One look around the confined attic and Spencer's measly smidgen of courage plummeted. This was the definition of desolation. Hanna was grouching about her 'ferocious as a Grizzly bear' hunger while Caleb stared listlessly at the angled ceiling, his back flat on the floor and his foot propped on a low stool. A crestfallen Emily sat in the corner with her arms in an evasive blockade around her knees.
Then there was Aria, channeling a fuming edginess, pacing irresolutely in an inhibited circuit that couldn't have spanned more than two and half feet. She seemed younger than her eighteen years, eyes huge and watery as she furrowed her eyebrows into an exaggerated V. There was no greeting, no reaction at all—just more pacing.
And when Spencer thought about it, none of them had really given any indication that the room's capacity had shriveled even further with their entrance. It was as if they were invisible.
She sought Toby's aquamarine eyes, her hands gripping at his shirtfront. The grim set of his chin spoke for him. He sensed it too. Group morale wasn't just sinking. It was sunk. They might as well be shipwrecked at the bottom of the sea.
She stood on tiptoe to plant a soft kiss on his cheek before taking a squeaking step away from the ladder. Emily's head soared upward at the noise. "What did she say? Did she confess to—"
"No, she said she didn't set the car on fire. Other than that, I really didn't get anything out of her."
It was only a half-truth. There had been the snide suggestion of betrayal…in either Caleb or Toby, right? Her eyes drifted involuntarily toward the former, taking in the characteristic shaggy hair and almond tinted skin. It was inconceivable. There were so many instances of proven trustworthiness, times when he'd hacked and decrypted his way through some really heavy stuff with no justifiable explanation from the girls. He had been there for stakeouts and brainstorms, even occasionally reached out to Spencer on a personal level to check if she was okay. He wasn't just Hanna's boyfriend. He was her friend, Toby's friend.
But he'd been gone for several weeks now…and if past experience had left any lasting scars on her psyche, this was one lesson she'd learned the hard way. People had a way of disappointing you in the most unlikely of ways. Long absences paired with unexpected returns? That sounded all too familiar.
Maybe you girls should keep a tighter leash on your so-called boyfriends.
"Spencer? There's more, I can see it all over your face." Emily stood now, her stance severe as she hindered Aria's worn course. "What aren't you saying?"
All eyes were suddenly glued on her. Toby's large hands enclosed her shoulders from behind, stabilizing her against the grueling blend of hesitancy and obligation. The boulder clogging her windpipe wouldn't dissolve. She couldn't accuse anyone of anything, could she? Alison had habitually glamorized dishonesty—you're always better off with a really good lie, right? Information from her polluted lips wasn't necessarily reliable.
Her gracious boyfriend came to her rescue as usual, shifting forward and taking her hand as she choked back her muddled thoughts. "Alison isn't the only person she ran into down there. Mona's here too. Spencer spotted her outside."
"Mona?" Caleb spat the name as it if were garbage, delivering a few foul curses in the same breath.
Hanna swatted at his arm as he tried to force his legs into a vertical bearing. "Stay down, gimpy. You aren't on the front lines this time."
Unless he'd already been employed on the front lines tonight…
No, that can't true. Spencer fought off the horrid skepticism of her sparring mind. He couldn't be part of the –A team.
"Did you talk to her, Spence?" Aria's face had paled considerably in mere seconds.
Between the misgivings in her head and the lingering hint of a mild panic attack, she could barely hone in on what the others were even saying. "Umm, no, not really. She…she said that she came to help us, but…she had a gas can with her."
Caleb's mouth fell open and he began to hobble upward again. "Damn lotta help she is! I'm gunning straight for the big house when we get her locked up this time. No more pudding and card tricks at freaking Radley. This has gone on way too long."
"Look, if anyone wants to see that bitch get her claws clipped, it's me!" Hanna floundered momentarily, her hands scrambling to keep him from flopping face first. "But your last reckless charge didn't end so well, and let's not forget that time you got shot by a nuts-o stalker—sorry, Em."
The swimmer raised her hands quickly, her lips downturned. "No, I'm the one who is sorry about that."
"We're all going to be sorry if we sit here and let her orchestrate the next big stunt! The car…the car is replaceable, but I'm not letting her come in and tak—"
"But she has helped us before!" Hanna cut back in with a boom. "She went to the loony bin—sorry Spencer—for my mom."
"And you don't think she had her own motives for that?"
Spencer couldn't withhold her grumble of agreement. He was right, there had to be a reason for Mona to willfully check back in at that reprobate mental hospital. The place was ripped straight from the set of some campy horror film.
But that approval didn't sit well with Hanna. She rotated with a precarious blaze in her eyes, striking Spencer at her core. "Don't encourage him. This is the same monster that sent your boyfriend to the hospital last year."
