It's all Nathan can do to keep himself laying in his bed. Or in his apartment at all. He wishes he had the River Court. He wishes he could take his aggression out on the ball; send up shot after shot and feel like he has control over something. Anything.
He really doesn't want to be mad. Maybe he shouldn't be. So Peyton had a silly, short-lived, adolescent relationship with someone before she met Nathan. It's not a big deal. The big deal is that she didn't tell him about it. He'd told her about how much he hated the guy. He'd told her stories from High Flyers, and she hadn't said a word.
The even bigger deal, is that he's told her every detail about his marriage ending and his relationship with Haley, and Peyton doesn't seem to think he deserves the same courtesy. Of course, it's not really the same situation, but it makes sense to him. Why would she hide it? Surely, she isn't proud of it, but still. She should have told him.
He's pissed that she didn't.
Not long after he gets home, there's a knock at his door, and he really doesn't want to open it. But he has to. If it's her, and she's out there, he's not going to ignore her. But deep down, he knows it's not her. It's not her style to come over after a fight. They haven't had many. This is bigger than all of them combined.
He pulls the door open and Robbie walks inside without being invited, though Nathan doesn't really care.
"You get her home OK?" Nathan asks after a few moments of silence.
"I got her home. She's not OK, man," Robbie says seriously. "What the hell?"
"She dated that guy!" Nathan almost shouts. He points to the side of the room, for a reason he doesn't really know, but he just needs something to do with his hands.
"She's in love with you!"
"Yeah, well..."
"Well nothing," Robbie says. He's not impressed. Peyton wouldn't say details, but she said Nathan said some awful things, and as much as Nathan is Robbie's friend, Peyton's like his sister. "She's in love with you. And I mean...Nate, man, you were married."
"Don't make this about that," Nathan insists, shaking his head.
"I'm just saying. It wouldn't kill you to be a little more understanding. At least hear her out," Robbie says. "You love her, too."
"Yeah, but..."
"There's no but! You love her. End of story."
Robbie walks out the door before Nathan can find anything to say, and he's left speechless long after his friend has left.
Robbie's right. There is no but. He loves Peyton, and that's all there is to it. It doesn't matter that she's dated someone, no matter who that was. He loves her, and she's accepted his messed up past. Not only that, but she's helped him through it.
He's an idiot. He's really fucked up.
----
Peyton is surprised when the person who shows up at her door that night is Brooke. She would have assumed that Brooke would have gone to see Nathan. The brunette doesn't mention that Robbie dropped her off then went over to see Nathan.
Brooke steps into Peyton's bedroom and treads lightly towards the bed and sits down next to where Peyton is laying on her side with tears on her cheeks.
"Two options," Brooke says. "One, I brought tequila." Peyton lets out a teary laugh, and Brooke smiles weakly. "Or two, you can put on whatever depressing music you want, and I'll sit here and listen to you talk or yell or cry, for however long you want to."
"How about we combine both?" Peyton suggests.
"That's my girl," Brooke says, pulling the bottle of liquor from her bag.
Peyton sits up and then stands from the bed, walking to her closet to change into sweats and a hoodie. She tosses some to Brooke, who smiles and heads into the bathroom and quickly steps out of her jeans and sweater. Peyton puts on some soft R&B, which totally surprises Brooke, but she's happy about it. It's not something she's ever heard before, but she definitely thinks it's better than some whiny rock or emo, which is kind of what she'd expected.
"How can he judge me?" Peyton asks brokenly. She grabs two shot glasses from her desk drawer, and Brooke kinks her brow in amusement or admiration. "I mean...after everything."
"I don't..."
"I've been...I've been more than understanding. I've freaking...I slapped his bitch of an ex!" Brooke grimaces. Haley is still kind of her friend, no matter how strained that relationship is. "Sorry." Brooke laughs at Peyton's demeanor. "And now, he...he can't even like, begin to let me explain? What the fuck is that about? And where is my tequila?"
"OK. Honey, first things first. Calm down," Brooke says, pulling Peyton's arm and making her sit down on the bed. "Second of all...OK, well, Tequila will help with the calming."
They clink their shot glasses together and tip back the contents, both of them wincing at the taste.
"Look, I know Nathan," Brooke says. "He'll calm down, come groveling at your feet, and he'll convince you to take him back."
"I shouldn't have to take him back!"
"OK, true, but..."
"No but. He's being a total jerk about something he has no right to be a jerk about."
"Well..." Brooke says, scrunching her nose.
