Wind Up Dolls
Songs listened to: "Welcome Home" by Radical Face and "How it Ends" by Devotchka
Tenten lets a stranger fuck her while Neji waits in the hallway. The apartment is old and smells like mildew, but it's warm so he waits even though he doesn't like what he hears.
When the night grows quiet, the door opens and an old man's head pops out, "Get your whore out of here. She won't stop crying, and it's giving me a headache."
Will I ever learn from my mistakes?
Chapter Eighteen
Sasuke
He watches Sakura return through the blinds of Konan's trailer window. The woman wraps the jilted girl in her Madonna arms, erasing the sin of what Sasuke has done to her. Neither of them even look his way, but he can feel their disappointment and disgust.
Sasuke wants to hold her. He wants to kiss her eyes and bury his face in the warmth of her neck. Sasuke wants to scream and hide and dig his fingertips into the flesh of her hips. He needs to be alone. He needs to be avoided and hated and ignored.
Sakura untangles herself from Konan's worried limbs, and mouths a few silent syllables to the policeman, her savior. He watches her a few moments longer, until she disappears from the artificial halo in front of his hiding place and is swallowed by the darkness.
Ino practices in the circus tent, already training to be better than he ever was.
"Some people are supposed to be alone, little brother," Itachi murmurs quietly, with the intention of something like comfort beneath his voice.
"What do you know?" Sasuke asks, aiming for vitriol but ending up with nothing like it. He just sounds like a scared little boy and it sickens him.
Sakura
"Star light, star bright…first star I see tonight," Sakura whispers, glaring half-lidded at the universe above. She has to pick strands of hay from her hair and the folds of her crinkled T-shirt. Ino's always hated how she comes back smelling like the musty animal pens, leaving golden strands littered across the floor.
"Wish I may, wish I might," she continues, climbing the steps to Ino's trailer, depositing her mucky shoes with a thump. The door opens so silently that for a moment Sakura thinks she never went indoors at all. The ceiling is speckled with radiant pockmarks, glittering with promise in the darkest recesses. Ino put up the glow stars she bought. "Grant the wish I wish tonight."
The darkness looks so inviting that Sakura leaves behind the slight illumination of the moonlight to live in this artificial galaxy. She tumbles right in to her unmade bed without bothering to pull off her grimy jeans.
Right as she begins to drift into dreamland, Ino's voice rises quickly and quietly over the silence, "After this tour, Madara says I'm taking over as the lead trapeze artist."
Sakura jolts away from the golden harps of her impending dream and into the reality of Ino's statement. "What?"
Ino rolls over until Sakura can slightly see the glassy shines in her azure eyes, the fountain of her hair spilling over the side of the bed. "I can't believe Sasuke is leaving! Are you guys getting married or something?" she squeals excitedly.
Sakura peels off her shirt and pants in the spare moment of lucidity, shucking them away to rest her burning skin against the cool of the sheets. "No," she says, burying her face in the comfort of her pillow, numb to Sasuke's name and Ino's enthusiasm. She doesn't know what's happening, and maybe she doesn't want to.
"Oh," Ino responds, slowly deflating. After a minute of careful examination, she clambers down from her bed and curls at Sakura's side like a falling star. "I'm sorry, honey," she hums, and strokes the girls hair with the pads of her fingertips.
"Me too," Sakura says into the pillow, and bursts into quiet tears.
Ino makes her a mug of hot cocoa, stirring the marshmallows into the heat until they dissolve.
"Thanks," Sakura whispers even though she isn't thirsty, and takes the drink into her hands. When she lifts the cup to her mouth, it's only to hide an unimpressive practice smile, "So you're going to be famous?"
Ino shrugs and pulls a blanket over her own shoulders as she perches on the end of her bed. She looks so tired that Sakura wants to tell her to go ahead and sleep, but her eyes are wide and bright with optimism.
"Sasuke told Madara he was leaving at the end of the tour, even though it's rumored that the old man offered him this huge inheritance to sign a life contract. That's why I thought you two must be eloping or something; I can't imagine anyone turning down that kind of money," Ino sighs and gives Sakura an oblique glance as if checking for any upcoming tears.
"It's only a rumor, Ino," Sakura says and sets the mug aside, some of the beverage spilling over her hand. She wipes it on her rumpled shirt and curls up in a ball on her mattress, closing her eyes to Ino's sympathy, "Maybe…maybe his mom or dad is sick. That would explain a lot."
