Yeah... I was trying to update once a month, but my schoolwork got a bit out of hand (so many essays!) and I was distracted by my Star Wars obsession, but I'm back! With a long overdue chapter. You can skip this next bit of the bold section and get right into the chapter, if you'd like.
In hindsight, I now see it was rather silly of me to create the character of Maximiliana FitzRoy. When/if I go back to revise/edit this story, I'll probably get rid of her. (At the time when I wrote Chapter 5: Camp Jupiter, I was really fed up with all the child of Artemis fics so I decided to write a child of a Hunter fic as a kind of "take that, you ridiculous people! Arty would never have kids!" even though I had once been a fan of said fics. But I am still a big fan of the Broken Bow series by Xed Alpha. If you haven't read it, I totally recommend it, but I digress.) Max unnecessarily complicates the plot and I dealt with her chapter rather poorly, in my opinion.
So, naturally, I've decided to fill in some plot holes about her (since I'm weird, so I'm too lazy to actually just delete that chapter and would rather just struggle for months to write something reasonable to make it sorta work) and use her existence to further torture my poor, dear Lucia.
I've said (in, I believe, Chapter 9: Fading, so I don't think this is a spoiler) that Max died some months after Lucia met her and that the gods started to leave Lucia alone after Max's death. So, this chapter here kinda delves into just how Max impacts Lucia and hints at how the gods' perception of Lucia is starting to change.
So, on to Chapter 21: Grief! (Or, as I referred to it during its development: The One in Which Lucia Has an Anakin Skywalker Moment.)
A few months after Chapter 5: Camp Jupiter.
Lucia stormed through the palace doors. The shadows swept up to cling to her form in such a dense concentration of darkness that she could hardly see her clothes through the shadowy robe of sorts that she had inadvertently created.
As she sprinted through the entrance hall and into the throne room, the exposed skin of her hands and face glowed silver and gold in random splotches - the tiny voice of reason in the back of her mind mumbled, The gold would be Apollo's power... before Lucia shoved it further back, telling it, Shut up! Find Pluto! - and her entire form crackled with electricity - That would be Zeus's... Reason added and Lucia spared a quick thought: Don't give a damn!
Pluto was stoically sitting on his throne, watching her with those dark eyes of his.
Um, Reason began, you might not want to -
"PLUTO!"
- do that...
Alecto the Fury swooped down from behind his throne to hover in front of Lucia. "Now, Lucia, dear, that's no way to address - "
But Lucia cut her off by violently sweeping her hand in the Fury's direction, causing four dark tendrils of energy to elongate from her fingers and slice the Fury into bits, which proceeded to immediately disintegrate before Alecto could even think to defend herself.
"Why can't I access her records?" Lucia demanded as she stepped close to Pluto. "Where is she?"
Pluto was silently observing the remains of his monstrous servant.
"Answer me, damn it!" Lucia snapped. "Where is she?"
"I think it is quite clear why I have denied you access to her records," Pluto stated calmly. "You are in no state to - "
"Don't patronize me! I want to see my daughter!"
"No."
Lucia leapt the remaining ten feet to his throne, grabbing hold of the collar of his black robes and summoning her Stygian iron dagger to hold against his neck. Sparks flew from the blade every few seconds.
"Most impressive, my dear," Pluto commented nonchalantly. "I am not too fond of the electricity, but I suppose it is your birthright through your mother... Now, release me so we could speak as civilized beings."
Lucia unclenched the fist she had had around his robes and glowered at him. How dare he order her around like that?
"Take a step back and put your dagger away," Pluto added. "You have no need of it."
Lucia stepped back a few feet and dismissed her dagger. She was boiling with anger and she knew it was obvious: her skin was glowing even more brightly - so brightly that she herself was becoming somewhat irked by it - and even more sparks flew off her skin.
"How could you forbid me from speaking to her?" Lucia demanded. "I need to know how she died - how she was judged!"
"There are some things... that are best left unknown."
"Father, please!" Lucia pleaded, crying. "Did she - did she kill herself?"
Pluto studied her. "Is that what you think happened?"
"I - I don't know!" Lucia wailed. "Reyna - the praetor - she said the evidence was circumstantial, that it could've been an accident - but they don't know! I don't know!"
Pluto nodded. "Yes... It is rather complicated, isn't it? I will not tell you the judges' final decision. As a safeguard, you will not be allowed to enter - that is, you will not enter Elysium, Asphodel, or Punishment until I say otherwise."
"Father!"
