She remembers getting the call.
It was a Monday afternoon, just at the start of summer. She was lounging on the pool deck with Elena and Bonnie. They were laughing about something she couldn't remember but the sun was hot and sweat was trailing down the sides of her face. A cold drink rested in one hand while her phone sat in the other. Elena suggested dinner and Bonnie happily agreed.
"I'm in the mood for some seafood. Maybe we can head down to the beach?" She said.
Caroline smiled, nodding her head as she laid back against the chair. The sun never felt so hot before and she wanted to soak up every ray of it. They could always go later, when the sun was setting and a cooler air replaced the humidity of the day. She didn't want to waste a second.
She got all ready, slipped into her wedged sandals and pulled the black maxi dress over her head. If she thinks back to it now, it's rather ironic. It's as if she dressed herself to take the news that was about to be given to her.
Elena called her downstairs but Damon's voice rose above everyone else's. He came bounding up the stairs, heavy steps filling the hallway. She swears she's never seen him so panicked, so lost as he burst into her room. Tears brimmed his eyes and he choked for words as she came out of the bathroom.
"Damon?"
He told her about the accident, that Stefan was meeting them at the hospital and to grab her things. She couldn't tell you what color the sky was when they drove there or how she even managed to get into the car. But she remembers the smell of the hospital, sterile and bland as Damon weaved them through hallway after hallway. The nurse had told them to follow the red line, that it would lead them to the ICU. Though the line didn't become necessary once they heard the shouting of Stefan. He was arguing with the nurse once they arrived, shaking his head as he pointed to a piece of paper in front of him. Caroline saw how his hands shook, how his eyes glistened as he tried to keep his ground. Her voice seemed to snap him out for a second though.
And it was the look that followed that made her know. She didn't need to hear it from some stuffy doctor who has the line rehearsed. She didn't need to be sat down, a hand on her knee as the news was broken down to her slowly. It was all in his eyes, the way his shoulders slumped and the defeated sigh that escaped his lips. No one had to tell her the fate of her parents.
Everything after that is a blur. She doesn't remember what she did the next day and couldn't tell you the name of the funeral home they had the service at. Was it raining that day or did the sun make an appearance? Did she wear black or navy blue? The maid had given her a bird cage to cover her face while someone offered her an umbrella just in case. She went through the motions slowly, a numb feeling encasing her body.
It felt all too familiar. The sinking feeling of déjà vu, her heart breaking all over again at being in the same position she once stood not too long ago.
Caroline stood in front of the mirror, smoothing out the black dress that she only wore to events like this. The neckline was high and respective and the cut of the dress stopped mid-thigh, nothing too short. She let her hair down in ringlet curls and applied pink lipstick to brighten her face up. She brought out the waterproof mascara and opted out on the earrings for today. Instead she slipped on the bracelet her mother had gotten her and bent down to get the black heels that she shoved away.
"The car's here." Klaus stood in the doorway, leaning up against the frame with his arms crossed over his chest. He chose a simple black suit and a tie she picked out earlier in the morning. He was holding her coat and helped her slip into it as he came into the room.
"I'm ready," she whispered.
"You look beautiful."
Caroline smiled and turned around, straightening his tie as she sighed. "Thank you."
Klaus grabbed her hand and led her out of the room. They were all waiting in the foyer of her childhood home. Everyone flew back to New York for the funeral as Caroline said it was what he wanted. There was little room for debate but Stefan agreed nonetheless. Who would even think of arguing?
After the service they all piled into the SUV and headed towards the cemetery. She was thankful that they didn't lower the casket down in front of you anymore but she liked the final goodbye it gave everyone. Katherine held the bottle of holy water in her hands while Caroline gripped the bouquet of flowers tightly in her grasp. The tradition was that each member of the family pour a small amount of holy water onto the casket, say a small prayer and then place a flower on top of it.
She felt her hand being squeezed and smiled up at Stefan. He motioned for her to go first and in the distance she caught sight of Bonnie coming up the hill. Her arm was hooked around Kol's and she smiled softly as her eyes connected with Caroline's. Soon they were all gathered together but she didn't see the one person she wanted there the most. Perhaps he hung back to give her time but if only he knew that she would always need him, now not being any different.
"You can go first." Stefan whispered and placed the bottle of holy water in her hand that he got from Katherine.
Caroline's lip trembled as she stood, her shaking hands trying to grip the bottle tightly. Her wobbly legs took her to the front of the casket and she choked out a sob as she poured the water onto the gleaming wood. Thunder roared above her and she jumped slightly. Even as the sky began opening up, she proceeded to place the flowers with the others and whispered a small prayer under her breath. Tears flowed as water droplets littered her dress and soon she found an umbrella shielding the top of her. This was the part she hated the most, the final goodbye. Someone always had to tear her away, she was never strong enough to leave on her own. It was too much.
