The students had arrived in a flurry of excitement, hugging their friends whom they hadn't seen in a while, and were already filing into the Great Hall with anticipation for the welcome back feast. I sat with Harry at the Gryffindor table, watching the going ons nervously. I had grown so accustomed to being rather alone that it felt strange to have the school so full again.

Harry nudged me when he spied Ron and Hermione, who were walking together, obviously bickering already. I hoped my eyes weren't still all red from crying, I really did not feel like explaining that. I put on a smile, happy to see them and Harry waved them over. When they saw me next to Harry, their expressions completely opposed each other. Hermione was all grins, looking very pleased that we were friends again, whereas Ron had put up a front, his expression going stony.

I gulped and tried to remain calm. Harry had said he would be harder to win over, hadn't he? I just hoped he would not take too long to come around. I missed Ron. "Harry! Grace!" Hermione exclaimed, sitting down across from us. "How was break?" She gave us both a knowing look, obviously aware of the fact that we were once again speaking to each other.

Harry and I both gave a slightly awkward laugh. "Good." Harry finally said, not taking his eyes off of Ron's angry face. Hermione tugged on his sleeve and he reluctantly sat down next to her, crossing his arms over his chest.

Hermione rolled her eyes and turned her attentions on me. "I'm really glad Harry stopped being such a prick. I've really missed you Grace." She said sincerely, causing Harry to chuckle.

I smiled. "Thanks Hermione." I could easily see why Ron and Harry were so taken with her. She was a great friend.

I felt suddenly shy around the red haired boy who had yet to say anything. This was ridiculous, I told myself. He had beaten me in wizard chess countless times, threw me into the lake without my permission have a dozen times, and shared all his candy with me, even if it was mostly disgusting. So why did I feel like a stranger around him?

I think Hermione noticed me staring at him because she said, "Ron..." He didn't turn around, instead he kept his gaze firmly on the front of the Hall where Dumbledore was preparing to make a speech. The awkwardness of the moment grew and I felt my cheeks burn. It was like Hermione was our teacher and we were two bad kids who had to make up.

Hermione looked like she was going to say something else, but I shook my head at her, bidding her to stop trying. I would win him back eventually, without the pressure of our friends.

While Harry and Hermione continued chatting amiably, I kept quiet and was constantly checking on the entrance to the Great Hall, waiting for the blonde boy to come strolling through like he always did. Each minute that passed had my fingers drumming on the table faster and faster. Where was he? You can't skip the return feast!

Yet there was no sign of Draco. I wanted to see him. I wanted to know that he wasn't doing something rash that he would regret later. I wanted to know that he was okay, but he never showed. I had to resist the urge to leave and go look for him.

Harry noticed my wandering eyes and placed a hand over my fingers, stopping the frantic beat they were making. I looked up at him and then took a deep breath and relaxed my nervous hands. He was fine...and even if he wasn't, that wasn't my problem to worry about anymore. So why did I still feel so obligated? Oh right, because I'm a caring Gryffindor.

"Where is he?" I whispered to Harry. Dumbledore just began to give his speech and every student was listening attentively. I was still scanning the Slytherin table again and again, making sure I hadn't missed him.

"He's not here?" Harry asked, now joining me in searching the Slytherins.

I shook my head. "You don't think he's doing something stupid do you?" I asked nervously, finally accepting the fact that he was most definitely not here.

Harry shrugged and his lips formed a hard line. "He can handle himself."

I wanted to say something in Draco's defense but decided otherwise. Instead I resolved to let it go, and forced my attention onto Dumbledore who was finishing up his speech to a round of applause. I clapped along with the rest, pretending that I had actually heard what he said.

With a raise of the headmaster's hands, we were dismissed and every student rose, chatting and laughing once more. I followed my friends out of the door and started walking back toward the common room.

"It's so good to be back here." Hermione commented, running a hand along the wall. Harry smiled. "It's good to have you back here." He said pulling on one of her curls.

Just as I was about to chime in, I felt a hand on my wrist. Before I could react or even make a noise of surprise, I was yanked back and around the corner of the hallway. The hands pressed me up against the wall and covered my mouth, muffling my yelp of confusion.

It was dark, but I knew who it was. The touch, the height, the actions were all too familiar to me. Draco.

"Hey where did Grace go?" I head Harry ask from down the hallway. Their footsteps stopped for a moment before they kept going. "She's fine." Ron complained. I rolled my eyes. Thanks Ron. My friends walked away and after a moment of silence Draco removed his hand from my mouth.

"What are you doing?" I asked, feeling relieved that Draco had just skipped the feast and was obviously not hurt or in trouble. But the feeling of relief was quickly overwhelmed by a thrill that balanced between fear and attraction.

His expression was pleading and he was staring at me with such intensity it made my heart speed. "Grace please." He started, begging. "Please don't leave me." His lips found mine then and they burned against me with a desperation that I felt also. The smell of expensive cologne and man engulfed me and his breath on my lips made my head spin. One hand was resting on the wall beside my head and his other was on my waist, pulling me closer to him.

I pulled away abruptly and shoved his chest, putting a few inches between our faces. "Stop!" I whisper-yelled. "You can't...we can't do this."

"Why?" He asked, trying to grab my hand but I flinched away. "Why not! I'm sorry I punched Potter if that's what you're so sour about. I'm sorry for being so...involved with your father. I just...I just love you Grace. So much."

"Draco..."

"I adore you."

My breath caught and I stared up at his stormy grey-blue eyes that I loved so much. His blonde hair was messy around his face and his jaw was clenched, staring at me with a wanting gaze. This time it was me who pulled him close and pressed my mouth to his, reveling in the feeling of his touch. He responded eagerly, wrapping his arms around my waist and running his hands up and down my torso. I leaned into him, losing myself in his warmth and the electrifying feelings he gave me.

What was I doing?

I broke contact again and stepped out of his embrace. "I can't," I murmured. "I'm trying protect you Draco. We can't be together."

"Protect me from what?" He scoffed. "Your father? Because I'm pretty sure that ship already sailed."

"From yourself!" I cried, gesturing to him. His brow furrowed in confusion and I tried to explain. "When people get near me...when they love me, bad things happen. Look at my father! His jealously has caused him to become so corrupt and terrible and I don't want that to happen to you." His face suddenly changed from confusion to anger.

"What are you saying Grace? That you'll never let yourself be loved?" He asked, aghast. I knew that my reasoning was insane, but I couldn't shake the image of his jealous fist hitting Harry's face. I couldn't forget the protective way he stared at me that was so similar to my father's.

"I'm afraid." I blurted out. "I'm afraid that you are going to hurt people. Because of me. I'm afraid that this," I pointed a finger between me and him. "Is going to turn out just like my relationship with my father."

Draco's face blanched and he started shaking his head frantically. "I'm not like him Grace. I'm not. Can't you see that?" He gave my shoulders a small shake and I shrugged him off, stepping away from him. I kept my eyes down making sure he couldn't see the emotion lying there. I knew that if he saw how much I was affected by this he wouldn't stop until I gave in. That couldn't happen.

"I love you." Draco whispered brokenly. "I need you."

I shook my head and didn't reply.

"There's never going to be another for me." He said. "I'm always going to be wretchedly in love with you. " His words pounded against my chest and left me feeling empty and breathless.

I took a few steps away and started edging toward the lighted hallway. He watched me put distance between us with the most desolate expression I had ever seen. I wanted to run to him...I wanted to give in and wrap my arms around him but I couldn't. Until this was all over, until I could actually think about having a normal future, there was no way I could even think about a relationship let alone one that could end up just like my father's.

Just before I turned around and walked away, Draco said softly, "Don't you love me Grace?"

I stopped. "Yes. I do." Then I turned and hurried down the corridor, away from Draco and toward my common room.

... ...

Don't you love me Grace?

Those words echoed in my mind in time with my footsteps. Why couldn't he see this was for the best? I knew I couldn't resist him for long if he continued with this fight. I pressed my hands to my temples as I walked briskly up the stairs, jumping over the vanishing step that had tripped me many times before.

"Crimson Gumdrops." I said to the fat lady portrait who swung open and allowed me inside. Not even the ridiculous password could make me smile. I saw Harry, Ron, and Hermione in their usual spot by the fire and I made my way over, sitting down and hugging my knees to my chest beside Hermione.

Don't you love me Grace?

I shivered.

Ron and Harry were once again involved in a serious game of wizard's chess and Hermione had a massive book resting on her lap. She looked up when I sat down. "Where have you been?"

I shrugged and Harry arched an eyebrow, immediately understanding when we locked eyes. He searched my face and I honestly wasn't sure what emotion I was putting off. His mouth hardened as he lost a bishop to Ron's knight. "Are you okay?" He asked me, and Hermione looked back and forth between us, confused.

I nodded and pulled my curls back into a messy bun away from my face. Harry looked unconvinced. "He didn't hurt you did he?"

Before I could assure him that I was fine, Ron interjected, "Hurt her? Who?"

"No one." I answered quickly, giving Harry a dirty look. "I'm fine. Forget about it."

Harry looked a little angry, Hermione looked utterly confused and Ron looked surprisingly like his former, older-brother protective self. Desperate to change the topic of discussion I said, "Well it looks like you have Harry beat again. But can you beat me?"

Ron's face lit up in a smile and he gestured for me to sit down. "Oh you think you're good do you?" He challenged, setting up the pieces again. Harry let me take his spot across from Ron with the checkered board between us. I knew I didn't have much of a chance of beating Ron at wizard's chess, but I hoped it would help him warm up to me again.

My chess pieces eyed me wearily, while Ron's pieces wore smug expressions, obviously having lots of faith in their owner. I smiled meekly at my pawns who looked like they were ready to be defeated again. "I know I'm good." I responded, making the first move.

The game progressed with us bantering easily. I could feel the walls around Ron coming down until he was just my puppy-eyed friend again. The game was close, and I think I even got Ron worried at one point, but just like I predicted, he defeated me in the end.

"Ha!" He shouted as he knocked my king off the board. "I win."

I laughed. "You always win. Hopefully you can keep that luck going during Quidditch season. We'll need it."

Ron raised his eyebrows. "You're trying out?" He asked, looking to Harry for conformation. Harry nodded as did I. "As long as you're not trying to take my position as keeper, I guess that's okay."

"Don't worry, I'm going out for a chaser." I smirked. "I'm sure Lav-lav can't wait to see you on the pitch."

Hermione snorted and almost spit out her tea cackling. Ron blushed deeply and rolled his eyes. "She won't leave me alone!" He exclaimed, glancing over his shoulder as if to make sure she wasn't anywhere near. "I can't take it!"

"Poor Won-won." I joked, sticking out my lip in a fake pout. He growled at me. It felt so normal to be teasing him again; to be all together again. I had just missed my friends.

"I think I still have your jersey," I said suddenly, remembering the old shirt that I had 'borrowed' from him. "Do you want it back?"

"You can keep it." He said easily. I smiled, wondering if he realized how much that meant to me. Harry grinned, radiating happiness that we were once again all friends.

... ...

That night I settled into bed, alone and yet not alone at all. Not alone in the sense that my room was again filled by five other girls who were all tossing and turning and whispering. It was slightly sad to realize that my nights of silence were gone. But then I felt very alone since their were no arms around me. There was no body to press up against to and no heartbeat fall asleep listening to.

My bed felt empty, just like me. He was gone. I had sent him away, but that fact did nothing to soothe the hollowness that I felt. In fact it only worsened my pain. Now that it was just me and my thoughts, his sad face continued to haunt me.

Don't you love me Grace?

I screwed my eyes shut, banishing him from my mind. Yes, I loved him. How I wished that it was enough.

...

Oh Grace...so many inner struggles...

And I see you! You silent fans that lurk in the darkness reading and never reviewing! I know you're there! come on, review! please! for me! :)