"What?" Peyton asks quickly, knowing Brooke has something to add. "Just say it."
"Well, you could have told him."
"Told him that I had a stupid, shitty, awful three weeks of almost dating a complete jackass? It wasn't even a relationship!" Peyton says defensively. She pours herself another shot and stands after she's drunk it quickly. She starts pacing the room, and Brooke feels like she's out of her depth. Maybe the other girls know how to deal with the crazy a little better. "But...God, I didn't tell him. I should have. Fuck. I...this whole stupid thing is as much my fault as it is his."
"Peyton..."
"But...how hot did he look punching the guy?" she asks, sitting down next to Brooke again.
"Your mood swings are terrifying. You know that, right?" Brooke asks, making them both laugh.
"I need to get drunk," Peyton says, locking eyes with Brooke. "Forget all this right now. I need alcohol."
"I knew there was a reason we'd get along," Brooke says happily, pouring another round.
She and Nathan'll work it all out later. She knows they will.
----
She wakes up the next morning with Brooke sleeping next to her, a pounding headache, a rumbling stomach, and wishing she had been smart enough not to drink an entire bottle of tequila with her friend the night before.
She tries to go back to sleep, but it's no use, which sucks, because it's barely 7:00, and she knows they didn't get to sleep until late the night before. Or the morning, if you want to get technical. Sometime around 3:00, she thinks.
Brooke stirs awake after a little while, and she doesn't say anything before getting up, grabbing her things, and waving to Peyton. Peyton waves back, then Brooke is gone. She's thankful there was no talking; noise is no good right now.
She lays in bed after asking Sandra to bring her some water and cereal, and she thinks about Nathan and how in the hell she's going to make up for her mistake.
It's not even 9:00 when he walks into her bedroom unannounced and sees her laying there, looking not-so-healthy. It's a little eerie; he doesn't think he's ever been in her room when it was completely quiet.
"Why does it smell like Tijuana in here?" he asks. She tries to laugh, but she can't really manage. She groans and turns onto her side with her back to him. He sits down next to her, and he really wants to reach out and touch her, but he's really not sure she wants him to. "So I'm an asshole. But...I guess you got that."
"Little bit," she mumbles.
"I'm sorry," he says sincerely, and she rolls onto her back. Her eyes are all bloodshot and tired and he hates that he's probably the reason she's feeling the way she is. "Peyton, I..."
"I should have told you."
"I shouldn't have been such a jerk."
"Well, yeah," she says, and he laughs softly. "We both suck."
He laughs again and reaches for her hand and she smiles a weak smile. "Can we suck together again?"
"We never broke up," she reminds him.
He'd remind her of those words she said - 'don't bother' - but he's not an idiot, and he's getting her back, and he doesn't want to mess it up. Either she really didn't mean it or she's forgotten about it, and either way, it doesn't really matter.
"I'd probably break up with me after that," he tells her. "I just fucking hate that guy."
"I hate him too," she says quickly. "Why do you think I never told anyone? Not exactly a shining moment." He leans in to kiss her, but she shakes her head and covers her mouth, and he laughs. "Sorry."
"Sorry I drove you to drink," he says. She groans again and closes her eyes. "How hungover are you right now?"
"I'll be alright." She starts to laugh - really laugh - and Nathan looks at her questioningly. "We're ridiculous."
"What?"
"We had this big, huge, stupid fight, and now it's like nothing happened."
"That's a good thing. Communication or whatever," he says, shrugging one shoulder. She smiles at him and nods, and he really wants to kiss her. "And in the future, I'll try to avoid being such a dick."
"That'd be nice," she says, laughing at how candid he's being. "We'll talk about it all later, OK? The whole story."
"Peyton, honestly, we don't have to. He's a guy you kind of dated like, three years ago. It's not a big deal."
"Are you sure? Because..."
"I'm sure," he insists. "And I really don't want to picture you making out with him any more than I already have."
"I'd rather not relive it either," she says, making him laugh.
"Besides," he says, resting his hand on her hip, "I got the girl." She smiles again and sighs her relief. She's obviously happy that argument is over, and he's definitely happy that it is over so quickly. "Why don't you go have a shower? I'll make you a smoothie. It'll make you feel better."
He stands, but she doesn't let go of his hand. "I love you."
"I love you, too," he says quietly, leaning down to kiss her forehead.
And he does.
And he's never going to be stupid enough to ever let her feel like she wants to break up with him ever again.
