrows knit together as I continued to stare at the body that seemed motionless only seconds ago but if it wasn't for the slight rise and fall of the chest I would think the person was dead. The person is so badly caked in blood that I'm not too sure at all who it is, but the look of the body it seemed to be a boy. Not being able to help myself I glance over my shoulder to find a smirking Cato, who looks all too pleased with himself. "I didn't kill him" he puts forth, a scary gleam to his eyes as he spoke, practically looking through me until he turns his gaze to the poor guy who is obviously barely hanging onto life by a thread. That's when I really take a look at the guy laying beside me and start to really recognize his distinct features that gave me the heart wrenching realization that the bloodied guy next to me is none other than Gale. I choke on a inaudible sob, my eyes not being able to look away from Gale's blood caked face. Because I'm so distracted with Gale I don't notice Cato take a few more steps towards me until I'm wrenched backwards some, by my hair. Making me let out a pained grunt that effectively makes Gale's eyes flutter open until my light blue eyes meet his dull intense grey eyes. "Madge" Gale grunts out barely above a whisper, his eyes filled with all the fear and dread that I feel inside.
Cato continues to drag me back until I'm a good distance away from Gale, who is still staring at me with wide glassy eyes. "I'm fine" I get out before the words even register to my brain. Not even a few seconds later Cato drops me with a small grunt before my face is met swiftly with a heavy boot to the side of my head causing my head to loll to the side as I fall backwards to the ground easily. My vision is plagued with black spots and a strange fuzziness tinted to it, while my ears ring. Something grabs my shoulder tightly then yanks me until I'm laying motionless on back, staring up at the sky trying to get my vision to focus but before I can something heavy is set on my stomach as a dull knife is pressed to my throat, "let's give lover boy a show, huh." Cato mumbles against the shell of my ear.
With a gasp I sit bolt up. My eyes travel all around, taking in everything around me. My heart is heavy and my eyes burn from tears when I realize I'm being held back by something, that is until I realize its just my sleeping bag. A small sigh of relief passes through my lips realizing it was all just once big nightmare. My hands shake uncontrollably in my lap as I inaudibly pant from the fear still coursing through me form my all too real seeming dream. The entrance of the cave is dark, which tells me that its still nighttime and that I didn't sleep for too long.
A low groan has my head snapping to the side, so fast that my neck hurts. Gale is curled up tightly in his makeshift bed, a thin sheen of sweat lining his eyebrows as his skin looks an awful pale grayish color that effectively turns my stomach with just the one look. His teeth chatter uncontrollably and once again my chest is heavy knowing that he's getting sick. Even though I've had the experience of taking care of my sick mother since I was a child I can't do much for Gale here. "He's just going to have to continue to be stubborn until I can get him out" I think, my own teeth gnawing onto my bottom lip as I silently try to think up some type of plan, at least something to move towards.
To say I'm tired would be understatement but knowing how weak Gale is already getting, I can't bring myself to wake him up for his turn for watch. Instead I hold back my yawn and burry myself deeper into the warmth of my sleeping bag as my light blue eyes turn to look up at the sky wishing more than anything that a few pictures would pop into the sky so I could get Gate home sooner but I know that won't be happening anytime soon. I feel instant regret and guilt about my thought as soon as it passed through my head. The fact that I would even wish for someone's death makes me physically ill. It makes me feel like I'm nothing different form the people in the capital, President Snow, and the careers.
The slight whimper that leaves Gale's lips makes my head snap back towards him and leaves me with a soar aching neck but that doesn't matter at the moment since I can see that Gale looks somehow worse in the few seconds I was looking elsewhere. I swallow thickly then faster then I knew I could move I shove off my sleeping bag and crawl over to Gale, eliminating the gap between us. I ignore the rocks that scrape and tear at my knees and palms as I situate myself close next to Gale. His eyebrows are furrowed as he sleeps, his teeth chattering much more audibly now, and this alone causes my heart to drop into my stomach. With some hesitation I reach my hand out towards his forehead and feel it. He feels cold and clammy, which tells me that he's not getting any better but instead the quite opposite.
Gently I brush my fingertips through his dirty, unruly hair. Moving as slow as possible, not wanting to wake Gale and be reprimanded like a child just for trying to help him as much as I possibly could.
