Chapter 21: Deceit and Trust
Kiaru held out her hand to the closest of the four beasts before her. They were magnificent creatures, with black opal scales that caught the sun and trapped its fire within each piece. Their long swan like necks twisted gracefully through the air as they studied their new surroundings with curiosity. The one near her rested its snout on Kiaru's palm and she stroked between its nostrils. It spread its wings and rattled the scales about its head in approval.
"They are called Kuroi," the man who had brought the creatures told her. "My Lord assures me that they will be helpful in your war against the demons."
"They look so docile," an elder spoke up indignantly. "How are they to be of any help?"
He moved in to pet one as Kiaru was doing. The beast growled and snapped at his outstretched hand. The elder backed away in fear, realizing that if he had been any closer, the beast would have taken off his forearm. Kiaru laughed playfully and continued to pet the one that was in her hands.
"Careful," she warned. "I've seen these things take apart a chocobo in seconds."
"They seem to be very attracted to you," the elder said, still trying to compose himself.
"They know when they've met a more powerful evil," Kiaru whispered to herself while rubbing her nose into the beings snout as if it was a puppy.
"I don't know," the elder continued, unaware of her utterance, "There is something not right about using demons to fight demons."
"They are not demons," the owner of the Kuroi insisted. "They are genetically engineered beasts. They have been trained to fight the demons."
The elder still looked skeptical. "And what of your Lord. He's nothing more than a lunatic prison warden."
Kiaru shot the elder a cold glare that made the hairs on the back of his neck stick up. The man of which they talked was Veovis, a man that had taken care of her as a child. A man who was indeed mad with the dream of becoming a god, but was also a man that knew her secret. He had been exiled to Arashi, a prison city surrounded by sandstorms and unimaginable beasts. He had been made warden over the criminals that were sent there, and his brilliance was being used to revive the world's technology before its ruin.
"All I am saying is that we should not be dealing lightly with such a man, my lady," he tried to explain himself. "He is under your command, and has lost the ability to negotiate anything."
"Veovis was my guardian as a child," Kiaru said coldly. "Despite his past decisions to seek power above me, I am glad he has made gestures to help us in this fight."
"Seek power?" the elder laughed, "The man was mad with greed. He left you with no choice but to exile him to Arashi. I personally thought that you should have beheaded the mad man; instead you slapped him on the wrist and made him a ruler of filth. You could just command him to help us in this war."
"That mad man has served a purpose. Arashi is one of our greatest assets in technology and weaponry," Kiaru said. "You also forget, elder that standing in our council is one of his followers. You would do well to still your tongue."
Kiaru motioned for the Kuroi handler to follow her and they retreated back into her throne room. She dismissed the guards and watched as the elder ordered a few soldiers to take away the Kuroi. She tried not to laugh as the Kuroi took a few more strikes at the elder who was bumbling around like fool, pretending like he had some control.
"How is Veovis?" Kiaru asked as she alighted herself upon the throne.
"He is well," the man smiled, "and proud that his little girl has become an Empress."
Kiaru shook her head and smirked, "I should have known you would have come to me, Veovis. I wouldn't have recognized you, had I not smelled a rat."
"I've changed a bit since we last saw each other. That hell hole you sent me to does something to people." Veovis answered her. The handler pulled back the hood on his cloak to give her a better look at his face.
"What do you want?" Kiaru asked carelessly, playing with the ends of her hair.
"What is rightfully mine," he answered her. "I want the gate keys."
Kiaru laughed. "What is rightfully yours? You deserve nothing but a painful death."
"Perhaps the world would like to know your secret," Veovis goaded her.
At his words Kiaru got up from her throne with great speed, pulled a sword from the folds of her robe, and swung it toward his throat. She stopped it just as it began to penetrate his flesh. A thin line of blood bubbled up over the blade. Veovis looked over at her out of the corner of his eyes. She had moved so quickly that he hadn't had the time to register what had just happened.