The fond pressure of Toby's hand in hers was the only thing keeping her sane after a reminder like that. She felt dizzy at the flickering reverie—a phone call, his arm in a sling, the wreckage of another deceptive breakup.
Aria stepped forward, her chin trembling. "And you too, Han. She mowed you down with a car, remember?"
"As if I could forget! That cast stank like moldy cheese!"
Caleb towed her to him, his head lowering to look at her more directly. "Then let me do something about it. We're sitting up here, completely defenseless, victims at her disposal."
"What's your grand plan, Caleb? You'll be just as defenseless out there as you are up here!" Her shrill pitch ascended even higher as her blonde locks scattered fervently over her shoulders.
Something snapped inside of Spencer, not something violent or aggressive, but rather a damaged-beyond-repair sort of devastation. Torrents of unchecked emotion plowed through her, inaudibly lugging a whirlpool of hostile baggage with it—the brash arguments, the unremitting stress, the sleep deprivation, and a perpetual dose of fear. Tiresome heat circulated down to her extremities. It felt so strange, a blatant contrast to the shivering chill from before…
The contentious spectacle went on before her clouded eyes, but now it was like watching an old movie without sound. Hanna's face contorted as she vaulted her rabid attention between Aria, Emily, and Caleb. Spencer couldn't hear a word of it.
"I said, enough."
It was Toby, his voice resonating with a deep authority that he rarely unleashed. Honestly, if it hadn't bellowed from right next to her, she wouldn't have recognized it. She wasn't exactly sure what happened next. There was a clap of thunder overhead. The rest of the room went silent. His hands were tugging her downward, coaxing her wilting form in a piloted path toward the wall. Spencer staggered into his convincing grasp as another stint of lightheadedness devoured her sense of equilibrium. Her eyes refocused a moment later and she found herself seated between Toby's legs with her back reclined against his chest. He was murmuring something into the crook of her neck, but the sweet tone of his placating baritone was all that registered. His arms cloaked her slender shoulders without difficulty as he held her in place. Limber fingers skated over her feverish skin, effectively pacifying her fogged breakdown. Her senses returned to her in fragments. There were unsolicited tears on her cheeks and the scourging wind had picked up from outside.
Hanna knelt before her after a few more woozy ticks of the clock. "I'm sorry, Spence. I didn't mean to upset you. Shrieking like a banshee isn't making this night any better."
"It's okay. I…I don't know what's wrong with me, Han…my head just isn't screwed on right."
Toby's lips skipped over her pulse point. "There are some very valid reasons for that, baby. I'll list them for you if that'd do any good."
"He's right. If I was in your shoes, I would have been blubbering nonstop from the second that brick sailed through the window." Hanna winced sympathetically. "But you? You just went up against Alison, chased after her when she tried to give you the slip, and had a showdown with Mona. That's pretty ballsy for a girl who should be sporting stitches and a morphine drip."
Spencer snickered weakly. "It was hardly a showdown."
Her friend shrugged, totally undeterred. "Whatever. That's still balls to the wall."
"Thanks." With a shadow of a laugh, she let her head slant back into the sturdy pillar of muscles behind her. "I just wish I had actually accomplished something."
Toby's arms coiled more compactly around her. "That's ironic, because I just wish that you'd stop trying to accomplish things. You almost fainted, Spencer. I think your body is trying to tell you to slow it down."
"But I wasn't even doing anyth—"
"Because you also need to slow it down up here," he replied swiftly, rapping a light fingertip to her temple.
Well he had her on that one. Her episode on the first floor had been triggered by a culmination of physical and mental panic, but this one? Exclusively a cerebral issue.
Hanna nodded as she stood. "You need to listen to your fella. I've always said that there's a downside to being too smart."
Toby's short chuckle seemed to bolster the girl's spirits as she wandered off to mend her tiff with Caleb. An elongated quiet passed over the lofted space, solely interrupted with the soft buzz of conversation between the couple across the room. Spencer yawned begrudgingly, her bones liquefying as she allowed herself to fully let go of the reins. When she got home…if they ever got home…she had every intention of going into a week-long marathon coma.
"That's it, just unwind," came a velvety whisper from behind, "that's much, much better. You know what, Spence? After all of this trauma, you're getting spa treatment gift cards for whatever special occasion is next on the calendar."
She smiled hazily as his arms realigned to loop languorously over her flat stomach. "I don't need a fancy resort spa. Just treat me to a Toby Cavanaugh special, please."
"Hmm, you know what that includes, don't you?" His voice took on a suggestive vibrancy before his sinuous mouth melted into her neckline.
"Oh, I'm more than aware. I'm not a first-time customer." Spencer bowed her head sideways to grant him better access, her hands cruising over the powerful arms that supported her.
His lips opened to speak again, a cool exhale already stirring goose bumps over her skin. Unfortunately, those words were permanently suspended.
