Version 2.0

Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note, Takeshi Obata and Tsugumi Ohba do. Anything else I make reference to is not owned by me either, but it'd spoil the fun if I listed them all here.

Episode the Nineteenth: Matsuda….seriously? Matsuda? Oh to hell with this, I'm gonna go watch D. Gray-man.

Guitar riff starts.

Saketa mune no kitsuguchi,

Afure nagereru pain in the dark,

Lelouch Appears

Lelouch: What the hell are you doing?

Jaded Ninja: I don't wanna do an episode about Matsuda.

Lulu: I think you're forgetting that you're still under the effects of the Geass.

JN: To hell with your Geass!

Lulu: Look no matter what you're personal distaste is for the character you still have to do the episode, it's your duty dammit!

JN: Oh yeah? What if the episode were called "Nina"?

Lulu: That table rapist? Okay you have a point.

JN: Now shut up, I still haven't caught up all the way yet.

Kasaneanatta shuukan wo,

Tsunugaru omoi tokashite,

A giant robot materializes in my room

Jaded Ninja: Gurren Lagann?

Simon: JADDEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD NINNNNNNNNNNNNNNJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PUNCH! Do the damn episode already.

Jaded Ninja: Jeez, owww, okay already.

The episode starts with a montage of all the shock worthy things Matsuda has done, also Afrocop's table slam, oh Aizawa how I miss you.

Matsuda: I don't want to be comic relief anymore.

Jaded Ninja: Boring, it's not too late to finish D. Gray-man…

Simon: Don't make me warp through space time again.

JN: Just saying….

We start off on the set of a movie that Misa is acting in. It looks like that guy L pretended to have the same name as is acting opposite her. That's go to be a record for most appearances of a non-investigation team/non Light's family character without being killed. Naturally Misa manages to annoy us even on the job.

Misa: Erection! Misa has a boyfriend now sew cussing scenes r no good!

Director: Are you serious it's your freaking job.

Misa: We can jus pretend to cuss.

Director: I shoulda just gone out and got one of those Scientologist stars for this role, their bitching about Xenu isn't half as frustrating.

Misa: Eyem a Statenist!

Matsuda: There it is, Yotsuba Headquarters. So close and yet I'm still not allowed to do any investigating. Flashback again to all the shock worthy things Matsuda has done.

JN: Okay come on! This guys got the memory of a goldfish we just had this flashback. I could be watching a vampire fight an Akuma!

Simon: Do you want a Giga Drill Breaker?

JN: You're inferior to Kamina, Simon and you're girlfriend's a Mary Sue.

Fed up with everyone, including me treating him this way Matsuda runs off for what I can only assume is a hissy fit.

Misa: Matsu? Hay Matsu?

Director: He seems to have gone off somewhere.

Misa: Huh?

Oh no, it wasn't to have a hissy fit, he's going inside Yotsuba headquarters! Look at him crawl on all fours underneath the guard's table.

In order to break up the monotony of the so far Matsuda heavy episode, Good Light is having an introspective moment.

Light: If it were possible to sleep with a man without my father thinking poorly of me would I be gay? It's true I think that there are several highly attractive men, but I wouldn't want to sleep with them and become gay. No, I've been reading way too many fanfics. There's no way I'd have sex with Ryuzaki.

L: What's the matter? You're staring at me with pretty perverse eyes. Are you thinking about having sex with my cake?

Light: No it's nothing like that.

L: Here. Offers cake.

Light: I don't do that with food.

Watari: Ryuzaki!

L: What is it Watari.

Watari: The dectective Erald Coil has taken the case of finding out L's identity.

Soichiro: Erald Coil? Isn't that they guy who's number 2 detective in the world? He's gunning for your job.

Watari: He was commissioned by Kida Masahiko, better know as Shady Glasses Yotsuba.

Soichiro: It would make sense that they would only be able to get the 2nd best detective in the world.

Light: They think if they get L's identity and kill L it will cause a chain reaction wiping out all the main characters so that only they will be left.

Soichiro: This is bad, the inferior evil organization teaming up with the inferior detective, they've got far too much ambition.

