Chapter 21
Nessie's pov
"Yes!" I heard Alice exclaimed as my family all piled into the cottage.
"Our Nessie's getting married!" Rosalie exclaimed.
My nerves kicked in. Marriage? I guess what happens, happens. I'm engaged to Jacob now.
I felt a wave of calmness wash over me. I smiled a thank you to Jasper.
Everybody hugged and congratulated Jacob and I. Then Daddy wrapped me up in a hug.
"You'll always be my little girl." he whispered in my ear.
I nodded, tears brimming my eyes.
"Uncle Jasper felt my emotions again and said, "Why don't we celebrate after everything settles down."
I mouthed thank you to him, then they all left.
Jacob saw the look on my face and wrapped me in a hug.
"Jake, we can't get married." I said, my voice thick with tears.
"Why?" he asked.
"Because we have Isaiah's funeral. And then your family and the pack. I've probably lost all the respect I've earned. I almost killed my best friend…" I trailed, laying my head on his neck. How can he be so calm and strong? How can I cry when I knows Jacob needs me?
"How can I be there for you when I'm feeling sorry for myself?" I showed him.
"You said so yourself that there is two people in this relationship. We don't have to get married now. And you haven't lost any respect you've earned. Everybody is just upset over things that happen. Give Abby time to take all this in, and me…I have you in my arms right now. That's all I need."
Jacob smiled, but I knew it was fake. I didn't need to break down when Jacob was about too.
I wanted so bad to read Jacob's mind. But I was afraid. I didn't want to bring back unwanted memories.
I looked down at my ring. My big, shiny, gorgeous, engagement ring. And boy did he do good picking it out.
It was a big circle diamond, with small little diamonds going around it. Diamonds all were all over the band, making it shimmer in light.
"You still didn't answer my question on how you got this gorgeous ring." I said.
"I can tell you like it." Jacob smiled. And for the record, I do have a life outside of changing into a wolf you know."
I walked back to the kitchen, fixing something to eat.
I started to drift off into another world as I sat a plate down in front of Jacob.
How could I be so reckless and stupid? I have amazing self control, and I tried to suck my best friend dry. I wanted to kill anybody who got in my way. I should have known I was going to act that way. Maybe I should have waited a bit, then went and saw her.
But why did I loose self control? I had just hunted the day before. I'm normally as good as new when I hunt. Why did it have to happen to me?
I still had the burning flame in my throat, so I didn't eat anything. I was under control, or sort of.
The thought of blood going down my throat made it even worse. Why now? I was under control? Why? Why? Why?
"Ness-"
"I just hunted! How can I loose self control now?! I just freaking hunted?"
"You're part vampire. You-"
"Just shut up. You didn't want to kill anything in sight. How do you know what I'm going through? You don't understand!" I growled, then regretted saying those words.
Jacob took a step back and looked at me hurt. "You're right. I don't know."
"Of course you don't You were the one who called me weak! You said I showed all of you tonight that I can't handle being around humans! You were the one who called me weak! I needed you to tell me that I was strong and that I didn't want to do that, but you didn't! I needed to hear those words, Jacob!" I shouted, all the words I've bottled up and hidden, being let loose.
Jacob was even more hurt when I said that. I hated that I hurt him and screwed up this wonderful time for us, but he shouldn't have never said that. I didn't need to hear that I was to weak to be around humans. I needed to hear that I was strong. That I could ignore everything!
Jacob looked down again hurt. I knew I was taking my anger and nerves out on him. We have Isaiah's funeral, then my screw up. Now I'm yelling at my fiancé. What's the worse I could do.
"Jake, I-" I started, taking a step to him.
"Funny how one second we're fine, then the next we're not." Jacob said, letting me get in his arms.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that."
I knew Jacob was already upset, then he was happy I finally said yes to marrying him, then I made it even worse.
"I am happy that I'm going to become your wife." I said, putting my hand on his cheek.
Engaged? I can't believe I am saying this? All this time I told myself that I didn't want marriage just yet; but I felt prepared. I have no clue what I was going to do for…well, about everything.
But right now, I needed to make right for what I did wrong.
Jacob only smiled, not answering what I told him. He was still hurt at what I said. I knew I couldn't take back what I said, but I wish I could.
"You're right. What I planned backfired. It all seemed to work inside my head." he thought, not looking at me.
I led him to the couch, and sat on his lap. I put my hand under his chin, making him look at me.
"I still should have never said that. I'm taking all my anger out on you, and you don't deserve it."
We stayed the silent for a while. Jacob drifted off into his own thoughts, as I did the same.
"Jake?"
"Hmm?" he asked, still in his own world.
"What are we going to do?"
He hesitated for a while, then answered. "I honestly don't know."
I didn't either. With everything that's been going on, and now a wedding, what were we going to do.
"I'm lucky to have you." I whispered in his ear.
"Where did that come from?" he asked.
"I've never said it before. And, it's true." I shrugged, then yawned.
Jacob smiled, picking me up, then walked to the bedroom.
I curled against Jacob's bare chest. I knew Jacob would wait until I was asleep to shed a few tears. I had to get him to open up now.
"Sometimes I wish everything didn't have to happen to us. I've waited so long for you. I've waited a long time to actually have a peaceful life. Why did you have to be the one who's in trouble?" Jacob asked, playing with my engagement ring.
"Do you regret imprinting on me?" I showed him.
"No. Never. It's just…I wish people didn't come to me like I have all the right answers. Sometimes I'm wondering why, myself. Why do I always need to play super hero?"
"Because you, Mr. Black, are stubborn, determined, and you'll do anything to protect the one's you care about. Not just me. You're a good person." I said, putting my hand on his chest right above his heart.
"But-"
"Shsh. Sleep on it. We're both tired. We have tomorrow to figure everything out. I love you, my crazy, stubborn, determined, kind, caring, most amazing, wonderful fiancé. Remember that." I said, then drifted off to sleep.
~~~~ Forever Yours ~~~~
A beautiful baby was placed in my arms. It was larger than a newborn would be. But it was still beautiful.
