Big Trouble in Little Sanchez

"And why the hell am I doing this?" Myra frowned as she gripped a set of knitting needles along with some yarn.

"It's good bonding for you and the baby. I read it in a book." Summer stated

"How the hell is this bonding? The baby isn't even born yet." Myra continued to frown gazing at the "project" in her lap.

"You know you should stop cursing too. Unless you want the baby's first word to be fuck, damn, or hell." Summer noted

"Don't forget shit and bitch." Myra included

Summer rolled her eyes, "Just knit."

It was time for breakfast in the Smiths house and surprisingly the whole family was together eating.

"What's new at school?" Jerry asked although it was clear he wasn't listening since he was focused on playing a game on his tablet.

"Nothing." Summer and Morty replied

Myra noticing her dad was not paying any attention said, "I built a doomsday device in my physics class."

Jerry just smiled and nodded his head continuing to play on his tablet.

"Oh, uh, one of the lunch ladies died," Morty added. "They found her in the gym with, like, two holes in her neck and all the blood drained out of her."

Beth sat at the table with a cup of coffee. "Good lord! Who does something like that?"

"Obviously a vampire." Rick looked around the table, "W-w-where's the pepper?"

Summer dropped her fork, "Wait, what?! Vampires are real?!"

"Yes, Summer, vampires are real. Who knew? Oh, right, all humanity, for hundreds of years, now." Rick mocked

Morty got a cocky look on his face, "Yeah, Summer, it's a big universe. Get used to it. R-right, Rick?"

Rick looked like he wanted to roll his eyes.

"What about unicorns?" Myra asked

"Oh yeah definitely real. Fuckers are hard to find but once you catch one. You haven't lived until you've had a unicorn steak." Rick said

"Lets back up here, what are we going to do about the vampire?!" Summer yelled

"We're gonna live our lives until we die. Possibly by vampire. More likely auto accident or heart disease, but possibly vampire." Rick said

"Grandpa Rick, couldn't you, like, use your super knowledge to turn yourself into a teenager and come to our school and help us hunt the vampire down?" Summer asked

"Um-wow. Yeah, pretty specific pitch, Summer. I probably could turn myself into a teenager and hang out in the zit-covered, hormone-addled, low-stakes assworld that is high school. But here's my reverse-ask. Why in the fuck would I ever do that, ever? And how dare you even ask me that? And why aren't you more ashamed of yourself?" Rick ranted

Summer, disheartened turned to her father. "Dad!"

Jerry didn't look up from his tablet as he replied to Summer. "Be ashamed of yourself, sweetie."

"Jerry!" Beth shouted. "Do you know what you just said to our daughter?"

"Sorry! I wasn't paying attention." Jerry said

"To a conversation about vampires?!" Beth shouted

"Clearly, I didn't know it was about vampires, because I wasn't paying attention, which you would know, if you ever paid attention to me!" Jerry said

"Oh grow a spine," Myra interjected

"Myra!" Jerry tried to scold.

"Well, she's right. You went right to the victim role." Beth declared

"Am I a victim, Beth, or am I married to a mean, unfair monster that always hurts me and turns my kids against me?!" Jerry yelled

Rick cursed covering his ears. "Jesus Christ! Will you fix your marriage or get a divorce already?"

Beth and Jerry looked ashamed dropping eye contact.

"Well, we tried a couples' therapist," Jerry explained

"That's earth therapy. You might as well ask a horse to fix a merry-go-round. I mean, he'll try his best, but mostly, he's just gonna get horrified. I know about a place off-planet with a 100% success rate." Rick said

"Well, we want to make it work, if we can. It's just-"

Rick cut Beth off by grabbing her arm and pulling her out her seat. "Then it's settled." He grabbed Jerry and dragged the two adults out the room. "No need to pack. Oh! Let's go, go, go, go!"

The kids at the table stayed silent until Morty spoke up.

"Do you think mom and dad are, you know, gonna get a divorce?" Morty asked

Summer pushed her chair out and stood up. "I think it's okay to dream, Morty. I'm gonna go make some wooden stakes."

Morty frowned turning to his twin. "Myra?"

"Lets just put it this way Morty, I call Mom." Myra grabbed her bowl of cereal along with Jerry's untouched breakfast and walked away leaving a frowning Morty.

"God damn these swollen ankles!"

"You seem stressed."

"Oh, you think!"

Since Myra's parents were gone she allowed Mason to come over. She's been a foul mood for a couple of days now, and he wasn't doing anything to help.

"I've got three professors up my ass. A mopey Morty. A paranoid Summer. Two parents with serious relationship issues. A Rick. Swollen ankles. Weird cravings. My back aches. I've been getting hot flashes and heartburn, and the baby won't stop kicking me." Myra ranted listing off her various issues.

"I know what you need, how about a relaxing spa day?" Mason offered

Myra looked at Mason with a brow raised. She crossed her arms, "I'm listening."

"I know a great couples spa we can go to. We won't even need a reservation." Mason smiled

"Hmmm? Well, it beats staying here getting more pissed." Myra said

"Great. I'll pack you a bag."

Myra went down to the garage to tell whoever was in the house that she was leaving.

"Hey, I'm going on a spa trip." Myra stuck her head into the garage to see Rick, but he was smaller and younger looking. Floating in a jar in the middle of the room was Rick's older body.

"Rick?"

"I'm Tiny Rick!" Rick shouted a large grin splayed on his face.

"Why the-you know what not gonna ask. If Summer or Morty ask where I am I'm out getting pampered and de-stressed." Myra said

Tiny Rick saluted to Myra with a smile. "Can do!"

Myra freaked out by the smiling tiny Rick quickly exited the garage.

The moment Myra set foot into the spa she was greeted with pampering luxury. She was given a fruity drink along with a soft plush robe to wear.

"Now this is nice."

A group of aliens greeted the two.

"Prince Mason. It's so good to see you. Please allow us to take your luggage." The alien clapped his hands and two aliens grabbed all of Mason's and Myra's things. "Is the future Queen along with the heir?"

Mason nodded his head with a proud smile on his face. "That is right."

"Well, we are delighted to have you both here. I suspect that we'll be seeing you for years to come just like your parents."

"So Mason's parents come here a lot huh?" Myra questioned

Mason stood in the background shaking his head no and waving his arms as the alien spoke.

"Oh yes, the King and Queen often come here to work on their marital qualms."

Mason froze in his silent pleas of "no".

"Marital….qualms?" Myra inquired raising an eyebrow.

"Why yes, after all, we are the best spa and Marriage Counseling in the known universes. With a 100% success rate."

"I see…would you mind leaving me and the young Prince alone for a few minutes?" Myra said through gritted teeth.

"Of course." The alien bowed before walking away.

Mason felt a cold chill run down his spine as he slowly looked at Myra. If looks could kill.

"Did you fucking bring me to a couples counseling retreat? Is there something you'd like to say." Myra practically growled out.

Mason put his hands up in defense. "I-I promise you we aren't here for the counseling were just here for the spa."

Myra narrows her eyes. "It better be, because if one asshole tries to say some shit to me like 'You should respond to your partner not react.' or 'It doesn't matter how compatible you are if you can't work through your incompatibilities.' I'll disembowel them, then I'm coming for you. Got it."

Mason nodded his head. He stares at the scantily clad fuming Myra and a serious look washes over his face. "Myra there's just one thing I have to say though."

"What!" Myra bites back.

"Although you're truly terrifying right now….My attractiveness for you has skyrocketed." Mason declared

Myra's face gets hot, and she turns away from Mason. "Shut up! Just take me somewhere where I can get a massage!"

"I can massage you, my Queen."

"I said shut the fuck up!"

"God almighty I don't think I've been this relaxed in years." Myra let out a relaxed sigh.

"Couldn't agree more my Queen."

Mason and Myra sat in a Jacuzzi spa tub full to the brim with bubbles. Mason sat behind Myra pulling her closer, so she rested on his bare chest. The two sunk deeper into the warm water letting their muscles unwind.

Myra heard a buzzing noise. She peeked over the side of the tub seeing her phone vibrate. She picked it up seeing Summer was calling.

"Nope." With a relaxed smile, she let phone got to voicemail and tossed it somewhere. "I could get used to this."

Mason hummed wrapping his arms around Myra's stomach resting his palms on her swollen stomach. He felt something press up against his hand as he heard Myra wince.

"What was that?" Mason asked

"The little devil inside me is kicking. In fact, he's been kicking the shit out of me since he discovered he had legs." Myra explained

"How do you know it's a boy?" Mason asked

"I just know. Call it women's intuition or some crap like that." Myra said

Mason just nodded his head keeping his hands on Myra's stomach as he continued to feel the baby kick.

Myra slowly felt herself drifting off to sleep her eyes were closing but before she could fully close them they snapped open when an alarm went off.

"What the hell!?"

Myra sat up as the lights cut off and an emergency red light came on as an alarm blared.

"That's not good," Mason said

He got out of the Jacuzzi helping Myra out too.

There were loud crashing noises followed by some screaming.

"What is going on?" Myra questioned

Mason grabbed a towel wrapping it around his waist. "Stay right here. I'll go check."

Mason walked out the door and Myra called out. "You know that's what people say before they die in horror movies." Myra grabbed a robe putting it on before following Mason.

"Holy shit. What the hell happened to this place?"

The spa had been destroyed. Dead bodies littered the area, small fires were lit, there was even large claw marks on the metal walls.

"It looks like one of the mythologizations have escaped," Mason said

"And those are?" Myra questioned

"Their like avatars made to represent couples representations of their partners. They're very volatile and very dangerous. For one to escape the facility means well this." Mason pointed out gesturing to the dead bodies.

"Then let's get the hell out of here," Myra said

"Do you have your portal gun?" Mason asked

"Shit. It's in our room with all our stuff." Myra cursed

"Okay. We make our way to the room grab your portal gun then get home. Stay behind me." Mason ordered

"But-"

"Stay. Behind. Me." Mason ordered again with a more assertive tone.

Myra for some reason felt herself flush with Mason's authoritative tone, she liked it.

Following his orders, Myra stayed behind Mason as he led her through the wrecked hallways.

"Damn whatever this thing was it had no mercy," Myra said looking at all the destruction and dead bodies.

"Somethings coming." Mason pushed Myra behind him as something came into the hallway.

"It looks like….my dad?" Myra said

A giant worm-shaped creature with Jerry's face appeared before the teens.

"It kind of does," Mason said

The worm-like Jerry smiled and slithered up heading for Myra. Mason let out a growl hissing at it as he stood in front of Myra.

Worm Jerry pulled back and covered his eye cowering and sniveling looking rather pathetic.

"Huh, it even acts like my dad," Myra observed the creature the dots connecting in her mind. "Mason, you said this place makes avatar like creatures that represent couples images of themselves right."

"Yeah." Mason nodded

"And this one acts like my dad. God damn it! My parents are here!" Myra shouted

"Wait what?!"

"Rick took my parents to a couples counseling retreat. This place! If my dad's mythologization thing is running around then that means-"

"Wait do you think your father's mythologization caused all this carnage?" Mason asked

"No! With his lack of backbone, I'm surprised that he can even squash an ant. No, this is the work of-"

*ROAR*

A large shadow appeared around the corner as a screeching roar echoed through the building.

"Shit! Fucking run!" Myra yelled

Mason scooped Myra up bridal style and started to run leaving the whimpering mythologization Jerry.

Another roar rocked the corridor as large heavy footsteps school the area.

"What the hell is that!?" Mason shouted

"Isn't it obvious it's my mother's mythologization! My mother sees my dad as a feeble little worm while my father sees my mother as a raging demonic creature!" Myra told Mason.

"She's closing in." Mason set Myra down.

"What the hell are you doing?" Myra questioned

"Listen I'll distract her you make a run for our room and get the portal gun and get the hell out of here!" Mason directed

"But what about y-?"

Mason cut Myra off by grabbing her face and crushing his lips onto hers. When he pulled away he turned Myra around and pushed her forward.

"Run!"

Myra gave Mason a glance back before leaving.

Mason stood his ground coming face to face with his future Mother in law's mythologization. In some ways, he saw his own mother.

"Hey, Mrs. Smith's mythologization. You may not know me but I'm Mason, and I am-!"

Mythologization Beth let out a roar and swatted a clawed hand at Mason. The alien prince went into a backbend ducking.

"Okay, then it seems like talking won't work. Guess its plan two!"

Mason let out a thunderous roar as he transformed into his second form. He launched himself at Mythologization Beth and the two were interlocked in a battle. He pushed her back slamming her into a wall. Mythologization Beth tried to push back but Mason held strong keeping her pinned to the wall. Mythologization Beth retaliated by sinking her teeth into his arm. He let out a howl as her fangs tore into his flesh. He tried to shake her off, but she just dug her sharp fangs deeper into his arm. He countered letting out a fire blast from his mouth. Mythologization Beth pulled back grabbing at her face. Mason turned back into his normal form and used the distraction to run.

"I know not everyone gets along with their in-laws but this is ridiculous!"

Mythologization Beth let out a roar as Mason escaped his arm starting to heal but still bleeding heavily. "Damn this stings."

Mason hid behind a wall and Mythologization Beth stomped by going past him. Mason made sure the danger had passed before sliding down against the wall as his adrenaline died down.

He grabbed onto his bleeding arm. "This is gonna take a little longer than normal to heal. I should stop the bleeding."

Mason looked around for something to tie up his arm but all he saw was dead bodies and rubble. He looked down at his lap and sighed.

Mason removed his towel and tore it up to wrapping up his bleeding arm. He flexed his arm to make sure that the makeshift bandage was secure. When he was good to go he stood up. "Now time to find Myra."

Mason shoved off running around the corner of a corridor slamming right into another body.

"Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!"

Myra chanted over and over again as she booked it down the hallway the best she could with her enlarged stomach. Not only did she have to worry about her Mother's Monster mythologization eating her man, but she also had to worry about the possibility of running into her real parents. Myra stopped for a second panting hunched over, she put a hand on a knee and her other hand on the wall.

"Running i-is becoming s-so much harder with a baby."

Mason staggered back catching himself from falling.

"Please don't kill me!"

Jerry was cowering on the ground the covering his face as fresh tears dripped down his cheeks.

"Please, I don't taste well! I'm all skin and bones."

Mason raised a brow as Jerry continued to grovel. Watching his father-in-law to be, Mason couldn't help but think about all the things Myra had said about her father. Now watching him blubber on the floor made Mason realize Myra was not exaggerating one bit.

"I'm not going to eat you," Mason droned

Jerry sniffled opening his eyes. "Y-Your not?"

"No. I'm a guy who came here with my woman just like you."

Jerry got off the ground wiping his nose and drying his tears. "Oh, so you were here for marriage counseling too?"

Mason wanted to scoff at that. "We aren't married….yet. But our relationship is solid as a rock."

"Well you're young right now aaaaannnnddd you're naked," Jerry said finally noticing Mason's lack of clothing.

"You are just noticing that," Mason stated

"Yeah…." Jerry's eyes were big as he stared at Mason. How could he have missed that? "It's uhh….wow….."

Mason had a proud smirk. "Yeah its pretty amazing."

There was a whimpering noise and Jerry's mythologization slithered down the hallway towards them.

"He's coming!" Jerry screamed running off.

Mason rolled his eyes letting out a sigh watching the man run screaming like a baby. With no other option, Mason followed after the man.

"We're gonna die! I just know it! That thing is gonna get us and-!"

Mason growled grabbing the front of Jerry's shirt then smacks the man. Now he knows why Myra gets so annoyed about her father, the man was irritating and had no backbone, no guts, or any form of courage. Myra must get her attitude from her mother.

"Pull it together! Where the hell are your balls!" Mason yelled

"I-I have balls…" Jerry sobbed out.

"Well right now I can't tell! You wanna know why my relationship is better than yours?!" Mason yelled

"W-Why?"

"Because when its time to act like a man I act like a man. Women don't want sobbing little babies! They want a man! You're a man aren't you!"

"Y-Yeah…."

"Then act like it damn it!" Mason shouted

"Y-yeah. Yeah! You're right! I'm a damn man!" Jerry stood up straighter with a stronger stance.

For a second Mason saw a little hope for the man, but then Jerry's mythologization appeared. All confidence flew out the window and Jerry let out a cry hiding behind Mason, using the teen as a shield.

Mason deadpanned done with Jerry. He simply took a large step to the left leaving the man exposed to his mythologization. Jerry cried out as his mythologization got closer.

"Get back!"

Mythologization Jerry turned around showing its rear end to Jerry like an animal that exposes its belly to show it vulnerable and no threat. Mythologization Jerry continued to wiggle its butt in its submissive position letting out a small fart. Jerry watched Beth's representation of himself with an offended look.

"Wait, for real? You're how Beth sees me? Oh, my God. Turn around! I said turn around!" Mythologization Jerry let out a whimper turning back around. "How can Beth have these thoughts about me?! That judgmental monster bitch! I'm not taking this."

"Oh, so you've found your balls." Mason teased.

"Yes, I have!" Jerry declared. He pointed at his mythologization. "I want to know where my wife is. You are going to help me." Mythologization Jerry responded by exposing its bottom again.

"No! Nobody's doing that!"

Mason watched Jerry run off with his mythologization.

A portal opened up next to Mason and Myra stepped out.

"You're safe!" Mason smiled

"Yeah, yeah. I'm glad you are too but right now let's get the fuck out of here!"

Mason scooped Myra up and ran into the portal.

"What in the hell…." Myra, who was still in Mason's arms gaped at the scene before her.

Rick was in the middle of the garage naked holding an ax covered in blood as he chopped up what looked like various clones of himself.

Standing in the corner of the garage stunned was Morty and Summer.

"Grandpa's back, baby!" Rick shouted destroying his clones.

"What happened?" Myra asked

"Tiny Rick." Summer and Morty replied

"Grandpa's back! Grandpa-!" Rick was cut off when his phone buzzed. "Oh, man, I gotta pick up your parents. They have been blowin' me up. One last swing for the road!" Rick swung his ax down making Morty and Summer yell and scream.

"For the love of God, get dressed!" Summer yelled

Rick walked out the garage looking rather calm after all the bloodshed.

"This had been a long fucking day." Myra groaned out.

Summer looked over at her sister and Mason and let out another shout covering her eyes. "Pants! What is with you males and the lack of clothing!"

"Oh jeez!" Morty moaned covering his eyes too.

"Come on Mason. Take me to my room. We gotta send you home before my parents get back."