After everyone finished their goodbyes, it was Caroline who was left standing. She gripped the umbrella tightly and bit her lip as her whole body trembled. The air was cold and the heavy rain didn't help either. Her heels were slowly sinking into the mud pit beneath her but she couldn't bring herself to move.
Just a few more minutes, she told herself, just a few more.
"It's okay," Caroline heard behind her, "I got it."
She tensed but relaxed when she felt the hand on her shoulder. Caroline knew Klaus meant well but he wasn't who she needed right now.
"Hey, kid." Damon's hair was glistened from the rain and he moved her hand slightly over so the umbrella covered them both. His good arm draped over her shoulder while he held his injured one closer to his body. She looked up at his bruised face, now with only minor cuts and scratches. He was beginning to look like himself again and though it took a lot to get him out here, it was worth it in the end. Elena deserved to be buried with her family and everyone else they loved.
"Hi," she whispered, leaning her head against his shoulder.
"Figures it would rain."
She smiled against his suit. "I know."
A silence settled between them, both their eyes trained on the picture of their smiling friend. It was hard to believe that this was it, there was no going back. Elena was gone and it seemed to be the hardest thing to wrap their minds around. She's been a part of their lives for as long as Caroline can remember and she was a part of their future in ways Damon only dreamed about. It was hard to comprehend that none of that would ever become a reality.
"I was gonna marry her, you know." Damon said after a while. "I had Mom's ring ready and was even thinking of buying us a bigger place. You know she always wanted kids and yeah they aren't my favorite thing in the world but…." His voice cracked and he close his eyes, shaking his head.
Caroline licked her lips. "She would have been a great mother." She turned towards Damon. "And you would have been an even better father."
Even when her parents died, Damon didn't cry. His tears were shed but she didn't see the sobbing that Stefan or herself portrayed. It didn't mean that he didn't care for them, he did with all his heart, but he had to be strong. There were people counting on him, looking up to him for guidance. He couldn't afford to lose it in front of everyone. But it was different this time. It wasn't up to Damon anymore. They were all in this together and he lost his future, one of the most important people in his life, he had every right to grieve.
Damon looked behind her, saw Klaus in the distance as he talked to Stefan and Rebekah. His eyes softened and he turned back to his sister.
"So you and him, huh?" He said, motioning to the Mikaelson behind her.
Caroline smiled ever so faintly and looked down to her shoes. "How mad would you be if I said yes?"
Damon shrugged, not wearing the happiest face. "He saved your life, I guess I can't complain too much."
"He's not so bad, Damon. He cares about me and our family. There's no one else I could ever want." She surprised herself because the words couldn't have been any truer. When Caroline thought of the future, all she could see was Klaus. It was the only thing that made sense. "He's my Elena."
Damon's eyes closed as a smile tugged at his lips. It was all he needed to hear. "You have my blessing. Whatever you wish to do with your life, I'll support you. After everything you've been through...you deserve to get whatever you want out of life."
Tears slipped from her eyes and she tackled him, bringing him in for the biggest hug she could offer. It's all she ever wanted from him, the big stamp of approval and freedom she strived her whole life for. And here he was, offering it to her with no strings attached. Nothing could have felt better.
"Thank you," she whispered and kissed his cheek.
He rolled his eyes and nodded. "Yeah, yeah. Now come on, it's freezing out here."
Caroline took his hand as they each gave one look back, Elena forever burned in their minds.
"So you're leaving tomorrow morning?" Rebekah asked sadly from the other side of the table. She barely touched the chicken on her plate and kept moving the peas around with her fork. She seemed to be the only person saddened by the supposedly 'good' news.
Elijah smiled and squeezed Katherine's hand. "Yes, we are. But we should only be away for a few days."
"Just think about it, Bekah," Katherine said, "When we get back you'll have a niece!"
After the funeral everyone decided to stay in the Salvatore home for a little vacation. It was far enough away from the settling trouble in New Orleans but also some place familiar for everyone. This gave the chance for Kol and Bonnie to rekindle what they had and Stefan and Rebekah to establish themselves again. Damon was able to take time to properly recover without worrying about traveling back and he had a handful of people to watch over him. It also gave him the time to patch things up with Caroline. Many times they were found talking in his room with Caroline reclined in the chair and Damon whispering something softly on the bed. The process was slow but it was taking them somewhere.
