Chapter 21

Sam didn't know if what he said would make any difference between Dean and his father, but he was going to give them some alone time to talk; if the would that is. He slipped on a jacket he had snagged on the way out not realizing it was Dean's. He stopped at the railing and breathed in the fresh air and listened to all the new sounds around him. He had never heard such an array of insects, birds, and animals chattering away around the cabin. What caught his attention though was a shiny, black car parked beside the cabin. He stepped off the porch and walked over to check it out. Sam was sure it was a '67 or '68 Impala, a classic, and in nice condition from what he could tell. He looked through the windows at the interior, seeing it all looked original. He knew this had to be John's car and made a note to ask him about it. Sam noticed what looked like water through the trees and looked alone the tree line until he spotted a path and headed for it. He stepped onto the path and let the forest engulf him as he wandered down it taking in what Mother Nature had to offer. He paused to study some plant life before venturing on down the winding path until it ended at the bank of a small lake.

"Wow!" Sam mumbled taking in all the beauty that surrounded him. He took in the gentle lapping of the water against the bank, dragon flies buzzing around the edge, cattails waving in the soft breeze, ducks swimming lazily through the water, the sunlight glistening like diamonds off the surface of the water and a cool breeze blew across the water to caresses his cheeks. He closed his eyes and tilted his face upward letting the sun warm it. After a few minutes, Sam decided to walk around the lake and check it out wanting to give John and Dean all the time they needed. He hoped they could find some neutral ground and get past their differences and become family again.

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Dean watched Sam scurry from the room and wondered just what went on while he was gone. He sipped on his coffee and glanced sideways at his father noticing how much he had changed over the years. His hair was still thick, but roughly cut now like he did it himself and it was smattered with gray as was the short beard that covered his lower face. He seemed to have bulked up quiet a bit since last seeing him and his hands were rough and had a few white scars on the knuckles. His face was creased with new wrinkles around the mouth and eyes and his skin was deeply tanned and slightly weathered looking.

"I can fix ya some breakfast." John said breaking the awkward silence between them.

"I'm good, had some toast and coffee when I got up." Dean answered.

"Was everything ok out there?"

"Yes, things looked ok. It's grown up a lot since I was here last."

"I guess it has." John agreed trying to work up the courage to talk to his son. He thought about what Sam had said and knew he was right. He looked into Dean's face and saw so much of his mother there that it brought tears to his eyes. "Dean, can we talk?"

"About what?"

"Us...Our last conversation before you left was not a pleasant one and we both said things in the heat of the moment. Dean if I could take it all back I would. We're like strangers to each other now. We're not the same people now as we were back then, and I think you see it too. I hope that some day you'll be able to forgive me for the way I treated you. I should of done better by you and for that I don't know if I can forgive myself..." John said sadness and heartache showing in his voice as he tried to hold it in. He stopped talking to gather his thoughts and to see if Dean would talk to him or walk away.

"You weren't the only one who lost Mom and missed her..." Dean whispered wanting to be strong and say what had festered in his soul all these years. "I lost my Mom and I might as well have lost you too!" he growled at him. Dean drew in a sharp breath trying to control his temper and continue. "You were so hell bent on getting revenge that you forgot about me and what I was going through. Oh you threw me a tidbit of attention and love when it suited you, but I was more or less forgotten and left on my own. Why do you think I got into trouble? I thought I could get your attention and maybe you would see me and remember you had a son!" Dean turned away as he fought to stop the tears. He was determined not to cry in front of him.

"You're right; I was a lousy father after your mother died. You deserved so much better than I gave you. I was so wrapped up in my own grief and pain that I couldn't see what it was doing to you. I missed ten years of your life and I can never get that back, but son if you'd let me...I'd like to be in your life now. I know I can't make up for what we've lost, but we could start again and maybe like Sam said become a family again...He's kinda smart for a young kid and has got a lot of spunk. You know he was protective of you? What he said made sense..."

"I've held on to all this anger for so long..." Dean whispered as his voice cracked and he looked past his father staring at nothing as a blankness filled his eyes.

"You don't have to decide now; we can take it slow... You know one step at a time...Don't keep that anger bottled up son, don't let it fester. You've held on to it long enough. If you need to take a swing, do it, I deserve that and more..." John said quietly as he got up and went to Dean. He clasped him gently on the shoulder and squeezed it. He so wanted to pull him into a strong hug, but didn't want to press his luck. John knew Dean needed to make the first move with that not him.

Dean stood there and felt a tremble race through his body and a soft sob escape from between his lips when his Dad placed his hand on his shoulder. Dean remembered that touch. It seemed like a life time ago when those strong arms comforted him. Then, without warning the tempered down rage from so many years ago emerged from him. Without knowing he was doing it, Dean turned with hands fisted, and swung at his father.

"You bastard!" Dean sobbed loudly as he raised his arm to strike out at his father. "I just wanted...Wanted your love..."

John heard the soft sob and it broke his heart that he had caused his son so much pain and suffering. He saw the swing and tilted his head enough that the blow glanced off the side of his face, but it still stung and hurt. John grunted and was forced backwards a half step, but he never raised his arms to protect himself from Dean's onslaught. Dean struck again several times, hitting him in his midsection and he stiffened to receive the blows never relinquishing his strong grip on Dean's shoulder. Since they were so close, Dean couldn't put his full force behind the blow, but it was enough to make John grunt. The hits became weaker and his verbal onslaught turned into racking, heaving, screams as Dean collapsed into his father's arms. John held on for dear life as he took the full weight of his son, not wanting either of them to fall.