The baby had my facial features, but its skin was several shades lighter than Jacob. It had his silk, raven black hair, but had my curls. When it opened its eyes, they were dark almond brown.
"You were super." Jacob whispered beside me.
I smiled at the very alert baby in my arms.
"It was a team effort." I showed Jacob, nudging him in the chest.
He laughed.
"I love you, Momma." My child thought.
Tears brimmed my eyes. This was my child!
"I love you." Jacob said. "You and our child."
The next few minutes, the baby started to cry. I was assuming it was hungry.
I looked over at my Jacob, who had fallen asleep. I decided not to wake him.
"Momma? Daddy? Anybody around?"
I didn't know what its diet was; and I was kind of shocked none of my family was here. I thought they would be just as excited as I was.
I guess I'll have to do it myself.
I attempted to get up, but it seemed my legs wouldn't work. Everything felt cold, which was weird because I never got cold. I felt light headed to the point where I couldn't even sit up.
"Ja-Jake, take the ba-baby." I rasped, shaking Jake.
He didn't wake up. I shook harder, but he only fell to the floor. I tried to get to him, but my whole body was numb. My arms fell limp at my sides.
"Jacob!" I showed him, unable to use my voice.
I looked over to where my baby was, but it wasn't there.
I saw a bit mark on Jacob's neck. He can't be…
I looked over at my child now. It was much older. Instead of the almond brown eyes, it had deep burgundy red and around its mouth was blood.
"I love you, Mommy." My child sang as my vision blurred. I rested my head against the pillow, letting darkness overtake me…
My eyes flew open as I looked around. Everything was just a dream. Nothing more to it.
I looked over at Jacob, who was passed out. My assumption was right. He did shed a few tears while I was asleep.
It was all a dream. Simple as that. Jacob and I don't have a child. I still have to graduate first…if it's safe for me to go.
I looked at my engagement ring again. I have to stop running like a coward and face my consequences and fate. What comes, comes.
Right now, Jacob needs me.
I looked at the clock. It was 11:30 a.m. No calls from anybody.
I looked around again. Grandma wanted to set up Momma and Daddy's room just like Isle Esme.
I always loved being at the cottage. Everything was peaceful and quiet.
I looked down at my fiancé. (I guess I was going to have to get used to calling him that.) He looked so innocent when he was sleeping. He looked like he was a little kid, not having to carry everybody's burden on his shoulders. He's always been strong for the ones he's cared about. Even when he was aching inside. I wish he would let us be there for him.
I decided to at least keep our engagement a secret until after graduation. We have so much going on. We don't need it to be shaken up with our news.
All I know is that since Jacob's proposal, everything would change…
~~~~ Forever Yours ~~~~
I drove up to Abby's house, thanking my lucky stars that he parents weren't home. But Seth was there.
Crap.
Right now, I really wanted to be with Jacob. Both of us were going through so much, that we both needed to be together.
Nahuel left unexpectedly, leaving a lot of unanswered questions. Daddy said that he was ashamed to speak to me, and that he would come back when he was ready. I decided to give him the space. I have more on my plate right now to handle with.
I knocked on Abby's door, hoping somebody would answer. I wouldn't blame them if they didn't, though.
Seth opened the door and stared at me shocked. He and I were always close. He accepted my family before any of the other wolves did.
Has our relationship ruined, too?
"Hey, Ness." he mumbled, looking down.
"Hey, Seth." I said. "Is Abby-"
"She's okay. Scared, but okay."
I winced. I knew I scared him, too.
"Seth, look, I'm sorry for what I did. I don't have no excuse for acting that way. Trust me, I've beat myself up plenty."
"You're forgiven. I know I can't ask you for it not to happen again, can't I?" he said.
I didn't answer. I couldn't. I didn't know how I would act; but I hoped that would sway his decision on letting me see Abby.
"Can I see her" I asked, changing the subject.
He opened the door wider and let me in.
"Are you going to the funeral?" Seth asked.
I nodded. I didn't know if it was best for me to go, but I needed to be there for Jacob.
I waked into Abby's room with Seth close behind me. Abby looked up, and tried to hide the terror in her eyes. I guess she thought I was still the monster that tried to kill her.
"I'm in control. I took down three mountain lions and a bear before I came here." I said, gripping my teeth, on the verge of tears.
I went to sit on her bed.
"Abb, I'm so sorry. Something came over me. It was stupid and reckless. Please forgive me." I said, tears brimming my eyes.
"How can I be mad at my best friend?" she asked with a laugh.
"You don't have to forgive me. I almost killed you. Your blood never smelled so good, and I…You kept my secret! How can you be so nice to me! Why are you making this so easy?"
"True. You did scare me; but I'm in with the mythical, supernatural world too, remember? I'm in love with a wolf, and my best friend's part vampire. I know the risk I'm taking with both, but so be it." Abby shrugged. "At least it's all over, right?"
I didn't want to tell her that it wasn't over. That I didn't know when it was going to be over. That I didn't know when it was going to be over.
"I hope everybody else is going to be as forgiving as you." I said.
"Give them a chance. I'm pretty sure it'll be easy." Abby said with a small grin. "At least you're not venomous, though. You bit Seth pretty hard."
I couldn't hold them back anymore. The tears that brimmed my eyes fell.
"Are you okay?" she thought.
I didn't know what to answer. Could I lie to her and tell her that I was okay?
"How's Jake?" Abby said, changing the subject to something else, for which I was grateful for.
"He's…honestly, I have no clue. He's trying to hide everything be being strong for me, but he blames himself." I showed her.
That, and he was also trying to be happy about our…engagement. I regret now leaving the ring on. Maybe she won't notice.
"Seth's the same way. He's not talking either."
"Men." I laughed.
"Have you resolved anything with him, yet?"
I shrugged. I guess so. I'm about to marry him.
"I might not go to graduation?" I said, trying again to steer the conversation. I wanted to tell her that about Jacob proposing, but it just wasn't the right time. Hell, the proposal wasn't even at the right time.
"What? You can't! You're-"
"I know. Valedictorian. Just with everything going on, I couldn't make the speech."
