SEE YOU AT THE BOTTOM!

"Mind explaining why the fuck your face wasn't swollen up like a goddamn balloon this morning then?" I asked flatly, just waiting for her to fuck her story up.

"I called your old man."

Fuck.

Me.

*~TT&ABOFD~*

"My old man? Why the fuck would you call him?"

"You really are too fucking gullible, Cullen. How the hell would I call him? I don't have the douchebag's fucking number," Bella laughed, smug about the fact that she'd just gotten one over on me.

"Not cool, Swan. So if you didn't call the old man, how is it that you got rid of the swelling?"

Approaching me with sympathy written all over her face, she cradled my jaw in her hand. "The dust was hypo-allergenic, Edward," she whispered.

I am such a fucktard.

How had I forgotten that.

"Shit," I mumbled, hanging my head.

"You really need to loosen up and stop worrying about every damn thing. I'm almost afraid to see how this meeting with the Volturi plays out."

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" I asked lowly, still reeling in disbelief that I'd forgotten about the dust change.

"You don't think before you speak, and most often times, you dig yourself a grave that you can't get out of."

"I've dug myself a deep ass grave with you, and I still manage to fuck you," I rasped, arching a brow at her challengingly.

"And there you go, just like that," she smirked, rolling her eyes.

"But you aren't mad at me," I quipped, "because you like my cock too fucking much," I goaded her with a smile.

"Why don't you just come home with me, and we'll talk about this shit there?" she hissed.

"Nice try at changing the subject, Swan. But to answer your question, wouldn't that totally fuck up our story with Emmett?"

"At this point, I don't care. He's going to find out eventually, and I'm assuming that you and I will need to turn this Volturi shit into a weekend long trip?"

"I guess, if you're anticipating more than just a meeting. What do you want to do?" I asked, genuinely curious because, while it takes a while in their world, it certainly wasn't going to take all damn weekend.

"What do I want to do?" she reiterated, humming to herself, finger pressed to her lips. But then, she turned her eyes on me, and…Fuck. I knew that look. "You."

"So what you're really saying," I teased, "is that you want to have a sex-filled weekend away with me."

"Yeah, I suppose I am. Whatever gave you that idea?" she laughed, punching my arm. "But you've got to lose the skirt, and the shoes."

"Ha fucking ha. Now, how exactly do you see this thing with Emmett playing out?"

I really needed her opinion because—the way I imagined it in my head—was him binding my hands with a rope hung from the wall, and then him chaining my feet to the fucking floor before torturing me for days.

Sorry, but I'd take molestation from the biggest fucking dog on my route—and I'd do it gladly—before I ever agreed to being Emmett's play toy.

That bastard had a sick as fuck mean streak.

"He might bind you to a chair with a ball gag for a night, but hanging you from a ceiling and chaining your feet to the floor is a little extreme, don't you think?" she asked with a laugh.

"Dammit, I just said all of that out loud," I growled, rubbing a hand over my face.

"If you want, I'll be happy to swing back by the house with the mastiff…I'm sure he'd love to sink his teeth into your ass again. That is if seeing Emmett is too fucking intimidating…"

"You fucking suck, Swan."

"Oh but you love that I do," she answered with a wink.

Since when did fucking everything become a sexual innuendo with her? And why was it such a damn turn on?

Now more than ever, I wished we still had some fucking dust because I'd fly her sweet ass back to her place STAT.

"So now I'm sweet?"

Oh my fucking God! Maybe I could talk the old man into robbing me of my voice or some shit for a week or two.

My voice was starting to fuck me over more than these damn bitch shoes and tutu ever would, and that was really saying something.

"Let's say I do stay at your place. What happens when Emily wakes up and finds me in your bed? Won't that confuse her?"

"Edward, she's never seen me with anyone. Fuck, I've never even fucking had anyone over before. Do you really think I'd risk doing that to her?"

Dammit.

"Of course not, but I had to ask, Bella. I didn't fucking mean anything by it."

"Shit. I know you didn't, Edward," she sighed as we stopped walking. "Truth is, she'd probably love for you to be the one I'm with. She fucking adores you. Besides, you're the only man in her life outside of family."

There was a certain tone to her voice that filled my stomach with dread and made my hands clammy. And when she looked at me, her chin quivered.

"Oh fuck, you aren't about to cry are you?"

"Gee, thanks for the shoulder! No, I'm not about to cry. I've come to accept that I failed her a long time ago."

"You don't really believe that shit do you, Swan?" I asked angrily.

"Can't we change the subject and just go back to the house?"

What the fuck just happened?

She was talking…we were actually, for the first time ever, starting to talk about important shit and she was shutting down on me.

Why the hell did that bother me so fucking much?

"I'll just say this and then we can go wherever the fuck you want to go. You have not failed her, Bella. You've been an amazing mother to that little girl. Especially with the shit hand you were dealt. You support and provide for that child on your own, with no fucking help financially. And you've been smart about who you let around her, which honestly, makes me question why the fuck you're still allowing my creepy ass around her."

"Oh well that one's easy. You're her fairy godfather. What kind of mother would I be to keep you away from her?"

I had to laugh. She fucking had me there.

"Well, you certainly threw every accusation you could my way that night."

"Oh that wasn't in response to you being around her. That was entirely due to the fucking boner you sported."

"So it wasn't the fucking costume?" I asked, gesturing at my body. "Cause you know, if she had woken, I had the perfect fucking excuse for the boner."

"Oh is that so?" she smiled as we started walking again.

"Yeah. It was just my wand tucked into the band of my tutu."

"Sweetheart, unless your 'wand' is the size of Hillshire Farms Summer Sausage, no child in their right fucking mind would have bought that shit."

Next chapter, confrontation with Emmett. Will he find out about fairydom?

LOVIN' you guys' reviews!

No matter how many goals I set for myself as to when this fic will come to an end, I can't quit writing. I suppose it'll end when Fairyward has nothing more to say LOL!

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