But their little vacation couldn't last forever. This was the last week they would all be staying in the Salvatore house. After a long discussion between Damon and Elijah, they decided it would be best for them to all live in New Orleans. After all, it was their city. Each family sacrificed and lost so much in the war that it was only fair for them to both take over the rein. Caroline had refused to sell their home though, claiming that it would be a great place to visit in the future.
"We could come up for Christmas!" She said one day over breakfast.
Damon understood the attachment she had to the house and although it would be costing him a few extra thousand each year, he agreed.
At first the plans were to reside in a home together. It was how the Mikaelsons and Salvatores grew up; with family on top of family. But rather than agreeing on a home they all agreed on the city. New Orleans was always home away from home for Caroline and so long as her childhood home was in tact she didn't mind. Elijah and Katherine were already putting the necessary things in order for their home while Klaus settled the arrangements for the mansion. It would become more of a meeting place for them to discuss business and the city. No one wanted to stay in the home that contained all of those...memories.
With the future fast approaching and everyone moving into the next stage of their lives, Elijah couldn't think of a better thing to do. The threats in the city had finally diminished and the war was over for good. Finally the worries were slipping away and it was safe the walk the streets no matter your name. It was only logical to bring the only happiness Katherine ever had in life her back. No one was there when he asked her but they all heard the shriek of joy as she cried.
They planned the trip immediately and she contacted her relatives within hours. Nadia would be back to where she rightfully belonged and Katherine couldn't have been happier.
But there were people who thought differently.
"Can't they just bring her here?" Rebekah asked again, rather annoyed. "We're moving back in a few days. Don't you want to get things ready for her?"
"They will be. There's people down there right now setting up the house and painting. It'll be fine." Katherine reassured. "Plus, I kind of want to go down there. I want to see her life."
Rebekah shrugged, still not convinced.
Stefan nudged her and grabbed her hand. "They'll be back before you know it."
"Well someone else won't be." She muttered before taking a bite of chicken.
Kol and Bonnie's eyes widened from across the table.
Elijah sighed and shook his head.
Katherine looked down at her hands.
"What are you talking about?" Came Klaus' confused voice. He was looking around at everyone, arms open as if asking for answers though no one would give them to him. "Hello?"
Just as Elijah was about to speak, the clicking sound of heels sounded from the hallway. Caroline was helping Damon into the room as his cane hit the hardwood. She wasn't smiling but she wasn't frowning either. Her arms were wrapped securely around him even though he didn't really need it. The past few days he had improved immensely but she still felt the need to treat him like a child as he put it.
"Sorry we're late. Someone wouldn't stop talking." Damon said as Stefan pulled out a chair for him. "You get that from Mom, you know."
Caroline rolled her eyes and took her usual seat across from Klaus. She averted her eyes quickly though when they connected.
Klaus looked to Elijah. "Who else is accompanying you?"
Caroline was sipping from her wine glass when she choked.
Rebekah was shooting her an oh-my-God-you-didn't-tell-him-yet look while Stefan seemed to be turning green. Kol and Bonnie were shifting uncomfortably in their seats and soon excused themselves after a moment of silence. They've been nearly inseparable since everyone returned and Bonnie was also giving New Orleans a chance. It seemed like everyone was except for one.
Elijah stuttered and ended up mumbling something under his breath.
Klaus' eyes shifted over to Caroline who looked to be struggling.
"Klaus," she whispered but he was already up and out of his seat, storming out of the room.
It took her only seconds to go after him, hands waving in the air as she called after him. This wasn't how it was supposed to happen. She was going to call him upstairs after dinner, sit him down like she did everyone else and slowly explain her reasoning. Everyone before him understood. She received some grumbles and snide remarks but no protests. Damon was the only one who took the longest to decide.
She's had this urge to run ever since they told her the news of Elena. But she was trapped, always been trapped within walls of the people she loved. And she couldn't have left then with the war waging on and her family in danger. She didn't want to bolt.
But now...now seemed like the perfect time. Marcel was dead and anyone who wanted the head of the Mikaelson and Salvatore family could surely name themselves that. They were invincible now, nothing stopping them from getting whatever they pleased. Everyone was safe. She didn't have to worry so much anymore.
Though she knows that Klaus won't understand is that she needs to do this. After all, this was her plan from the start. Caroline made the decision to move out on her own because she wanted to be by herself. She wanted to grow and become the woman she was always meant to be outside these walls. She wanted to travel, to meet new people and be immersed in things New York could never offer.
She wanted to become what her mother never had a chance to be.
It might seem silly now to still want those things after everything she's gained. New people are now becoming a part of her family and a man who loves her is willing to try a life with her. So why leave? Why give up all of that?