----
Peyton has a Saturday cheer practice to get ready for their little competition that's coming up in a few weeks' time, and Nathan is spending a rare day at home by himself. He's got no practice, and he's taking the day off after a particularly tough game the night before, and it's weird for him to not have her around on a Saturday.
He's doing homework - actually doing homework - when his phone rings early in the afternoon, and when he sees that it's his uncle Keith, he furrows his brow in curiosity.
And then he starts thinking the worst. There's no reason Keith would be calling him for any good reason.
He answers and listens to what Keith has to say, and long after he's hung up, he's sitting on his sofa thinking everything over. He doesn't know whether to be scared, sad, or just plain pissed off. He's kind of all three.
That's how Peyton finds him; sitting in his living room, flipping his phone open and closed over and over.
"Nate," she says, sitting down next to him. "What's wrong?"
"It's Lucas."
"What about him?" she asks, placing her hand over his to stop him from opening his phone again. "You look freaked out."
"He's in the hospital," he says, turning to her with some sort of unrecognizable emotion in his eyes. "He had a heart attack."
"What?" she asks in shock. "How is that...? How?"
"He's sick."
"Is...is he going to be OK?" She forces him to look at her, and he loves that she's so concerned for someone she's only met once, all because the guy is Nathan's brother.
"No, he's not OK," he says, letting his anger bubble over. "He's got HCM, Peyton. A heart condition. And he lied about it!"
"Nathan..."
"He fucking lied. To everyone."
"So this is about a lie?" It makes a little more sense now. Nathan's been dead set against reconciling with his brother because of all the deceit. Lying about something like this probably just makes Nathan even more pissed off.
"It's about him lying about something so fucking stupid," he says angrily. "Idiot. God. He's...he could die, Peyton. This is...He could die."
"Nathan," she tries again. She wants him to calm down. There's no use, really, since she'd probably be feeling the same. She kind of is. It doesn't matter that she doesn't really know Lucas. He's still Nathan's family. Which kind of almost might someday maybe make him her family.
"I'm gonna go see him."
"I'm coming with you," she says, standing and grabbing her bag. She brought a change of clothes with her, since she'd intended on staying over.
"No. You don't have to."
"I'm coming with you," she repeats with finality. He doesn't argue.
And really, he doesn't want to argue.
He's flooded with a million feelings of regret and pain and hurt and confusion and a whole lot of other things. He feels like he needs her there to help him sort through all that.
He starts packing a bag, and she folds shirts as he tosses them onto the bed. He stops and pulls her into a searing kiss, because it hits him very quickly, the very real possibility that it could be him laying in a hospital bed. 50/50 odds, and he's the lucky one. She doesn't question why he's kissed her, and she smiles at him and kisses him again, and he absolutely has never loved her more.
She drives and he doesn't argue. He's still hurt and angry and he doesn't want to put them in danger, and the way he finds himself looking out the window for most of the drive proves he's in no shape to be behind the wheel. She takes his hand once they're on the highway, and she doesn't let it go the entire drive. He loves that she can be strong when he can't.
"Haley's going to be here," he says out of nowhere as they're pulling up to the hospital.
"OK," Peyton says simply.
"She's his best friend."
"I know," she says, nodding her head. "Hey." He turns to look at her and takes a deep breath. "It's OK. Whatever happens."
"You're...so amazing," he tells her. He leans across the seat to kiss her once they've parked.
"And hey, I even promise not to hit anyone this time," she says. He laughs and kisses her again, then they each step out of the car.
He reaches for her hand as they walk through the hospital doors, and he asks what room Lucas is in. They bump into Keith, who Nathan introduces Peyton to, and she smiles politely and says all the right things, and she knows that he knows who she is. She wonders how much he knows; if he knows she talked to Dan like she did last time they were in town. The wink he sends her lets her know that he does, and maybe that he likes her for it. She knows that Keith and Dan aren't exactly close.
Deb is sitting in the waiting room, and the first thing Nathan and Peyton notice is how very, very tense everything is.
Because Deb's not alone.
Haley is there, and Dan is there, and none of those three people get along with each other. Keith shakes his head and pats Nathan on the back, and Deb stands and rushes towards her son, pulling both he and Peyton into tight hugs.
"Thank you," Deb says to Peyton as Nathan goes to talk to Dan. "For coming with him."
"I can't let him do this alone," Peyton says. Deb smiles weakly and nods her head. That's what she was thanking the girl for. "Where's Cooper? Is he around?"
