"To conceal anything from those to whom I am attached, is not in my nature. I can never close my lips where I have opened my heart."
― Charles Dickens
The silence was only for a moment. Watching the bearded white man take his seat at the table with Michonne by his side had everyone mute including Granny.
Granny didn't have a say in things because it wasn't her house and if Uncle Charlie wasn't upset by these turn of events, she wasn't going to be either. She was going to make sure the children were safe. That was her priority. That was the decision Granny made right then and there. She was going to stay in the home to make sure the kids were safe.
Dinner was served, piping hot! Pinto Beans with ham hocks and cornbread. Not a piece of fried chicken in sight.
Rick observed what was before him, and he had no earthly idea how he was going to eat without appearing rude. The tall glass of water was very appetizing in comparison.
He noticed that all of the kid's eyes were on him. He hadn't officially met them other than Marty who sat on the other side of him, happy as a clam and curious like the others.
For a moment, Rick wondered if he was being poisoned and the children knew about it. Well, it might as well have been poison-because he did not like what he considered bean soup and cornbread. He would much rather have chili but he wasn't a fan of that dish either because he did not like beans. Beans...
Rick noticed the oldest child that had to have been Carlton was wearing a smirk but it quickly vanished upon Rick's inspection.
Carlton had quickly glanced away to his very own plate of the same inedible dish being served to everyone without choice.
"Well, we will have our new member say grace over the food. Only right don't you think, Granny." Uncle Charlie suggested.
Uncle Charlie nodded towards Granny who was surprised but she had no qualms that she could think of to be against it.
"I would say so," Granny agreed. "Let us all join hands."
Rick was baffled. He was put on the spot. Michonne gave him a warning look, and Marty was reaching for his right hand. He was being overly stimulated. The touch from the woman on his left and a child on his right. All eyes closed but his as he searched for help on blessing food that he wasn't even going to pretend to taste. He said the first thing that came to mind.
"Dear God please bless this food and all people who seek freedom. Amen?" Rick watched every eye fly open in surprise. He wasn't sure if what he said was acceptable but it was all that he had and if there was a God he would hope his plight was heard and his exit was like the parting of the red sea.
"Amen."
"Lord have mercy. I wonder who is seeking freedom? The only way to be truly free is through Jesus Christ our Savior." Granny remarked.
"Where are these unfree people you speak of? Not counting the prisons. Tell us who's freedom are we praying for?" Uncle Charlie was curious.
Rick glanced at Michonne and then back at his plate.
"He thinks he's trapped," Michonne spoke for him. Her tone had no sympathy.
"I would say you trapped yourself." Uncle Charlie began to eat. "At some point, you have to take responsibility for what you do with the hand that was dealt. Even when you are unaware."
"You have any children, Richard?"
"N-mph." Rick eyed the woman who pinched his side. He was about to say No.
"I tell Michonne all the time that she has to be careful with men off the street coming up around here. Have to be careful. I am glad that she said it was very Rich coming from me. Hopefully, she will learn from old people mistakes is what I say."
"I will be the first to tell you now," Rick was unsure what to call the old woman across the table enjoying her beans and cornbread along with the younger of the children.
Uncle Charlie gave him the name he was seeking, "Granny. We all call her Granny. Down the road and up the road she is known as Granny. At the church, she's considered a Deaconess when she goes."
"I so miss going to church often like I use to." Granny patted her bible.
"I will be the first to tell you, Granny, that Michonne here didn't find me off the streets. It was at the airport." Rick was determined to clarify.
"What!"
"You were at the airport, Mama?" Carlton's eyes widened along with his siblings.
"An Aeroplane, Michonne?" Uncle Charlie put his spoon down.
"Airport. No one said anything about an airplane." Rick thought his interjection with a half-truth would get Michonne to stop trying to cause pain to his waist. She was pinching him.
Rick held on to her wrist under the table.
"How did this come about?"
Everyone around the table was curious. It was a burning question for everyone.
"What come about?" Michonne trying to wriggle her wrist free from Rick's grasp. He placed her hand firmly on his thigh because he had no excess skin for her to cause him harm there.
"I saw an Ad on Craigslist. I couldn't pass it up. I mean who wouldn't want to work for 50 whole dollars with free room and board until the job is done?" Rick spoke directly to Michonne hoping he got the story straight regarding his role in the home. He thought the clarification would also wake up the kids to know he wasn't their Daddy. He was Craigslist.
"Off the damn streets." Granny shook her head. Her mind was made up of where Michonne found him, and it had Suzanne written all over it.
"Nothing like honest labor." Uncle Charlie remarked. He realized there was going to be little truth garnered from the two people at the table who were doing something to each other under the table. He too believed this had Suzanne written all over it.
Sinclaire waited. The headlights turned off made the whole area practically pitched black under the canopy of trees that overlapped above the gravel road. He was relieved when Suzanne finally appeared by the passenger door.
"I didn't think you were coming."
"Had to wait for my Granny to turn off her lights."
Suzanne tossed her duffle bag in the back seat of the convertible and Sinclaire pushed open the door for her to slide on in.
He was happy to see her. He thought he would just burst as he revved the engine, turned on his headlights and drove, drumming his hand on the top of the steering wheel for a second before daring to steal a glance her way.
"Where we going?" Suzanne asked.
"I thought we just spend time together. You are 18. You had graduated from school yesterday. I thought we just spend time."
"How much time, Sinclaire?"
"Forever?"
Suzanne couldn't help but smile. She was so happy that she thought she was going to burst. She didn't give any thought to Uncle Charlie nor Granny.
