Chapter 21

Two weeks later

Jo stuffed a handful of Crispy Puffs in her mouth, as she heard footsteps in the living room. For a second she felt a clutch of panic, wondering if she'd cleared all signs that might reveal to Alex she'd spent most of the night on the couch. But she'd fluffed the couch cushions and put away the blanket, so everything should be fine.

Alex trotted into the kitchen and stopped behind Jo, sliding his strong arms around her waist. There was, however, a moment of hesitation when Alex let his hands rest on Jo's hips, like a warning, before circling them all around her middle. It was just an infinitesimal moment, probably insignificant, but it was enough to bother Jo, because it hadn't happened the first time. Whenever Alex approached Jo from behind, he faltered in his movements. It was as if he was afraid she'd recoil in his arms, startled by his touch.

"Why are you up already?" he asked, resting his cheek next to hers.

"Because unlike you, I have work today," she said, trying to ignore the uneasy feeling, settling in her gut.

"How about you skip work, go back upstairs and I fix us breakfast in bed?"

Jo stirred in Alex's arms and tipped her head back against his shoulder. He was radiating this cozy straight-out-of-bed heat and his stubble was tickling her skin. How could she turn down this offer? She had zero motivation for work that day and breakfast in bed sounded nice, corny but nice. Not to mention, it could lead to some other nice things as well.

She was about to say yes, but suddenly she remembered that those other nice things wouldn't be happening, no matter how much she wanted it, and her mood dropped.

Alex and she hadn't slept with each other since they'd gotten back together. At first that was okay for Jo. Kissing him, being held by him, falling asleep with his breath against her cheek, was all the bodily contact she wanted. But now she was ready for more.

Only Alex didn't seem to be interested in more. Whenever she tried to make a move, he found an excuse or acted like he didn't know what she was trying to do. Jo cringed as she remembered what a fool she'd made of herself the other day, when she'd tried to seduce him. She'd put quite some effort into her appearance. Lingerie, makeup, hair - everything was perfect. But Alex didn't care for any of it. He just gave her some lame excuse about needing sleep, because he was tired from work.

She shook of the embarrassing memory as well as Alex's soothing embrace. "I'm not skipping work," she said, digging her hand into the cereal box once more. Then she turned around, eyeing her boyfriend warily. "Besides, since when are we breakfast in bed people?"

Alex lifted his shoulders. "We could start now." He encircled her with his arms again and swayed her gently. "I could make you orange juice, bacon, coffee, waffles, whatever you want." Unimpressed, Jo glanced up into his hopeful eyes. "Come on, you know you can't resist my waffles," he tried to win her over.

Shaking her head, Jo drew back from him. "I need to shower, I don't wanna be late." She gave him a quick kiss, an apology for her crappy mood. "And you should go back to bed. Unless..." A saucy grin played on her lips as she decided to try once more. "Unless you want to join me in the shower?" She slipped her hands under Alex's black tank top and let her fingers explore what was underneath.

Instantly Alex pulled away. "I think I'll just stick to making you breakfast."

Of course. Jo's smile faded, even though she'd expected the rejection.

Trying to hide her humiliation she headed for the stairs.

When she came back down, about 20 minutes later, showered and dressed, Alex was still in the kitchen. He was leaning against the kitchen counter, looking out the window. Two plates of waffles and two steaming hot cups of coffee had been set at the kitchen table. Jo's gaze wandered over the breakfast and back to her boyfriend. Something seemed wrong. Alex was gripping the brim of the counter so tightly, his knuckles bulged out.

As Jo stepped closer, tying her still somewhat wet hair into a ponytail, Alex turned to look at her. The expression on his face was a strange combination between turmoil and concern.

"Jo, when are you going to the police?"

Jo took a breath and averted her eyes. Sooner or later this whole thing was bound to come up again, although she'd hoped it wouldn't.

"You told me, you needed time to think about everything, time to think about how you're gonna deal with Baker and I agreed. You asked me not to tell anybody that we're back together, because it would only complicate things with Baker and I agreed. But it's been two weeks and you still haven't done anything. So I'm asking you, when are you going to the police?"

"Alex, I'm not going to the police," she said, finally meeting his gaze.

Alex inhaled sharply, forcing himself to stay calm. "Why not?"

"Because there's no use in it. And don't think I didn't think this through, because I did! But there's just no way anything good is gonna come out of it for me, if I press charges against him."