Even though my hands are warm they're in no way as warm as Gale's forehead feels. Easily my stomach churns and I feel sick, but I'm not too sure if its from the fatigue finally starting to set in or that I might barf just thinking about Gale not making it out of this god forsaken game, all because he got in the way of what was obviously meant for me. A fleeting thought passes through my head before I'm plagued with it. All the while I don't stop myself from gently running my fingers thorough Gale's hair.
I could walk out into the woods and wait for the whatever mutt the capital sends to off me, most likely one of those horrendous pink birds. My heart sinks as a low whimper slips pass Gale's lips. My eyes snap back to his face and I take in his now furrowed eyebrows and slightly scrunched up face that easily tells me he's having a bad dream and just that look alone I'm once again back into the roll I knew so well. My fingers keep brushing through his hair as I started to hum just like I did for my mother back home….or rather use to do. My heart clenches and I can't help the strangled sob as I think about my mother and the fact that I didn't even get to see her one last time as me. That I won't be home in time for her funeral, I won't be able to grieve for her even if or when I make it out of this hellhole. If I make it out of here alive with Gale like I hope to then I'll be a victor, just like Finnick and all the rest of them. I will no longer be a person but an object to be sold and prodded until the people grow tired of me and from the fact that they haven't grown tired of cocky Finnick then what hope does the little mayors daughter from the district twelve have, the girl who follows the role to a tee.
I don't know how long I sit and run my fingers through Gale's hair while humming but I know it must be for the better part of the night since the sun is now slowly emerging into the sky. I glance down at Gale and idly stop running my fingers through his hair as a thought pops into my head, not really a thought but more of a memory. Of all the mornings of watching from my bedroom window as two seam kids raced towards the fence then swiftly duck under it before taking off for the tree line. My heart lurches knowing that Gale and Katniss use to be up at the crack of dawn every morning to check there traps before school. There is no doubt in my mind that Gale is very sick, but I can't be quite sure of just how sick he is. "I'm sorry I can't do more for you" I find myself whispering into the air, my eyes trained on Gale. Not expecting to get a response and not getting one in the least. Instead my ears are met with the very familiar sound of a soft beeping, a beeping that could only be placed with a sponsors gift. Immediately my eyes snap towards the entrance of the cave as I slowly start extracting myself from Gale so I won't wake him up, knowing he needs as much sleep as he can get.
Once I'm fully standing and I'm absolutely positive Gale is still in his deep slumber I race towards the entrance of the cave as fast as I can, all the while I try to control the amount of sound I make, channeling my inner huntress. Instantly I regret not stopping to grab a weapon when I'm completely out of the cave but that thought fly's from my mind when I take in the small container that quickly douses the hope I had only seconds ago blooming in my chest. With quick foot work I make my way over to the sponsor gift then easily snatch it up into my hands before opening it. Just as I had presumed the container only contains some broth and some fever pills. I guess they both can help Gale to an extent but not with the small gaping hole in his leg, the thought alone leaves me hunched over at the waist as my head seems to swim and nausea fights its way up my throat. But before I can embarrass myself with puking I hear a small cry. Not one out of sadness of anger, no one from pain and that's enough to make both the dizziness and sickness disperse, hopefully indefinitely.
I race back into the cave, no longer caring to be quiet. The sponsor gift long forgotten and discarded on the ground outside the cave where I found it, the only thought seeming to reach me is that Gale is in trouble and needs me. I won't loose him as well.
Gale is slowly working himself into a sitting position when I reach him and immediately I feel dumb for thinking the worst, what was I thinking? Nothing could have even gotten in to hurt him without me seeing it first. I don't spend too much longer lost in thought since Gale is looking at me with bleary eyes that he quickly rubs at. "Hey" I mumble lamely, wishing more than anything I hadn't seeing Gale flinch away from the volume of my hoarse voice, "sorry" I croak clearing my throat but Gale just waves it off, not really even paying that much attention to me. Instead he turns his attention down towards his legs which are hidden away inside the sleeping bag. As I see him start to fiddle clumsily with the zipper another pang of fear and pain grip my heart knowing how clumsily Gale was only days ago, knowing it's all my fault he's hurt. "Don't move" I plead, causing him to glance up at me with furrowed eyebrows before he raises one in challenge. I swallow feeling my cheeks start to heat from embarrassment, "that-that wasn't what I meant. I-we got a sponsor gift while you were out-nothing much but it could help." I find myself rushing out under the unrelenting stare Gale gives me.