"I kept you alive you snake, because I knew I needed you. If that was to take the blame for the massacre that is sweeping our lands, or to provide me with your genetic creations, or for me to simply find amusement at cutting you into pieces, your life is mine. I owe you nothing. You are my pawn."
Veovis smiled and pushed away Kiaru's blade slowly. "Now that we have established dominance, can you at least hear me out?"
Kiaru lowered her sword and waited for him to continue.
"I want to help, and all I ask in return is for a piece of immortality," He said.
"You have nothing I want and therefore I won't give you anything," Kiaru said smugly.
"I have my creations, my weapons. I can fight this war while you sneak away to who knows where and retrieve the keys. You do have the map I assume. There was news of quite a stir in Nari and Korin. I can only assume that you were behind it."
"I have everything under control," Kiaru told him. "I don't need you. Besides, the elder had a good point. I could just command you to give me those things."
"How about the outsiders. Those strangers that the whole world is talking about. Do you have them under control?"
"They injured my guardian. Do you honestly think that you could do anything to them?"
Veovis shrugged and stroked at an oily patch of hair on his chin. Kiaru studied the once great man that stood before her. His face was covered with scars and pock marks. His thin grey hair lay unkempt about his shoulder. His eyes were sunken in, slightly above darkened pockets of flesh. They were no doubt the result of many sleepless nights working in a lab or fighting with his internal demons.
He scratched at a thin metallic band about his neck and smiled at Kiaru. "You wouldn't want to be a doll and remove this for me would you?"
Kiaru suppressed a laugh and shook her head. "You can go to hell first."
"Didn't think so," he answered.
The band was made of a rare metal that inhibited his aggressiveness. Within the metal was a mechanism that was triggered by a remote or an attempt at removal of the band. It would drain away his life slowly and painfully if activated. It was what kept him under the control of Divina. Kiaru found the device unnecessary however, if Veovis got in her way, she would simply kill him. It mainly served the purpose of giving the elders their false sense of influence.
"So, are you going to kill me for coming to you, or are you going to allow me to help you?" He asked.
Kiaru rolled her eyes and went back to the balcony windows of the throne room.
"I loath you, but I do need someone to find the outsiders and keep them from getting in my way. You were right about the map. I leave in the next few days. I need to know that nothing will stand in my way."
"Done," he said. "And the gate keys?"
"Succeed and I will take you to the Center Plane," she answered plainly. "But personally, I am hoping that the outsiders rip you to pieces."
"Ever so charming, my lady," he smiled and bowed.
"Oh, and if you haven't heard, Divina is going to war," Kiaru added. "I need weapons from Arashi sent here immediately to calm the fear of the elders."
"It will be done," he said. He grinned, revealing his decaying teeth. Kiaru's composure grew dark at the sight of his confidence. She approached him and watched as he shrunk away from her slightly
"Never again enter my presence uninvited," Kiaru said threateningly. "The next time you come to me like this I will not spare you the pleasure of dying by that collar. You will die a death so tortuous and merciless that your soul will be unable to make it to the afterlife."
Veovis nodded his understanding, failing at concealing his fear he bowed and left the throne room.
"Bravo," Seiya ribbed his sister from the corner of the room. He clapped and came from his hiding place in the shadows. "He can't be trusted you know."
"Why must you all insist on butting into my business?" Kiaru asked.
Gannon and Corbett materialized from the walls as well.
"The ability to make oneself like a ghost is just too good to pass up," Seiya told her. "Besides, you knew we were here the entire time."
Seiya put a hand on the throne and jumped into it. He dangled his legs over the arm rest and stretched his back out over the other.
"He is right," Corbett said, "Veovis cannot be trusted."
Kiaru shook her head, "Whenever did I care what you think?"
Seiya whistled from where he sat to add to the insult of Kiaru's statement.