Ino rolls over to lie on her back and stare at the ceiling, but the stars are almost invisible with the light on, "Why are you here, Sakura? Why did you come to this place?"
Sakura blinks her eyes open and stares at Ino's periwinkle painted toenails. For as long as she's been here, no one has ever asked her that question. She's not sure she even knows the answer.
"Because Naruto died," she decides, breathing softly, "And you were waiting for me."
Any other night, Ino would have thrown a pillow at Sakura and accused her of being cheesy. But tonight she just smiles to herself and says, "Yes, I think I was."
Sasuke
He lies on the floor that night, pretending to sleep while he listens to their love-making.
In the dark he can make out the arch of Konan's spine and flesh of her ample breasts. Itachi is buried inside and beneath her, out of sight, but Sasuke can hear his desperate breaths and love-filled gasps.
"Shh…" Konan whispers against his brother's mouth, swallowing his groan. Her breasts swing like a pendulum and her hips sway beneath the moonlight. Sasuke watches because everything she is isn't Sakura. Konan is control and grace where Sakura crumbled in his hands.
"Konan," Itachi breathes, and Sasuke catches a glimpse of his brother's ring, flashing in the dark when he weaves his fingers in Konan's hair.
Sasuke closes his eyes and buries himself beneath the blankets as they stifle their finishing sighs. He tries to go to sleep, but their gasps for air echo in his head for the remainder of the night.
He leaves before they wake up. The sunlight illuminates their sticky bed sheets and tangled flesh, and it's so bright it burns his eyes. Konan's head lies in the hollow of Itachi's collarbone, their legs woven together like a lattice-top pie. Everything about the two of them makes Sasuke hate his bones and regret his hands.
He escapes to the circus grounds that are loud and boisterous, glowing beneath the springtime sun. Dew drops glitter happily on grass stems that are crushed beneath his coworkers feet.
But one woman sticks to muddy patches and graveled ground. He clears his throat absentmindedly and she looks up, blue eyes flashing dangerously beneath her gold-spun eyelashes.
"Sasuke," Ino growls, and clamps her jaw shut tight when no further words come to mind.
He stomps the twinkling green beneath the balls of his feet and smirks. "Don't worry, Ino," he says, digging his fingers into the pockets of the jeans he has now worn for three days.
She opens and closes her mouth like a silent puppet, balking at his façade of confidence. Sometimes he wishes he didn't have to show her. Sometimes he wishes she could just look at him and know that he is a coward. But it doesn't work that way. There's no way she can really see him through the choking air of cockiness he exudes.
"The show must go on," he says, and heads toward the big tent.
The wind in his ears sounds like breathing. Like howling. The lights overhead are too bright, pinpricks of hellfire in his eyes. When he sends himself spiraling through the air, it feels clumsy and accidental, but he never falls. No. Ino catches his hands, her palms scraping against his before he's flying again.
He curls his knees to his chest while he spinsspinsspins to let the wings emblazoned on his back glitter beneath the scorching spotlight like he's meant to, but there's no oxygen in his lungs when he catches the swing in a single fist.
He can't remember the next part. The song behind him is building, begging him to finish, but his mind his blank. He hangs in the air like a dead weight, unable to see the audience past the halo of light around him. He knows they're out there, his mother and father. Is she watching him? What is she feeling?
The song ends and the audience's confused applauds slowly build until they pull him back into the raftering and he disappears from sight.
"Are you okay?" asks Suigetsu, when his feet are finally resting on solid ground. Pein is wrapping things up on stage, bidding a good day to their first set of patrons, "You totally choked out there. You'd better be dying, or Madara is going to skin you alive."
Sasuke shakes his head and begins to rip his costume from his body, the clasps along his flank popping off into the dirt. The girls from the acrobatic troop squeal and wolf-whistle in appreciation of his bare chest but the stalks right past them, heading for the animal cages out back.
Sakura
Jugo is helping her strip the tiara from the elephant's head when Sasuke storms in, the tangle of his fairy boy costume tied around his hips.
"Sakura!" he barks from the ground. She tries not to notice that she's nine feet in the air, but her knees wobble beneath her anyway. She's no fairy.