His eyebrows colloid once again as his eyes drop down to my hands before he's once again looking at me with a raised brow. "What sponsor gift?" it feel like my eyes pop comically large as embarrassment once again colors my cheeks as I remember tossing the sponsor girt to the ground at the sound of Gale's pained cry. "I-I'll just got get it." I force out, not really knowing if he heard me as I stare at the ground then hurriedly make my way back out of the gave to retrieve the sponsor gift for a second time, and hopefully the last time. Gale would no doubt think I was daft if I came back empty handed again.
In no time at all I'm racing back into the cave with the small metal container clutched tightly to my chest, no willing to somehow loose it this time.
"Swallow these" I order Gale handing him two fever capsules as I lower myself to the ground beside him, not looking up as I quickly divert my attention to one of the canteens I fumble with a few times before I can get the lid off. When I turn back to look at Gale, canteen already held out towards him, to find him staring at me in confusion. "What's this?" his gravelly voice asks. I didn't realize how much the question would hurt me until its uttered, but when it is I can't ignore it. It seems to pierce through my entire being. I look at him for a second longer, blinking a few times, as if that would make his words and those capsules disappear but with no luck. "There for fever, you can check for yourself" I state in a monotone, my eyes not leaving his gray ones. I thrust the canteen towards him gently, as to not jostle him or his injured leg in the least before I quickly start to turn away to grab the pill bottle to show him, however a gentle grasp to my hand stops me. I glance back up at Gale and find a dreamy smile on his lips, "I believe you Madge" he states then tosses back the capsules before taking a small sip of water and making a face. "Taste funny" he notes slowly working himself down to a more comfortable position so he was some what laying down.
I frown then rise the canteen to my nose to smell it. My frown intensifies before I quickly clear my face of any emotion and take a small sip of the water as well. I want to cry when I taste the familiar thirst quenching taste of water. I had almost prayed it had something off to it, at least a little bit so that I would know Gale was fine but obviously that isn't the problem. He's getting worst faster than I anticipated and I've never been more worried.
Now that I'm aware of Gale more detreating state I really look at him once again. Taking in his sweat ridden hair and the thin sheen of sweat lining his eyebrows and how he almost looks as white as one of president snows flowers. I swallow away my fears as I'm so use to doing back home for my mother-or rather was-and give Gale a sweet smile. "You must be hungry" I state turning back towards the small container I placed on the cave floor next to me. "I'll just start a fire and heat this up for you okay?" I add on, not expecting much more than a grunt of acknowledgment from Gale but instead my ears are met with "I'm not hungry" and my whole body feels like its lost all its oxygen.
I jerk my head towards Gale, the container clasped tightly in my hands as I stare at him. I open my mouth a few times then close it, not trusting what might come out since it doesn't feel anything close to words. With a good cough then a clear of my throat I brace myself for a trying fight with Gale knowing he needs to continue to eat, especially with how fast he seems to be getting sicker and sicker by each and every passing moment. "What?" I ask almost in a whisper, lost in the now light howling breeze blowing in from outside. I can't help but swallow thickly and pray to that all that is holy that I only misheard him but his words that follow nail the coffin into my dread. "I said I'm not hungry Madge-just-just give me a little bit then-yeah then I'll eat" he says with a small nod of his head as if he wasn't talking to me anymore but himself. I feel the burn of stomach acid climb up my throat as puke threatens to spew from my lips, please no him too. Please don't take him from me.
I'm not too sure how long we sit in silence but I know its long enough that Gale's eyes start to flicker close and another round of pain seizes my heart. "Well too damn bad your eating Hawthorne" I grit out, startling Gale back awake. I don't get to see the expression he gives me before I practically stomp out of the cave to get started on heating his soup even though the container feels nice and warm in my hands. But the canteen in my other hand needs to be refilled I tell myself, so I keep walking because I need to stay busy o I I'll loose it again.