She doesn't know. But it's something she has to do on her own. Elena's dead and her brother's broken. Her parents are dead. Her family isn't who they used to be and it's all because of this life. This life of secrets and betrayal, of murder and theft. She could make herself want it, make herself into the person she's supposed to be. But then she wouldn't be the Caroline they know and love. She'd just become a shell of that woman and none of that was fair.
The chances of Klaus listening to any of this were slim but she had to try.
He had to understand.
"Klaus, wait!"
He stopped at the threshold of their door, arms crossed against his chest and his eyes blazed. For a second Caroline was taken aback, not sure what to say to him.
"What, Caroline?"
"Please," she said and stepped closer, reaching a hand out to touch his arm. "Just please listen to me. One minute."
His eyes squinted and he took a deep breath before letting her through the door. He nearly slammed it closed but she didn't flinch.
She was expecting it.
"Enlighten me." He stepped closer to her, his chest heaving and hands balled into fists.
Now that she had him she didn't know what to say. How do you explain to someone that you're leaving and not even sure when you're coming back? She hadn't even discussed it with him, hadn't hinted at all in her plans. It was a spur of the moment kind of thing, something she's been thinking about for so long but never had the guts to do. But now it seemed perfect. She wasn't ready for what he had planned for them. Moving to New Orleans and becoming a part of that life was never what she wanted. She never had a chance to live on her own and experience the world as she always intended. First her brother's robbed her of it and then Klaus and his family did. So many times it was taken away and she wouldn't let it happen again. She was going whether he liked it or not but there was still this part of her that was hoping he'd somehow find a way to understand.
"I'm," Caroline sighed and bit her lip. "I'm going along with Katherine and Elijah to Bulgaria."
For a moment he said nothing but then a confused whisper echoed in the room. "Why?"
"I can't do it yet." She whispered, turning slightly away from him. "It's just too much. Everything's changing and we're leaving this house and moving in with you guys. And I love it, Klaus, it's going to be great but… it's a lot to take in."
His eyes winced. "So your solution is to run away?"
"I'm not running."
"Oh really? Then what do you call this?"
Caroline shrugged, at a loss for words for what this was. "Living?" She finally said. "You don't understand, I've never been on my own before. I've never done anything in my entire life and months ago when I was just getting ready to go into this world you took me away. Your family kidnapped me and I never got a chance to do this. I was never my own person, just a pawn in someone's game."
"Caroline-"
"Don't." She ran a hand through her hair. "I'm not blaming you but all I'm asking is for you to understand. I won't be gone forever, Klaus, I'll-"
He was shaking his head already, the frown etched into his features as he began to pace. "No, no I can't allow this. You say you're not blaming us but it sounds like you are. I can't have you pick up and leave just when we're finally able to be together."
"You don't have a say in this, Klaus. Everything's already been decided." She tried to keep a stern voice but it shook on the last words. The look on his face was enough to make tears come to her eyes. She never meant to hurt him, never wanted to cause him any pain because he was supposed to understand. He was supposed to nod and smile and let her go.
But he was holding on so tight.
He couldn't wrap his mind around her words, couldn't get a good enough grasp on them to get it. "How can I not have a say? I thought...at the ball I thought I lost you when Marcel took you away. I thought we would never get our chance because you were gone not because you don't want it. I never thought it would end with you leaving like everything we've been through these past few months meant nothing."
"If you think it meant nothing to me then I don't even know why I'm standing here. Can't you see that it meant so much that that's why I have to go?" Her lip began to quiver as she took in a deep breath. "Damon almost died and we lost Elena...my family's fallen apart and I can't stand it anymore. I need time to heal and move past this."
"And why does that have to be away from me? I can go with you, anywhere you want. We can do it together it doesn't have to be like this."
Caroline swallowed hard as a tear slipped from her eye. "But it does, Klaus. I'm not the person I should be now and I want you to have someone you deserve. I want to be the person I was."
"But I love you, Caroline. I love the person you were months ago and I love the you that's standing in front of me now. It's taken me years to even grasp this and now that I finally do, when I'm finally able to understand this you want nothing to do with it. Ever since I've told you, you haven't been able to look at me the same." Klaus shook his head, scoffing softly as he glanced at her. It was obvious as to what she was getting at and he didn't understand why she couldn't simply come out with it. It didn't make sense to drag it out along with his heart. With every word she spoke it was like another punch in the gut, another tug at the heartstrings that it made him sick.
Just do it, he wanted to say, leave me and be done.
But she never did.
"No, no," she licked her lips and pulled him closer to her. "I just need some time, okay? I'll be back in a few weeks-"
His whole body recoiled. "Weeks?"
