Part Twenty-One
Before
Surprisingly, Simon had no problem with driving into the city. He felt bad, he revealed to Elliot, that he hadn't really stayed in touch with Olivia since they'd met. Elliot didn't really care about comforting the obsequious man, but he was willing to say or do anything he needed to for Olivia's benefit. So Elliot promised him that Olivia hadn't been offended by their lack of contact and continued soothing Simon's ego until he was in the car on the way.
When he arrived at the hospital, they went through the forced pleasantries of two complete strangers while Elliot guided Simon to Dr. Clancy's office. At the doctor's insistence, Elliot waited outside while Simon was brought up to speed on the matter. He was patient. At least, he tried to be. Mostly he was pacing or tapping his foot or glaring at the closed door, all the while wondering what the hell was taking so long. The situation seemed fairly cut and dried to him. Olivia was sick. Olivia needed help. Help was available. Simon needed to sign the paper so Olivia could get help.
Moments before Elliot was about to barge through the door and demand to know what was going on, Simon emerged. He was holding the consent form in his hands, biting his lip as he folded it in half to stick in his jacket pocket. For the briefest of seconds, Elliot gave him the benefit of the doubt, assuming it had been his copy of the consent form. Simon glanced at him, offering a weak smile that faded before his eyes darted away.
Dr. Clancy tried to slide out behind Simon, beginning his slow journey down the hall away from Elliot.
The fact that neither man would meet his eyes told him there was a problem.
"What the hell is going on here?" Elliot wasn't sure who to go after, but he opted for Simon.
Simon shrank backwards, wincing and saying nothing.
Clancy turned around, giving up his escape attempt. "Mr. Marsden has requested a little time to think about what's best for his sister."
Elliot's eyes narrowed. He told himself that losing his temper in front of Olivia's doctor would hurt her in the long run, but it took everything he had not to hit one, or both, of them. "Sister? What's best? What the fuck is the matter with you? She needs a fucking kidney!"
Simon shrugged, reminding Elliot of a weasel as his eyes darted around looking for a place to run. "She's already so sick. Surgery and a transplant would be so much more pain and suffering and I don't know if that's what she would want."
He couldn't help it. He couldn't stop it. Jesus couldn't have stopped him right then. Elliot's hands reached out, wrapping around the lapels of Simon's jacket, shoving him back into the wall. "Do you think she wants to die?"
"She's in a coma. She's practically dead already. I don't want to drag out the pain she's in." Simon's voice dropped to a whisper.
"She's not dead! She's not in pain. She can get better from this and be good as new! You barely even know her! Where do you get off thinking you know better than I do what she wants?" Elliot's hands were shaking, barely able to hold back the urge to strangle the man.
"She's my sister. It's up to me."
Elliot was so shocked by his words that he actually let go. "What the hell? You've known her for three years. I've known her for fifteen." His hands balled into fists and he seriously considered punching something. A man, a wall, just something. Hitting something would make him feel better. "You said you would leave the decisions up to me. You said you didn't know her well enough to know what she'd want."
"You're too close, Elliot. You're thinking about what you want, not what's best for her." Simon straightened his jacket and stepped forward, acting like it had been him rather than Elliot's own self-control that had prevented a physical altercation. "I'm thinking about Olivia."
Elliot shook his head, his fury already fading into desperation. "How is dying better for her?"
"I didn't say no. I just said I need to think about it. I want to research the procedures and decide what's best for her." Simon looked at Dr. Clancy. "I'll give you a call if I have any questions and let you know what I decide." He turned back to Elliot. "And I'd like to know why this is so important to you."
His jaw fell open. "Why isn't she important to you? You're claiming to be her brother, so why don't you want her to survive?"
"I don't want her to suffer, that's all I'm saying." Simon was slowly moving away, but Elliot wasn't letting him get more than a step.
"Well, God forbid she lives and you have to come see her once in a while."
"I have to get to work. I'll let you know what I decide."
All Elliot could think was that if Simon were to disappear suddenly, then Olivia's medical decisions would be up to him. And he was really fucking tempted to do something about it. The bullying wasn't working though, even without Olivia there to point it out. He needed to try something else.
"Wait, Simon," he took a few steps to close the distance, pausing to nod at Dr. Clancy who seemed satisfied no blood was going to be spilled. Elliot thought about Olivia and how she would have handled it. She'd be sweet and soft and gentle, and somehow get her point made just the same. "Olivia has been through a lot of shit in her life, shit other people wouldn't have survived, shit that would have made anyone else mean and crazy and heartless. But she survived and she turned out kind and loving and-" His voice cracked as he thought about her. "Perfect. She's fucking perfect, Simon. She came through everything because she wants to live. She wants to help people. Just give her a chance, please!"
Simon stared at him, holding his eyes. "Are you fucking her?"
"What? Jesus, no!" Certainly not for lack of trying, but he failed to see what that had to do with anything anyway.
Simon shrugged at him. "I'm just trying to figure out what's your deal. You're far too interested to be a coworker."
"We're partners, Simon, friends." He gave up trying to be nice. It always worked for Olivia, but it never worked for him. "And you're far too disinterested to be much of a brother, so fuck you."
He stormed away, his mind already working on what else he could do. Simon certainly wasn't going to help him out and with his utter lack of concern for his sister, Elliot was already sure he knew what Simon's final decision was going to be. He needed to find a lawyer, someone who could fight Simon for the right to decide for Olivia, someone who actually would have her best interests at heart, someone who would side with him.
Maybe he could kill two birds with one stone and find a divorce lawyer who would take the case.
After checking on Olivia, and finding her looking every bit as terribly sick as she had previously, Elliot headed back to his house. He needed to pack some things while Kathy was at work and as much as he wanted to stay with Olivia every minute, he recognized that his level of frustration with the situation was likely to wind up in him losing the tenuous grasp he had on his temper. If he flipped out on a doctor or nurse, they'd ban him from the place and then he'd be no good whatsoever to Olivia.
He didn't actually have anywhere to live, so he couldn't take much, but he threw some clothes into a bag. He could stay at the precinct for a while, use the shower there and keep his bag in his locker. It wasn't optimal, but he'd done it before and the free rent was right in his price range. He could put up with the inconvenience until he had the time and the energy to find a new place. Until Olivia was better, he didn't really give a fuck where he slept, particularly since he wasn't sleeping much anyhow.
Wary of the fact that Kathy could come home unexpectedly at any time, he didn't dawdle. He quickly perused the bedroom, bathroom, and living room, deciding that anything he missed that was essential could be picked up later or replaced entirely. All in all, it took him about fifteen minutes to move out of his house. He was back at the precinct a few minutes later, stashing his bag and making a mental list of the items he needed to pick up at the drug store.
Elliot had no intention of hanging around. He wasn't about to do work and sitting still for any period of time made him feel like he was going to crawl out of his skin. He needed to keep moving or his mind would get stuck on the fact that Olivia was damn close to dying and he was powerless to stop it.
And curling up in a ball on the floor sobbing wasn't going to do anyone any good at all.
As he headed toward the elevator to return to the hospital, he saw a familiar weasel ducking out of Cragen's office. He was tempted to wring the man's neck, but he held himself back with the promise that it would be best to wait until after Simon had consented to the transplant.
Fuck, Simon hadn't even consented to the testing to determine if there could even be a transplant.
Paralyzed by the choice of curling up in a ball sobbing or killing Simon prematurely, Elliot could only watch as Simon disappeared around the corner. By the time he'd pulled himself together, he knew the son of a bitch was long gone. Elliot headed for Cragen's office instead, demanding to know what the hell his boss was doing conspiring with the enemy.
Though Cragen was actually surprised by the level of fury in his detective, his surprise mostly was related to the previous visitor, and he revealed his confusion by tripping over his words in a stutter he'd suddenly developed. "I-I-wh-he-" Upon realizing that he couldn't articulate anything sensible, he fell silent and watched Elliot's attempt to keep his temper under wraps.
"What the fuck was that bastard doing here? What did you tell him? Did you tell him not to sign?" Infuriated by the idea that had only just occurred to him, Elliot leaned over the desk as though he might strangle the older man. "If you did, I'll kill you, I swear!"
Perhaps it was one of his detectives threatening to kill him. Perhaps it was that he wasn't certain his detective wouldn't do it. Either way, it revived Cragen's speaking ability. "I don't think I should have to tell you that having an adversarial relationship with Olivia's brother isn't going to end well."
Elliot glared. "He's the one who isn't sure it's worth saving her! Why don't you lecture him?" Despite the fact that he was convinced he was entirely not to blame, he felt guilty with Cragen's words reminding him of Olivia's feelings on the subject. She was so excited to be able to say she had a brother that she wouldn't care whose fault the dispute was. He looked down at his feet. "I didn't even do anything wrong. I'm trying to save his sister's life."
Cragen sighed and sat down at his desk. The threat to his life had obviously passed, what with the way Elliot was standing before him looking like a chastised puppy. "Simon wanted to know if it was possible you and Olivia were involved in something illegal."
"What?" He knew his face had to be priceless with the incredulity it revealed.
Cragen shrugged. "He seemed to think the only reason you'd be so desperate to save her was if you were dirty and her death would somehow bring your crimes to light." He waved a hand dismissively. "I'm not sure why he thought I would know about it and not have done something or not be involved, but at any rate, he just wanted to make sure you don't have any nefarious reasons for wanting to give Olivia a kidney. If there are nefarious reasons for wanting to give someone a kidney."
Elliot scrubbed his hands over his face. "So he'd let her die just to expose me? What the hell?"
"I don't know what he's thinking, but I assured him of the real reason and hopefully that'll be enough for him." Cragen's eyes had fallen to his desk as he fiddled with a paper clip.
"The real reason?" The lack of eye contact disturbed Elliot, making him fearful of whatever Cragen had said. "And that would be what exactly?"
With a smirk, Cragen met Elliot's eyes once again. "I told him that you're in love with her and that you won't survive losing her."
"Oh." He wanted to be mortified. He wanted to deny it. But it was the truth. And he had asked for the truth. Besides, it wasn't really all that shocking. It wasn't like everyone hadn't already known it anyway.