It doesn't take me too long at all to find the small stream by the cave and refill the canteen then adding the treatment dropt. And because I don't want to hurry back and deal with a Gale who's almost to the point of actually lying down and giving up. My eyes stay locked on the sky above as I hug my knees to my chest waiting for the water to be done but most importantly until I'm sure I'm not about to break and freak out. I had almost lost it on Gale before I left and the realization of how I can't be alone really sets in. If Gale dies I know there won't be that much pushing me towards winning besides the promise I made to little bird. A low groan has me quickly stumbling to my feet then rising the metal container above my head ready to throw it as a weapon once I found my intruder, the sight of an even paler Gale holding onto a tree with so much force that I'm sure its taking all of his strength to keep him standing makes all the fight leave me. I lower the canister but don't drop it instead I quickly pick up the canteen then jog the small distance between Gale and myself before helping him lean against me and start the small walk back to the cave that I know will take longer with the added extra weight of Gale.
"I thought you left" Gale states after a while causing me to glance at him out of the corner of my eye but not deter our progress, knowing if I stopped know my tired legs wouldn't be able to continue to hold most of Gale's weight. I shake my head slightly then turn my head towards him only to be met with a face full of dark brown hair as Gale rests his head against my shoulder, letting out a low groan of pain as his hand tighten its grasp on my arm, giving me a tight pinch I'm sure he's unaware of. I turn back to look where we're watching before stating "I would never just leave you Gale, not for anything" he seems to give what I'm presuming is a slight nod even though it only feels like a slight rock to his head from our bumping walk and our slightly different height. "I got scared" he puts forth before going quiet just as we reach the cave once again, so I let the conversation die while silently praying to myself that the second Gale's better I'll ask him what scared him, hoping it won't be something I don't want to hear but knowing it very well could be.
With a lot of effort I manage to get Gale back into his sleeping bag in a comfortable position. With less grace then I'm use to using I plop down onto the ground then stifle a small smile at the berating I would get from my father from something so un-lady like, well that is until I remember just what follows those talk and instantly I'm sick with the thought of Snow's watchful snake eyes as I got lashed. Just the thought alone makes me tighten my grip on my jacket not wanting the pale raised scars on my sink to be seen but knowing there safe, hidden away from sight. With clumsy fingers of my own I open the container then scoop a decent size bite of broth onto the small spoon that came with it then hold it out for Gale, only he looks at it with a wrinkled nose, disgust prominent in his features. "I'm really not hungry Madge. Just tired-really tired." He mumbles out from behind his hands that scrub at his face. My eyes prick with tears as a thick blanket of dread layers my stomach threatening to disarm me with the last bit of my sanity. And just as I'm starting to fumble with thoughts of holding down Gale and pouring the broth down his throat, but then again he is still bigger and stronger than me and I'm almost positive he could fight me off, my mind is bombarded with the faces of River, Rue, of Avery, and of Marvel. And to my everlasting surprise all of the other tributes who I hadn't met but had died in this sick game, for the capitols sick amusement-all because of President Snow.
I steel a glance at the container of broth before looking back at Gale, who I find is staring at me, waiting for my response and immediately the fire I had burning to keep Gale alive reignites and I swear I could almost hear Peeta whispering "that's the Madge I know and love" and that only makes me more determined to keep Gale alive and fighting, regardless if I have to fight with Gale to do it.
"Gale, we need to get some food inside you, you need to eat" I insist. "It'll only come back up" he puts forth weakly, his eyes seem to have found the ground of the cave more interesting than our conversation and I know he knows I'm right. But thankfully he permits me to give him a few bites of soup, even if its only three. At least its something. "Thanks. I feel a lot better now—can I sleep now, Madge?" he practically pleads, a tired gleam to his eyes. "Soon" I find myself saying, trying in vain to think up anything to keep him up and alert but most importantly awake. If he goes to sleep then maybe he won't wake up again. I remember when my mother first got really sick I would fear the same thing, even going as far as to camp on the floor beside her bed and shaking her awake every few minutes to make sure she was okay. That was until my father found out, he had forbidden me to go into her room for a solid two weeks, stating that my mother needed her rest and not to be pestered. After that day I would only be aloud to visit my mother while accompanied with my father of one of the maids who took care of her, until I was older and understood just how sick she was.
