A/N : I'm back, and I'll try to work up a relatively steady updating pace from now on, just give me a moment to get back on the track again. This chapter is shorter than I would've liked, but somehow I just got stuck and had to end it there (not a writers block, I assure you, just a minor obstacle in the way). From now on things will slowly (or not so slowly, depending on my moods), get more intense, and I have already written most of the last chapter for this part, so now I have something I can work towards to. Let's just hope my muse stays with me for a while.
Where Do We Draw the Line
Part 2 : Chapter 1
Few months later...
Dean was going to murder his brother, there was no doubt about it. He had just got off the phone with Sam who had had the guts to tell him he had accepted an offer to come and work at the local law firm for the summer, a bit like a summer job like Sam had put it. Dean couldn't believe that the only reason Sam had accepted the job offer was because the owner of the firm was related to one of his teachers who had asked if they could take some of her students over to get a little job experience. Dean was convinced Sam took the job so that he could be keeping an eye on Dean every day of the week like he wanted to, and that would make it harder for Dean to see Castiel.
Dean had created a sort of an art form from keeping people oblivious to his relationship with Castiel. They rarely met in the middle of the week, unless Dean had a longer lunch break and Castiel had free time, and Dean had agreed with Lisa that they would both be taking Saturday as a day to do what ever they wanted, and they would both spend the Sunday evening at home. That left Dean with regrettably few chances to see Castiel, but the arrangement worked for now and everyone seemed happy.
Lisa and Dean had worked most of their differences out, but even Dean had to admit their relationship was not what it had been before Castiel had showed up, it seemed like they were always on guard around each other nowdays. Not to mention that Dean could practically see how hard Sam tried to keep himself from glaring at Dean murderously every time they met, which would be very often if he was indeed coming over for the entire summer. Sam would come and ruin everything Dean had worked for, he had balanced his life again, and was in process of slowly getting more time for Castiel out of his time with Lisa and work, but it took time and planning, and Dean didn't want his brother to come and disrupt the delicate order he had created. Ecpecially when that order allowed him to work on his problem of attempting to choose who he wanted more, Cas or Lisa.
Castiel would laugh and shake his head affectionately if Dean were to tell him what was going on in his head, and weirdly enough the thought gave Dean some comfort. In the past months Dean had found out many things about Castiel, like the fact that even though he could be called a neat freak he had no idea how to keep his clothes in order, or that he couldn't decide whether or not he liked cats better than dogs, and you would have to be suicidal to piss him off. Dean had never actually seen Castiel mad, but he had told him about his time in college and how he got kicked out. Dean still had trouble believing that Castiel could actually hurt anyone, but he didn't want to take his chances.
The one thing Castiel was extremely tight lipped about was his family, and that was something that bothered Dean more than he would've liked to admit. Castiel had interrogated Dean about his family in multiple occasions, but the one time Dean had tried to do the same to him Castiel had shut down and the coldness that had surrounded him had actually been quite terrifying. Dean could still remember the death glare Castiel had given him, and it was not a pleasant memory. Dean couldn't help but be curious about the matter, though. What was it that made Castiel so reluctant to even tell Dean the names of his family members? Dean had once had a chance to ask about it from Pamela, but she had just raised her arms and shaken her head, saying that Dean's guess was as good as hers.
Dean shook his head and got up from his chair where he had been staring at the laptop monitor for the past fifteen minutes, and went to the kitchen. He avoided arousing Lisa's attention mainly because he wasn't in the mood for chatting. Dean managed to dodge Lisa, and he got himself a glass of cool water while he thought about everything that had happened to him.
Dean had given serious thought about telling Lisa everything that was going on, but in the end he never got around it. The idea of looking at Lisa in the eyes and telling her he had betrayed the trust she had given him was unbearable, and that had stopped Dean when he had actually tried to start a conversation about the matter. That was one of the reasons Dean wanted to keep things as they were, if he was to gather the courage to tell Lisa the truth he needed things to be as normal as possible before everything went straight to Hell, so Dean really didn't need Sam messing everything up right now.
Dean frowned miserably and accepted the fact that he needed to come up with a new way to deal with his life if Sam was moving into the same city with him. He forced himself to go and tell Lisa about his brothers latest way of sabotaging his life, and maybe he could convince Lisa that it would be a very bad idea to have Sam over for dinner more often than once a week. Dean found Lisa sitting on the couch in the living room, staring at the TV screen and biting her fingernails nervously. Dean took one look at the screen and smiled amusedly when he saw that Lisa was watching the horror movie Dean had recorded last night for the weekend. Dean sneaked behind Lisa and tapped her shoulder, making her jump in surprise.