The room fell silent around them as they stood in front of one another. Caroline kept sniffing, the tears welling up in her eyes and Klaus couldn't bring himself to look up. She saw the rejection on his face, the hurt laid out plain in his eyes. He wasn't getting it and she realized nothing she could say would change how he felt. But that didn't mean she'd give up.
"I'm coming back and when I do we can try this for real." She tried reaching for his hand but he backed away. "Klaus you mean so much to me and-"
"No."
Caroline eye's widened. "What-"
"Leave. Leave and live your life the way you want it. I don't care anymore."
She was shaking her head, vision blurring from the tears. He wasn't...he couldn't be-
"Klaus, stop-"
"I DON'T CARE!" He shouted, stepping closer to her. "It's obvious as to what you're trying to say, Caroline, so why don't I make it easier for you?"
Caroline screamed in frustration and took a pillow off the bed to chuck it at him. "Fuck you, okay?! I said I'm coming back and I said I just needed time. I never said I stopped caring about you. I never said I stopped feeling anything for you!" She took another pillow in her hands. "I want you in my life but you have to understand that this is something I need to do on my own. But I never, ever, wanted to give up on us."
He turned away from her, his voice thick. "It doesn't seem that way to me."
"Well then you're wrong." Caroline choked out a sob as he headed for the door. "You're so fucking wrong."
"I suppose that's a first for me then." He reached for the doorknob.
He was leaving, he was really going to leave. She was so desperate that despite the anger she couldn't help but try and get him back. Having him was worth the sacrifice and she wouldn't dare lose him now. "Don't do this," she whispered, biting her lip hard as she stared at his back. "You're giving up, you're not even trying to understand me."
He couldn't look back at her. "I understand perfectly, Caroline." He took a deep breath and could almost feel her wince in anticipation. "I'll let you go and live your life while I live mine. I won't stand in the way of what you want. And if it doesn't include me then so be it."
If there was ever a time in Klaus Mikaelson's life where he was dead wrong, now would be it. He wouldn't show his face to her but she could only imagine what was running through it. She could see the pain in his eyes, his stone cold features as he focused on some image in the hallway. She was trying to keep it together, to not let her emotions get to her but it was impossible. In one last attempt to stop him she called out his name. "Klaus-"
But he was already out the door.
He paced his room for hours.
Nine o'clock rolled around.
And then ten.
Followed by eleven and midnight.
He finally sat down at one and removed his clothes at two.
Two-fifteen the bed seemed once again appealing and he crawled into it. His weak limbs dragged against the sheets and his eyelids began to grow heavy. He tried blocking out all thoughts of her as his head hit the pillow. It didn't matter that her muffled cries were leaking in through the walls or that in a few hours she'd be halfway around the world. She didn't care or else she wouldn't have made the decision in the first place. Though, a part of him was asking why he was so surprised. No one ever sticks around.
Why should she be any different?
He turned to his side, stomach wrenching. He hears her walking around the room, no doubt getting ready to go. Their flight departs around seven and with Elijah's obsessive need to be on time, they would be leaving shortly.
God, he thought, they were leaving.
The person he loves is leaving and perhaps it didn't dawn on him before. Maybe it was the anger, consuming every inch of him that it clouded his mind. He didn't realize what he was saying, didn't understand the ramifications when he wrote her off so quickly. But to think of going back to her, tail between his legs, saying how wrong he was made him sick. She wouldn't buy it and he couldn't stand in front of her while she scoffed, shook her head and dismissed him. Because that's who she is. He knew he hurt her, he knew he said things he shouldn't have and to try and make it up now seemed-
He stiffened as the door opened slightly, shedding a beam of light into the room. It hit his face and he winced, moving a hand to cover his eyes. Briefly he glanced over to the clock, wondering who was bothering him now. Even though he was up, it was still pushing three o'clock.
"Elijah," he said, voice coarse and rough. Maybe they were leaving now and the thought made his chest tight.
A soft sigh sounded from the doorway and light footsteps echoed through the room as the figure came closer. And he saw her now, bright white sneakers paired with comfortable plane clothes and hair tied back in a ponytail. Her face was plain, stripped of its makeup and whatever else she paints herself with. He was stricken by how small she looked with her head hanging low and hands wrapped together in front of her stomach.
It took him seconds to stand up, searching for a shirt but he soon figured to be pointless. She was here and all that matters was what she came to say. Why she was standing here with sad eyes and frown lines when she should be in the foyer kissing her brothers goodbye. The last place he thought she'd come was here. He didn't deserve it, any of it. But he couldn't help but feel relieved to see her one last time. He didn't want to think that her tear stricken face was the last thing he'd ever see for God knows how long.