With a not too subtle shake of my head I remove the painful memories from my mind and focus on Gale who has taken my moment of distraction to close his eyes. "Gale" I snap, causing him to jerk awake and glare at me and this alone lets me know he's till somewhat fighting and that alone makes my job a little bit more easy. "What?" Gale replies, a sour expression taking over his face as he reaches up to scratch at his chin which is void of any hair but already knowing how the games work I pay it no mind and instead state "I need to look at your leg first." Trying as hard as I can to be as gentle as I can, I help Gale pull his injured leg free from the sleeping bag then even more gentler I slowly start to roll his pant leg up, only to reveal the angry hole the mutt left, but in no way does it prepare me for the awful sight of pus and the starting of a faint red line. I steal a glance at Gale only to find him staring at the ceiling with a pained expression, "could you please hurry up" he grits. I nod, knowing he can't see me but not being able to stop either. With deft fingers I unscrew the cap on the canteen and pour it over his leg, watching sickly as some of the pus drained down his leg with the water.
I want to puke, to cry, to scream for my father and beg him to make Gale alright but I know even my father can't help me now that we're in Snow's watchful grasp, so instead I gently use the sleeve of my coat to help rinse out Gale wound only to be met with a pained grunt from Gale, only to mutter back a whispered apology I'm not too sure he heard. I takes half of the water in the canteen to clear away the remaining pus before I quickly reapply the last bit of ointment and what bandages we have left onto his leg, thanking god that Gale kept his gaze away from his injured leg and on the cave ceiling.
After that there's not too much more talking between the two of us, just the steady whistling of the wind outside and the occasionally groans of pain from Gale while he slept, all the while I watched him unrelentingly. Around what I can only presume is noon with how high the sun is in the sky do I wake Gale for another couple bites of soup but only seem to get one before an almost silent sick groan makes its way past his pale chapped lips. My heart all about shatters knowing I need to take another look at his leg but not wanting to see the damage, for fear of the exact thoughts I've been trying to fight off since Gale got injured.
More than anything I wish I had some way to help Gale, to heal him. But I've never been much of a nurse not like Mrs. Everdeen and little Primrose, or even probably Katniss. If she was here with Gale she'd know what to do. She'd be brave and strong, not a coward and weak like me. She'd probably be back home with Gale by now if she was in my place and the thought alone brakes my heart, even in here I'm still a let down. Always wanting to help but only causing destruction in my wake. Almost immediately my throat feels tight while my stomach feels sick and I can't help but wish I was in Gale's position instead, at least someone worth while would go home. At least Gale had the means to help do something back home, life not only feed his family but probably Katniss' as well. I steal a watery glance at Gale before bracing myself and wiping my eyes hurriedly then with gently fingers I proceed to uncover Gale's leg with his help before he completely gives over to me while dealing with his pant leg.
Since I somewhat now know how gentle and light to touch Gale as well as how slow to unravel the gauze wrapped around his injured leg I seem to go somewhat faster then either of the other times while dealing with his leg, but unlike the other times this time I don't have too much hope in my corner, especially with the now darker red line that looks like its making its way from the small gaping hole in his leg up towards his shin. My breathing hitches and I feel my eyes prick with fresh tears as my mouth dry's void of any saliva. My hands shake as I quickly unscrew the lid once more from the canteen but unlike last time I accidently splash some water onto Gale causing him to glance at me in confusion only for his expression to morph into a concern one once he seen my face.
"Madge" Gale breaths out then trails off, probably not knowing what to say, and honestly neither do I so I ignore him mumbling out a strained "we just need to give it a little air-then" however before I can finish my sentence Gale cuts in, "then you'll patch me up?" he questions. His voice isn't malicious in the least but instead its pretty much void of any real emotion, like he's oblivious to the whole thing and I guess maybe he is, or maybe be its just me hoping he is. My eyes trail up his now swollen leg up to what is seeable of his knee only to suck in a sharp breath seeing that his knee looks to be swollen as well. I look up at Gale and try to give him a stern look, "that's right, then we just wait out the other and go home rich victors" I can't help but say. Gale looks at me like he feels sorry for me and the look alone makes me drop my head and continue on my work. First lightly pouring more water over his cut then stifling a sob as fervently scrapped at the empty metal container of what use to be burn ointment until a heavy hand settles onto my shoulder causing me to completely freeze, breathing and all, in fear of breaking down no doubt probably like all Panem think I will, not this time though. Not while Gale is so closely watching me.