"He tried to-"

"I know, but the thing is, I can't prove it. I can't prove any of it. I don't have any witnesses, so it's my word against his. And he is a well-known and respected cardiothoracic surgeon and I'm just, well… me. Plus he has a permanent knee injury, which I caused. He would destroy me in court. He would bring up what I did to Jason and every other misdemeanor I've ever committed. I wouldn't stand a chance."

Alex ran his right hand over his mouth and closed his eyes for a moment. She knew this was hard on him, but she needed him to accept her decision. "Then talk to the board. Tell them what he did to you. Tell them how he's harassing you at work. Tell them to fire him."

"No," Jo said emphatically. The mere thought of standing in front of all the attendings, who would be looking at her with scrutinizing and judging eyes, while she told them about some of the most painful moments of her life made her want to puke.

"Then you just want to sit tight and do nothing?"

"Yes… no… I just…" Jo took a moment to think, choosing her words carefully. "Give it some time, okay? This is a problem that's going to resolve itself. I'm sure he'll be gone soon. The new interns are coming in a month, I bet Hunt is going to announce the new chief before then. And it's gonna be Bailey, you and I both know that. And then Baker is going to disappear and we never have to deal with him again."

Alex shook his head. "How's that supposed to work? Arizona is coming back tomorrow. We're already ignoring each other at work, because you don't want anybody besides Edwards to know, we're back together. So what are we gonna do now? Not see each other at all anymore?"

"Guess I'll have to start sneaking into your bedroom window, then?" Jo smiled conspiratorially. "Come on, this will be fun. We've been through something like that before. Hiding our relationship isn't new to us." She tried to put her arms around Alex's waist but he made a step back.

"No, it's not fun. I hated it then, and I hate it now. Why the hell are you so reluctant to report him to the board?"

Frustrated, Jo threw her hands in the air. "God, Alex, is that so hard to understand? They might not even believe me. Baker's been here for over two months now. They're just gonna ask why I didn't report him earlier, if he is such a threat. Besides, half of them know that Jason ended up in a hospital bed with a cerebral haemorrhage because of me. What will they do when they find out something like that happened before?" Jo paused like she wanted him to answer, but then she went on, before Alex could utter a word. "I'll tell you what they will do. They're gonna fire me. They will think I'm a liability for the hospital and throw me out of the program. I'll lose everything I've built for myself."

Alex reached for Jo's arms. "I promise you, this would never happen. I know these people. They will all have your back. All of them, even Meredith. I know you have issues with her, but she-"

As soon as Alex mentioned Meredith's name, Jo broke away from him. "Of course you have to bring her into this," she huffed indignantly.

"Hey, calm down," Alex said, slightly irritated. "I just wanted to say that she's been through some traumatic stuff as well and that she would understand."

"Oh really? Meredith Grey would understand?" Jo snapped sarcastically. "Did she almost kill one of her med school teachers with a fire iron too?"

"No, but-"

"Then she won't understand," Jo cut him off. She lowered her head and stared at the floor boards. Then she let out a scornful laugh. "That's funny actually," she muttered. "Like I would talk to Meredith Grey of all people. That woman doesn't trust me, but you want me to open up to her."

"What do you mean, she doesn't trust you?" Alex frowned.

Jo raised her head and glowered at him. "Remember when I offered to babysit her kids?" Alex nodded. "Why do you think Zola and Bailey never showed up at our door? It's because she doesn't want me to look after her kids. Which tells me she doesn't trust me."

"Jo-"

But she wasn't finished yet. "Don't you think I know what she thinks of me? That I'm some sort of criminal? Well, guess what? She's right."

"She's not right," Alex yelled, and then, in a quieter, gentler tone, he added, "Someone tried to hurt you and you defended yourself, that's not…" Helplessly he ran his hands through his hair. "Look, I'm gonna talk to her about that, alright? Nobody is going to throw you out of the program, I won't let that happen."

But the image of Alex advocating for his crazy mess of a girlfriend in front of his friends just made Jo feel worse. Bubbling over with anger and rage, she banged her fist on the counter. "I don't want you to talk to her about me, goddamn it. I want you to accept that we're not friends. She's my boss and that's all she is. They're all my bosses. I know you're close to them, but I'm not. And I don't want them to know certain things about me. Unlike everybody else I'm not keen on washing my dirty laundry in front of the whole medical staff."

Jo shoved her way past Alex, ignoring the tinge of guilt she felt as she passed the table with the waffles and the coffee, which was already getting cold. She had to get out of this house. She couldn't care less that it was actually still early for work. She'd rather sit around in the resident's locker room than continue this discussion with him.

Alex followed her into the hallway. "I know you're working with him today," he said as Jo slipped into her jacket.

So this was what this was all about - the breakfast-in-bed thing, him urging her to skip work - it was all about keeping her away from the hospital. Her nostrils flared as a fresh surge of fury filled her up inside. She was angry and disappointed Alex would pull that sort of manipulative bullshit. "So?" she asked coolly.

"So?" he repeated, squinting at her incredulously. "Do you expect me to just ignore that? Do you have any idea how it feels to have to see this son of a bitch everyday at work, knowing what he almost did to you? Do you have any idea how much I'm aching to smash his head into a wall every time I see him? And I swear to God I'm gonna do it, if he… if you…" he trailed off.

Jo sucked in a breath. And with a softer voice, because she realized it was unfair to disregard Alex's feelings about the whole situation, she said, "Look, I know it seems bad, but it really isn't that big of a deal. Today is the first day I'm on his service in weeks. And other than that I barely even see him at the hospital. I really think things are calming down. Just one more month, that's all I'm asking for."

"You can't be sure if he'll leave, when they pick Bailey as chief. What if they offer him a different position?" Alex pointed out.

"What kind of position? We already have a cardio chief and Dr. Pierce is Grey's sister and Webber's daughter, so they're not gonna degrade her. And Baker is too arrogant to accept a job as a regular cardio attending, so he'll decline and disappear." She forced a smile. "Sometimes it's better to keep a low profile and wait till things blow over. Trust me, I would know."

In the mirror that hung beside the coat rack she caught a glimpse of her face, her pale skin and the shadowy rings beneath her eyes a sharp contrast to her fake optimism and equally fake smile.

Quickly Jo glanced away and buried her hands in the pockets of her jacket, digging for her car keys. When she couldn't find them, she started rummaging in her purse. Chapstick, cellphone, pen, wallet, mints. Finally, keys!

As she looked up, Alex was still standing there, his eyes glaring at her. But Jo knew, behind his clenched jaw and the angry lines on his forehead, he was just hiding his solicitude and fear.

"Hey, I can take it, stop worrying," she assured him encouragingly. But Alex's face became darker and darker, even as Jo raised her hand and tenderly stroked his cheek. "Really, I'm doing better now. I'm fine."

"You're not fine," Alex exploded suddenly. "You think I don't know you have nightmares? Or that most nights you don't sleep at all and wander around the house doing God knows what? You're not fine, and you won't be as long as this guy is still here. So cut the crap, Jo. This is not something that will just blow over, this is not something you can avoid until it goes away. You don't wanna deal with Baker or with any of your crap, because you're scared and because it's gonna be painful, I get that. But sometimes you have to face the painful things and work through them, before you can move on." He reached for her hand. "I told you, you don't have to do this alone," he whispered. "I'm right here."

Jo tore her hand away from his. "Like you have any right at all to lecture me about avoiding things," the resident sneered as she buttoned up her jacket. "You, you can't even…" She stopped short, before she could say anything embarrassing. This was so not the right time to bring up their sex issues.

She swallowed, then started over. "You shove stuff aside all the fucking time. Your dad, your payment books for your student loans - you didn't want to deal with any of it. Not to mention you couldn't even face your own family for more than a decade. You abandoned them and I was the one who had to console your sister, when she broke down crying, because she couldn't understand why her own brother would cut her out of his life for good. You're the king of avoiding things, so don't you dare lecture me on how to deal with something that could jeopardize my entire career and everything I've worked so damn hard for."

Throwing his family into his face - it was a low blow, Jo knew it, yet, in that moment, she didn't allow herself to care. She grabbed her purse and without a backward glance she left the house, slamming the door behind her.

"I thought you were done running," she heard Alex's frustrated voice shout after her. But he didn't follow her, and Jo was relieved.

Author's Notes: Since the question came up in one of the reviews before and might come up again after this one, I wanted to say that the way I'm writing this story does not reflect my views on the husband reveal on the show. I know some elements are similar - it was bound to happen since both, the story I am telling and the story the show is (not) telling, deal with how Jo got hurt by people in her past. But all in all I think the circumstances are still pretty different.

BTW Alex made Jo waffles for breakfast, because I kind of wanted to fix that annoying Waffle Sunday scene from s13. (Yeah, I'm petty like that.)