Jade/Karkat: Remember When Dave Made His Bizarre Useless Last Stand And Jade Freaked Out Until Karkat Talked Her Through It While Jack Watched Like A Creep?

Warning: (canonical and temporary) character death and blood

gardenGnostic[GG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]

GG: oh god oh god karkat
GG: karkat are you there?
GG: please help i dont know what to do oh god
GG: karkat please help me!
CG: HARLEY?
CG: WHAT'S EVEN GOING ON?
CG: OH
CG: HOLY SHIT
GG: there has to be something i can do to help dave!
GG: but thats dumb thats really dumb because this is real life
GG: karkat hes dead and i killed him
CG: OKAY
CG: OKAY
CG: DON'T PANIC
GG: how am i not supposed to panic?
GG: i shot him i didnt realize and i shot him so many times how could i do that?
CG: OH MY GOD, YOU'RE CRYING
CG: HARLEY
CG: YOU REALLY HAVE TO CALM DOWN
CG: YOU'RE STARTING TO FREAK ME OUT
GG: im starting to freak YOU out?
GG: karkat please i don't know what to DO
CG: UH
CG: FIRST, I GUESS
CG: WHY DID YOU SHOOT HIM?
GG: I DIDNT MEAN TO!
GG: we were fighting jack and i was shooting him but he made it so i was shooting dave instead
GG: i didnt realize and i just kept shooting and shooting and shooting
CG: JACK?
CG: SHIT
CG: HARLEY, IF HE'S STILL THERE YOU NEED TO GET THE FUCK OUT *RIGHT NOW*
GG: no um
GG: he hasnt done anything since then
GG: i dont think he wants to hurt me
GG: hes just watching and i cant just leave dave
CG: CAN YOU GRAB DAVE AND RUN?
CG: AND ARE YOU ABSOLUTELY SURE HE'S DEAD?
CG: HUMANS HAVE BLOODPUSHERS, RIGHT?
CG: CHECK HIS
GG: no
GG: i cant
CG: THIS IS REALLY FUCKING EASY, I PROMISE
CG: YOU JUST PUT YOUR HAND ON HIS THORAX, RIGHT OVER THE BLOODPUSHER
CG: DO YOU FEEL ANYTHING?
GG: no i mean i CANT
GG: karkat theres none of his thorax LEFT
GG: its all holes
GG: karkat i shot him SO MANY TIMES how could i do that to him hes one of my best friends
CG: CAN YOU TRY ANYWAYS?
CG: YOU'D BE SURPRISED WHAT PEOPLE CAN SURVIVE SOMETIMES
GG: no no no no karkat I LITERALLY CANT
GG: its all
GG: meat
GG: i cant touch it i cant i cant
GG: i think im going to be sick
GG: half his heads gone
GG: hes dead
GG: i killed him
CG: SAYING YOU KILLED HIM ISN'T REALLY ACCURATE WHEN YOU JUST SAID JACK DID IT
CG: AND YOU'RE PANICKING
GG: OF COURSE IM PANICKING!
GG: this was supposed to be a really cool video game
GG: and we were going to totally play it together and have fun and it was going to be so great
GG: and instead i KILLED DAVE!
CG: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING
CG: OKAY
CG: HE'S YOUR TIME PLAYER
CG: THINGS ARE DIFFERENT FOR THEM
CG: OUR TIME PLAYER *STARTED* OUR SESSION DEAD
GG: yeah but he told me about what he does
GG: he goes back in time and changes things so he doesnt die
GG: so that the timeline goes right
GG: its been so long already and he isnt here
GG: i fucked it up and hes dead for real
CG: NO, SEE
CG: WE'RE STILL TALKING
CG: THAT MEANS THIS ISN'T A DOOMED TIMELINE AND THINGS ARE GOING THE WAY THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO
GG: HOW IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER?
GG: 'oh jade dont worry you killed dave but you were totally supposed to so its fine'
GG: 'yeah that makes sense karkat i feel totally fine now'
GG: 'hes dead but it was meant to be! its like all my sadness just poofed away'
CG: YOU'RE STILL FREAKING OUT
CG: AND IT ISN'T HELPING
CG: I PROMISE THAT THIS ISN'T AS BAD AS YOU THINK IT IS
CG: WHAT I WAS *TRYING* TO GET TO IS THAT IF HE'S REALLY DEAD, THERE ARE STILL OPTIONS
GG: what like bury him or leave him out to rot?
GG: i dont know why i asked you for help youre making this so much more awful
CG: GOD, GIVE ME A LITTLE CREDIT
CG: I MEAN THAT DEATH ISN'T NECESSARILY PERMANENT IN THE GAME
CG: IF HIS DREAM SELF IS STILL ALIVE, YOU CAN BRING HIM BACK TO LIFE
GG: if youre lying to me it is the meanest thing youve ever done
CG: FOR FUCK'S SAKE, DO YOU REALLY THINK I'M THAT MUCH OF AN ASSHOLE?
CG: YOU NEED HELP, AND YOU ASKED FOR HELP
CG: I'M GIVING YOU HELP
GG: youve done some really nasty things before!
GG: for pretty much no reason but making me feel bad
CG: OKAY, YES, I'M A JERK AND PAST ME IS WORSE THAN CURRENT ME
CG: BUT THIS IS SERIOUS AND YOU ASKED ME TO HELP YOU
GG: fine
GG: what am i supposed to do
CG: YOU HAVE TO KISS HIM
GG: oh my god
GG: youre such a fucking liar i dont know why i thought youd actually be nice and tell me the truth
GG: thats sick thats really sick and i hope im never dumb enough to ask you for something again
CG: WHAT?
CG: NO
CG: I'M COMPLETELY SERIOUS
CG: IT HAPPENED IN MY SESSION
CG: MY BEST FRIEND DIED, AND MY OTHER FRIEND KISSED HIM AND BROUGHT HIM BACK TO LIFE
CG: HE WOKE UP ON DERSE, AND IT WAS BACK TO NORMAL
CG: SO JUST ROLL HIM OVER AND KISS HIM ON THE LIPS
GG: i cant
CG: HARLEY
CG: THIS IS LITERALLY THE ONLY WAY TO SAVE HIM
GG: i cant i CANT
GG: theres nowhere to touch him
GG: its all blood everywhere and I just touched his shoulder and my fingers SUNK IN
GG: karkat i cant do this i really really cant
CG: OKAY, LISTEN
CG: IF YOU DON'T STEP UP AND DO THIS, THERE IS NOBODY AROUND WHO WILL BE ABLE TO BRING HIM BACK
CG: I GET THAT IT SUCKS SERIOUS BULGE
CG: BUT IT'S ONLY FOR A MINUTE, AND THEN IT'S ALL DONE
CG: THERE HAS TO BE SOME PART OF HIM THAT'S EASIER TO GRAB
CG: TRY HIS ARMS
CG: OR, LIKE, TURN HIM OVER WITH YOUR FEET
GG: im not kicking dave!
CG: HE'LL HAVE A NEW BODY AS SOON AS THIS GETS DONE
CG: YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU WANT TO THIS ONE
GG: :/
CG: YOU KNOW WHAT I MEANT
CG: TRY SHUTTING YOUR EYES IF YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE
GG: no thats worse i dont know what im touching
GG: okay
GG: okay
GG: im going to do it
CG: THERE YOU GO
CG: NOW YOU JUST HAVE TO KISS HIM
GG: oh god oh god theres blood everywhere
GG: its EVERYWHERE
GG: i need a minute
GG: oh my god my dress is so bloody its STICKING TO MY LEGS DDDDD:
GG: karkat i cant do this
CG: CALM DOWN
CG: YOU'RE ALMOST DONE
CG: YOU CAN BURN THE FUCKING DRESS WHEN YOU'RE DONE IF THAT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER
GG: okay
GG: i just have to kiss him?
GG: you PROMISE?
CG: JUST ONE KISS
CG: IF I'M LYING, YOU CAN HAVE ONE COMPLIMENTARY KICK TO MY SHAME GLOBES
GG: one kiss
GG: okay
CG: THERE YOU GO
CG: I CAN SEE HIM AWAKE ON DERSE
CG: DO YOU WANT TO MESSAGE HIM?
GG: no
GG: i dont think i can handle that right now
CG: IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE YOU WANT ME TO DO?
GG: i dont think so
GG: i just want to go home
GG: i want my own bedroom
CG: THAT'S PRETTY UNDERSTANDABLE AT THIS POINT
CG: LOOK, I'M A BUSY GUY, BUT IF YOU WANT TO CHECK IN WITH ME WHEN YOU WAKE UP, YOU CAN DO THAT
GG: i think i will
GG: can
GG: maybe can you keep an eye on dave for me?
CG: YEAH, THAT'S A THING I CAN DO
CG: AND YOU SHOULD PROBABLY GET SOME SLEEP
CG: YOU LOOK PRETTY AWFUL
GG: ….thanks :/
GG: but also actually thank you
GG: i dont know what i would have done on my own
GG: ill get in touch again as soon as i feel up to it
CG: OKAY
CG: I HOPE YOU FEEL BETTER SOON
CG: I GUESS I'LL SEE YOU LATER
GG: bye!
GG: and karkat
GG: thank you again

gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]