"Stop scaring me," Lisa shrieked and slapped Dean halfheartedly as he slid to the couch and pulled Lisa closer, trying to re-create something that had been destroyed months ago. Lisa seemed happy to wrap herself around Dean, though, so Dean put his arms around her and buried his face in her hair, taking in the familiar scent of his wife. Sometimes Dean missed the time when he didn't know Castiel, and at those times he wondered if it would be better for everyone that he'd take Lisa and move to another city, and not tell Castiel where they were going. Dean never did anything like it, though, he knew he would miss Castiel and he'd never be happy if he couldn't see those bright blue eyes as often as possible.
"I talked with Sam. He said he's grabbing his girlfriend and coming over here for summer. Apparently they've got summer jobs at some law firm in town and they've already rented a place to stay," Dean told Lisa after few minutes of comfortable silence. Lisa was quiet for a while before turning to face Dean with a soft smile on her face.
"Maybe we should help them move in. I'd like to meet that girlfriend of his, Jessica wasn't it?" Lisa said and her smile widened when Dean gave her a horrified look.
"You do not want to help Sam move in. He'll be there with a ruler to see that everything is precisely in the right place, and if you do something wrong he'll bitch about it 'till you die," Dean told in a convincing tone, but Lisa just laughed at him and placed a affectionate kiss to his cheek.
"I think I can handle Sam," Lisa assured, and Dean knew she was right. He just didn't want to leave Lisa and Sam alone for long, who knew how morally obligated Sam would feel to tell her about Dean and Castiel? Dean considered his options on the matter while they watched the movie play on the screen. He could always go with Lisa and make sure Sam wouldn't get the chance to say anything to her, but then he would have to endure Sam's accusing glares.
"Why did you want to see this again?" Lisa asked after a while, interrupting Dean's musings. Dean glanced his wife quickly with a disbelieving eyes before returning his eyes to the TV screen.
"It's Johnny Depp's first movie. I thought that since I've seen so many movies with him in them I could watch this one too," Dean answered nonchalantly, leaving out the part where Castiel had made quite a fuss on taking the evening off so that he could go over to Chuck's place with Pamela and they would watch the movie, and Dean wanted to see it so that he could talk about it later with Castiel.
"Well, he is pretty gorgeous," Lisa admitted and Dean agreed, drawing an amused laugh from Lisa. Dean tried to feel like he used to when he heard that particular laugh, but he couldn't find that loving warmth inside of him anymore, at least not exactly the same kind. The warmth was there, but the love Dean had always felt for Lisa had changed, turned into something closer to friendship than anything else. Dean wondered if Lisa would understand him if he were to tell her about him and Castiel. Knowing Lisa she would accept it at some point, but Dean was pretty sure there would be a lot of screaming and disgusted looks before that.
"So what are you doing tomorrow?" Lisa asked suddenly, startling Dean who hadn't expected to be questioned about his plans for the next day. He knew it would be Saturday so he would be spending the day with Castiel, but he hadn't really thought about what he would tell Lisa. Last week had been easy since he had went to see Jo in the morning before spending few hours with Castiel, but now he didn't have anything like that to cover him.
"Um. I'll probably go out with some friends. Why? Did you have something in mind?" Dean answered quickly and hoped he didn't sound too guilty. He really wished Lisa hadn't come up with anything else for them to do, Dean wanted to spend the day with Castiel like he had planned.
"No, just wondering if you could drop me off at the mall, me and some of the girls are going shopping," Lisa replied and Dean relaxed. He promised to take Lisa where ever she wanted to go only if she promised not to spend all their money on clothes, shoes, bags and other stuff she didn't really need at the moment. Lisa agreed on the terms even though she laughed at Dean's need to put them up in the first place. They stayed silent after that, Dean petting Lisa's hair absently and Lisa keeping her hands loosely wrapped around him until the movie ended. After that Dean got up and said he'd finish his work before getting to bed since he didn't want to have to do it during the weekend. Lisa gave him a nod and a pleasant smile, but Dean could see a hint of sadness in her eyes and he knew it was there because of him. Dean would have to talk to Castiel tomorrow, see if he had anything to say about this situation.
