day nineteen (part 2)
"I don't get it, why can't he just buy some Oxy from his dealer like everybody?" wondered Ally after lunch, lying next to him under the sun.
The clinic was always quiet during the early hours of the afternoon, after the first round of visitors had left. With no activities to go to besides therapy, most patients preferred to avoid the scorching Florida heat by staying inside and taking a nap, but Austin and Ally both loved basking in the sun, and they enjoyed the silence and privacy they found pool side, most of the nurses preferring to keep an eye on them from the other side of the glass doors.
"His dealer lives in California," explained Austin, pushing his sunglasses up his nose. "But that's not even part of the reason why he's making me do it. He wants to know he can control me, he doesn't like that I've changed and needs me to be the stupid, drunk kid that didn't notice when he used me for his own personal benefit."
Ally lowered the book that was covering her face to give him a semi-worried look.
"That's pretty messed up."
Austin groaned and went back to looking at the light reflecting on the almost completely still water in the pool. Truth was, his whole life was messier than ever at that point. There he was, venting about his manipulative—former—best friend to the girl he was by now quite sure he'd fallen for, pretending that he hadn't made love to her just a few hours before, pretending he wasn't feeling anything for her at all.
"So your only chance to do it is today in therapy?" she asked.
"Yep. One hour and fifteen minutes from now."
She stayed quiet for a while, and in the almost complete silence he could faintly hear the song playing on her iPod from the earbud that was resting on her chest, out of her ear so that she could hear what he was saying.
"Are you gonna do it?"
Austin ran his right hand through his hair. "Honestly? I still don't know."
Ally kept looking at him silently, as if waiting for him to continue, but Austin didn't have much else to say. He didn't want to do it, and he wasn't completely sure that Trent was actually going to rat him out to the press, but was taking that risk worth losing his career? The only thing he'd worked for his entire life, the only thing he'd ever, really wanted?
"I probably won't know until I'll be in front of Patrick."
"I get that, I guess," she offered him a small smile that he wasn't able to match.
She turned her attention to the pool shortly after, but he kept looking at her as if waiting for something to happen, but actually stuck on the memory of the previous night and unable to focus his gaze elsewhere. She was by then much less of the enigma she had been at first, but he still couldn't quite figure out the way she was thinking. He was still almost afraid to ask about it.
He knew that the previous night had felt different for her too. That she had feelings for him, perhaps as strong as the ones he had for her. He'd been able to read it in her eyes when he'd told her he was in love with her. Underneath all of her fear, all of the pain of her past experiences, he saw that she cared for him deeply, and wanted him as more than a friend. What he had to try to do was going around all of that fear, to reach the part of her that wanted him. To show her that he was different, that he was going to treat her right, that she didn't have to be afraid of him because the last thing he would ever do was hurt her.
"Hey, Ally," he called, and waited for her to turn towards him to continue. "Are we gonna talk about last night?"
She froze instantly, but something in her expression told him she'd been thinking about it just as much as he had.
"I don't think there's anything to say about that," she answered quietly, her voice much calmer than he would've expected.
It took him a while to gather enough words for a second question. "Do you really think we should just pretend it never happened?"
"It's complicated, Austin. You're leaving in a couple of days, and you have a girlfriend."
"I'll break up with her," he rushed to say. And it wasn't one of those empty promises guys made to buy more time to sleep with two girls at once. Truth was, Austin would've broken up with Kira even if he'd been certain he would never see Ally again.
"Don't—listen," she sighed and closed her eyes, before sitting up. He did the same and waited for her to find a way to continue. "There's something you should know."
He sensed in her tone that it wasn't something he'd enjoy hearing, but he nodded nonetheless. She opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out, and she closed her eyes again and pressed the palm of her hand against her forehead.
"Ally, what is it?" he prompted, feeling more nervous every second she spent in silence.
A ringtone interrupted whatever thought she was in the middle of and she hurried to fish her phone out of her bag.
"I'm sorry, I need to take this," she told him, and pressed the phone to her ear before he had time to react. "Hi," she greeted quietly, then stood up and gathered her things quickly. "Good, you?"
"Ally, wait," he tried, speaking in a low voice to not disturb her call.
She sent him an apologetic look, stuffed her towel into the bag and slipped her flip flops on, before heading back inside.
