Chapter 21

Three knocks on her door snapped her out of her self-loathing. She knew she had done enough for a whole lifetime, and then some. But she couldn't help herself. It was her fault. She was too out of it to have paid attention to the light even thought the witnesses said otherwise. It was her fault that her baby boy died. She was probably too old now to conceive. Maybe not. She had just got traumatized by it. She knew that.

"Can I come it?" Martin's voice came from the other side of the door. It has been three days and she hasn't allowed him to see her. She didn't want too see hatred in his eyes. She didn't want to hear him blame her. She knew he did, and she had pictured it in her head and heard it in her dreams. Just hearing it for real would break her even more. If there was anything to be broken. No matter how much Elena had told her he wouldn't. He knew he did. He would just be too nice to say it, but she could read him.

"You know Sam, he's out there waiting for you to call him in. He hasn't left since he was called here," Elena told her friend.

"I can't face him. I can't," Sam paused breathing in trying not to hyperventilate.

It has been three days since the accident. Sam woke up the next day having that empty feeling that she only wished would go away through time, but it wouldn't. She knew that the emptiness was too much to be forgotten, to be healed. Deep wounds. Not only physically, but emotionally.

"You know what he asked me Sam?"

"What?"

"He asked my why you didn't want to see him, he asked me if I could ask you what it was he did wrong so that he could make it right and you would forgive him."

"It's not him who needs to ask for forgiveness, it's me."

"Sam?"

"Yeah, come in," Sam sighed. She had to face him someday. Rather not stall it anymore than she already has. At least she'll have more time TRYING to recover from whatever it was that he was suppose to say to her.

"Hey, how you..."

"Okay," she replied not needing to hear the rest of his sentence. She has heard it in many different ways. "Gabriella's still at your parents?"

"Yeah, they said they could take her as long as we wish. They uhn..."

"Send their pities? Yeah, everyone does," Sam said bitterly. "Where's my son's body?"

Martin sighed and looked at her. "Sam..."

"Where's the body? I was five month's pregnant. Where's my baby boy?"

"He's... I bought him a little sarcophagus."

"You did?" Sam asked finally meeting his eyes. Martin just nodded and took a step closer to her taking her hand in his.

"I wanted to properly say goodbye, Gabriella picked it out. They're handling him for now..." Sam nodded her head and looked down at their adjoined hands. "Where do we go from here?"

"I don't..."

"It's okay to cry," Martin said pulling her into an embrace. Sam nodded her head and finally let her tears out. They stayed like that for hours letting the tears fall down both their eyes hoping that their baby boy knew that even if he was never born. Even though they have never laid their eyes on him, they knew he was beautiful. He was loved.