"I assume I do not have to explicitly forbid you from entering Tartarus."
"Your di Angelo brat survived Tartarus - if he can, I certainly can! And if she's there, I'll find her!"
Pluto's eyes flashed at the mention of his son. "Then you will not enter Tartarus either. You are not to contact her spirit through any means."
With an outraged roar, Lucia again leapt at him with her Stygian iron gladius in her hands.
Pluto effortlessly blocked Lucia's blade with his own as he stood from his throne.
Lucia kept swinging her gladius at him, but he blocked each strike, moving about as fluidly as the way the souls trapped in his robes rippled through the fabric.
With a frustrated growl, Lucia extended her left hand at the god and lightning shot from her fingertips, crackling menacingly even as he merely deflected it with his own Stygian iron blade, causing it to redirect around the room.
Lucia retracted her hand, ending the onslaught as she glared daggers at him. That god - that worthless creature - was not her father. That damned being was the one thing stopping her from seeing her daughter.
He watched her expressionlessly through those dark irises of his, studying her carefully from where he had shifted into a defensive posture.
But he was more than that. He was more than just a being inconveniencing her.
He was the bloody idiot who cheated on his amazing, loving wife and impregnated a Roman woman (who had hardly been more than a girl at the time!) without considering the consequences - without checking her lineage - without even thinking to confirm that she was a mere daughter of Venus. Afterwards, of course, he found out who she was. Of course, he realized what a mistake he'd made, getting involved with a too godly demigod, loving her.
"I hate you!" Lucia heard herself screech in a voice she barely recognized as her own. She hated that he, the idiot that he was, brought her into this world - that he surely must have known that a too godly child of Venus was insignificant, that it could have only been a child of his that would earn the Olympians' distrust. She hated him. He had forced her into joining the Hunters, forced her to give up her hopes for a nice normal family, for a husband, for children. He had sat back and let the Olympians curse her. He could have fought for her sake! (She would admit he had tried, but) he could have done so much more - but he hadn't!
Pluto's gaze faltered. "Daughter - "
Lucia didn't want to hear it. She extended her hand sharply again.
He was too stunned to react as her next bolt of lightning shot his gladius out of his hand. The lightning continued to crackle out of her palm and directly into him as the sword clattered to the floor.
Pluto inhaled sharply and fell down to a knee. He gritted his teeth. His eyes seared into Lucia, but he bore the pain soundlessly.
She didn't want him looking at her like that. Not like that. She tightened her grip on her gladius in her right hand.
The lightning intensified. He fell further to the floor, placing a hand on the ground to steady himself, but it was in vain. Much to her satisfaction, the god was trembling, shaking, writhing.
She was what he had made her. He was not allowed to look at her with such disappointment and pity. It was all his fault - she was all his fault!
He had abandoned her. She had been discarded to the Hunt and she loved the Hunters and Artemis and Diana, but because he hadn't protected her - because he hadn't owned up to the responsibility he had for her - she had betrayed them over and over, the only family he had permitted her to have.
It was a miracle, really, that Artemis - Diana - whichever - Dianartemis hadn't yet forced her to leave or even killed her. Lucia had been nothing but trouble from the moment she had joined the Hunt. She hated that she was such an inconvenience to the world. She had killed Sophia, she had made Artemis go out of her way to save her from Zeus, she had let herself be manipulated into falling in love with Mars and betraying Diana's trust, she had caused Dianartemis to give her more personal attention than the goddess would give an average Hunter, she had fallen for Jupiter's seduction and Lucia hated herself for it because Hades had cornered Zeus into turning freaking Thalia into a tree - causing Jupiter to attempt to avenge his daughter by causing Hades/Pluto to lose Lucia to mortality or whatever punishment Diana would have inflicted on her if she hadn't come to her senses - and then that little incident inspired Juno to scheme Max into being - and it was all his fault! All Pluto's fault! And it was all her fault, too... If only she could have done something. She could have done something...
Max... Reason timidly reminded in the back of Lucia's mind. You're here for Max, not your anger.
Lucia faltered. The lightning at her fingertips sizzled out. She stared at her hand, trying to summon back her power, but nothing except for a few weak sparks appeared as her fingers wriggled.
Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Pluto extend his arm towards his sword. It obediently flew into his waiting hand as he rose.
He was going to attack her - Lucia was certain of it. He was going to punish her for challenging him. Of course, he was.