With a heavy sigh and a defeated slump of my shoulders I glance up at Gale, my bangs falling into my eyes obscuring my sight slightly. "Madge" Gale says gently, but I just shake my head "your going to be fine" I lie easily plastering on one of my smiles and thrusting the small remaining's of the berries Rue picked towards him "you just eat this and relax . . . I'll worry about everything else okay" I know he can tell I'm close to tear and maybe that's what stops him from arguing. He just nods and takes the small container from me and forces one then another berry into his mouth, "thank you" I can't help but mouth to him not really knowing for sure if my voice would waver or not, he just nods then turns back to his berries giving me what little privacy he can and I can't help but silently thank him.
Once I'm sure I'm not going to bawl like a baby I turn my attention back towards Gale's injury and trying to remember anything I've seen, heard, or even read about but nothing seems to be coming to mind that is until I glance up at Gale again and take notice of him forcing down the last of the berries Rue picked and the berries immediately make me think about the leaves that draw out tracker jacker venom and then I can't stop smiling like a fool. I swiftly get to my feet then mumble a quick "I'll be right back" before racing out of the cave and out into the woods in search for some of the leaves and while searching I come across of the some nightlock that causes me to pause. I stare at the bush of deadly berries that look very similar to blueberries but are a darker black blue color that slightly hints at its deadly effect.
For a fleeting moment I think about just taking a handful of berries and swallowing them, that'd sure make all the mental pain I feel go away. Just as the thought comes to mind it disappears and surprisingly sweet Peeta's face replaces it. He has a harsh glare on his face, the very same glare he would send to anyone he heard saying anything mean towards me. I swallow once and drop my head to my hands which at some point plucked a decent handful of the deadly berries subconsciously. I frown, slowly rising the handful of berries to my face, not really sure in the least what my next move might be since my mind is getting more and more confused with old painful memories. If I just eat a couple of these then it will all be over for me. I wouldn't have to worry about playing President Snow's game any longer, I wouldn't have to deal with the hushed hateful comments targeted at me or the nasty looks that follow. None of the Capitol guests would try and steal my virtue, as if it was a placed up for bid and sold off to the heist bidder. All at once my legs give out from underneath me as I remember that I'm now motherless and no doubt will be fatherless if I return back home to twelve. He wouldn't be able to look at me since I look so similar to my own mother. A small sob chokes in my throat and my hand holding the Nightlock starts to shake uncontrollably making it slightly hard to not drop any of the deadly berries.
If I return home I will be plagued with memories of these games for the rest of my life. Of what I've done and what I've witnessed here. Of all the gory deaths will be like a constant movie reel playing continuously, and I'll be even more of a broken girl I use to be. Not to mention the lack of anyone I could count on to help me stay sane. Now that my mother is gone and that my father will most certainly check out, I'll be alone besides for Haymitch, Peeta, and Gale. I can't count on anyone I use to talk to, to want to be associated with me since now I'm no doubt labeled as a blood thirst monster like the careers. My hand rises closer to my mouth and I find myself letting my mouth drop open slightly as I continue to rise my hand then it pauses at the thought of Gale. He'll surely die without someone looking out for him. With a guttered growl I toss the handful of berries at the ground harshly, tears now flowing openly down my cheeks.
"That's my Madgie, always a fighter" I can almost can hear Peeta say and this alone forces me to get back to my feet then roughly wipe my eyes dry against my dry coat sleeve. I shake my head in disbelief at the bush of Nightlock. What the hell was I thinking? I have to stay strong for Gale, I have to get him home . . . back to his family. I lick my chapped lips, running my tongue over the scabbed over cut in it a few times before quickly lurching forward and quickly picking another handful of berries then gently stuffing them into my pocket. With a nod of finality I turn and start my trek for those pesky leaves which I find a good few meters down from the Nightlock bush with only thoughts about maybe tricking what few tributes are left into eating them or if worst comes to play then maybe giving Gale and myself a peaceful way out, but I can't help but hope for the foremost instead of the latter.
After grabbing as much of the tracker dracker draining leaves as I can I quickly make my way back to Gale, looking over my shoulder every once in a while making sure nothing and no one are following me or are preparing for an attack.