I couldn't tell her what was going on. That nothing was over. That we weren't safe. That there was no definition of safe anymore. Nothing and no one was safe.
"Yeah, but Hailey's gone. We can finally get on with out lives." my friend lauged.
I smiled half-heartedly.
"Ness, what's wrong?"
"Nothing. I'll see you at the funeral." I said, squeezing her hand.
Abby looked down and gasped.
CRAP! That was the hand my ring was one. DOUBLE CRAP!
"OHMIGOD, HE FINALLY ASKED?!" Abby shouted then winced.
Seth rushed in right at that moment.
"Abb, what's wrong?" he asked.
Seth looked at me for a second, then back at Abby.
"Sorry. Nothing's wrong. Jake finally asked!" Abby squealed.
She looked at her confused, so I held up my hand to show him the ring.
"Oh, yeah. It's about time. That was all Jacob could think about. He was worried when was the perfect time. Congrats, though." he said smiling.
"Don't tell anybody. With all that's going on, it's not the right time to say anything."
Seth and I stared at each other for a while. He knew what was really going on. What was really happening.
"Nessie, I can't loose her. She's got to stay safe." Seth thought.
"I know. Nothing will happen to her. They want me, but whoever is in the way will get killed."
"Even Jake?"
I nodded.
"Well, I guess I'll see you later. I have several more apologies to make." I said getting up and leaving.
For the whole day, I went and apologized to everybody. I didn't give any excuses, because there was no need to have one. What I did was wrong. Even if I was half vampire. I could have put everybody in jeopardy because of my actions.
Surprisingly, everybody forgave me. Some even thought I shouldn't apologize. Vampires can be unpredictable. I can be unpredictable.
I didn't let anybody know that Jacob asked me to marry him. But, I had a feeling they knew all along.
I pulled into Kaleb's driveway. I had to get things cleared out with him.
I walked onto the front porch and knocked.
Leah opened the door.
"Hey, is-" I started, but all of a sudden she pulled me into a hug.
"I heard about everything. Kyle and I just got in last night. How's Jake taking everything. He was pretty upset with Joseph and Rebecca. I can't imagine how he feels now that he was there." Leah said walking out onto the porch.
"He blames himself. For all of it really. He says to much blood has been on his hands ever since he took the role as alpha."
"I may not phase anymore, but Jake's a good alpha. You should have seen him when he pulled away from Sam. Ness, Jake didn't have anybody except us to rely on. He only had me, and Seth when Bella was pregnant with you. He was battling emotions dealing with your mother, taking the role as a leader, and his brothers wanting to kill the girl he had feelings for. He couldn't rely on me because I hated the Cullens, and Seth…he was like a kindergartner on his first day of school. Now he has somebody he can rely on."
Again, Leah knew exactly what I was thinking before I even said anything.
"Nahuel told Jacob that Hailey wasn't the true leader. His half sister Scarlet was. And the thing is, Nahuel was with her. Jacob said he had an off feeling about him. And you want to know the said thing: I actually trusted Nahuel more than Jacob! Maybe if I listened to Jacob, we wouldn't be in this mess."
"You should practice what you preach, Cullen." Leah joked.
Meaning: I should take what life gives me, and move on.
"You're right, Clearwater." I joked back. "But what can I do? Jake won't say anything at all."
"Maybe you should ask him that yourself." she said with a slight smile.
"Thanks, Leah."
"Anytime. Oh, and if you're looking for Kaleb, he's at the beach." Leah said.
I nodded and hopped in my car, heading to the beach.
Once I got there, I saw Kaleb sitting on the sand close to the water.
"Hey." I said, sitting beside him.
We stayed silent.
"I'm sorry." Kaleb said, breaking the silence.
"I know; but Kaleb, I can't do this. Jake needs me right now. I can't focus on you loving me. You can't either. We have so much going on-"
"But I can't keep telling myself it's just a crush. I can't keep avoiding him every time we phase. Nessie, you don't understand how hard it is for me to respect the relationship you have with Jake! All I want to do is make you mine! I know you love Jacob, but sometimes I wish you would give me a chance! Jacob can make you happy, but I can too. Just because he's tied down to you, doesn't mean you have to be!" He yelled.
I looked down. I was already emotional today, and he made it worse. Jacob was tied down to me. He didn't love me. Only his body told him too. Not his heart.
Kaleb moved close to me, and I realized his lips were inches away from mine.
No. I don't need to have feeling for him. I'm marrying Jacob. I love Jacob. Even if he was tied down to me.
I moved.
"No, Kaleb. Jacob should be the only one who kisses me."
"If this is what I said about him being tied down to you, I didn't mean it."
"If you can't accept things as they are, then we shouldn't be friends. I can't handle a freaking screwed up triangle!" I shouted. He stayed quiet.
"Kierra wants to know when you'll be over again. She shouldn't shut up about you singing to her." Kaleb eventually said. I breathed a sigh of relief when he changed the subject.
"How do you and her have cobalt blue eyes, when Kyle has brown?" I blurted.
"Our father had cobalt blue. Which is rare. Kyle took after my mother." Kaleb said, his voice turning cold when he talked about his parents.
Why?
"I guess I better get going. Jake wants to have a pack meeting; and as the trusty beta, I have to be there." Kaleb said, walking me back to my car.
"I'll see you tonight." I showed him, driving off.
I wondered on how tonight would be. Since the everything was tonight, my family thought it would be okay to go to the awake. Although they all decided not to go to the burial. It might set off to many phasing kids.
I thought how Jacob would be. He will one-hundred percent blame himself. I had to be strong for him tonight.
I knew if Jacob wasn't with me, I don't know where I would be. Where neither of us would be.
He was wrong though. When I'm weak, he's strong. When he's weak, I'm strong. He's waited so long for me. I needed to follow through on my promise to become his wife.
Jacob has been there for me every step of the way. I wouldn't be able to survive if I didn't have my rock.
~~~~ Forever Yours ~~~~
As the minister said his final words, Jacob's hand squeezed mine tighter.
The whole pack blamed themselves:
"I should have paid attention…"
"I should have helped them…"
And last, but not least. Jacob's mantra:
"If I listened to Nessie…"
"It's going to be okay." I showed him.
