Hello my very lovable and faithful readers!

This is just a filler chapter – I just got done with my exams and have started planning the next full chapter – but I think this will be funny. I'm making fun of a type of fanfiction that seems to happen with Maximum Ride. You'll understand once you start reading.

My disclaimer for this: I do appreciate this type of fanfiction once and a while, but it's just so unrealistic sometimes… actually, all the time. Oh, and I don't own Maximum Ride or it's characters.

FPOV

I had managed to acquire a cheap, small motel room for the night. The paint was peeling from the walls, there was an unidentifiable stain in the bathroom, and the old receptionist lady smiled creepily at me whenever I walked by.

But it's shelter.

Currently, I am sitting on the small, puke-colored, checkerboard-patterned comforter.

In my hands: the black guitar Nudge and Iggy gave me for my disguise.

My mission: unlock the dark secrets of this musical device and figure out how to play it.

My status: not so well.

Using the wi-fi downstairs in the lobby (which was not free technically, but that old lady just let me use it – giving me another creepy smile, I might add), I had google-magiked (yeah, it's a word… now) the instructions to playing guitar and printed them out.

First step: tune guitar.

My question: how in the world can you tell it's in tune? It all sounds bad to me.

So, I spend a good half-hour trying to make the guitar sound magically in tune before someone knocks on my door angrily.

I open the door to a red-faced woman who marches past me, picks up the guitar, turns a few knobs, and leaves, slamming the door behind her.

All in 20 seconds.

"Uh… thanks?" I say to the closed door.

I hear an aggravated sigh farther down the hall.

Ok, now that the guitar is tuned…

Step two: Practice playing simple chords.

I look at the print-out diagram of strings. On the strings are small, black dots; below the picture is the subtitle "C chord."

I slowly line up my fingers with the dots, taking a few minutes because my fingers keep slipping. But finally, finally, I have all my fingers in the right places.

I guess I strum now.

I run my other hand across the strings near the bottom.

And you know what?

Beautiful music came out, and I smiled and laughed, and I started playing songs like a rock star.

Hahahahaha NO.

In reality, the most horrifying screech splits across the room.

"Ew. What an ugly sound. This is what a "C chord" sounds like?" I think.

I double check that my fingers are in the right place and again strum across the guitar.

The same sound reverberates around the room.

Alrighty then. Guess I can play a "C chord."

I never hear music with this in it.

I go through the following chords on the page with the same, ugly results.

I don't understand why people think guitars sound awesome. This is the most horrible sound I've ever heard.

I look at the page again, trying to figure out what I'm missing –

When I see the page is upside down.

I've been doing the backwards chords.

Oh.

I go back to the "C chord" diagram and place my fingers again.

This time, when I strum the strings, a nice sound rings through the air.

And, out of pure relief, I give a small smile of triumph.

"This isn't so bad," I think.

Two hours later, I still can only play the freaking C chord.

"My fingers can't stretch that far!" I yell (again) at the inanimate paper diagrams. " I even have long fingers and I can't do that!"

With a furious grunt I chuck the guitar against the peeled-paint walls.

It hits with a bang and falls with a clang.

Hehe, that rhymed.

….

Anyway.

I peer over the edge of the bed to look at the crumpled black object that was once a guitar.

"Crap," I say.

Half an hour and a roll of duct tape later (thank you, creepy receptionist lady), I managed to tape the guitar together.

Well, there is this one string that is not really attached… but that's ok. You don't really notice it anyway.

I carefully set the duct-tape remake on a chair.

And you know what?

It plays the most beautiful sound in the world.

Of course.

When I'm not freaking touching it, it plays music.

Ugh.

Well, what do you expect? They don't really teach Mayhem experiments to be musical geniuses.

So, I discovered I can't play the guitar.

At all.

And I am definitely not testing my singing voice out.

Credit goes to High School Never Ends by Bowling for Soup.

Like it? I thought it was funny.

Don't worry – the long, tense stuff is on its way.

But, in the mean time, R&R?