L: Chill, that handsome devil Erald Coil is really me. In fact I'm all three of the world's most famous detectives, L, Coil, and Deneuve. It just goes to show you how much Yotsuba sucks to fall for this. If you keep this secret this strawberry is yours (actual dialogue)

Mogi takes it, that greedy bastard. That's Ichigo!

Back to Yawn, Matsuda's adventures. He sees a bunch of people get on an elevator and then does his Matsuda transformation…woah, woah, woah….Matsuda gets a transformation? Okay seriously.

Orange Matsuda: Oh Shit I'm in too deep, I gotta get outta here. No, that's just what they want me to do. I'll show them! They'll see!

He sees two Yotsuba talking around the corner about a secret meeting.

Matsuda: Secret Meeting? This is my chance! He looks at the elevator. Nineteenth floor, right now to run upstairs!

Back at the tower.

Aiba: So you want me to investigate this guy? No problem.

Wedy: And you want me to hack the security cameras at the Yotsuba building?

L: Yes, there's some connection between Kira and Yotsuba. We have to investigate them but let's not do something stupid like just walk right up to the front door.

And what do you think Matsuda was doing just then?

Matsuda: I'll just eavesdrop a little…Presses head against door.

Tower

L: And for the love of Hecate, please don't let Yotsuba know we're investigating them. Cuz then our chances of catching Kira and ending this crappy arc will disappear.

Matsuda

Matsuda: Damn they soundproofed the door, you are a worthy adversary but you are no match for Orange Matsuda! Transformation.

Listening in.

Matsuda: They said kill!...they said Kira! They're gonna kill someone, I heard it! I did it, I proved their connected to Kira! I'm so sexy and cool…OH SHIT!

Matsuda pushes the doors open and falls in the room.

WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?

Investigation center.

L: So in review don't do anything stupid and think before you act.

Watari: Ryuzaki

L: What?

Watari: I just got a distress signal from Matsuda's belt.

L: That moron, where is he?

Watari: Yotsuba Headquarters.

A fast thinking Matsuda tries to save his life.

Matsuda: I'm a manager at Super Happy Fun Time Productions! How would you like to have Misa Misa as your spokesmodel?

A fast thinking L tries to salvage the plot.

L: The one person who most needed to hear that speech and what is he doing? Screwing everything up.

Commercial Bump.

Matsuda for Dummies.

Matsuda is actually older than L, but he certainly doesn't act like it.

Even Matsuda's stat wheel admits the guy has a short attention span. His special sate is "Sudden Action" which he happens to be maxed out in.

End Commercial Bump.

Yotsuba: Super Happy Fun Time Productions, Matsuda. He doesn't seem to be suspicious I doubt he's a spy.

Matsuda: Yup I totally wasn't spying on you. I'm totally screwed these two are making sure I don't make a break for it. I'm gonna die. Why did I try to be a main character? I want the real main characters to save me.

Matsuda's phone rings

Yotsuba: Go ahead answer it. But hold it away from your ear so we can listen in.

Matsuda: Right, Hello

L: Yo sup Matsuda

Matsuda: Ryuzaki?

L: It's me, your buddy Asahi, I haven't talked to you in a long time.

Matsuda: Oh hi Ryuzaki…I mean Asahi. What' up?

L: Have you been getting in trouble? You know you really should think before you act sometimes.

Matsuda:…Yeah…I guess I should…

L: You alone.

Matsuda: Yup.

L: To team He's not with Misa. To Matsuda, You wanna go out?

Matsuda: No, you don't get it Ryuzaki, I'm captured!

L: You really are a complete moron, you know that, I'm trying to help you and you just blow our cover.

Matsuda: Oops. Yeah I'm sorry I really suck, save me okay?

L: To Team Matsuda went off and got himself kidnapped. To Matsuda. Well see you later if you make it out alive, bye. Hangs up.

Matsuda: So uh…how bout Misa Misa? I'm sure she'll be an asset to your company.

Blonde Yotsuba: I see nothing suspicious here, so why didn't you bring Misa with you?

Black Haired Yotsuba: Hey, yeah, are you really her manager?