He smiled and nodded slightly.
After the minister ended, the crowd broke and Jake disappeared. I figured he was going to see Rebecca, Joseph, or his mother's grave.
I decided to give him the time alone, and wait for him by the car.
"Hey. You've been quite." Emily said, carrying Channing over.
"Just trying to be the supportive imprint." I said.
She offered for me to hold Channing. I shook my head yes.
"I know the feeling. Sam blames himself. He thinks he should have paid attention more, it wouldn't have happen." Emily said while I bounced Channing.
"He has you and Channing to worry about. Nobody's perfect."
"Try telling the guys that." she said.
"How do you did it? I mean, being the imprint to an alpha?" I showed her.
"I don't know. I did what you're doing. I was there when he needed me. I guess you can say I kind of became the mother to a bunch of bottomless pit men." she laughed.
"You still are." I joked.
"Yes, but once my husband stops phasing, somebody has to take it over." Emily joked, nudging me in the hip.
"How would that make a difference."
"Don't tell anyone, but Sam and I have talked about moving away from the reservation. After he stops phasing of course." she thought.
I couldn't picture Sam and Emily leaving. I've always thought of them here.
"So…have you picked out a date yet?" Emily eventually asked.
"For what?" Please don't say for the wedding. Please don't say for the wedding.
"For the wedding." she said.
I gave her a shocked look.
"Seriously, Ness? You can't keep a secret long with all of us. We've been waiting forever you Jake to ask you. Correction: we've been waiting forever for you to finally give in, and say yes."
"Thanks. But I don't know really when it will be. He just asked. Ten years maybe? Hopefully by then everything will be settled down."
"I won't be young forever, so make it quick. I didn't get the change to be half immortal." Emily joked as Billy wheeled up to us.
"Emily, do you mind if I have a minute with my future daughter-in-law?" Billy asked.
Did everybody know?
"Um…sure. I'll talk to you later, Ness." Emily said, taking Channing and walked off.
"Does everybody know?" I asked.
"All I can say is Jake was excited about it a little too much, if you wanted to keep it a secret." Billy laughed.
"Snitch." I mumbled.
"I want to say thank you." Billy said taking my hand.
"For finally saying yes to your son?"
"For finally making my son happy, You've gave him life again. I thought that would have been long gone. I don't know where he would be if he didn't have you."
I looked down and blushed.
"Dad." Jacob greeted as he walked up to us, wrapping his arm around my waist and kissing my forehead.
"Son." Billy greeted back. "Well, I think I'll leave you time alone with your fiancé.
I buried my head in Jacob's chest to hide my blush again.
"Let's get out of here." I said getting in my car.
"Good. I've had enough of funerals for a while." Jacob said, loosening his tie.
He wasn't the only one.
"Nahuel's lucky he ran." Jacob said in a cold sarcastic tone that he didn't use often.
I didn't want Jacob to hurt Nahuel. Or anybody for that matter. I
"I'm not going to let you do something that I know you're going to regret later. I told you it will be okay." I said.
"Are you sure about that?"
"Positive."
Maybe it will truly be okay.
~~~~ Forever Yours ~~~~
"Ill meet you at the cottage." Jacob said, and took off as I pulled into the family garage.
I walked into the living room, where I only saw Momma and Daddy sitting on the couch waiting for me.
Where was everybody else?
"Hunting." Daddy answered. "Was everything-"
"Awkward." I simply said.
Which it was.
I waited to see what else they were going to say, but I really need to be with Jacob right now.
"Anything else?" I asked.
"Go be with Jake, since we're not that important to you anymore." Momma joked, winking at me.
"You'll always be important to me." I showed my parents as I ran out the door.
When I got outside, I saw my russet brown wolf waiting for me at the edge of the woods.
Jacob got up from where he was laying and walked over to me.
"Impatient, huh?" I showed Jacob, climbing on his back.
"Who said I had to be chauffer? You're faster than me. You can keep up."
"Yeah, but it won't be as fun."
Jake playfully growled as he surged forward.
Jake wasn't the only one who phased, but I decided to let them have their head to their selves (as Jacob puts it).
I started to let my mind wonder to the dream I had. It didn't mean anything right? I wasn't really ready for children. I'm a three year old in a nineteen year olds body.
I wasn't going to be like my mother. I wasn't going to be in love with two guys, hurt both of them, then get pregnant when I'm not ready. Not going to happen!
When I said I wanted it to happen, I didn't mean anytime soon.
"Uh, Ness? Can you get off my back. Literally. Kinda need to phase back so we don't have a conversation in private." Jacob thought.
I slid off his back as he went to phase.
Jacob came back and cradled me in his arms as we sat down.
I put my hands on his chest, and leaned against him.
"Now I know why you hold me to the earth, instead of gravity." Jacob said, kissing me.
"Why?"
"You keep me grounded. When I'm weak, you're always there for me. As many screw ups and promises I've made and broken, you still stand by me. I wouldn't be able to do what I do know if I didn't have you. I wouldn't be where I am now. I wouldn't be able to live if I didn't have you." Jacob said, kissing me again.
"You haven't broken any promises." I said.
Jacob was about to say something, but I gave him a glare to shutup.
"What about the special "normal" date I keep promising you?" he asked.
"So what! Plans change! You said you were going to propose to me on that special "normal date, but that changed. So what if you did it sooner than expected. And if you want to be technical, you've been proposing for the past few months. I've been refusing to give in until know." I said. Jacob gave a slight smile.
"What about being normal?"
"We can't change who we are. Yeah, we aren't the normal couple you see everyday, but who is? Everybody has their quirks and flaws. Every couple isn't normal. Besides, somebody once told me normal was boring and predictable. Now who would want that?" I showed him.
"Neither of us can be superman. When one of us is weak, the other one is going to be strong. And I could say the same thing about you being the strong rock, Mr. Black. I couldn't live this life if I didn't have you. And I wouldn't choose too."
"Yeah, but I wish I could make it safer for you."
"You do make it safer for me. Both worlds aren't safe. Human or supernatural. But that's the risk we have to take." I said, kissing Jacob on the cheek.