Sinclaire arrived at the fork in the road, pausing for a moment to consider which direction. He wasn't sure because nothing was planned other than being with Suzanne.
"I want forever with you Suzanne. Do you want forever with me?"
Forever will always be the smell of the night air, the flicker of fireflies and the stars shining brightly, Rick realized why he always felt melancholy at dusk more than in the day time in California. He had an inkling why sitting there after 11pm on the porch stairs that leaned more to one side than the other.
"You do that a lot you know?"
"What's that?"
Rick realized then he wasn't alone on the back porch. A part of him was aware that the sounds had died down in the house. The voices and movement of those who lived inside seem to settle than cease, occasional hushed tones from the little spies had vanished.
He did not seek to interact nor did they, other than Marty who was a little too friendly when it came to a stranger, but Rick realized with hesitancy that to Marty he was Daddy.
"A million miles away."
"You don't travel a million miles away?"
"Are you aware of it when you do?" Michonne asked him.
She remembered that he had told her about the headaches and the scent when he was no longer going to be himself. Lost in thought was different and with the splintered mind it was even more unique.
"Sometimes. You?"
"In the middle. Sometimes towards the end. Never in the beginning."
Rick thought about what she said. He was surprised that she sat right next to him on the step. She had a mason jar with a liquid and from where he sat he knew water didn't smell like it would be what she was holding in both hands.
He had to take a break from her. They were too touchy feely and it was the kind that brought more pain than pleasure.
"I am being bombarded by the beginning for some reason." Rick revealed.
"Yeah?"
"Sinclaire and Suzanne. He waited for her to come out of this house. He was parked out there." Rick eyes cut through the darkness to the area that neither of them could see from the distance and because it was night.
"Was this after the graduation?"
"I can't believe he took you to my parent's house. Out of all the places to go he took you there." Rick shook his head at what was now a clearer memory. Dots were connecting faster than he could ever ask. He would have loved for it to happen years ago. Maybe he wouldn't be in a fucked up situation and eight damn kids later.
"What's hard to believe about it?" Michonne was trying to not take offense. She had gone to his home in California that he shared with his wife all under the premise of make believe. Lori was a pretty white woman in a beautiful home. Not one single child running about. Not one. He was talking and she made her mind up to listen. Listen to his version of events that led up to the clusterfuck she was left with because he could afford to run, hide while she was left seeking.
"I had just proposed to Lori a month earlier. I didn't know what the hell I was doing, but I thought being with Lori I could have a chance to have a healthy life. I wanted to blend in and move on from this place. I had already graduated college. I met Lori there. The more I became serious about my intentions, the more Sinclaire became crazed with the idea that he had a choice in the matter."
"His choice?"
"Suzanne...you."
"Me?" Michonne was caught by surprise in the revelation.
Rick wasn't sure how to continue or if he should share his memory regarding the day he met Michonne. He wanted her to know what it was like and how it felt for him. The day before Sinclaire became his dominant alter ego.
"We would go looking for you." Rick began but quickly clarified, "Shane and I. The guy you met at the airport. Him. I didn't know if I had a chance with someone like you and plus, Shane was worried that something more was wrong with me since I had no interest in the opposite sex or in sex-at all. I was a white guy with dreads and mental issues."
"White guy with dreads meets a black girl with dreads with head issues too."
"Now I am just a white guy with the same issues."
"I'm the only one consistent it seems. I still have my dreads." Michonne said as if it was an honor and achievement.
Rick fought the smile that threatened to cross his lips when he noticed Michonne doing the same. Their eyes remained cast on the bottom step or straight ahead as much as possible.
"You were sitting there. The most beautiful girl sitting in the waiting room of Dr. Deanna office. I thought I wouldn't be able to move when you glanced my way. Shane was appointed my chaperone by my Dad to make sure I went to my appointments because shit was getting out of control. I was a dread head and in love with smoking pot. I was able to pull it together to graduate college and still be a twenty-two-year-old loser according to my Dad."
"I remember seeing you. You kept looking like you wanted to talk to me. I did NOT want you to talk to me. You made my head spin. I knew if you did I would pass out."
"Fainting was your thing."
"Still is."
"Faint." Rick requested teasingly.
"You aren't a stranger anymore. You aren't demanding anything from me that I don't want to give. I realize that some time ago."
"On the plane?"
"When you kissed me."
"Kissed you?"
"It was me."
"It was you?" The confirmation did something strange to Rick's heart.
"I didn't stay long. You still had a way of scaring me, and Suzanne took over. You made me feel like I was going to melt. I never felt that before. Not with Mike either."
Rick was surprised by the level of honesty she was sharing with him. She had no idea what it had done to him in the Airport shop. He was alive in every sense of the word. Colors were brighter. His world seemed much larger and less restrictive. She gave him an idea what it would feel like to have your heart explode and have beautiful confetti everywhere when it does.
He was nervous and anxious. He was beginning to feel overly stimulated. He had no where to run and hide. His cheering squad chanted, Stay! Stay! Stay!
"Want some?"
Rick glanced again at the mason jar in her hands. He took her up on the offer and took a swig. He realized quickly, he took more than he should have of what felt like 110 percent of liquid poison.
"Damn!" Rick swallowed. He was on fire.
"I don't know how my Uncle Charlie does it."
"Where the hell does he get it from and why would he want it?" Rick handed the liquid fire back to Michonne.
"Uncle Charlie says it's better than pills. He swears that this is what has kept him alive."
"Is that what he thinks?"
"Uncle Charlie says if you don't feel the burn you are dead."