Matsuda: Well you see, she's in this movie….oh they'll never believe that, I'm a cop, I can get you pictures of L's face just don't kill me! Err I mean, I'll get Misa for you as soon as she's done.

Investigation Headquarters.

Light: Misa's phone goes straight to answering machine. The one time the bitch doesn't have her phone on. She'll call me at 3AM but where is she when we need her?

Soichiro: What do we do Ryuzaki?

L: Well if he dies it confirms Yotsuba's guilt and we're rid of Matsuda. I really don't see a down side. Let's just watch for now.

At the Mediocre Octagonal Table of Personal Profit.

Yotsuba 1: What shall we do?

Yotsuba 2: Did he overhear us?

Higuchi: You don't just answer a question with another question, give the man a real answer, I say kill him.

Shades: Is that really necessary, I mean what if he's just a manager?

Glasses: We're killing people in cold blood for our own gain and you're gonna get cold feet now?

Higuchi: What did I say about answer questions with questions? Shit now you got me doing it.

Back to the two babysitting Matsuda.

Blonde: Hmm, she is pretty hot, and a hot chick as our image might make us seem not so run of the mill.

Matsuda: You worry about being average too? Finally I'm with my own kind!

At the photo shoot.

Misa: Eyem sew tired! Yaiz! A massage from 1337! He must b worried about Misa cuz itz sew late! Calls Light back. 1337! Eyem sorry butt Eyeve been working dis whole time! Eyem dumb now!

Light: Misa, you were always dumb, where's Matsuda?

Misa: Hez suck a disgrace, he abandumbed Misa! Oh, Misa's work cell iz ringing. Itz Matsu.

Light: I think we're having a breakthrough, Misa just admitted both she and Matsuda were dumb.

L: You can't be trusted to interpret Misa correctly, put her on speaker phone.

Matsuda: Misa Misa, as soon as filming finishes please come to the Yotsuba building. The amazing Matsuda got you a job and is in no way about to die.

Misa: Dats sew cool Matsu!

L: Light, we may be able to save Matsuda, but we'll need Misa's help. She'll listen to you.

And listen she did Misa made her way to the octagonal table.

Misa: High, Eyem Misa Misa! Eye don't dew n00bs but underwear swimsoup is fine. May Satan bless our meeting!

Long Haired Yotsuba: Hmm, she is hot, I wouldn't mind bending her over the Octagonal Table right now.

Misa: Matsu, deez gaiz are pervs. RU sure you want me to work for them?

Matsuda: Misa we killed off Might Guy back in like episode 11. (someone check that)

So how do you please a perverse group of Japanese businessmen? With a Sexy Party of course.

Misa's Entourage: Pleezed 2 meet j00 all!

Misa: 2nite, gurlz from our pr0nduction team would liek 2 provide j00 wit a special reception!

Black Hair: I take back what I said, Yotsuba's perks are much better than magic tea.

Glasses: This is pretty close but I'm not sure.

Long Hair: What are we waiting for, let's go to the friggin party already.

Matsuda: If all goes well even I might get laid!

Watching the party.

L: Damn maybe I should have made an appearance.

Matsuda: Okay, I gotta go to the bathroom.

Epic running to toilet!

Matsuda: Ryuzaki, save me!

L: Tell me what you know first.

Matsuda: All 8 of them are planning on how to become main characters. I heard them clearly. Without a doubt they want to usurp us.

L: Are you absolutely sure, if so they'll be aiming to kill you.

Matsuda: I'm a main character, really?

L: A peripheral one, but a main character none the less. I've got a plan to save you, but to save you, you have to die.

Matsuda: Isn't that a bit contradicting?

L: Trust me I have a plan.

L explains the plan.

Matsuda: What no way, that's stupid.

L: So stupid it has to work!

Matsuda burst into the room clearly drunk.

Matsuda: Boy am I drunk, I'm such a lightweight. Watch out everyone I just drank a whole bottle of Jagermeister! You wanna see something cool? It's show time! Climbs up on railing

Yotsuba: What the hell are you doing?

Misa: Go 4 it Matsu! Satin will protect j00!

Matsuda: I always wanted to be in the circus, check it out.

Yotsuba: Hey you drunk that's dangerous, you have to wait for us to kill you!

Matsuda: You always say that, daddy. Why didn't you come to my little league games? I'll make you love me!

Does handstand.

Various Yotsuba: Stop it, you aren't supposed to die yet!

Matsuda: I wanted to be a ballerina, but you wouldn't let me!

Matsuda slips and falls.

Yotsuba: He fell!

Looking over the edge they see Matsuda's body on the street.

Wedy: You killed Matsuda! You bastards!

Misa: Oh noes! J00 gaiz butter go home, we'll take care of dis.

Yotsuba: Are you sure?

Misa: We'll b fine, plz keep Misa in mind 4 teh commercial.

Yotsuba: Hurry if the paparazzi catch us, it'll be trouble.

Matsuda's body is being carried away in a stretcher.

People: Oh no! Did someone jump?

Yotsuba: Oh well, at least he's dead. Guess that counts for something.

In the ambulance

L: Okay Matsuda you can come out now and stop pretending….Matsuda? Matsuda?

Pulls sheet away to reveal Matsuda's corpse.

L: Oh…shit…guess he was right, it was a stupid plan.

Later at Shades' house.

Shades: Amane Misa's manager, dead. Phone rings. Hello?

Man: Hello is this Shades of Yotsuba?

Shades: My name is, oh screw it, yes this is Shades, who are you?

Man: I'm Erald Coil. I'd like your advice on a certain situation.

Shades: He wants to know whether to bet on in the general election? Can you even do that?

At the octagonal table

Shades: And so you see it has come to my attention that you can actually bet on the Presidential election.

Glasses: This is revolutionary, the only question remains, if we do and then vote as well is that a conflict of interest?

Blondie: This is too dangerous I want out! Killing people I was down with, but gambling on an election that's too far!

Leader: Blondie, you'll be dead tomorrow.

Blondie: I was just joking, I'll bet on the election, I'm in! Go McCain!

Yotsuba: Do we really want to bet on that old guy? He might keel over in office.

Shades: I always liked third parties myself. Though that's a pretty big gamble it could pay off.

Bishie: I doubt it, there just isn't someone strong enough to break the two party system.

Blondie: That's right, I'll go with whoever you say!

Leader: Okay, betting on the November general election with Coil, any objections?

Yotsuba: No objections

Later

Wedy: L, it was no challenge at all to bug the place they really are mediocre.

Matsuda: This is so exicting!

Soichiro: It's time, wait a minute, Matsuda where'd you come from?

L: I'll tell you later the meeting's about to start…

Yotsuba: So let's get this meeting started.

Soichiro: There's only 7 instead of 8, why is that?

L: What is this 20 questions, I told you I'll explain later…

Author's note: How was Matsuda revived? Was it A) Death Eraser, B) A Matsuda clone, C) Necromancy, or D) was he wished back with the Dragonballs? The answer will be revealed next week.

Reviews, if yours is good, you might get a spot next week.

Ice Crome The Mediocre Octogonal Table of Personal Benift. I'm naming my child that.

Make sense? No? Well I don't give a .

Cool, good thing I hide behind an anonymous username so the kid won't come after me in 20 years.

Stygian Styx great chapter, and adult swim will most likely just keep the first opening, though I hope they don't.

I hope they don't also, though bleeps will slowly drain my soul. Hey Hey Ningen Fucker FTW.

Shishishi What the . . . ? Afrocop??
and even Aizawa's wife and daughter called "afro's wife" and "afro's kid"? Hwahahah XD
btw, GOOD JOB!

That is fast becoming the fan name for Aizawa, much like the Ishida's are Arrowlad and Arrowdad.

So Thank you for making it all the way to the end, also Simon, you can go home now.

Simon: Remember if you get outta control again, POW right in the kisser. Leaves.

Lulu: What about me do I have to go?

JN: Naw just go call Kallen, CC, Millay, Euphie, and Shirley and get them to come over and you can stay forever.

Version Update: As per Stygian Styx's note I realized I had the episode number wrong. Also I changed Wedy's line when Matsuda goes splat.