"How did you get so smart about this?"
"I guess you learn from experience." I laughed.
We drifted off into silence then. I stared off into space, while Jacob stared at me. He brought his face closer to mine and nuzzled my ear, keeping there.
"Have you wondered what it would be like to just run away from all of this?" he whispered huskily in my ear, making me have chills on my arms.
"What do you mean?" I showed Jacob, unable to use my voice.
"I mean: run away. From everything and everybody. From all the vampire threats, and the werewolves. We can elope. Find a small town and settle down. We can raise a family. I can phase every now and then to keep check here. You can be a doctor or photographer, or whatever you want to be. And open up a garage shop. We can do whatever you want. We can go wherever we want."
I had a feeling Jacob has been thinking about this for a while.
"Elope as in Vegas?"
"Where else?" Jacob joked, smiling.
"With a bunch of showgirls and drunk women trying to get too you? I don't think so!"
Jacob laughed.
"What about all the drunk men trying to get too close for comfort with you? I'll have to make them have a hangover early." Jacob said.
"So, you've been telling people I've said yes?" I asked, changing the subject.
"I-they already knew I was going to ask. Why do you think Alice screamed yes?"
I was completely lost.
"Remember your prom when I was acting weird? How everybody was acting weird?" he asked.
I nodded. "Well, while you were away at Abby's, I asked Edward for your hand."
I sorta felt like an idiot right now. Jacob's been acting strange, and I've been completely oblivious about it all. I can read minds and I didn't think anything of it.
So wait…does that mean Kaleb knows?
"I feel like an idiot right now!" I showed Jacob, burying my head in his chest.
"You're not an idiot. It just wouldn't be a surprise if you knew. But I don't want you to feel forced to marrying me because-"
"Haven't we had this conversation before? I love you for you. Not the magic wolfy imprinting."
Sometimes I wondered if Jacob loved me for me, and I him. That it wasn't just the imprint holding us together.
But I wasn't going to admit that to Jacob.
Jake moved so that he was laying down, and I was on top of him. He kissed me lightly at first, the rougher and fiercer. This was normally the type of kiss that either of us was releasing off steam.
"Is it to early to set a date?" I asked reluctantly pulling away.
"Anytime is perfect for me." Jake mumbled against my lips.
I suddenly thought of the dream I had when I was in Alaska. About how Jacob caught me kissing…Kaleb; and he tells me to have a nice life, then he leaves.
Tears brimmed my eyes as I thought about Jacob saying good-bye. How I easily let him go.
"Why are you crying? Is thinking about it that bad?" Jake asked.
I shook my head no. "I'm scared you'll leave me." I showed him, ashamed.
"That will never happen, and you know it. I'll never leave you. I promise, and I won't brake this one." he said, kissing the tears away.
"I don't know where I'd be without you." I mumbled against his chest.
"We can talk about the wedding some other time. I'm still on a high about you saying yes." Jacob said.
I laughed. I didn't know why I was crying. Maybe I'm just bottling everything up.
"July 10th?" I blurted.
Jacob gave me a confused look.
"The wedding date? I know, it's quick, but it's all I got."
"That soon?" my Jacob asked.
It must sound wrong to pick a wedding date hours after a funeral-and maybe a little selfish-but I had to get the subject of Jacob blaming himself off.
It's working, though.
"Got any better ideas?"
"November 13th?"
"Five months away? Imagine what type of elaborate wedding plans Alice will have because she was able to plan for five months. With my idea, she only has a few weeks to plan. Maybe even less if we "forget" to tell her." I said, kissing Jacob again.
"I know what you're trying to do." he thought, but his lips never left mine.
"It it working?"
"All depends. I still say we should elope."
"I still say we drive Alice crazy and tell her last minute."
"Now I like that idea even better." he thought as his arm locked around my waist.
"Or we can wait ten years from now." I showed him.
"Fine by me." he whispered in my ear, giving me-again-goosebumps.
"You aren't even paying attention to me!"
"I am. You said you wanted to give Alice ten months to plan, and I-shockingly-disagreed. Then I pitched the idea about driving Alice crazy about telling her last minute." Jake joked.
"I think she's already planning."
"Of course I am! I've been waiting for this moment for three years! If you think your mother's wedding was huge, you should see what yours is going to be like!" Alice said coming through the trees.
"Aunt Alice! I can't have a conversation in private?!" I exclaimed.
"I thought we were celebrating later on?" Uncle Emmett shouted, appearing next to Alice.
YOU'VE GOT TO BE FREAKING KIDDING ME?!
"So much for peaceful." Jacob thought.
He's got that right.
"We are," I say, "but it can't hurt to talk about it."
"We'll since we're talking about it; I think you need to include the rest of your family." Aunt Rosalie said as the rest of everybody came into view.
I laid my head on Jacob's shoulder, and blushed.
"After I graduate, please." I begged.
"Deal; but you are not waiting five days before your planned date to tell me." Alice said.
I blinked, and we finally had peace.
"Their going to drive me crazy, Jacob." I moaned.
"I'll protect you." he laughed.
"I think we should elope." I showed him.
"It'll be okay. And thanks."
"For what?" I was completely confused.
"For being here when I need you."
I kissed him again.
"You do the same for me." I laughed, nudging him in the shoulder.
"I just whish that I could have ended this better." he mumbled.
He really wishes that he ended it, and he didn't have to loose anybody.
"Maybe Nahuel knows where Scarlet is."
I wasn't sure how all of us could handle Nahuel near. I was scared on what Jacob would do.
"I don't know how I'll be able to be around him. Or the other leech." Jake growled.
"He might not have did all those bad thing. Jake,-"
"Yeah, but he was with them, Ness! Can't you see that! He's tried to take you away from me! So what if he didn't love you as much as he acted! The fact is, is that he tried! If he wants my forgiveness, he can forget it!" Jacob exclaimed, tensing up.
"I won't let you do anything stupid." I showed him, putting my hands on his shoulders.
"If I see him or his leech, I'll kill them both!"
Jake was serious, but I couldn't let him do this.