"He's on his way. He was at an event in Talledega. He should be here by tonight," Deb explains. Peyton nods and blows out her breath as she watches Nathan talk to Dan.
She notices that Haley is sitting there with Keith now at her side, his arm around her and comforting her. She looks scared, and Peyton feels bad; she can't imagine anything like this happening to one of her best friends. She sends Haley a small smile, and Haley sends one back. They aren't forgiving each other, and they probably still even hate each other, but this isn't about them, and they won't make it about them.
"How is Lucas?" Peyton asks. She and Deb sit down across from Haley and Keith, and they try to pretend it's not as tense as it really is.
"He's in a drug-induced coma," Keith explains, and Peyton's eyes go wide. Dan and Nathan come over just in time to hear, though Dan has already filled Nathan in. "They had to give him...hell, I don't know. A bunch of stuff."
"So what does that mean?" Peyton asks.
"It means we have to wait until he wakes up, whenever that is," Haley says. She doesn't sound bitter or angry or...anything but scared, really. "But he will wake up."
"Thank God," Nathan whispers. Peyton looks at him and smiles, and he sits next to her. He takes her hand in his, and it's not to rub anything in Haley's face, it's just because he needs to hold her hand, and he doesn't care that Haley happens to be there.
"Why don't you go in, son," Dan suggests, placing his hand on Nathan's shoulder.
"Karen should eat something," Deb says.
Nathan just nods as Peyton squeezes his hand to show her support. He stands, and everyone watches him make his way to the door.
"Miss Sawyer, a word?" Dan says once Nathan's inside Lucas' room.
She swears her heart stops in her chest. Given the things she said to him the last time they spoke - the first time they spoke - she's not sure what he wants with her. But Deb gives her a nod, and Peyton stands and tucks her hair behind her ear, following Dan across the waiting room and down the hall a little bit.
"Mr. Scott, I..." He cuts her off when he holds his hand up.
"Peyton, I'll get to the point," he says, and she nods gently. "No one talks to me the way you talked to me."
"I'm sorry, I was..."
"Except Nathan," he says, smiling at her. She doesn't know what that smile means. She decides it can't mean anything bad. "I think he's needed someone like you all along."
"Oh," she says, almost in surprise. Definitely in surprise.
"And the fact that you're here with him right now says a lot."
"I'm...I love him," she says quietly, because she's in shock, and it's really the best explanation for any of the things she's ever done in this town. She shrugs one shoulder and looks up at him, and he's smiling.
"I'm glad." He nods his head and she sighs her relief. "Relax, Peyton," he says with a laugh. "I don't want to be the one on the receiving end of your left jab."
They both laugh and her face goes red; apparently everyone knows about that. "I thought you hated me!" she admits, finally letting herself smile.
"Quite the opposite," he says. He places his hand on her shoulder for a moment before they start walking down the hall again. "Quite the opposite."
----
Nathan steps into Lucas' room, and Karen promptly stands and throws her arms around him. Apparently, she's wanted him to come. He hugs her tightly, knowing she must need it, and neither of them says anything for a few minutes. She's crying quietly against him, and he's looking over her head at his brother, laying in a coma in a hospital bed.
He thinks he's forgiven Lucas for anything and everything, right there in those first few seconds.
"Mom says you should eat something," Nathan says once Karen pulls away. She wipes her eyes and smiles.
"Thank you, Nathan," she says. He can only nod and wait for her to walk out the door.
He sits down at Lucas' bedside, and he laughs a little bit. He's one ridiculous red tracksuit away from exactly how he sat only a year ago.
"Deja vu," he says. He doesn't know what else to say, really, so he decides on honesty. "You're an idiot. You know that, right?" He shakes his head and looks to the floor. "The other lies are...whatever. Water under the bridge. I should beat your ass for this one."
He looks back towards the door, marveling in the fact that one person can bring so many 'enemies' together, all to rally around him. And maybe each other. "I'm pissed you didn't tell me. Or anyone. When you get out of this place..."
His phone rings and he curses and fumbles for it in his pocket.
He takes the call, and he thinks for the second time that day that he feels like crying. He stands from his seat and rakes his hand through his hair, and he wants to run outside and hug his family, and he thinks that things couldn't get any weirder, and that the timing is just really messed up. Or maybe perfect.
"I just got into Duke," he says to Lucas' sleeping form, after he's regained a bit of his composure. "So wake your ass up and maybe I'll get you tickets for a game sometime."