"Saying sorry's not ever goin' to be enough son. But know this, I never, never stopped loving you. You have to believe that Dean. No matter how messed up I was, I still loved you..." John whispered into Dean's ear while trying to comfort his sobbing son. "I. Love. You." he said sternly, stressing each word so Dean would hear. John felt Dean's arms go around him and hug him as he buried his face into his chest and fisted John's shirt and quickly returned the hug, relishing in the moment, not caring his own tears were running down his face. He could feel the wetness of Dean's tears as he sniffled and choked into his shirt. "It's ok, just let it out son...You've held it in long enough...We'll work this out...I'm willing if you are...It's been far too long..." John mumbled soothingly to Dean as he felt him starting to gain control of himself.

Dean's sobs slowly stopped and his breathing hitched into short, sharp breaths. Too soon Dean pulled away and wiped his face on his sleeve while trying to rein his emotions in and letting the Marine in him surface to regain his composure. He cleared his throat and picked up his cup and sipped a little coffee before trusting himself to speak.

"I should go see what Sam's doing; he's been gone a long time." Dean said when he noticed Sam hadn't come back in. He headed for the door to go find him. Dean continued out onto the porch and looked around but didn't see Sam anywhere. "Sam!" he called scanning the yard and tree line. "Damn fool kid!" Dean mumbled heading back inside for a jacket, but found his missing. He went to the bedroom and found another one to wear.

"What's wrong?" John asked when Dean came storming back down the hall.

"He's wandered off god knows where." Dean spat. "Now I gotta go find him his sorry ass."

"Need help?" John asked stepping toward him.

"No, you stay here, if he comes back fire a round off so I'll know."

"Alright, but I doubt he would of gone far. Try down by the lake. He seems like the curious type."

"Yeah, good place to start." Dean agreed slipping a jacket on and going back out. He looked around the yard and checked the ground for footprints and saw the bent grass leading toward the path to the lake. It didn't take him long to jog down the path and emerge at the bank of the lake.

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Sam had walked halfway round the lake and stopped when he found a sunny spot covered in soft moss and sat down. He gazed out across the lake letting the peacefulness of this place diminish the stress and worry from his mind. Before long, he lay back and looked up at the sky as puffy, white clouds danced across it making him think of marshmallows. As he relaxed more, his eyes began to drift shut and the warmth of the sun had him nodding off. Sam was lost in a dream world of being young again and having both his parents alive and well. He smiled in his sleep thinking he had the perfect life, perfect family and perfect dream. He didn't hear his name being called from the other side of the lake so he slept on, never wanting it to end.

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After scanning the ground around the path, Dean found a couple of tracks that could only be Sam's and headed in the direction they took. He called once again, but got no reply and this made him move faster as worry set in. He was about ready to give up and try in another direction when he saw a pair of long legs lying on the ground up ahead of him. Thinking he was hurt, Dean hurried toward them and skidded to a stop when he saw Sam was asleep. He looked so peaceful and content, Dean hated to wake him, but knew he didn't need to be out in the open like this in case someone ignored the No Trespassing signs and wandered onto their property.

"Hey kid, Sammy, wake up." Dean called to him as he kicked lightly at his foot to rouse him.

"Wh...?" Sam slurred not coming fully awake at first.

"Time to head back. You really shouldn't of come down here on your own." Dean chastised him as he watched him pull himself from sleep.

"Wh' hap'ened?" he asked slowly sitting up and rubbing his eyes with his fist.

Dean couldn't help but see the young boy that he once was coming out as Sam yawned and stretched before looking around and realizing where he was.

"Sorry, didn't mean to fall asleep." Sam grunted while boosting his body from the moss and worked on steadying his wobbly legs. "Is everything ok? You know, between you and your Dad?" he asked cautiously looking up and back down quickly.

"It's getting there, maybe." Dean said looking out across the lake for a moment. "So, I take it ya talked to my Dad?" he questioned. "He seems to like you."

"Ummm...Yeah, I hope you don't mind." Sam said cautiously, giving him a weak smile. "I think you two can work it out if given the chance. You're family and that's what counts."

"He seems to think you're pretty smart for a kid, but wandering off was a dumb ass move and I think you know it."

"It didn't seem like it at the time." he said, shrugging sheepishly kicking a rock toward the water and hanging his head. "Sorry..."

"It is nice out here isn't it?" Dean commented trying not to laugh at Sam's groveling. "This was my favorite place to come when I was young. There are so many fond memories..."

"It's like a piece of Heaven." Sam agreed looking out at the lake where Dean was looking.

"See that?" Dean grinned when two fish jumped out of the water nearby sending ripples outward in perfect circles. "I'd always come down here and catch our dinner for one night and Dad would grill them...They were the best..." Dean mumbled a far away look in his eyes.

"Maybe you could do that again and your Dad could grill them..." Sam suggested when he saw the look of happiness on Dean's face.

"Did you go fishing with your Dad?"

"No, fishing wasn't his thing. We went skiing in the winter and to the beach in the summer, but he liked cars and museums and was a history buff. I remember one summer we went to DC and went through all the Smithsonian buildings and visited some battlefields. It was amazing... " Sam said letting his mind wander for a moment.

"Maybe we could catch dinner one day then. I could maybe...Show you how to fish." Dean shrugged nonchalantly, not making a big deal out of it.

"I think I'd like that." Sam said quietly, a small smile tugging at his lips thinking it would be awesome to have Dean show him how to fish. He thought that is exactly what a big brother would do.

A/N: Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed chapter. It was a hard one to write since I wanted John and Dean to start working things out, but I didn't want it to be easy. Thank you to the guests who I can not thank personally for your reviews. And to the one guest, I am glad I was able to brighten your day. I do like to know your thoughts, if you have a moment leave me a review. NC