"We all dream of the Center Plane and the power that awaits us there," Corbett said. "We are the chosen ones and no one has the abilities that we have. Therefore, it is of our concern what you are doing that could potentially destroy everything we've worked for."
Seiya threw in his two cents again, "He has a point."
"Shut up, Seiya!" Kiaru and Corbett yelled in unison.
Gannon stood silently watching them. He didn't appear to care about the argument at all. He rarely said anything. It unsettled Corbett. Seiya and Kiaru were up front with him, but Gannon was a mystery to him.
They had all been together for fifteen years. Corbett was found by Veovis on the streets at age fifteen. Veovis saw the same abilities within him as within Kiaru, and had immediately put him in charge of protecting the young Empress.
Veovis knew everything. He had been there in the beginning at the side of the ruler of Divina. Back then each city was of its own government. Divina prospered because they were being led by a war hero named Atrus. He was favored among the Gatekeepers for his bravery and encouraged his people in the rebuilding and rediscovery of science and technology. The man had many followers who flocked to his wisdom and loved the fact that he had helped in the fight against Decay. He had found Kiaru and her brothers and had raised them in his final years.
Atrus had no heir and when he died suddenly the people gave the throne to a five year old girl, who displayed the same wisdom as her "father." When the union of nations was being discussed, Divina was looked to for its power, technology, and wise leadership. Some were weary of having a small girl lead the Alliance, and the nations cast lots, all of which came up in favor of Kiaru. Wise men also prophesied that Divina would produce a period of light. All of this considered the throne passed to Kiaru. It was confirmed when the Gatekeepers came and gave their blessing to the girl. They swore allegiance to her, because they loved her father, vowing that they would come for no one else but her. Thus, Kiaru became high empress, high priestess, and high summoner. The leaders of other nations became the council that would serve the people with the Empress. It was a way for each nation to have a say in the new government.
Veovis went mad with desire for immortality while with Kiaru. His passions were fueled by the dreams of the Center Plane that the little girl would confide in him. He was also fueled by the studies of prophesy long forgotten that spoke of inheritance of deity likeness. He made the mistake of trying to use Kiaru and her brothers to get to the Center Plane. As Kiaru grew in power she exiled him to Arashi. Now he was back like the dog he was, to beg crumbs from beneath the table. Corbett hated him with a passion for what he had done in the past and how he had jeopardized their destiny.
Kiaru noted the fury in Corbett's eyes as he thought over her acceptance of Veovis. She looked to Gannon and Seiya and ordered them away.
"Meet me in the training room. We need to discuss our next move."
"Alright, we'll let the adults have a chat," Seiya scoffed as he got up from the throne. Gannon followed him from the room, slamming the door behind him.
Corbett followed Kiaru back out to the balcony. The elder and the Kuroi were gone now and the sun was setting behind the city. Corbett leaned against the railing and looked back at Kiaru.
"They are planning something," he told her. "Your brothers. Veovis."
"Like you aren't," Kiaru countered. "I am not a fool, Corbett. Even you will try to betray me in the end."
"Then why don't you kill me if you don't trust me?" Corbett snapped.
"I'm not done with you yet," Kiaru answered him.
Corbett fumed inwardly at her accusation. He was there to protect her. After all they had been through; he was still just a piece in her game.
Corbett grabbed her arm and pointed toward the city gates, which were just visible from the palace. There were people in long lines pouring through the gates slowly.
"Those are people from the cities that are being destroyed. They are seeking shelter here.Soon, the whole world's eyes are going to be on you. If you don't act now, you will miss your chance to get the gate keys unnoticed."
"I know that," Kiaru said indignantly. "I have everything under control."
"Do you?" Corbett asked.
Kiaru pulled away from him and glared. "I was just playing earlier, Corbett. You are the only one I trust. So, I am asking you to trust me. We will find the keys and open the gate. No one will stand in our way."