Austin cursed and lay back down, trying hard not to brood on what had just happened. There were worst things he needed to worry about than Ally being evasive and answering mysterious phone calls.
He took out his phone and earbuds and put on the angriest song of his playlist at the loudest volume possible, but even that wasn't enough to make him stop thinking about her.
Austin realized upon entering Patrick's studio later that day that he still had no idea what he was gonna do. By then he'd however recognized that it was gonna gonna be a matter of how strong of a person he actually was. Stealing the pad just to keep Trent on his good side would be the weak choice, the "easy" way out, the one that would've proved that he hadn't changed that much after all, that he was still a slave to his own fame.
A stronger choice would be to not break the law. To forget about Trent and Kira and their party and stay in, hang out with Dez or participate for once in one of the nurse organized weekend activities. To do the good thing and prove that he was a better guy than he used to be, even if it meant risking his career.
The choice would've seemed obvious to anyone, but for some reason the strong choice felt to Austin like the way out for a coward. Deep down, he wanted to be able to smirk at Trent and show him that he was still able to break the rules, to be a badass.
Deep down he was also hoping that he wouldn't even have a chance to steal anything. After all, in the three weeks he'd been Patrick's patient, he'd never even seen one of his prescription pads, and Patrick pretty much stared at him the whole hour. It would've been pretty difficult to steal anything.
But of course, fate had its say in that.
"Hi, Austin. Please take a seat, I will be right back," said Patrick as soon as he stepped into the studio.
"Where are you going?" he asked, dumbstruck, watching as he hung up the phone. The creases on his forehead made him look much older than he actually was. Worry was not a good look on him, and not one Austin was used to see.
"There's a problem with one of my patients. If I'm not back in ten minutes, consider today's session rescheduled," he told him, and then he rushed past him to get to the door, which he left opened behind him.
Austin stood where he was, frozen for a second while his mind was racing almost uncontrollably.
Patrick was gone and would not be back soon. He'd left him in his office, completely unsupervised. That last shred of hope that the decision would not be up to him had vanished, and his hands now itched so bad they started to tremble. He clenched his fists.
He was better than that. Better than Trent, better than his old life. Better than alcohol and drugs and theft. He didn't have to prove himself to anyone.
He moved towards the desk, with every intention to just sit down and wait for Patrick's return. The scanning of the desk was involuntary, as it was the perusing between the different folders and notes. As it was him opening the first drawer, and then the second. He didn't have to go further.
He stared at the prescription pad without reaching for it, trying to shut his brain up. His brain that was screaming at him to close the desk and go sit down, forget about the whole thing and go on with his life.
Except suddenly he realized how inevitable facing Trent would be. Even if he refused to go to his hotel room that night, he would have to meet him eventually at their condo back in LA. Or in a room with their staff discussing their plans for a joint tour. Or at any party, any award ceremony, every event he would be invited to if he continued on with his career.
Trent was inevitable, and he didn't want to be his enemy. He didn't have the energy for it.
He took the pad and flicked through it. Maybe one blank prescription would be enough. It would have to be, because Patrick would certainly notice a whole pad missing, but maybe he'd be to busy to realize there was one page less. And even if he did, Austin would be out of there in a couple of days, any other patient could be deemed just as guilty.
He ripped the page, folded it and stuck it in his pocket, then put the pad back and closed the drawer. He sat down on his chair and patiently waited five, then ten minutes. After fifteen had passed, he stood up and walked out slowly, almost expecting an alarm to go off as soon as he touched the door handle.
Nothing happened, no one even glanced at him as he made his way back to his room. Only as he lay down on his bed he fully realized he'd actually done it. And as much as he could try to lie to himself, it hadn't been unintentional.
He was not better than Trent, not better than his old life. He was weak, and he was a thief now. There was no going back.
an: I'm so sorry, yesterday I completely forgot about updating. Thankfully today I have a whole three hours between classes and plenty of time to review and post this chapter, I hope you liked it! I just now finished writing chapter 24, which I had originally thought as the second-to-last one, but now I'm thinking I might add one. Anyway, I'm very close to the end, and it's surreal. I've been working on this story pretty much all summer, and it's been a blast.
Thank you for your wonderful reviews and all the support this story has gotten. Hold on, we're almost to the end!
Till Friday! xx