"Jake, just because Becca, Joseph, and Isaiah died, that doesn't mean you have to go out killing somebody. Let Nahuel and Roxanne tell their side of the story, then we make judgments." I said.
"You're still taking his side? After all this he's still this perfect person that did nothing wrong?! You'll still choose him!?"
I was hurt that Jacob said that, but I knew it was true. I always take everybody else's side. I always choose the wrong side, and everybody I love has to pay the consequences.
I got up, not saying anything, and attempted to swallow tears. Jacob took my silence as he hurt me-which he did-but it was true.
"I didn't mean-"
"You meant it; and you were right. I pick everybody else instead of you. I'm sorry." I showed him, not trusting my voice.
"Ness, I-"
"It's fine."
"But-"
"I said: it's fine!" I shouted. "Let's just get out of here. I'm exhausted from our adventurous evening."
Jacob didn't say anything, but took off to phase anyway.
I didn't wait for him.
I always hurt Jacob. No matter what I do. I decided to leave because I knew that I was going to hurt him. I decided to stay because I knew that was going to hurt him. Now I'm engaged to him, and I'm hurting him.
Am I ready for marriage?
I told Kaleb that I wasn't going to choose between him and Jacob. I'm not going to choose between Nahuel and my Jacob either.
I stormed through the cottage, slamming the door in Jacob's face.
"Renesmee.." Jake trailed.
"I'm not having this argument, Jacob." I growled, getting out of my dress and into something comfortable.
"I didn't…you know I can be-"
"A jerk? A big, fat, stupid, idiotic, arrogant, ass, jerk!" I shouted. I don't know why I was so mad, when I knew he was right.
"Okay? We can go with tat. I was just going to say a jerk, but if you want to call me all that, go ahead. I deserve it, so go on."
I turned to glare at him. He's making this so difficult!
"I hate it when you do that." I pouted.
He started walking over to me slowly, smiling a mischievous smile. My heartbeat quickened and I got nervous.
"What do you hate I do?" Jake said huskily, reaching me. His face got inches from mine, and wrapped my arms around my waist.
"This." I showed him, again not able to trust my voice.
"What am I doing?" he thought as he slowly kissed my neck.
"You're-you're making it difficult…forget it." I stammered. He smiled.
"You're cute when you're vulnerable and innocent." Jacob mumbled against my lips.
"Cute?"
"You're beautiful when you're angry." he said. "And you're gorgeous when you cry."
"Sweet talking, stupid mongrel who thinks he can get back on my good graces." I growled.
Jake laughed.
"But please stop." I begged.
"Not until you forgive me." he whispered against my neck.
"I can't." I said, pushing him back a few inches.
"Why?"
I seriously hated when Jacob did this!
"How can I forgive you when I have nothing to forgive you of. You were right when you said I pick Nahuel's side. I pick everybody's side except yours, and I shouldn't." I said. "But whatever stupid choice I make, just know I'll always choose you."
"Why don't we have this conversation when your mood swings stay the same for at least two minutes." Jake joked.
"Are you saying I'm moody?"
Before Jake could answer, I snapped at him. "Now I'm mad at you!"
I stormed into the master bathroom, slamming the door shut and locked it.
Despite my feelings, I had to laugh to myself. Here Jacob was needing me, and I was acting like a brat.
"Come on, Ness. You know I didn't mean it like that. I wasn't going to even say you were moody. I just mean you were unpredictable. Which…you are. Now come out the bathroom before I have to break down the door."
I unlocked the door and let Jacob in.
"I'm-"
"No. Don't say. You're not saying that word. I don't want to hear it." Jacob teased, picking me up and spun me around. I squealed in laughter.
"I love you." he whispered.
"More than your own life?"
"More than anything."
"Forever?"
"You get the picture." Jacob said and laid me down on the bed.
I will choose Jacob; and I will marry him. I won't choose Nahuel, and I won't choose Kaleb. My life if my life. My life is not my mother's/ It's not my father's. It's mine, and mine to do with. I won't set myself up for a love triangle. I can't handle it. I don't want to hurt Jacob! I won't do that! I love him too much.
"What are you thinking about?" Jacob asked.
"Just thinking." was all I said.
Whatever else had happens, bring it. Right now I feel like I can take anything. I've handled near death experiences; what's a wedding?
Right?
I can do this! Well, I hope I can. I need to do this. I'm ready! I think-no. I know!
"Are you okay, Renesmee?" my Jacob asked worried.
"Super."
"You sure?"
I was about to answer when my aunt came into the bed room.
"Aunt Rosalie! I can't have one minute alone with my fiancé!?" I exclaimed.
"I'm the aunt. You're my niece. What's fair is fair."
I heard Jacob laugh and I glared at him.
"Why?"
"We have…guest." she answered through clenched teeth.
Jane, Felix, Alec, Demetri decided to make a visit. Nahuel and his mate decided to show up at the same time. Joy.
"Why didn't Alice see this?" I asked nervously. Jacob started rubbing my back, calming me down.
"They must have found her blind spots."
Jacob flew out the window to phase. I sat there breathing hard.
"It'll be okay. Nothing will happen." Rosalie reassured, pulling me into a hug.
"Promise?"
"I haven't broken one yet Come on."
She grabbed my hand, and we flew out the cottage, meeting Jacob outside.
"Why won't hurt you. And Ness?" Jake thought.
"Yeah?"
"Don't let me do anything stupid." he answered, barking a laugh.
"I won't."
Just then I jumped over the small river that I loved jumping over.
I decided to wait for Jacob as he phased.
"Ready or not?" Jake asked.
"Here we come." I put my hand in Jacob's and we walked through the door.
The room was quiet and tense as we entered.
"Hello, Renesmee." Jane said as I stood near Momma.
Jacob and Emmett moved in front of me so they would take the blunt of Jane's gift. It's better to be safe than sorry.
I noticed Nahuel was tense too, holding Roxanne's hand tight.
"I was just telling Carlisle about Nahuel's sister meeting us along our journey here." Jane said. Nahuel growled.
"Well what do you want?!" Jacob snapped. I growled at him.