"Flip the switch on the right," Cid Highwind instructed Squall. His voice echoed down from the bridge of Proteus into the small hole of the maintenance hatch where Squall was uncomfortably and precariously balanced upon a ladder and some cables. His back was beginning to rub raw against the metal wires which supported him from behind and his feet were aching as they pushed against the rounded bars of the ladder. It also didn't help that he hadn't slept in well over twenty four hours.
After Artemis had collapsed from his injuries, they had taken him back to Jacosa. She had assured Squall that everything would be alright, and she had been with him all day taking care of his wounds. Artemis was still in bad shape and Squall had been in and out of the house checking in on them both throughout the day. The thought of Artemis lying to him had gnawed relentlessly at his brain, and he had been trying all day to push the thought from his mind.
All that the fighters had wanted to do after the battle was rest; however, that was not an option. The city was in desperate need of removal of debris from streets, the search for survivors, and the burying of the dead. All day they had done nothing but this. The neighboring city to the East, Shuin, had come to aid in the fight. The children that Rinoa, Red, and Cloud had saved had made it to Shuin and had returned with help. The warriors from the East had aided in the after-war clean-up, but even with more help, the arduous tasks of trying to get the city somewhat back on its feet still seemed never ending.
Squall also had to deal with the burden of unwanted leadership. Somehow, during the course of the day, the entire group of people from other worlds had decided that he for some reason had a plan. He had dealt with each question about what to do next with great indifference. He hadn't a clue in hell what to do next, and found every question an annoyance and a frustration. Cloud and Auron had suggested that Squall talk to a woman named Tifa, who had coordinates of some importance. He had taken the suggestion, but had not acted upon it. There was too much to do, and not enough time to think. He had assured them that in the morning they would discuss the issue.
Now Squall was helping Cid with repairs on the Proteus. The vessel had been torn apart badly during the destruction of the docks. He had heard that a Gatekeeper had come and destroyed the demon assault from the water. He was grateful that Leviathan had helped, but wondered if it had been necessary for the Gatekeeper to destroy his ship. What made him angrier was that the repairs were a lost cause. Proteus looked like a tin can that had been stomped on. Cid was determined to get it flying again regardless.
The day was definitely wearing Squall down and he realized that he hadn't seen Rinoa since they had parted ways that morning. It was the first time he had seen her in months, and despite having her closer than she had been for months, they were still unable to be together.
Rinoa….
Squall's mind drifted to thoughts of her; her smile and her laugh. He mindlessly flipped a switch to the right, following the directions of Cid. As he did so, an explosion of sparks flew back into his face and he swore profusely, slamming the switch back and burning his hand in the process.
"Dammit Cid!"
"What the hell are you doing down there? Can't you follow instructions?" Cid barked as he stuck his head down the maintenance hatch to see what the problem was. Squall glared and pointed to the switch, "I did."
Cid sighed and looked at the weariness in Squall's eyes. "She's going to need a lot more repair than I thought. Come on up. You look like shit; didn't you take a rest today?"
Squall pulled himself up onto the bridge and went for the pilot's seat. He slumped down into it and shook his head in response to Cid's question.
"No," he said lifelessly. He looked out the window to the sun setting into the ocean, and realized that it was getting late.
Eric came onto the bridge from doing repairs on the outside. He sat down upon his tool box and shook his head.
"She is beyond repair," he told Cid. "Beyond repair here at least."
Squall hadn't seen Eric since the lighthouse. He looked alright, but there was a slight shock that was apparent in his eyes. He was still trying to register the fact that his city had been on the brink of complete destruction.
"Figures," Cid said, leaning against the control panel.
"What about parts?" Squall asked. "Do you guys have what we need?"
"I don't know if you noticed," Cid answered the question for Eric, "But there were men that ran into battle with pitchforks today. The city has maybe two trucks, and those ships from Wes are at the bottom of the ocean."
"That's what two years of destruction does to you," Eric commented. "The demons destroy, we rebuild, and they destroy again. It's hard to advance in reconstruction let alone technologically."