Lucia wasn't about to let him, though. He had no damn right to punish her, not when he didn't deserve her respect, not when he was the one who had molded her into the distasteful being that she was. The distasteful being who'd betray the people she loved, who'd physically hurt them, who'd be unworthy of their affection.
So, she leapt at him again, stabbing with her gladius. She kept him at a distance as she darted around him, looking for openings and probing his defenses with her blade.
He moved with such fluidity that his parries and dodges seemed slow compared to the frantic pace she had set, but the constant clanging of their blades attested to the fact that he was just as fast as she was.
It occurred to her that he was toying with her. He was a god, wasn't he? He should have just squashed her like the bug she was to him. He could have easily retaliated against her lightning attacks or shielded himself from their pain, but he hadn't. And, now, he wasn't even trying to fight: he was just absorbing her blows. He was holding back.
He didn't respect her. He didn't -
Suddenly, he was beside her, past her guard, and, with a quick flick of his sword, there was a searing, burning pain across her cheek that reached her chin; an unbearably bright flash of light burst from her skin and - with a thunderous boom - the shadows that had clung to her form fled to the corners of the room.
"Argh!"
Her gladius vanished as she dropped it, she herself falling to the floor, clutching her cheek. The glow of her skin diminished to its usual barely perceptible silvery hue.
"Lucia!" Pluto gasped. Despite having knowingly inflicted pain on him, the minuscule part of Lucia that wasn't distracted by her own pain was surprised by how breathless the god sounded.
Lucia vaguely saw him crouch before her. She looked at the thin line of blood across her fingers. She was stunned. She couldn't think.
"Lucia, I did not - " Pluto began. His hands were on her face. "I - damned iron! I should have used bronze - I'm sorry - Does it hurt much?"
"Burns," Lucia sobbed. Merely touching a Stygian iron blade would cause an intense burning sensation. Being cut by it was much worse and, unfortunately, this was not her first experience with it.
"Shh..." Pluto lightly traced the cut with his fingertips and the burning sensation diminished.
"Leave it..."
"What was that?"
"Leave the cut, Father."
"Don't be ridiculous, Lucia," Pluto chided, continuing to run his fingers over the wound.
Lucia clenched her jaw and let her father fully heal her cheek as she glared at the floor. Sparks danced across her body again.
"Better?" Pluto asked after a while.
Lucia nodded stiffly. A larger spark flew off from her hand.
"You still have much to learn, my daughter," Pluto said, placing a hand on her shoulder. He looked... tired. "I will allow you to speak with her when you are calmer. In your current state you would only become angry with her."
Lucia shrugged his hand away. "You're no help." She stood.
"I am here for you," Pluto said, also standing. "You are welcome to stay for a few days, if you wish."
"No," Lucia said, drawing the shadows of the room back towards herself. "I'm going to Olympus."
"Whatever for?"
"If you won't tell me what happened to Max, maybe Jupiter will," Lucia snarled.
"Lucia - "
But Lucia was already enveloped in the freezing darkness of shadow travel. She emerged in the shed of Proserpina's Olympian garden. She flinched as the watering can she had bumped into fell over with a crash that sharply contrasted the silence of the garden.
Lucia mindlessly proceeded to exit the shed and made her way up the mountain to the throne room. As she entered, she tried to calm herself somewhat. It wouldn't do to burst in, loudly demanding to see Jupiter if some of the other Olympians were having a meeting.
Jupiter's throne was unoccupied.
Juno sat on her throne, knitting with pastel-colored yarn.
Apollo was slouched in his throne, listening to something through his headphones as he hummed quietly and wrote in a school notebook.
Mars was leaning forward in his throne, his elbows on his knees, staring intently at the horizontal smartphone in his hands as he tapped the screen rapidly with his thumbs and drew his eyebrows together in a look of intense concentration.
Lucia knew she should leave and try one of Jupiter's private temples, but something rooted her to that spot. She found it difficult to remove her gaze from the god of war.
What if Max had been a child of Mars? Would she still have died? Would things have been different between them? Would Mars have spoken to the girl with Lucia? Would he have been unlike Jupiter who had refused to have anything to do with the girl?
Mars was war. Mars was brutal. Brutal. Brutal, but honest. Brutally honest. He was as proud and stubborn as Jupiter, but at least he did not mislead, beguile, seduce.
Yes, Mars had been seductive, but he didn't seduce. Not like Jupiter did.
Lucia blinked. Jupiter. She had to find Jupiter.
She glanced back at Juno. It was all her fault.
Just as Lucia began to feel sparks of electricity again tingling across her increasingly brighter skin, Mars exclaimed, "Damn!" and chucked the phone across the room to where it wedged itself into Minerva's throne.
Lucia shrunk back half a step and tried to snuff out her uncontrolled powers with shadows as she prepared to make a swift departure should they notice her.
Juno's eyes had flicked over to Mars and she gave him a disapproving look.
"What?" Mars growled at the Queen.
Juno merely rolled her eyes with surprising grace and proceeded to glance over at Apollo who had evidently not noticed what Mars had done.
"'... Real life? / Is this just fantasy?'" Apollo's hum had turned into words. "'Caught in a landslide / No escape from reality / Open your eyes / Look up to the skies and seeeee - '" He stopped, realizing the other two were staring at him. "What?"
"Oh, you two are insufferable," Juno said, setting aside her knitting which immediately disappeared when it lost contact with her hands. She stood and made a move as if to leave, but then she noticed Lucia. "Antonia."
Lucia bowed awkwardly as Mars and Apollo also turned their gazes onto her. "Apologies, my lady, my lords. I didn't mean to interrupt. I was only looking for - "
"You were looking for my husband," Juno said coolly.
"Yes, ma'am," Lucia confirmed with a slight blush. Juno's statement had sounded much like something she had said to Lucia a number of years ago just when Lucia had realized exactly what she had gotten herself into by falling in love with the king of the gods. "I - I'll be going."
"Why are you looking for him?" Juno inquired rather sharply.
Lucia shrugged and shook her head, blinking back tears as she thought of Max again.
"He has not summoned you, Huntress," Juno went on. "You have no business with him."
Lucia opened her mouth to reply, but Mars beat her to it.
"Leave the kid alone, Mother," he said.
"Stay out of this, Mars," Juno warned, sending him an irritated glance.
"Hate to break it to you," Apollo said, "but Marsy is right. Toni has just lost a child for the first time. It's nothing you can understand, of course, but you could at least try to be a little more sensitive."
Juno's eyes flashed murderously at the sun god.
"Ah, you know what?" Apollo said. "It just so happens to be time to let myself out. Toodles!" And he vanished in a burst of flame.
Well, there goes my brave defender, Lucia thought sarcastically.
Lucia took a deep breath to prepare herself to endure more hateful and insulting words. However, Mars glared at Juno, who gave him withering look in reply before shrinking down to human size and disappearing through one of the back exits without another word.
Lucia did her best to avoid eye contact with the remaining god. Something about the flames in his eye sockets unnerved her.
"I can get him for you," Mars told Lucia, "but he can't tell you what you wanna know."
"Can't or won't?" Lucia asked. Then she hastily added, "My lord?"
"Won't," Mars said. "Mortal parents wouldn't know the information you want. It's unnatural for parents to know such things in such situations. I don't really expect you to understand."
"I'm more god than mortal, though," Lucia protested halfheartedly.
"But you will die eventually," Mars said. He fell silent for a few seconds as his eyebrows came together. "I think we've said this before."
Lucia didn't reply. They had had a conversation about Lucia's mortality before.
"Do you want me to get him?" Mars asked.
Lucia sighed and shook her head. She leaned against the column next to her, thinking and trying to ignore the fact that her eyes were once again watery.
Mars merely continued to sit there, looking down at the hearth.
Lucia stood there and cried as silently as she could. But she tried to focus, to think. She had to go somewhere else.
There was a flash of light, but Lucia did not pay it any heed.
"Where's Juno?" It was Diana.
Lucia glanced up uncertainly to see that Diana and Apollo were standing at the foot of Apollo's throne.
"Gone," Mars answered simply.
Diana glanced at Lucia and then studied him carefully. "Thank you."
Mars glanced at Lucia as well, but he nodded at Diana. "Anytime."
"You're gonna thank him and not me?" Apollo whined.
"Well, I did scare Juno off," Mars said.
Apollo ignored him and continued to address Diana: "I'm the one who told you where Toni is!" He waved a hand at Lucia.
"Thank you, Apollo," Diana said dryly.
"Why, you are most very welcome, little sister!" Apollo replied dramatically, sending a dirty look at Mars.
Diana rolled her eyes. "I'll leave you two lovebirds alone to sort out your differences."
Both gods gave her irritated looks as she turned her back to them and made her way over to Lucia.
Diana looked somewhat smug as she came to a halt beside Lucia, but she quickly sobered her expression. "Let's find you some food, shall we? You missed breakfast when you left."
Lucia nodded, not trusting her voice anymore.
And so, a few minutes later, Diana and Lucia were in one of Diana's larger temples, on the top floor, in a room Lucia had only briefly been in a handful of times before. It was one of Diana's few truly private rooms that even the Hunters were generally not allowed to enter.
Lucia would have normally felt uncomfortable by the honor of being in this room, but today she didn't care. She sat on the couch with her legs curled under her, hugging a yellow pillow to her chest.
The room was very startlingly modern. It wasn't quite what Lucia remembered. She had the feeling it was Apollo who had redesigned it. The colors were certainly chosen by Diana, but that seemed to be about the extent of her influence: the walls were dark gray, the hardwood floor was black, the two couches were light gray. The brick fireplace was possibly Diana's idea, but the large screen television and speakers and the various strange boxes that Lucia assumed were some sort of mortal gaming devices were most certainly not there in accordance with the goddess of the wild's wishes. Same with the mini-fridge stocked with various mortal drinks - both alcoholic and non-alcoholic. There was also the odd poster of Apollo dressed as Elvis Presley hanging over the fireplace.
"What would you like to eat?" Diana asked, sitting down beside her. "I'll get you whatever you're up for."
Lucia shrugged noncommittally, still eyeing the poster.
Diana followed her gaze and chuckled. "Didn't I tell you? Apollo insisted I renovate the place a few years back. I told him to take care of it and Minerva owed me a favor, so I had her make sure he didn't go overboard. I'm fairly pleased with the results. However..." She frowned at the poster. "I could do without him staring down at me."
"You haven't removed it?" Lucia asked.
Diana gave her a sideways look. "Oh, I've tried. He charmed it: it can't be taken down and it'll sing if I cover it up." She sighed. "I'm certain there's a way around the enchantment, but I haven't had the time to experiment."
Lucia nodded, adjusting her grip on the pillow.
"But I won't be distracted, Lu," Diana said. "What would you like to eat?"
"I don't know," Lucia mumbled.
Diana gave her a pointed look.
Lucia ignored her.
"Fine, I'll choose," Diana said. A mortal phone appeared in her hand. "I hate these blasted mortal devices..."
Lucia gave her a questioning glance, not understanding why she was bothering with the "blasted mortal device" if she disliked it.
"Apollo and Mercury," Diana began explaining as she tapped the phone's screen irritably, "have started some sort of mortal-like restaurant over by the easternmost temple of Bacchus. Apollo's been nagging me to try it. They deliver for free if you order using their... oh, whatchamacallit - the little square-like thing on the screen that expands onto the whole thing?"
Lucia shook her head. "I've no idea."
"Hmm... Well, the point is, food should appear soon after I complete this form."
"Right... Just how do you manage to keep up with all this?" Lucia asked, inclining her head at the phone.
Diana grinned. "I, unlike you, don't avoid my new Hunters as if they have the plague."
Lucia could sense a faint reprimand somewhere in that statement, but she didn't have the strength to dwell on it. "Well, if they had a plague, I'd have no reason to avoid them thanks to your blessing. Unless, of course, you - for whatever reason - gave up your 'goddess of plagues' title and would no longer grant me immunity from illnesses."
Diana gave her a look. "Perhaps that wasn't the most apt analogy." She set the phone down.
Lucia shrugged, somewhat stunned by her own cheekiness, but grateful that Diana didn't seem too annoyed.
"How are you feeling?" Diana inquired seriously.
"I... I don't know what to think," Lucia said.
"That's not what I asked."
Lucia looked down at the yellow pillow. "... Numb. I was angry and I - I should be sad, but... I barely knew her... I don't know what to do."
Diana nodded slowly. "...Why did you come to Olympus? I thought you'd gone to the Underworld. To find her."
Lucia took a deep breath. "I had gone to the Underworld."
"It didn't go well, I take it?"
Lucia hesitated. "See for yourself."
"You mean - ?"
"It's nothing I wouldn't tell you anyway."
Diana studied her uncertainly. "Be that as it may, I won't violate your privacy like that."
"Please, just look at the memory," Lucia said. "I'm asking you to. I don't know how to adequately put it into words. I - I did something terrible."
Diana frowned.
"You've looked into my memories before," Lucia pointed out, still avoiding Diana's eyes.
"I - I did, but..."
"And you look into my thoughts when I want you to," Lucia added. "This is no different."
"When you direct your thoughts at me, they're so akin to prayers that I'm incapable of ignoring them," Diana said as if Lucia didn't know that already. "Forcibly digging through your memories and the emotions attached to them is an entirely different matter. I would rather you just told me what happened."
"Diana," Lucia implored. "I trust you. Please."
Diana stared at the poster of Apollo for a few seconds.
Lucia watched her attentively, pleadingly.
"...Are you certain?" Diana inquired.
"Yes, my lady."
Diana hesitated before nodding. "...Very well. As you wish. Are you thinking of it?"
"I am." Lucia closed her eyes to focus.
Once she could sense Diana's gently intrusive presence at the forefront of her mind, she began to lead her through what had happened, starting with her arrival in the Underworld, her attempts to find Maximiliana, and the way her powers began to uncontrollably manifest themselves. There was Pluto on his throne and Alecto being shredded into pieces. Lucia argued with Pluto and put her dagger to his neck and argued some more. Pluto's eyes flashed when she mentioned his beloved son and she attacked him. She hated him. The second time she sent lightning at him, he lost his sword, falling to the ground. And she continued the onslaught in cold blood, just to cause him more pain. She faltered and they fought with blades once again. Then, he hurt her, healed her.
Lucia hesitated, but also brought up Juno, Apollo, and Mars. Mars. It always comes back to Mars, doesn't it?
Diana's presence vanished as soon as she and Apollo appeared in the memory.
Diana was studying Lucia intently now. Her brow was furrowed as her silver eyes darted across Lucia's face. She was silent.
Lucia averted her eyes as she sniffled, no longer quite so numb after going through all those emotions again. She remembered how much she hated Pluto - No, not Pluto, not really. It was... herself. She hated herself for not caring more for Max, for not being there for her, for utterly failing the only chance she had to be a mother.
"...You can't blame your father," Diana finally said.
"I know." Lucia sighed. "He didn't mean for any of this to happen. I know that. I just - I lost control. I needed someone else to blame, but I - I know it's my fault. All of it."
"No!" Diana snapped, her eyes widening.
Lucia flinched at the forcefulness of her tone.
"No," Diana repeated more gently, taking Lucia by the shoulders. "Lucia, it's not your fault."
"But - "
"It's not your fault," Diana repeated. "It is not your fault. None of it is your fault."
"Then whose?" Lucia asked weakly, avoiding Diana's eyes.
Diana blinked blankly and then shook her head. "Doesn't matter. The point is that it's not your fault."
Lucia was going to protest, but she couldn't think of how.
"Lucia, you must - I mean, this is not an order by any means," Diana began, sounding almost alarmed, "but I want you to believe me: it's not your fault. I'm begging you to believe me."
Lucia shook her head wordlessly. She knew she could have done something differently, something to have made things work out better.
"Lucia, I..." Diana started, but she stopped.
If Lucia hadn't known better, she would have said her mistress looked horrified, but she did know better: nothing could intimidate Diana so easily.
"I - I've failed you," Diana said. Her voice was fragile. "I see that, now. I thought... I thought I had been clear. I don't hold any of this against you. You're a good Hunter, Lu. You're a good friend, a good person. I've practically raised you - I love you. I think your life has been more than worthwhile."
Lucia was stunned. "You... love me?" She knew that - of course she knew that, but... "Despite everything?"
"Yes," Diana said empathetically. "Believe me, please. I don't blame you. You can't blame yourself for everything. It hasn't been your fault."
"But - "
Lucia was caught off by the start of a cheery tune.
A rather flat square-shaped box had just materialized on the coffee table and Apollo's singsong voice was emitting from it: "Thank you, dear customer, for ordering from Apollo and Mercury's - the Italian Diner of Olympus - "
"Hey! Why is your name first?" Mercury's somewhat muffled voice called.
"Because I'm awesome! Now -"
"The diner was my idea, though!"
"Oh, boo-hoo, it's alphabetical order, then!" Apollo sang. "Now, appreciated customer, if you'd just drop the correct amount of denarii specified in the fine print of your receipt into the Ancient Roman vase here - " A small decorated clay vase appeared beside the box. " - our business shall be concluded."
The melody of the cheery tune changed into something Lucia could only describe as peacefully repetitive yet irritating at the same time.*
She and Diana continued to stare at the box and vase in silent bewilderment.
"Well," Diana said after a while, "that was... odd."
Lucia nodded in agreement.
Diana reached over for the receipt that had been attached to the box with a strip of neon orange tape. She made a displeased face as she read it. "This price is ridiculous. No one in their right mind would pay half this much for the ambrosia of the original Mount Olympus - let alone for a mortal pizza!"
"I'm sorry, my lady," Lucia said.
"I'll be leaving Apollo and Mercury a most unfavorable review," Diana decided, "but I suppose I'll p - " She froze, her hand full of of denarii hovering over the vase. Her eyes snapped over to Lucia. "What did you say?"
"Um, 'sorry'?"
Diana dropped the denarii and the vase vanished with one final comment from Apollo: "Thank you, valued customer! May the force be with you!"
There was silence as Diana scrutinized Lucia.
"You apologized?" Diana said.
"I was expressing sympathy for your loss of denarii," Lucia corrected. It hadn't exactly been an apology. Surely, there wasn't anything objectionable about that?
"No - Well, yes, I get that," Diana said, "but you're also... You don't think I should be spending money on you, do you?"
"Well," Lucia said hesitantly, "you shouldn't, but that's not what I meant."
Diana didn't reply. She reached over to open the box. It was a simple cheese pizza. She took a slice for herself and glanced at Lucia after taking a bite. "It's not worth the price, but it is better than expected. Will you eat?"
"I - " Lucia said automatically without really knowing what she had intended to say. "Yes... I am a little hungry."
Diana smiled.
Lucia set aside the yellow pillow with a sigh and reached for a slice. She didn't have much basis for comparison, but it seemed to taste alright.
Lucia realized she was a lot hungrier than she thought. She soon found herself reaching for another slice without comment as she withdrew into her thoughts.
She still didn't know what to think, how to feel.
But she was glad that Diana was there. Silent, but there. Her presence wasn't exactly comforting per se, but it helped ground Lucia.
Lucia had been fine without Max for nearly two millennia. She would be fine now without her. She had to be.
But, gods, how was she going to apologize to Father?
She had always - always - tried to be good. To behave. To be obedient. Even before... before, well, everything. Before Mater died. Pater - Aemilius, not Pluto - had been kind enough to accept her as his child even though he had known from the moment he laid his green eyes on her that she couldn't possibly be his and she had tried so hard not to disappoint him, not to turn him against Mater. She had tried, damn it, and she failed. In the end, she hadn't been worth his time. She failed. He cast her out and, by the time that she had come back to see Quintus and that Aemilius might have felt a twinge of regret for what he had done to the girl that was his daughter in everything but blood, it was much too late to save her from her fate.
She hadn't been good enough. She would never be good enough. She always failed, always disappointed. She would never be worthy of Elysium. She'd be doomed to walking in Asphodel forever, mulling over every little thing she had done wrong.
But no, no, no - surely not. Surely, she wasn't that bad? She tried, didn't she? She did. Father wouldn't truly leave in Asphodel to rot, would he?
He treated all souls justly. If she was judged unworthy of Elysium, he wouldn't lift a finger against the judges.
Lucia forced herself to stop. Just for a moment. To clear her mind.
She finished the crust of what must have been her fifth or sixth slice of pizza and looked at Diana, who was over by the mini-fridge, taking out a Poland Spring water and a bottle of nectar.
"...You'll have to report this to the council, won't you?" Lucia inquired dejectedly, breaking the silence.
"Report what?" Diana asked, drawing her eyebrows together as she returned to the couch. She set the water bottle onto the table next to Lucia.
"I attacked a god in cold blood," Lucia said monotonously. "Isn't that what they were afraid of?"
"You were beside yourself," Diana said. She took a sip of nectar. "It wasn't really you."
"I wanted to hurt him," Lucia said, "and I did. This is what the council feared, isn't it? That I'd go mad and attack the gods?"
Diana's expression was unreadable as she lowered the bottle and studied Lucia intently.
"I may be a fool, but I'm not a complete fool: I know... things can't stay hidden from the gods. They'll find out one way or another. They'll find out that you know. You have to tell them or they won't trust your judgement about me anymore."
"I have to do nothing," Diana said, setting the bottle aside entirely. "The council does not control me."
"Lady Diana - "
"I was not finished, Lucia."
Lucia bit her tongue and lowered her eyes.
"I do not always represent the wishes of the council and the council does not always represent my wishes."
"I know..."
"Do you?" Diana raised an eyebrow. "Because I think you forget this."
"I - Well, perhaps, my lady."
Diana rolled her eyes. "You can drop the formality. I'm speaking as your friend."
Lucia nodded.
"I will do whatever I wish within the constraints they bind me with. That being said," Diana continued evenly, "I do see what you're saying. However, the council has never charged me with reporting on your behavior. They certainly implied it, but they never explicitly stated I must do so. It is entirely possible that I - being the silly little goddess that I am - had misunderstood their intentions. It's a technicality, but it gives us options."
"That's a load of minotaur dung and you know it," Lucia grumbled. She knew what had to happen, what would happen. She did not want to develop any false hope.
"'Minotaur dung'?" Diana's lips quirked into a smile. "Not quite what I had in mind when I said you could drop the formality. Been spending more time with Thalia, have you?"
Under any other circumstances, Lucia would have blushed at having the coarseness of her words pointed out, but as grouchy as she was, she only dryly replied, "Marginally."
"Well, regardless - we have options," Diana said. "You have options, that is. I'll defer to your decision."
Lucia snorted. "What options? You're giving me the illusion of choice. They will find out. There's nothing else to it. And I'd rather not give them further reason to think I'm disloyal and deceitful... dishonest."
"You're jumping to conclusions. This isn't that important," Diana replied. "The Ol - "
" - Of course it's that important. They cursed me to prevent this."
"Every Olympian has gotten into some squabble or other with their parents," Diana said. "The fact that it was your father whom you fought makes it more understandable."
Lucia scoffed. "Does it? The Olympians see things however they bloody want to see things. The fact that he's my father could make me seem even more threatening since, clearly, if I have no respect for him, why should I have any respect for any god?"
"Lucia, everyone sees things the way they want to see them," Diana countered. "You're doing it now - You do it all the time. It's getting to the point where it's not even logical! You think they'll see you as a threat and you want to tell them? Just how does that make sense?"
"Why can't you understand?" Lucia retorted. "I want to be honorable and if I'm not a good person it'd be dishonorable to hide that and pretend to be something I'm not! I don't give a damn about self-preservation or whatever it is you're suggesting; I just want to have some honor since I can't seem to have anything else!"
Diana was shaking her head mutely.
"I'm trying!" Lucia all but shouted and her voice broke. She let out a sob. "I'm trying, damnit! What else do you - do the Fates - want from me?! I'm trying to do things right and everything keeps turning out wrong!"
Diana seemed to be stunned. She looked slightly more understanding but also even more horrified than she had earlier. "Lu..."
Lucia wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and refused to look at the goddess. She was so angry... and ashamed. Why couldn't she just do things right?
Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Diana move closer to her. She felt Diana's arm around her back.
She flinched slightly at the contact and turned her head away further. She couldn't look at Diana.
"Okay..." Diana said softly, retracting her hand and moving away.
Lucia fought the urge to try to lean back against her. She was craving comfort, but she knew she didn't deserve it. It was, after all, her own fault she was in such a sorry state.
"I just... I want to help you," Diana said. "I swear I'd do just about anything... What can I do to help?"
"I - don't know," Lucia managed to choke out as she cried.
Diana was silent.
Lucia still adamantly kept her gaze on the corner of the room.
"...Would you like some time alone?" Diana offered.
Lucia shrugged, trying to stop sobbing, but failing miserably. I don't want to be alone.
"How about I come back in a few minutes?"
She shrugged again, still crying in an undignified manner. Don't go.
"It might give you a chance to calm down."
"Whatever," Lucia replied tersely. Please, don't leave me.
"I'll... be back soon. I promise."
No, no, no!
Silence.
After a while, Lucia worked up the courage to turn her head slightly. She didn't see Diana.
How could you leave me like this? I'm not that bad... am I?
Lucia held onto the yellow pillow again and laid down across the couch as she continued to weep.
Another happy ending, eh? (It'll be okay! Eventually! ...Maybe!) That breakdown was a long time coming, though.
Coming up in the next few chapters (in no particular order):
- more on Kassandra, the Hunter who joined right before Bianca did, the one who had worked for the Titans
- that light-hearted, happy-ish chapter I've been promising for months now
- Amazons! And their complicated relationship with the Hunters, featuring Zoë! (and probably Thalia!)
- the end of the world? (Not sure if I'll be posting that one at all, but I'm writing it.)
- more on Anne, the daughter of Aphrodite, who's rather close to Lucia even though I've only hinted at their friendship
Anyways, how do you guys feel about Maximiliana? Is there any interest in more about her? I have some more stuff written on her, but her story doesn't exactly impact the Hunters as a whole, so if interest is low, I'd rather devote my time to something you guys will enjoy more.
What else would you like me to address? Is Lucia-centric stuff and her view on the Hunters cool? Or would you guys want more about the other Hunters? I'm all ears!