She shares a look with Jugo, who replies calmly, "She's busy right now."
Chewing at her lip, she ignores her boyfriend and works at straightening out the ornate saddle on the elephant's back, unfastening complicated straps and harnesses that were for the safety of the rider cooing nearby.
"I need to talk to you," Sasuke continues without acknowledging Jugo. The redhead told her once that he used to be good friends with Sasuke, that the two of them and Suigetsu and Karin would go out and egg houses and tag trains before things fell apart. Now they never even speak.
Slowly, she climbs down the ladder, waiting until she's sure the dirt beneath her feet is steady and unmoving before she lets go. When she backs away, she bumps her elbow into Sasuke's bare stomach, he's standing so close to her.
"Careful," he says, reaching out to steady her where she stands, but his hands never quite make it.
"Thanks," she replies, and they stare.
His sweat-glossed hair gleams as purely as a looking glass beneath her scrutiny , but his eyes are as blank as empty holes. She doesn't know if she's angry or not, but just standing next to him makes her heart pound sickeningly.
The corner of his mouth trembles and he says, "Walk with me."
The cherry blossom trees are blooming, tiny buds of pink filling the air with the sweet scent of springtime, but it's cold enough for Sakura to wish she had a jacket. Sasuke's bare arms are sprinkled with goose pimples. She doesn't ask what happened to his costume.
"Are you going to explain to me why I needed a cop to take me home last night?" Sakura asks when she gets tired of walking. Her sleep schedules are backward, and having to work all day without rest is making her grouchy.
"I didn't mean for that to happen," Sasuke says quietly, trying to shove his hands in his pockets until he realizes he doesn't have any, and he settles for crossing his arms instead. It's as much of an admission of guilt as she'll probably ever get.
"Ino said you're quitting," Sakura pushes, "Will you at least explain that?"
He shakes his head, smirking to himself as he laughs emptily, "Why the hell do you even care?"
It suddenly becomes very quiet. It's like the birds stop chirping and the bugs stop buzzing, and Sakura's stomach feels like it's been turned upside down. She finds herself almost shouting, her words bursting out of her, "What do you mean, why do I care? I'm in love with you! I love you and you won't even talk to me and tell me what's wrong! Why do I have to suffer for all of this? Why can't you just tell me what's going on in your head so I don't have to wake up all alone and wonder if you're hurt?"
Sasuke snorts and runs his fingers through his hair, turning around to walk back toward the circus tent.
"Annoying. I didn't ask you out here to argue," he says, his voice so calm and even that it makes Sakura pause to stare. He doesn't seem even remotely affected as he continues, "I just wanted to tell you that we're breaking up. I thought you wouldn't want me to do it in front of everybody else."
The world breaks. It cracks and shudders and falls in two, but Sakura doesn't die.
He turns his back on her and starts to walk away. In another universe she might have screamed or begged, but in this one, she just follows silently behind him.
The tiny quartz slivers in the pavement begin to wink at her and she thinks maybe they're trying to seduce her as they beckon her toward them. When she falls, the rough bites into her flesh like an apple and watches in disappointment as she's crisp and grainy like a pear.
When she starts to cry, Sasuke tells her to suck it up because she's a big girl and that it doesn't hurt as much as she's acting like it does.
The cement stops bruising her knee with love marks and she picks the dirt away, but there is no winking light inside her. And she feels so violated and taken that she wants him to kiss her.
But he won't because he doesn't do that anymore.
They stumble out into the night like a couple of inebriated bums. But they are not drunk. She is crying and he is tired, and most of all, they're sick.
"I want to find a home, Neji," Tenten begs, her pocket heavy with the generous fifty dollars the old man gave her, "Will you please take me home?"
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.
A/N: YES, I FINALLY DID IT. I FINALLY FINISHED THIS CHAPTER. It took like two months, but it's done. There's one chapter left, and then the epilogue. And then maybe a chapter of junk, like deleted scenes and crud. Maybe. If you want that.
The reason this chapter took so long to get out is because I rewrote it like three times. I think this version was the right one to go with, though.
I'd like to thank everyone for their wonderful reviews. I read each and every one of them, and they inspire me so much. Some of them I read several times because they give me the motivation to keep writing. So thank you! I hope even though it took me so long to update, you'll stick with me and read til the end.
-M