"She told us to speak to Nahuel for her. And of course to see how you are doing." Jane answered with a sinister smile I wanted to wipe off her face.
"Thank you for telling us, Jane." Grandpa said.
"That, and we've come to tell you that you've stayed in this area far too long. Enough suspicion has been raised" Alec said as all four vampires looked at me.
Grandpa nodded again.
Something was alarming in their thoughts. Daddy saw it too. They wanted to see where our weak spot was. They were already plotting who to take out when Aro gives the orders to.
"Cauis still feels that Renesmee is too dangerous. He wants her-" Demetri started, but Daddy cut him off.
"She is still safe. Tell Caius that she has every right to be out in the human world as a full vampire does." Daddy said in a tone of voice I rarely ever heard him use.
"Are you sure?" Jane asked as she was trying to find a weak spot in my mother's shield.
"I'm harmless." Despite that I almost killed my best friend; but they didn't need to know that.
We stared at each other for the longest. She was challenging me to come at her. To break away from my mother's protection and fight her.
I took at step forward the way Jane wanted. Rage blurred my vision. The whole guard wanted to kill my family. To kill my loved ones. I have every right to be angry,
Grandma grabbed my arm and pulled me back to Momma, and held me there.
"In that case we have nothing to worry about. Do we, Renesmee?"
"No." I simply said.
They disappeared.
This wasn't just to see if I was safe. This was to start a plan of knocking off the strongest coven. Yeah, I said it: The Olympic coven is the strongest! We have what Aro wants.
The Volturi are strong, but we're stronger. We stand together when trouble comes. We back each other up. We're stronger when we stand together. If you rip us apart, we're nothing.
My father heard my thoughts, and nodded.
"That was more than just a simple "visit." Emmett said.
Jacob walked up to me, and wrapped his arm around my waist.
"Yes, that was." Grandpa agreed deep in thought.
"I couldn't see them! They used my blind spot again!" Alice thought. I think the further we get into this, the more they've figured out how to get past Alice.
"I'm pretty sure Aro sent them to scope out who's the weakest. He's probably wanting to attack then." Jasper said. I hate that word.
"But when?" Momma asked.
"Probably after we forget about it. Make us think they've forgotten about us." Jasper answered, but I barely heard. I don't think Jake did. All my attention was focused on how he was glaring at Nahuel. I knew he was angry, but I wanted to hear his story. Just…not now.
"It seems I have a lot more explaining to do." Nahuel said scared at what Jacob would do.
"A lot?!" My Jacob growled, preparing to attack Nahuel.
I put my hand on Jacob's chest; and Jasper sent a wave of calmness over Jacob.
"Not now." I said to both Nahuel and Jacob for two different reasons. But all in the same: I didn't want them to fight. I just wanted a few days that were boring.
"You can explain. Just after I graduate. But before that I don't want to hear anything about Volturi, vampires trying to kill me, Scarlett, Nahuel. None of it. I just want to graduate without all of this swarming around in my head!" I blurted…or not.
Everybody stared at me, taking it in.
"Plus it'll probably be easier on Jake." I showed them.
"It'll never be easy on Jake." Uncle Emmett thought. That was probably true. Jacob would probably still want to kill Nahuel and Roxanne either way.
"You can tell my family about it, but I don't want to hear it." I said to Nahiel.
I was sick and tired of hearing that I was being threatened. I wanted peace. Even if it was only for a little while.
"Deal." he answered, smiling.
"Come on, Mr. Black, we still have a few more days left alone in the cottage." I showed Jacob, pulling him out the door.
Aunt Alice stopped us.
"Wait." she commanded. "When are we going to discuss the wedding?"
"Wedding?" Nahuel asked.
Here we go.
"None of your business." Jacob growled to Nahuel. I nudged him in the side and hissed.
"Jake finally proposed to Nessie." Emmett said.
"Correction: Nessie finally said yes to Jacob's proposal." Rosalie said.
"About time." Nahuel said. "Congratulations."
"Anyway, when are we-" Alice asked, but I cut her off. Can't I have a say in this?
"Soon, Alice, soon! I mean, gosh, I just said yes! Give me time!" I exclaimed, walking out the door, dragging Jacob out with me.
"We're in no rush, Ness." Jacob said. I knew he was just saying that. But maybe the quicker they get me down the isle, the better.
"Let's not talk about it." I said in a harsher tone than I planned.
We crossed the river in an instant. I was glad. After everything today, I was exhausted.
We walked into the cottage, and I plopped down on the couch, pulling Jacob along with me.
"Maybe a week or two without talking about this will do you good." Jake said.
"Huh?"
"You look like you're about to pass out."
"Maybe we need a vacation." I said, wrapping his arms around my neck.
"You name where, and I'll follow." he whispered huskily in my ear, making me have goosebumps.
He kissed me and got up.
"Where are you going?" I asked.
"Council meeting." Jake said a little more weaker.
"Oh, well, do you want me to go?"
"It's just the pack and elders." he answered. I'm assuming it's about the recent deaths in the pack.
I didn't want him to go, but I knew he had too. I guess that's what you get when you're an alpha's imprint.
"I'll be back soon." Jacob said not looking at me.
He was torn like always.
I thought about what Emily said. I had to be there for him. Jake has leadership in his blood. He was born to lead.
When Jake said I keep him grounded, it goes both ways. He kept me grounded, too. He's strong when I'm weak. I feel like I can take the world when I'm with him. But without him, I couldn't. We were made to be together. It was in our fate.
My mind drifted off to what my wedding will be. Would it be big and elegant? Simple but peaceful? I know, I didn't want to make any plans until everything settles down. But that doesn't mean I couldn't dream. Isn't every little girls dream to think about their wedding?
I would want our wedding small. I know it wouldn't happen though. Alice wouldn't have that. She was going to drive me nuts with everything!
What was I getting myself into?
Getting married you, that's it.
Okay. After this, no more following in my mother's footsteps.
I was scared what the Volturi had up there sleeves. Were they getting ready as we speak.
I started breathing hard as I thought about what it would actually be like to fight the Volturi. Three years ago I was terrified what they were going to do to my family and new friends. And it was all because of me.
