Hey gang so here's the next update. So my feelings on episode 4.10 kind of mixed. The Jate love scenes were very hot (was it me or was Foxy a little too familiar with Evi's ass?) If I were his wife I'd be on set every day after that haha. So they were hot but watching the episode and knowing how last season ended with Jack's horrific flash forward kind of took all the enjoyment out of it. I mean he proposed and all I can think about is the fact that he could barely get her to talk to him, and how horrible his addiction gets. All I can hope for is they reunite after all of that and Kate fights to help save Jack.

Also keep seeing trailers for Speed Racer, the movie itself doesn't look like something I'll be blown away by but Foxy in his lycra, rubber suit is enough to get me to t

It's going on to 2 am and I'm exhausted please forgive all spelling and punctuation errors

CHAPTER 21

Jack froze when he saw his father's surgeon come out. He reached over and gripped his mom's hand. He noticed Kate had sat up and he reached over and placed his hand on her thigh.

"How is he Jim?" he asked his colleague.

"He made it through the surgery and he has come out of the anesthesia. He is still in a very vulnerable state. He is going to need to change his lifestyle, a new diet, exercise. Less work less stress, he is going to need to change his way of life." The doctor said.

Jack slumped with relief and his mother turned and hugged him tightly. She shook as her tears overwhelmed her. She pulled away after a second as she wiped her eyes. She looked at the doctor.

"He will do everything that he needs to." Margot promised. She walked over to the doctor to get all the details and Jack sighed and rubbed his eyes wearily.

Kate sat on the bed and she felt relief wash over her for Jack that his father was going to make it. She watched as he comforted his mother and heard the diagnosis when it dawned on her. The life Christian Shephard lived was the one that Jack was very close to following. Long hours, too much stress, not looking out for himself. Kate suddenly found herself scared for him. Jack turned and saw Kate and he noticed she had a slightly panicked look on her face, he went to her immediately.

"Kate what's wrong?" he asked concerned his hand went to her belly and he looked for signs of distress. "Is the baby ok?"

Kate touched his face, "Jack, shh the baby is fine, I promise." Kate said reassuring him.

"Why are you frowning?" he asked.

Kate sighed and looked into his eyes. "I want you to take the private practice job Jack, please?" Kate asked.

Jack looked at her for a second and then he realized why she was anxious.

"Hey," he said gently maneuvering her to lay back on the bed. "I'm not my father Kate" he leaned in so he could talk to her quietly without his mother hearing. "Kate my dad drinks like a fish, he works so much to avoid his life at home and I don't think he's exercised a day in his life. Granted I probably could have gone down that path but now that I have you Kate I'm not doing anything to jeopardize that. You and Baby and any brothers and sisters we may give Baby are my future now. But I do agree I think staying at the hospital will probably send me to an early grave and I'd like to take the job." Jack said stroking her hand gently. He looked up to see tears spill down her cheeks. "Oh crap now I made you cry. I'm sorry baby." Jack said wiping her tears away.

"No, ugh I hate these hormones sometimes." Kate said with a roll of her eyes. "Just listening to you talk about Baby and having more babies and just having an actual future it just seems so real and fantastic." Kate exclaimed her eyes shining with delight. "God Jack I'm gushing and your father is in the other room fighting for his life." Kate said feeling bad.

"No Kate don't ever apologize for feeling happy for us. This is our life and we need to live it." He let out a big sigh allowing the stress of the day roll off his shoulders. Kate rubbed the back of his neck.

"You ok baby?" she asked, pressing closer to kiss his jaw.

"Yeah, it's just bizarre I mean my father and I have rarely ever gotten along. Then suddenly he almost dies and I was scared Kate, I was really scared." He smiled gently at her, "I guess maybe it's time he and I start mending fences."

"I like your mom." Kate said looking over to Margot, "Granted we have barely spoken but so far so good." She wrapped her arms around him resting her head on his shoulder.

Jack kissed the side of her head and his eyes took in the room. "Uh where's Shannon?" Jack asked.

Kate smiled. "She thought this was a family thing so she was going to go down to the cafeteria. Personally I think it was the doctor in the hallway that got her moving. God help the poor man when Shannon sets her mind on a man he doesn't stand much of a chance." Kate said with a roll of her eyes.

"Yeah well I know that feeling" Jack said with a smirk and Kate smacked his arm but then kissed him right after.

"And don't you forget that you belong to me." Kate said sweetly.

Jack was about to answer when he saw a flurry of activity at the door. He saw Shannon laughing and hanging off of the hospital's leading oncologist Sayid.

"Looks like Shannon has fallen for Sayid." Jack said with a chuckle.

"Oh god he isn't married is he?" Kate asked.

"Nope he's single and he's a real good guy." Jack said.

"Hmm, well if Shannon plays her cards right, we might have the apartment to ourselves tonight." She stroked his arm seductively. She frowned when Jack tensed slightly.

"We'll see" was all he said and Kate sighed.

A few minutes later the doctor returned to let them know they could visit Christian. Margot went first and Jack sat on Kate's bed and she noticed he was wringing his hands.

"Are you ok?" she asked for what felt like the millionth time.

"Yeah I'm just kind of nervous to see him. I mean I don't know it just feels strange." Jack said shaking his head not sure how to explain his feelings. Kate nodded she knew Jack was a bundle of confusion. They were interrupted by Margot entering the room.

"Jack, he'd like to see you." She said with a small smile.

Jack nodded and let out a deep breath. Kate rubbed his back gently and he leaned down kissed her mouth gently and then left to see his dad. He ran into the charge nurse on his way into the ICU.

"He's weak so he might not be able to talk long." She said giving his arm a reassuring squeeze.

Jack put on the protective gown and mask and walked into the ICU and went to his father's bedside.

"Jack?" Christian asked in a raspy voice.

"Yeah Dad, I'm here." Jack said sitting in the chair next to the bed.

"I'm so sorry Jack," Christian rasped.

"Dad, you need to rest" Jack interrupted.

"Jack I just had open heart surgery, let me talk." Christian said with a wry smile. "I almost died Jack, I'm not stupid I know how close I came. I've done a lot of stupid things in my life, made horrible mistakes, to your mother, to you. But my one regret was how you and I have been. If I could go back and change one thing it would be raising my hand to you. I don't expect you to forgive me but please know I'm so sorry." Christian said taking a tired breath.

"I know you are." Jack said. He looked at him. "I know you're sorry but there has been a lot of damage done and I can't just forget that. I will try to forgive you though. Dad you almost died and it scared the hell out of me. You have a grandchild coming and even though we have a lot to work through I want you to be in my baby's life. In order for you to do that you have to respect my relationship with Kate, I love her and I will do anything to keep her in my life, even if that means turning my back on you. You also have to respect that Kate and this baby are my life now, not my career." Jack said looking his father in the eye.

Christian nodded, "I've been so hard on you Jack, I thought if I pushed you hard enough you would succeed to do great things. I was wrong though, you didn't need to be pushed. You are a great doctor and from what I've been privileged to see, you are a great man." Christian said proudly. "And you are going to be a great father, a whole lot better than I ever was."

Jack swallowed hard as he controlled his emotions. "You're making a good start today." He said. They shared a meaningful smile. A few minutes later Christian fell asleep and Jack got up and left the room. He went back into their private room and he saw his mom and noticed Kate was sound asleep on her bed.

"She fell asleep about fifteen minutes ago." Margot said with a whisper. "Poor thing was fighting it, I think she was waiting for you but she couldn't fight it off. I remember what that was like, there were times I fell asleep doing the strangest things when I was pregnant with you. One time I fell asleep when I was eating dinner. My face would have ended up in my plate if your father hadn't had picked me up out of the chair." Margot said with a soft smile remembering the times where she and Christian had been affectionate and loving.

Jack smiled at his mom's wistfulness; it was nice to hear such a story. He looked at his watch and sighed. The day had flown by and it was going on seven. He hated waking Kate up but he knew she wouldn't want to sleep on a hospital bed. Visiting hours were ending and Margot was going to stay with Christian.

"She's beautiful Jack." His mom said when she saw Jack looking at Kate. "She seems really sweet too."

"Yeah she is." Jack said proudly. "She's the best thing to ever happen to me, I think she saved my life." He said his voice becoming hoarse. "I've never loved anyone the way I love her, and I have never been loved by anyone the way she loves me. You know I got an emergency call in the middle of the night and Kate actually got up to make me coffee and food to eat so I wouldn't be sleepy or hungry." Jack said almost unbelieving. "She asks me how my day was, she rubs my shoulders when I'm stressed she listens to me when I rant and rave. I've never had that before. With Sarah I felt like I was walking on pins and needles because I was afraid I might upset her. I never talked about my dreams or my feelings because I knew she wasn't interested." Jack said.

Margot felt her heart break as she heard her son describe a love he should have always known and she was grateful that he had at least found it now.

"I should get her and baby home" he said with a grin. Margot chuckled.

"I can't wait to be a Grandma." Margot said but Jack could hear the question behind the comment. Would he allow Margot into his child's life?

"You're going to be a great one." He said and Margot grinned.

Jack went to the bed and gently stroked Kate's cheek. He leaned in close and whispered into her ear.

"Kate, sweetheart? It's time to wake up baby." He gently kissed her. He felt her stir and watched as her eyelids fluttered, her eyes opened with slight confusion and then he watched as they focused on him and they softened with love.

"Hi" she said stretching and then reaching up for him. He leaned forward and kissed her deeply. He pulled away and smirked when she let out a disgruntled sound at his retreat.

"We're in the private room and my mom is sitting feet away from us." He said with a smirk and he grinned as Kate blushed. She was groping Jack when his mother was in the same room.

He helped her sit up and stroked her cheek as she yawned she was still sleepy.

"Let's go home" he said brushing a curl out of her eyes. "We can pick up some food on the way home, I'm sure you're tired of hospital cafeteria food."

"Pizza?" Kate asked her eyes dancing with delight.

Jack grinned, "You know Rose is going to think I'm feeding you this junk food."

"Please?" she asked and Jack smiled and kissed her again softly.

"Whatever you want." He said. "Shannon went to grab dinner with Sayid when it was found out my dad was ok. I think she was a little uncomfortable being involved in my family drama. It couldn't have been too much fun for you." Jack said.

Kate reached up and cupped his face, "I wanted to be here with you and I was, that was enough for me."

They kissed sweetly and then Jack broke away. He called downstairs and one of the interns offered to pull his car around front.

"Either I carry you or I order a wheelchair." Jack told Kate when he had her all bundled up and ready to go.

Kate made a face, "How about I just walk out all by myself." She said.

Jack just shook his head and Kate looked over at Margot who was watching them slightly amused. Noticing Kate's imploring look she shook her head.

"Oh no don't look at me. I have to defer to the doctor on this one." Margot said holding up her hands.

"Ugh a wheelchair?" Kate asked.

"I can carry you, makes me feel all manly and stuff when I carry you around." Jack said giving his chest a mock thump. Kate rolled her eyes but held her arms out to him in surrender. Jack scooped her up and bidding his mother goodbye he carried her out to the elevator. He knew as he exited the hospital to his car that the rumor mill would really be spinning by tomorrow. They picked up their food and they went home and had a quiet yet comfortable dinner. When they were done Kate had given Shannon her key earlier so they turned in for the night. Kate snuggled close to Jack and rubbed his chest gently.

"I'm glad your dad is going to ok, did you get a chance to talk with him much?" she asked.

Jack kissed her forehead, "Yeah we had a good talk, we have a lot to work through but we made some headway, he is looking forward to being a grandpa." He said with a chuckle.

Kate sighed happily. "I'm glad we were afraid this little one was going to have any grandparents but your mom and dad both want to be in our lives. That's pretty amazing." Kate said. She smiled to herself, they were all alone and Jack was in a sated, relaxed mood. She moved up and before he knew it she was on top of him straddling him. She leaned down and kissed him hungrily.

"Love me Jack" she whispered against his mouth. Jack sighed and he maneuvered her off of him gently. Kate let out a frustrated moan as he stood from the bed and away from her.

"Not yet Kate" he said. "Not until after your check up."

Kate rolled her eyes. "We made love the night after my pain Jack and nothing happened so don't you think worrying about it now is pretty much pointless?" she asked annoyed.

"We shouldn't have done it then and we got lucky." Jack said rubbing his head. He wanted her more than she could ever know but he couldn't risk her losing the baby.

"This is just stupid." She said, she knew she was being bitchy but her hormones were going great guns for him and she just couldn't seem to get them under control.

"The welfare of our child is not stupid." Jack said and Kate was stunned at the low and cold tone his voice took.

"Of course it isn't Jack." She said warily. "I would never suggest it was." But we've already made love, I don't see what the big deal is.

"I will not lose you or this baby Kate!" Jack shouted silencing Kate, and she watched shocked as he stormed out of the bedroom. She tried to wrap her mind around the argument they had and she crawled from the bed. How did they go from happily snuggling to yelling and storming out of rooms? She came out to see him sitting on the couch in the dark his hands in his head. She knew something was very wrong.

"Jack talk to me" she said softly. "Please"

Jack rubbed his eyes wearily. "Back in the beginning of my marriage to Sarah we were actually happy. She wasn't always like she is now. We had been married for a couple months when she got real sick. When we got to the hospital we found out that she had been pregnant and that she had miscarried. The thought that we had made a child and lost it without our knowledge broke my heart. I think that was when Sarah pulled away. She acted like the miscarriage was no big deal and she began to talk about never having kids. I tried to get her to talk about the miscarriage but she wouldn't. I grew to resent her I'm sure as much as she resented me. The miscarriage haunted me and it still does. I think of what that baby could have been. I can't lose our baby Kate. I just can't. I hate myself for touching you that night, I never should have. So please respect my wishes when I say I want to wait until the doctor gives us the ok. Is that too much to ask for? Because I'm beginning to feel a little uncomfortable that all you seem to want from me is sex. That may be what this relationship started out on but I believe it is continuing on with different means." He stood up and looked out his window onto the cold snowy night.

Kate felt her heartbreak as he described his loss. She wanted to hurt Sarah for the damage she inflicted on Jack but she also could understand how a miscarriage could change a person's personality. She went to him and wrapped her arms around his waist resting her cheek against his bare back.

"I'm sorry Jack, I'm so sorry. I don't want to fight anymore ok? I promise I won't bother you about having sex until we get the doctor's ok. I'm so sorry for your loss and I don't want to do anything to hurt this baby. You were right." Kate said. Jack turned around and hugged her close as he heard her sniffle.

"I don't just love you because of sex Jack, I mean I love it between us but I do know we have more than that in common besides sex. I love you for everything that you are." Kate said her voice cracking. Jack answered her by pulling her into his arms as he held her tight in his arms while he whispered 'I love you' over and over into his ear. He scooped her u and carried her into the bedroom. There they snuggled together until sleep claimed them as they managed to come out of their first real argument. They were ok now and they would talk more tomorrow.

Ok gang there it is. please review