"Caroline-"
She shook her head, holding her hand up to stop him. She sniffled once, wiped a tear from the corner of her eye before coming closer. He saw her shaking, every step wobbly and uncertain as she made her way over to him. He couldn't find it in him to move thinking anything too sudden would scare her away. This, her, wasn't making sense. She never did. Anyone in their right mind would be livid with him, disgusted by his accusations and perhaps overreaction to the whole ordeal. Figures Caroline would be the exact opposite.
He could no longer make out her features, didn't know where to put his hands as she brushed up against him. She was crying though, body ceasing to end the shaking as her hands came to rest upon his chest. He felt her take a breath.
"I hate you for making me feel this way," she whispered, her breath blowing past his lips. "I hate you for not believing me and leaving without giving me a chance." Her fingers dug into his skin and he saw the shadow of her lip quiver. "I hate so many things about you that it makes me wonder why we were ever together in the first place."
Klaus stiffened, not sure how to respond. Why couldn't she get other point? Why drag this out any further when they both knew the outcome? It was wrong.
(But the notion only made it feel even more right to the both of them.)
How was it that they were both the best and worst thing for each other? That they were both killing and saving each other's lives at the same time? It didn't make sense, none of it ever did. And he shouldn't be giving in, he shouldn't be playing this game that neither of them knew how to win. It only spelled disaster.
"And you were wrong, you know? For judging and leaving me like that because I never got a chance to explain." She sighed, shaking her head slightly. "But I'm also wrong...for leaving you. For giving you no warning at all. I tried putting myself in your shoes and I couldn't because even fathoming a life without you kills me. And I don't know, maybe I'm not ready to be on my own. Maybe this will all crash and burn right up in my face. I guess I won't know until I try."
She leaned ever so slightly toward him, reaching up on her tiptoes to reach his ear.
"I'm so sorry to tell you this."
"Caroline?"
She kissed him and while she was kissing him he wondered if this was what she had to say. Maybe she was telling him this way and he had to decode it somehow.
He didn't have much time to think afterwards because she pulled away. The shaking in her hands finally ceased but it seemed to move throughout her body. She could barely get words out and her eyes darted all across his face. This small confession was killing her to say and he wondered what could be so horrible that it physically hurt for her to utter.
Caroline looked him in the eyes, swallowed hard and let out a breath.
"I love you."
He couldn't form a coherent thought. All this time he thought himself a fool for revealing his feelings, for saying the words that people use so easily. And perhaps he said them in a haste, in a time where other things were more important but he couldn't help it. Because while she was screaming at the top of her lungs how much she loathed him, he wanted her to know that it was the complete opposite of how he felt her for.
People say it all the time. After weeks of meeting or to a friend they barely know. It's used so loosely that they've seemed to forget the meaning. They forgot the severity of the phrase and how much it should mean when someone whispers it into your ear. He's never had anyone love him before. You could say his mother or siblings but they don't really count on the scale. He's watched them be loved by others, be so consumed in it that nothing else ever seemed to matter. He's watched the eldest Salvatore be torn apart by the word, watched him lose the most important thing to him. Love tears people apart but at the same time brings them together. It's this horrible trap that we all eventually find ourselves falling for. And he never thought he'd be so naive to become one of those love sick people. The ones who struggle get out of bed or only see hearts through their eyes like some cartoon character. He couldn't turn into that.
But don't we all succumb to it one day? Whether we like it or not, against our wills someone will come storming into our lives when we least expect it. We'll never see it coming and even when we haven't asked for it, when we push them away and beg to the Gods to take them back...we'll have no choice but to grit our teeth and let world run its course.
And Klaus never asked for this. He never wanted Caroline or all the troubles she would bring to her life. It wasn't what he thought was best for his life. But they pushed her on him anyway, forced him to love someone that would only hurt him in the end. And perhaps he hurt her too, perhaps she never asked for him either.
Perhaps they both never had a say.
So he kisses her because whether he asked for it or not he loves her.
And there's no changing that.
She kisses him back as a tear slips from her eye. She can't think about anything else but him. How he feels and what he makes her feel. How every nerve in her body ignites and she can't stop shaking because she's just revealed something she's never said to anyone else. It's incredibly frightening to be so vulnerable and yet not have a care in the world about any of it. He could push her away now and say he remains where he was hours ago and it'd still be worth it.
The way he kisses down her neck brings her back to the night before the ball. They thought there would never be another chance, that when they woke up the next morning there was a good probability that it would be their last morning. She never thought she'd feel anything like it again. The passion was surely do to the fact that it was the first time, tensions were high and they thought it would be their only time. So his kisses were raw and his touches were burning. Everything was rough but still possessed the gentleness she craved. That night, when he had long fallen asleep and she laid there staring at the ceiling, she thought that something like this could never be recreated.