Castiel sat by his window and tried to blow smoke rings. He had managed to do it few times in the past, but lately it had been very difficult for him to relax enough to actually do it. Castiel could have handled problems at work, a fight with Chuck or Pamela or even them both, but somehow he had developed a whole new stress level, and it was all because of Dean. Castiel gave up his attempt to create smoke rings for now, instead he tried to come up with an explanation as to why he would willingly let himself endure everything his relationship with Dean put him through, and he didn't want the only explanation to be love, that couldn't really be it.
Castiel didn't mind them meeting only few times a week, sometimes not even that. He didn't really even mind Dean being married, and Castiel knew Dean had to feel bad about Cas' line of work as well and when you thought about it, Dean and Castiel were both cheating on each other, Dean by being with his wife and Castiel by doing his job. What was really driving Castiel up the walls was the uncertainty, all he wanted was some reassurance that Dean loved him and then he'd be happy, Castiel could wait for Dean to decide what he wanted even if it would take years.
Castiel put out the cigarette and and let out a deep breath before closing the window and going to the living room to wait for Dean to arrive. He knew that he'd stop doubting Dean's feelings for him the moment he'd walk in Castiel's front door, and at that moment it was something he hated. Of course, Castiel knew he wouldn't care about it as long as Dean was with him, but he also knew the doubt would return the moment Dean would leave. Castiel couldn't stand the effect Dean had on him.
It took Dean five minutes to interrupt Castiel's musings by ringing the door bell, and Castiel jumped up in excitement and ran to the door, opening it with a bright smile on his face. Dean returned the smile as he pushed Castiel back inside and closed the door behind him before capturing Castiel's lips in a searing kiss that Castiel returned immediately, making sure Dean knew exactly how much Castiel had missed him. When they finally parted their lips just enough to breathe, Castiel felt really terrible and incredibly happy at the same time, he knew he'd have to tell Dean he wasn't going to stay here for the whole evening, but Castiel didn't want to ruin the moment. In the end they managed to get to the living room where Dean slumped on the couch and pulled Castiel to his arms.
"Sam's moving in here in a couple of weeks," Dean said as soon as they were comfortably seated on the couch. Castiel wasn't exactly sure what he should say to that, he knew Dean loved his brother more than anything in this world, but he also knew that lately Dean hadn't been too keen of the idea of seeing his brother. Castiel hadn't yet come up with a proper answer when Dean spoke again.
"Good thing I've got you. Did you have something in mind for this evening or do we just go with the flow?" Dean's question made Castiel flinch, and unfortunately Dean noticed it. He gave Castiel a questioning look and tensed a little as Castiel disentangled himself from Dean's arms and sat up straight, not looking at Dean.
"I, um, I've got to go to work later. One of my regulars is going to Europe and his flight has a four hour stop in here. He called me yesterday and I promised I'd go see him," Castiel explained hastily, unable to meet Dean's eyes even as he sensed the man beside him tense and the air around them turned from loving to ice cold. Castiel waited for Dean to say something, anything at all to break the silence, because he had no idea how to make the situation any better.
"We get one whole day together in a week, and you'd rather spend it screwing some stranger than with me? In what universe does that make any sense?" Dean demanded harshly, making Castiel wish the Earth would open up and swallow him down. Unfortunately Castiel wasn't that lucky, and he was left there to feel like a complete idiot, of course he wanted to be with Dean, but he also needed to do his job.
"You know I'd rather be with you than anyone else, but I need to work too. I can't control other peoples schedules and I can't always take a day off because it happens to fit your timetable. I don't tell you how to organize your days, or complain about your working hours or the time you spent away from me, so the least you could do is to give me the same courtesy," Castiel snapped and got up, stomping to the kitchen even though he didn't really need anything from there. He had no idea what had made him lose his temper in such manner, and he didn't like it at all. Dean came after him, but didn't come to stand by Castiel like he usually did.
"What is it that do you want me to do, exactly?" Dean asked after a few long seconds. I want you to tell me you love me, that was what Castiel wanted to say, but he couldn't get the words out. Instead he turned around and finally faced Dean with a sad smile.
"I don't want to fight," Castiel said quietly and it was true, he had no interest in fighting with Dean over anything and that was one of the reasons he had never asked Dean to leave his wife even if that was something Castiel wanted more than almost anything.
"Yeah, me neither. But you know I can't stand your job and I just thought we'd have the whole day to ourselves," Dean admitted, his anger deflated, and he walked up to Castiel and pulled him in a loose hug. Castiel took a moment to relax to Dean's touch and be grateful that they had avoided a full blown fight before giving Dean a quirk of a smile.
"Well, think about it like this; even though I get paid for having sex with other people it's you who I always come back to. And you're the only one who actually gets to have the real me in the bed and not just some imaginary character I've made up," he said seriously with a tone that left no room for doubt, Castiel wanted Dean to understand just how much he meant for him, and that he had given Dean the real Castiel, something no-one else had had a chance to get. Dean studied Castiel's face for few seconds before relaxing and letting a fond smile come to play on his lips.
"I'll keep that in mind," Dean promised with a light tone, but Castiel could see in his eyes that he meant it and that was all he really wanted. Castiel stole a soft kiss from Dean before gently removing himself from Dean's arms and wandering back to the living room now that they had cleared the air. Dean followed him silently, and it wasn't hard for Castiel to figure out that Dean was still sulking because he had to go to work later, but Castiel hoped Dean would be wise enough to not let it ruin the time they still had in their hands.
Castiel waited until Dean slouched on the couch again, before he sat on Dean's lap and gave him the most innocent look he could muster. Dean glared at Castiel briefly, but the fond spark in his eyes was more than obvious to Castiel and he let a wide smile spread to his face. Dean kept stealing glances at Castiel from the corner of his eye every few seconds while he went through the TV channels trying to find something worth watching for more than few seconds, not that they would be watching it much. A while ago Dean had insisted they should watch one movie every week, and that one of them would pick the movie and the other would have to suffer through it. A week ago Dean had made Castiel sit through The Untouchables, and Castiel had nearly choked Dean after the first hour because he kept quoting the lines every other minute.
Castiel snuggled closer to Dean and tried not to think about leaving in a few hours. They didn't talk much, there was really nothing to discuss at the moment, and Castiel could see that Dean was still upset because he had to go to work. Castiel hoped there was something he could do or say to ease Dean's mind, but the facts remained the same no matter how he looked at them. Castiel also regretted breaking their habit of watching a movie, but they didn't really have the time to watch anything at the moment, and he was more than happy to sit in Dean's arms for the rest of his life if that would have been possible.
In the end Castiel still had to get up and tell Dean he had to go to work, and he did so with a great deal of reluctance. Dean's expression turned unreadable when Castiel went to change his clothes, making cold chills run down Castiel's spine. He hated it when he didn't know what was going on in Dean's mind, because then he might accidentally say or do something that would piss Dean off. Not that Castiel was overly careful not to make Dean angry and they had had few rather heated arguments in the past, but there were times when he preferred not to do so, and this was definitely one of them. That was why he kept a bright smile on his face while pulling Dean into a deep kiss that left no room for doubt on who it was exactly that Castiel loved the most in the world, before he had to leave in order to be on time on his appointment.
Dean walked with Castiel until they got to his car, where he turned to face Castiel and directed a piercing stare at him. Castiel knew he would have to hurry if he'd stay and talk with Dean for much longer, and the look directed at him wasn't exactly a pleasant one, but he stopped and faced Dean even if it wasn't the best decision to make. Dean played with the car keys and averted his eyes when Castiel returned the stare questioningly.
"You sure you don't need a ride now? Or later?" Dean asked quickly, but Castiel shook his head. He had the feeling that Dean wouldn't allow him to leave the car if he'd get in it, and he doubted he'd have much use for a ride later.
"No, I'm fine. But I can call you later if I need a lift," Castiel promised because there really was no harm in doing so, and Dean would understand if Castiel would get a taxi to drive him home. Still, the look on Dean's face was more hopeful than anything Castiel had seen from Dean for a long time, no matter how hard Dean was trying to hide it, and Castiel made a mental note to ask Dean for a ride later even if he didn't really need it.
Castiel kept his eyes strictly on Dean's car as he drove away, before walking a few blocks and grabbing a free taxi driving by. Castiel forced himself to push Dean from his mind for the time being as he relaxed in his seat and closed his eyes for a moment.
A/N : Facts about this chapter :
1) The movie Dean recorded was the first Nightmare on Elm Street.
2) Dean made a big fuss about The Untouchables in the latest Supernatural episode (7x12), and I thought it was actually a bit adorable. I also loved Sam in that episode, mainly because he said cartoon smut, how many times you hear a character in a TV show say that?
3) The whole "let's watch a different movie every week, I pick one for this week and you the next" is something I used to do with an old friend, so I'm sort of paying my respects for her with this.
And don't forget to tell me what you think =)