"I saw automatic assault rifles being used," Squall commented, "Were those from Divina?"
"Divina sent us weaponry and soldiers, yes. Divina and Arashi are very advanced technologically. We use to have trade routes all over the world. When the demons started to attack the trade became limited and our cities have been stuck in a time directly after the second apocalypse."
"You trusted Divina to protect you, yet she basically built up her own defenses and left this world to rot," Squall said angrily.
"Yeah, basically," Eric responded. "The problem is we're to busy defending our own asses to start a revolution. The alliance created two decades ago was a mistake. We were too eager to share in Divina's wealth after the second apocalypse."
"What will you do now?" Cid asked.
"We'll stay," Eric said. Cid offered him a cigarette and he lit it with his own lighter. "Lasar is our home. I know those from Shuin are heading to Divina after they leave here. I guess the attacks have escalated and there is some great retreat to Divina happening, but I won't go. No, doubt when Wes doesn't get its ships back, it will head for Divina too. Then we will be alone. We won't be receiving any more shipments from Wes, and we will really be tossed back into the age before man."
Squall was silent, but his eyes gave away a rage that was building up within him. Everything was hopeless. They were stuck in a world that was dying, and they had front row seats to its annihilation. What bothered him more was that he couldn't figure out the truth. Who was lying to him, and who was telling the truth? Why hadn't Shiva explained more?
Eric got up and stretched, "Don't worry about us. If it is our destiny, then we will survive." He opened up his tool box and took out a small canister and handed it to Cid. "That, my friend, is a Jade cell. It's what powers your ship. They only make them in Divina."
"Of course," Cid said rolling his eyes.
"Jade cells?" Squall asked.
"Jade is an energy source that runs under the surface of the planet. Divina and Arashi have the technology to utilize it. They say that it is the product of the cracks in the seal of the Center Plane. You'll need to get more, because our fossil fuels just won't cut it in a ship like this," Eric answered him. "I have to get going. I want to check in on Artemis before it gets to late."
Eric picked up his tool box and left Cid and Squall alone. Cid tossed the canister against the wall and shrugged.
"Asgard has some parts we can use, and it also has a Jade well. That is how we powered this ship before. If we can get this baby hooked up to the Osiris, we can fix her back there."
Squall nodded, "Anything that will keep us away from Divina."
Cid yawned and crushed his half smoked cigarette on the control panel. "I am ready to call it a day."
Rinoa entered the living room of Artemis and Jacosa's house with a stack of blankets and pillows. Jacosa had opened her house to the three groups of warriors, and they had turned almost every room in her house into a makeshift bedroom. The living room looked like the battle field that Rinoa had just escaped. Bodies hung over armrests in chairs and were sprawled out across the floor and on the couches. There had been many generous offers from the town's people for them to stay in their houses, but everyone seemed to want to stay in one place. They were all asleep and oblivious to their uncomfortable sleeping accommodations.
She stepped over Zell carefully, who was balled up on the floor with a couch pillow. She took a blanket from the top of the pile and covered him with it. He pulled it up over his shoulders while still asleep. Rinoa smiled and made her way across the room to Quistis who was still awake and sitting in a window seat. Rinoa sat opposite of her and handed her a blanket.
"It's like a bad dream," Quistis said while wrapping herself up in the scratchy wool covering. "I am afraid to go to sleep, because I am afraid of waking up back here."
Rinoa sighed and ran her fingers along the cracked window. It was blowing the soft night air into the room, and it felt refreshing to her hot face. She hadn't stopped helping Jacosa prepare the house since dinner. She felt like she could curl up where she sat and fall asleep if given the chance.
"I stopped asking myself why I am here after I helped the first woman bury her dead son," Rinoa reflected on Quistis' thought. "I know this is like a bad dream, but I have you guys to get me through this. It's our responsibility now to help these people, even if we are perfect strangers."
Quistis nodded and leaned her head against the window. Her eyes were heavy with the need to sleep, but she wasn't letting herself.
"Have you seen Squall?" Quistis asked jadedly.
"No," Rinoa answered, "I heard he just came back with Cid a while ago."
"Make sure he is alright," Quistis yawned, her eyes closing slowly. "He seems different to me, like the old Squall has come back to carry the burdens of the world."
Rinoa nodded. She hated to admit it, but she had sensed the change as well.
"Get some sleep," Rinoa said. She realized that her instruction was too late, however, for Quistis had already slipped into a sound sleep.
Squall was exactly where Jacosa had said he would be, and Rinoa was relieved that she wouldn't have to look all over for him. He was sitting on the upper walkway of the large library, his back against the railing and one leg hanging down over the ladder. He was engrossed by a book that he held in his hand and didn't look up when she entered.
"Mr. Leonheart," Rinoa said coughing to get his attention. "I was wondering if I might have a minute of your time."
Squall looked up immediately from his reading. "I didn't even hear you come in," he apologized. He seemed to realize with embarrassment that she had found him, before he had bothered to find her. He couldn't remember what had led him to the library. He was beginning to fear that his search for the truth was becoming an obsession.
Rinoa climbed up the ladder and stopped just before the top. "What are you reading?" She asked curiously.
Squall closed the book and handed it to her. She grabbed it while still holding herself on the ladder. The cover was in a language that she couldn't understand. She scrunched her nose in confusion and looked to Squall for an explanation.
"It's a language that died out slowly before the second apocalypse of Eliana," he said. "I've been translating it to try and find a way out of this world."
"You can speak this language?" she asked inquisitively.
"Not really," Squall admitted.
Rinoa shook her head and climbed back down the ladder. She walked over to a table and put the book on top of a large pile.
"You can't do this alone, Squall. I want to help you, but in the morning. Right now you need to sleep."
Squall nodded and slid down the ladder to join her. The book that she had placed atop the pile fell suddenly, taking with it the whole unsteadily stacked heap. She sighed and set immediately to picking up the books. Squall joined her in the collection.
"I am not with it today," Rinoa said, frustrated with her mistake.
"Don't worry about…." Squall said, but he stopped when he saw the open pages of one of the books on the floor. He recognized the writing, and his heart sank at the drawings. It was Artemis' journal. The sketches looked like snapshots out of Squall's nightmares of the Center Plane. He recognized the Tree, the rings of amethyst and sapphire. Artemis was lying to him. He did know more then he had been letting on. The top of the open page read "The dark purpose of the three stars." Squall remembered the prophesy that Cid had showed him back at Asgard that had mentioned something about three stars.
What is the connection? The "dark purpose?" What was Artemis hiding from me?
"What's wrong?" Rinoa asked. Squall's face had grown pale. He snapped out of his trance and closed the journal and helped her place the books back on the table.
"Nothing," he lied, helping her to her feet. "I am just more tired than I realized."
"If something is wrong, you can tell me," Rinoa reassured him.
"I'm fine," he said again. His words didn't seem to convince her and she gave him a skeptical look. They stood in awkward silence, and he knew that sooner or later he would have to tell her about the dreams, but he needed to figure things out on his own first. "Nothing is wrong. Please trust me."
He winced at his own words. He was lying to her now. She shook her head and kissed him on the cheek.
"Okay," she said with a smile.
It was that easy to deceive someone that he loved. He was no better than Artemis.
Rinoa took him by the hand and led him up to his room. She had seen it once before with Jacosa, when they were preparing beds. It was a small enclosure with just enough room to walk around the table in the center to get to the bed. There was a fireplace with a small fire crackling in it. The fire was dying down, however, and Rinoa went to stoke the coals. Rinoa had enjoyed helping prepare the room. It had made her feel close to Squall to see where he had lived.
"I like this room. It's a far cry from the dorm rooms at Balamb," she commented cheerfully. "Kind of cozy, don't you think?"
"It grows on you," Squall said sitting on the edge of his bed. He felt every muscle loosen and ache for him to lie down. He watched Rinoa as she crouched beside the fire. Her face was illuminated by the bright flames and when she turned to look at him he felt like he was in a dream. He had longed to see her face all day, and had been waiting for the time when they would finally be alone together.
"Jacosa wanted me to make sure that you were alright," Rinoa said.
"I'm fine," he said.
Rinoa stood and put her hands on her hips. "If you were bleeding out your eyes you would say that you were fine. Stop trying to be so brave around me and let me have a look at you."
Squall rolled his eyes and removed his shirt, balled it up, and threw it in a corner. Rinoa came and sat beside him on the bed with the "first aid" kit that Jacosa had given her. It consisted of a small bottle of antiseptic and some thread. Jacosa had told her about how many times she had run out of thread patching Squall up.
There were a few makeshift bandages that Squall had put on his wounds from the fight. They were already soaked in blood and in need of being changed. Rinoa shook her head at the sight of them and started to remove them. They were shallow gashes and abrasions that had been in need of stitches, but Squall had let them go all day without attention and they had already started to heal over. Rinoa took a cotton cloth and dowsed it in antiseptic. She gently placed it to the seeping wounds and felt Squall tense at her touch. The medicine no doubt stung like hell, but she couldn't help but laugh inwardly at Squall's inability to face antiseptic. He could take on so much pain, but the sting of an antibacterial made him cringe.
She moved to remove another bandage and saw for the first time Squall's back. The light from the fire illuminated several raised places in his flesh. There were scars all over. More scars than she could remember him ever having. She felt her heart brake as she ran her fingers over three long ones in his shoulder. She wanted to know what had caused them and saw a picture in her mind as she ran her fingers over them. She could see Squall fighting with Tidus in the rain. They were against a large group of demons. Squall lost his weapon and was forced to fight without it. When he finally had the opportunity to go for it, the creature sunk its claws into his back, while Squall shot it to death.
It hurt; the pain of having the bone of the creature scrape into the flesh and bone in the back. Rinoa could feel it in her own shoulder and her eyes began to well up with tears. She removed her hand from the scars and went to touch another. She once again saw his struggle for survival. The pain she felt was not only just his physical pain, but a deep anguish and depression. He had felt that he would never get back home. He didn't care if he died.
"So many," Rinoa said, her voice wavering. She tried to touch another scar, but Squall turned to stop her.
"Rinoa," he said taking her hand. "Stop."
He didn't want her to share in his pain. He hated that she had the ability to see and feel his past. It killed him that he could not do the same and that she was torturing herself. Her eyes were glassy and pooling over and she looked like she was trying to hold back her tears.
"Did you have a death wish?" she asked, choking a bit.
"I didn't think I'd ever get back," Squall admitted. "I didn't care if I lived or died."
"You gave up," Rinoa accused.
"No!" Squall returned. "Every time I fought with the intention of dying I saw your face. I would survive so that I could see you again."
"How long? How long were you here…alone?" Rinoa asked, her tears flowing freely now.
"Four months," Squall answered.
Rinoa looked down at the ground. She was twisting the blankets on the bed so tightly that her hands were turning white. She couldn't comprehend living in this nightmare world for that long. Her mind was still playing back the images of Squall's struggle. She looked back to him again, unable to say anything.
Squall took her chin in his hand and gently brought her face up to his. He wiped away her tears and kissed her eyes, wanting her to know that everything would be okay. He continued down her face and his lips found hers, soft and eager.
He could taste the salt from her tears, and feel the trembling of her lips. Everything within them both wanted to comfort the other. He felt the hole, the part of him that had been torn away, begin to repair. Her caress, her smell, her taste was healing the wounds of hopelessness, the demon that had been rending away in him. He was whole again.