I could see my mother's terrified face as I climbed onto Jake's back, preparing to escape if it came down to a fight.
After a few months, I started having nightmares.
I was scared of the Volturi and I still am. No matter how tough and fearless as I feel.
I grabbed a few blankets and pillows, and spread them out beside the fireplace. I lit a fire, and grabbed chocolate bars, graham crackers, and marshmallows, wanting to make smores. Something I haven't had in a while.
I also grabbed a book and put on some music. I turned off the lights, and lit some candles. My own peace of heaven.
I settled down and starting roasting marshmallows.
After a while of filling up on smores, I laid against the pillows, humming to every song that came on.
Without realizing it, I was dancing around the room. I slid around the hard wood floor in my socks, only busting my butt a few times. So what if it was childish and crazy. This was the time to make memories.
I remembered the last time I did this. My family was out hunting, and I was alone and completely bored in the cottage. Being around the physical age of thirteen, I thought it would be cool to do what I'm doing now.
I was dancing around the room when all of a sudden I felt my best friend's arms wrap around me and twirl me around.
"What are you doing?" Jake said.
I screamed and jumped, making Jake laugh.
"Seriously Ness, what are you doing? Still playing with your imaginary friends?" he joked. I stuck my tongue out at him.
"No. My best friend forgot about me." I put my hand on his cheek to show him my thoughts.
"You know I could never forget you." Jacob said.
"Yeah right! You were twenty minutes late!"
"Fifteen to be exact. And the beach is always open twenty-four-seven." he pointed out as a matter a fact.
"You were still late and broke your promise." I pouted, sticking out my bottom lip.
"I'm sorry I was late. I'll make it up to you. How about I get Esme and Bella to pack up some food and we head to the beach.?"
"You promised me that you would take me hunting! I missed out on going with my family just to wait for you!"
"Whatever you want, Nessie-wessie."
I growled at Jacob then started punching him.
"Okay, okay. You win. I'll take you hunting." Jacob said, throwing his hands up in defeat.
"Then to the beach?"
"Deal."
"How about cliff diving?" I asked. I knew how to work Jacob in times like these to get what I want.
"Okay. You're going to give one guy a run for his money."
At the time, I didn't think Jake meant him. I didn't even think he was thinking about a romantic relationship. Back then he was just the best friend and a big brother to me.
I started to remember another memory.
We were at the beach a few months after the Volturi came. I was playing in the water-of course my protector right beside me. I noticed how Sam, Paul, and Jared had somebody. I was scared Jacob would find somebody and forget about me.
I sat on the wed sand and let a few tears fall. I didn't want my Jacob to leave me. He was like my big brother. He was my protector. He was everything.
"Ness, what's wrong?" Jacob asked worried, suddenly beside me.
"My Jacob, I don't want you to leave me." I projected, putting my hand on his cheek.
"I'm never going to leave you. I'll always be here for you. I'm not going anywhere, and you can mark my words on that." Jacob said, sitting me on his lap.
"You'll always be my Jacob?"
"I'll always be your Jacob." he promised.
And he's kept that promise. He'll always be my Jacob. No matter what.
I felt strong arms wrap around me from behind, spinning me around. "What are you doing?" The voice said in my neck.
I screamed, then sighed when I saw that I was Jacob.
He busted out laughing when he saw the look on my face.
"It's not funny!" I projected, slapping him on the shoulder.
"I've been gone for hours and all I get is a slap on the shoulder? No kiss? No hug? No I miss you?" Jacob teased. Has it really been that long?
"You weren't gone that long."
"I guess you had a better dance partner; but I've been gone a while."
"I guess it's true when they say time flies by when you're having fun." I shrugged.
"By dancing around the room? I don't want people to think my gorgeous fiancé is crazy." Jacob said, picking me up so that we were the same height.
"Would you have me any other way?" I asked as he sat me down.
Jacob took my hand in his, and placed my other hand on his shoulder as we started dancing around the room. He pulled me so close to him that there was no space left between us. His face was inches from mine, making his lips totally kissable.
"No; and I think I'm a way better dance partner." Jake said, dipping me.
"Did you have fun?"
"I was away from you. What do you think?"
"Jake?" I whispered.
"Yeah?" he answered close to my ear.
"Tell me everything will be okay."
"Everything will be okay." Jake said.
"You're just saying that."
"Because you told me to say it, sweetheart." he replied sarcastically.
"But you don't mean it." I said, laying my head on his shoulder. I felt his warm breath on my neck, making me have goosebumps.
"It'll mean whatever you want it too mean." Jacob said.
I laughed to myself, knowing he wasn't paying attention to me. Honestly, it felt like he was going to sleep on my shoulder. That I was the one holding him up from crumpling to the ground asleep.
"You're not even paying attention to what I'm saying."
"Hmm?"
See what I mean.
"I said: you're not even paying attention to what I'm saying." You're going to sleep on my shoulder." I said, taking a step back. He followed.
"I'm only paying attention to right now." Jake said, moving a stand of hair out of my face.
I smiled.
"You're the one who wanted to have a nice graduation…I think." Jacob said.
I laughed as he kissed me.
"What am I going to do with you?" I asked.
"Love me." Jake answered.
"You'll always be my Jacob." I said, running my hands through his silky raven black hair. "No matter what happens."
"Wow. Always is a big word. You sure about that? You say I am a stupid mongrel, arrogant, idiotic, stupid, ignorant, a jerk…" he trailed off. "Oh, let's not forget my personal favorite: the mutt."
"I'm sure, mutt." I joked.
"Good. Because you're stuck with me, bloodsucker. I'm hard to love." Jake smiled my favorite cocky grin.
"It's easy to me."
"Oh really?" Jake asked, scooping me up.
"Absolutely." I said as he carried me to the bedroom, us kissing the whole way.
"I love you, future Mrs. Black." he whispered against my lips.
"I know."
We both laughed.
Now I'm back to feeling invincible. I'm ready for what comes. I can do this!
Can I do marriage though? Was I ready?
Am I ready for this?
Jacob kissed me again.
Yes!