She never knew she could be this wrong.
He kissed her hard, tongue tracing the inside of her mouth as he backed her up onto his bed. His lips never left hers as her head touched the pillow. She felt him climb on top of her, each knee resting beside her hips. He was shirtless, all ready for bed and she thought she couldn't have caught him at a better time.
Honestly, she doesn't know why she even came down here. Klaus made it clear of his feelings earlier and she knew a part of him would never understand. He would always want to change how she felt and try to convince her otherwise. A part of her could live with it but the thought of leaving on those terms...it was unbearable to imagine.
So she wandered down the hall and before she walked in it dawned on her. Everything she was denying herself of came full circle and it made sense. She didn't understand why this was tearing her apart so much, why she couldn't seem to breathe right knowing he didn't want her. He loved her and she was certain she felt anything but that. Yes she cared for him and she couldn't imagine life without him but love was a different story. She didn't think she was ready for any of it.
But when she walked through the door and saw him standing there, it hit her like a ton of bricks.
And now he was whispering her name and she was arching her back up, sighing in content because this was it. This was what Katherine talked about and the look Damon had in his eyes. She didn't get it the first time, didn't understand what was developing until now.
Her hands came up to his chest, tracing over the feather tattoo on his left shoulder as he bent down to kiss her again. She made quick timing with her shirt and then moved to work on his pants as his hands trailed down her sides. They didn't have much time as his brother would be searching for her soon. Her flight was leaving in only hours which made it was both terrifying and exhilarating at the same time. She wished a part of him could be happy for her. She was going out and conquering the world all by herself. He should be proud-
"Caroline,"
It was somewhere in between the finishing of removing both their clothes that his breath blew down her neck. He was working his way down, his stubble scraping across her skin when he spoke. It was so soft that she barely registered the sound, almost writing it off as nothing.
"Caroline," he said her name again like a desperate attempt. It almost made her afraid to acknowledge it.
She kissed him instead, hoping he'd forget and tried drowning herself in the feel of him. She wanted to block out everything but him and focused on his eyes. The blue in them almost mesmerizing as they studied her. But then they connected with hers and he sighed against her cheek before resting his forehead on hers.
"I'll take you,"
The words broke her, shattered whatever strength she was holding onto and she crumbled.
"Klaus-"
"Paris, Rome, Tokyo...wherever you want to go I'll take you."
He lowered down on her and she let out a cry. The way he was making her feel made it almost impossible to turn him down. He was beautiful with his hopeful eyes and lifted lips, curving slightly upwards into a smile. She tried focusing and for a moment she considered pushing him away to actually consider the meaning of his words. But he did that thing with his hips that made her eyes roll back in her head and she forgot whatever response was forming on her lips.
When he kissed her again she smiled. He'd take her anywhere, he'd go wherever she wanted to go so long as he could be with her.
Paris, Rome, Tokyo….
She dug her nails into his back as he bit down on her neck, scraping his teeth against her skin and it nearly brought her over the edge. She wondered briefly how she would be able to live these coming weeks without him.
Watching her come undone was something he was sure he'd never grow tired of. He never wanted to forget this because there was still that part of him that was so convinced she'd never return. After she ignored his request he was certain that this was it for them. They were spinning off into opposite directions, wanting different things and both unwilling to compromise. He didn't see it becoming any better so he chose to ignore it all together.
When he finally rolled off of her she continued kissing him. She couldn't seem to stop as her hands roamed all over his body, memorizing the curves and valleys of his back. They sat in the silence that followed, both reluctant to make a move to leave. But they heard the footsteps of Katherine, her heels smacking against the floor as well as the low rumble of Elijah's voice.
Caroline felt Klaus' arms tighten around her and for a second she thought he'd never let her go. But before she knew it he was pulling away and not just his arms but his whole body. He moved the sheet to cover his torso and she could have sworn he frowned towards her. But darkness was so consuming that it obscured his features.
She said nothing as she dragged herself out of the bed. She gathered her clothes and dressed quickly, keeping the tears at bay as she slipped on her sneakers.
His eyes were glued to her as she got herself together, fixing herself in the dim mirror and straightening her clothes out as they were before. He was sure she'd leave without another word, perhaps a look back or a smile but nothing more. So he was taken aback when she crawled back on the bed.
Caroline crossed her legs and leaned towards him, reaching her hands out to cradle his face. Her thumb rubbed against her cheek and she attempted a smile that resembled more of a frown. But it didn't matter because she hadn't left, not yet.
"Maybe…" She started, taking a deep breath as she leaned closer to him. "Maybe one day...when all of this is right again."