"Guys! Did you hear that?!" Aria sprang up from her Indian-style position on the floor, her ear prone toward the ladder.
A freeze-framed hush blew through the immobilized air. The elapsed magnitude of intimidating quiet had a reversing effect on Spencer's heart, speeding it back up with battered foreboding. What now?
There it was, the distinctive rumble of dialogue seeping up through the shabby beams. A detached clicking…then an abysmal smack.
Spencer's eyes roved briskly, her fingers digging into Toby's wrists as she gulped a shallow breath. Her gaze paused as she found a mirrored look of terror scrawling into Emily's face. They were in serious trouble this time. For all of the near misses, the close calls, the brushes with death …this could be it.
An unwelcomed shock rushed through her as Toby deliberately removed her hands from his forearms and fidgeted out from under her.
"Toby…what are you…"
She couldn't even finish the question. Deep down, she knew without asking.
"I'll be back in a minute." He was on his feet, rapidly blustering toward a statue-like Aria.
"No, please Toby, wait," she jostled against the wall in a frail attempt to follow him. The dread that seared her soul was clanking with vulgar tenacity. This couldn't happen. He didn't need to be the hero.
The marring sadness in his eyes was the very end of her. "I can't sit up here and do nothing. We're not sending one of you down there when it should obviously be me. I'll be fine, Spencer."
"You don't know that! This could be a setup, a trap—"
He took her in his arms with one solid pull, his nose migrating against hers in his trademark Eskimo kiss. "C'mon, baby, let me go. Caleb wouldn't stand a chance and you girls have done this on your own more often than any of you could count. It needs to be me."
"Then I'm coming with you. Going alone is a suicide!"
"No, you're not. You've seen enough collateral damage for the next three lifetimes." His words were layered in impenetrable steel.
Spencer shook her head with fierce refusal. "What about the 30-second pitch? We agreed! I get a say in this, remember?"
His profound sigh ruffled the loose waves bordering her face. "I forgot to tell you about the overrule clause. In case of emergency, the inventor of the pitch—"
"No, no, you're making that up! Toby, please…" her voice lowered as she heaved a prickly gasp. "You promised this morning…you told me that I wouldn't ever lose you. What if…if…"
"You know what else I promised? That I would get you out of here, that'd you'd make it home safe and sound. I can't make good on that if I stay here and do nothing."
"But…but…" Her words were embedded in sobs. There wasn't anything left in her fuzzy comprehension.
He smiled with what she assuredly identified as false bravado. "It's okay, love. Just stay here and I'll be back before you can blink."
Her lungs constricted as she frantically fisted his shirt. "I need you, Toby."
"And I need you too, Spence. I'm doing what I can to keep you alive and well."
In the twinkle of a second, her feet left the floor as his arms levitated her shuddering body up to meet him in a sweltering kiss. She didn't care who watched, couldn't even distinguish the fact that her friends were in the room. Her mouth blasted against his, finding him over and over again in an enduringly desperate embrace. Ardent nails scraped possessively through his sandy hair as she caged him in for what she wished to be forever. The lavish feel of his unrestrained lips turned her insides to mush. Her brain droned with an inconsolable mantra—don't leave me, please don't leave me.
Toby gradually reunited her boots with the harshness of the ground, allowing her wobbly legs to discover a sufficient amount of poise before disconnecting their mouths. With a husky breathlessness, he hummed achingly against her cheek. "I love you, Spencer Hastings."
"Don't. Don't tell me goodbye. You said you're coming back." She didn't care if it was immature. The agonizing notion of an official farewell sent bile burning up into her throat.
"You're right, I'm sorry." Those crystal blue orbs were penetrating her with sullen clarity. "Tell me you'll stay here, sweetheart. I need you to take care of everyone else."
She offered a solitary nod that cost her much more than she could possibly afford.
One last kiss glossed over her tear-laden cheek before he was at the ladder, muttering something to Caleb before taking that first downward step.
"Toby, wait!" She couldn't let him go, not without saying it in return. "I…I love you, too. Please, please be careful."
He glanced back at her with a flash of melancholy, his eyes shining with a slim smile. "I will, Spence. Same to you, okay?"
His head vanished through the square opening as Spencer's knees gave out from beneath her.
a/n
Just so you know, a certain reviewer made a very correct prediction in the last few chapters...and you MIGHT find out who you are in the next chapter ;) Also, SpobyFicStalker raised a good question and I want to be sure to address it in case anyone else had a similar thought. Alison DID NOT watch Spencer and Toby while they had a 'roll in the hay.' When Spencer saw that flash of blonde hair, that was when Ali first entered the barn. She might be twisted, but I didn't want to take it quite that far. Love you guys so so much. It's so wonderful to have a core group of reviewers and there are about 6 or so who consistently bless me with feedback. Thank you a million times over for your support! I blush over your kind words.