He didn't ask her what she meant because he already understood perfectly. He shouldn't have kissed her again but he did and then it was over. She was walking through the door, barely holding herself together as she collected the last of her clothes.
Klaus watched the door creak open and light shed into the darkened room. He heard Katherine's whispers and his brother's comment minutes later when Caroline reached the end of the hall. Eventually he heard the whole house awaken, heard the cries of his sister and the encouraging words from her brothers. He kept trying to make out her voice and when he did his whole body warmed. Despite the anger he felt, he would never stop loving her.
It wasn't possible.
Just when the door opened he decided to come out of the room. Outside his door was a railing looking out over the foyer. He wandered into the hall and smiled as he saw Elijah and Katherine exit, bags in tow. But what he focused on was the small blonde figure following them. She was mustering a smile as she headed to the door with Stefan close behind carrying the duffle bag.
Klaus leaned over the railing, remaining as quiet as possible but it was no use. It was as if she sensed him at the top, watching over her as he always does. So she let Stefan pass her as she paused briefly by the door, head inching upwards to see him standing there.
They both said nothing though Caroline smiled, so softly that it barely reached her eyes.
He watched her walk out the door, saw Damon close it behind her as every eventually went back to their rooms. Klaus was exhausted, eyes barely able to say open but he couldn't bring himself to move. His gaze was trained on the door, foolishly thinking that any second she'd be back, revoking everything she said before. Even when the familiar scraping of the wooden cane against the floor sounded, Klaus made no effort to move. But when a hand rested upon his shoulder he finally willed himself to look.
Damon stood next to him, gaze directed towards the same door. At first Klaus thought they would simply stand there, both drowning in their melancholy over woman gone. But instead he spoke, shocking them both.
"She said leaving you would be one of the hardest things she's ever done." His tone was soft, sadder than Klaus originally thought it'd come out. There wasn't any harshness or hostility but a sense of acceptance instead. Somehow that comforted him.
"I find that hard to believe." Klaus replied, shifting in his spot.
Damon chuckled under his breath. "There's a lot of things about Caroline that cease to amaze me. Ever since she was a child I was never able to understand her actions and motives. The decisions she made as a teenager and even now make me question if I'm doing my job right. I'm her big brother, I should be looking after her."
Klaus nodded slowly and neither man could look at one another.
"But," Damon continued, "She's been denied many things throughout her life. She's had to face some harsh realities and nothing turned out the way she wanted them to. And throughout all of that I saw her lose herself." Finally he turned towards Klaus, smiling softly now. "She needs to find herself again."
Maybe one day, Klaus heard it echoing in his mind, when all of this is right again….
He nodded and Damon patted him on the shoulder once again before hobbling off. Klaus wasted no time retreating back into his room. He closed the door gently and went to lay on the bed, inhaling her scent one last time. It would soon fade like herself but he wanted to remember as much as he could.
Perhaps, he thought to himself, perhaps one day.
He knows they've come through hell and high water, that it was a miracle that they were all still alive. They've made it through war and years of conflict, through the theft and murder and kidnappings. He rose from the disappointment and hatred of his father to become the man he is today. It bettered him, shaped him into someone he could be proud of. Because even though he didn't get Mikael's approval, he received the gratitude from everyone else. Klaus got his city and his family, he felt love and pain and destroyed what for so long killed him.
They've all come so far.
They've all grown.
And it was worth it, it was worth more than the blood, pain and tears.
So perhaps.
Perhaps.
One day.
So that's the end! I'm sorry it took so long to get out but procrastination mixed with new school year and work just isn't favoring writing. But I'm trying!
I just want to take a second to thank everyone who stuck with this story or who even bothered to read it at all. I mean God I was fifteen when I started writing this and now I'm almost seventeen and I feel like I've grown so much in my writing. This story is my baby and my life and to end it makes me want to just bawl. It's the only thing I've actually sought to finish. Thank you for pushing me and encouraging me and being patient and kind, it means the world. It only makes me want to pursue being a writer even more.
I want to thank Laura my beta who has found it in her busy schedule to edit these monsters of chapters and not rip my head off for writing so much. I literally don't know where I'd be if she didn't rip these chapters apart so they actually made a little bit of sense. She's really amazing and I love her so much.
I hope you've all enjoyed this story and continue reading the others I'm pursuing now (Over the Love and Through Your Eyes) I promise they're not horrible.
So tell me what you think and thank you again for everything! I love you all.
(And in case you're freaking out I may be persuaded to do an epilogue...I think it's kind of a given right now)
If I haven't already said thank you enough I'm going to say it one more time, thank you! Don't be shy I want to know what you all thought!
Have a great week! Love you guys! (: