It was still dark.
Tonks rolled over, burrowing closer into Remus. She felt a groan rumble his chest and his hand found her hair, currently long and reaching halfway down her back.
"Why are you awake?" His voice was raspy; he was barely awake.
"Just thinking."
His fingers worked their way through her locks, massaging her scalp gently. Dora knew she wanted to stay in this position for eternity.
But that wouldn't happen.
"I've been thinking too."
She lifted her head, resting her chin on his bare chest. His eyes were closed, and his lips were parted slightly, his breathing deep.
"About what?" Tonks quickly pressed a kiss on his jaw.
"How incredible you are."
A smile fluttered across her face. "Keep going, I like this."
Remus blew out a breath in a kind of laugh. "I stand by what I said. I'm too old, too poor-"
"I changed my mind, this is bullocks."
"But if anything, that all makes me love you that much more. Nothing makes me happier than you."
"Good, because nothing makes me happier than you." Her voice was barely a whisper. She traced her fingers down his face and slowly his eyes cracked open. "Would you like to know something?"
He nodded, kissing her fingers as they passed his lips.
"I plan to spend the rest of my life with you, Remus Lupin. And nothing will change that."
Remus pulled her face up and kissed her. His lips were tentative at first, just a soft touch. But then Tonks wound her hands up to clench his hair and he delved in. A noise erupted in the back of her throat and that was all he needed apparently. He rolled them both over so that she was beneath him. He pressed into her; she responded immediately, reaching to tug off the thin shirt that covered her.
Tonks felt the rush. Her head was spinning and she couldn't breathe. After he pulled off her shirt and remaining clothing, she pushed him up, her hands holding the sides of his head and her thumbs playing with his hair.
He held her stare for several moments, both of them gazing at one another in the darkness. Love, Tonks thought. This was what it was all about. If she could have this man beside her in bed every night, she would die the happiest witch around.
She would have lost herself simply looking at him like that, not breaking it for hours. But suddenly she felt Remus shifting, slowly pushing himself against her in a steady motion. He wasn't waiting any longer.
And who was she to deny the love of her life?
Tonks couldn't decide which was better. Last night's act, well acts. Or their morning shower.
Both events ran through her mind over and over as she sat in her cubicle at work. She sighed, glancing from the paperwork on her desk to the clock. Five more minutes. Then she could take her lunch break.
She had to see him. It was an addiction at this point. Maybe just the lustful, honeymoon phase of their relationship. They were done with the dramatic difficulties that had plagued them the past months, now they were onto the fun part.
Then there was Teddy. Her baby boy. Her and Remus' baby boy. She tried desperately to keep the thought of her son locked away in the back of her mind. The less she thought about it, the more she could pretend she didn't know. That way she wouldn't be hovering above the boy, heartbroken.
Remus. That was something she could think of. It was safe. Well, sort of. All of the months spent pining for the man were entirely worth it in every way. Not only was he romantic, reading her poetry before they went to bed, surprising her with a flower, but he was also heaven in every sexual way possible. This shocked the werewolf, claiming he had little experience, which Tonks still didn't believe.
He was just so...sexy. The way his hair fell into his eyes when he read. The scars that lined his face and body. His arms, strong wrapped around her. His brown eyes, deep pools she fell into always. The way he knew exactly where to touch. It was all perfect.
"Tonks?"
Kingsley's voice caused her to jump, falling right out of her chair.
"What are you still doing here? It's your break right now."
He was right; her break started over five minutes ago. She had been so caught up in daydreaming, she hadn't noticed.
"See you then!" Tonks called, racing for the apparation point.
She burst through the door of Grimmauld Place, nearing crashing into Sirius.
"Watch it, would you!"
"Where's Remus?"
Sirius groaned. "You two shag like rabbits, you know that?"
"Where?" She growled, shoving her cousin into the wall.
"Library and keep it down, your son's napping."
She turned to leave and then froze, slowly turning back to look at Sirius, who was biting his lip at his slip-up. He sighed, running a hand through his hair.
"I started asking questions in Vegas and he told me. Dora-"
"I already knew." She whispered.
"Remus doesn't?"
Tonks didn't answer, just turned, now more determined than ever to shove those thoughts back into their hiding place. She needed Remus, she needed to feel every inch of him, moving with her...
Remus sat up from his place on the couch when she entered, locking the door behind her.
"How was work?"
She didn't say anything. She pulled her Auror robes over her head and tossed them aside. Remus stood, concerned. He put his book down and crossed the room. "Are you okay?"
She still didn't speak, her thoughts racing into silence as she placed her arms around his neck and kissed him.
"What's wrong?"
"Shut up." Tonks pushed him back into the bookshelf, a little more rough than she aimed for, and kissed him with as much intensity as she could.
He pulled her face back, his thumbs tracing her cheeks in circles. "Dora?"
She looked at him, long and hard before slipping her hands beneath his shirt and untucking it.
"I need to focus on you, and only you, Remus." She undid his trousers and pants and shoved them to the floor.
"You don't want to talk about this, whatever it is that's bothering you?"
No more words, she decided. She needed a few things from Remus at the moment. Watching his eyes widen she knew he was about to stop her but, needless to say, she silenced him quickly.
"Sirius, I'm worried about Tonks."
The wizard looked up at his friend, concern lining his face.
"About what?" At that moment Harry walked in, inviting himself into the conversation.
"She's not...right." Remus sighed.
Sirius dropped the newspaper he had been reading. "Yeah, I know." His eyes met Harry's and they silently agreed.
Harry sighed. "Remus, I think we know why."
"Okay?"
"It's really complicated. And I was never planning to tell anyone. But then Sirius got it out of me, then Tonks figured it out and..."
Remus' eyes bounced from the two men for a moment. "This isn't good is it?"
Harry scratched his head, thinking. "You like Ted, yeah?"
"He's a nice kid, yes."
Sirius smiled. "Very smart too."
"He was born when I was seventeen and he's my godson."
Remus watched Harry's face. "I was aware."
"There aren't a lot of people I know that could have been having children when I was that young."
"What does this have to do with Tonks..." He trailed off.
Harry nodded. "Ted Remus Lupin, my godson and your son."
Remus leaned back in his chair, breathing deeply. "I can't have children, Harry."
Sirius barked with laughter. "Clearly you can, mate. And you make pretty great ones too might I add."
Remus closed his eyes. He had a son. All those years of giving up on the idea...
"But he's not...?"
Harry smiled. "Teddy is a perfectly normal little boy as you can tell. He likes his steaks rare, meaning nearly raw and he tends to be a bit touchy around the time of the month. He has heightened senses too. That's it really. On the outside he's more like Tonks, but personality wise he's all you."
Remus felt numb. A child. A son. His son. With Dora. He couldn't process it all. He stood up without a word and left the kitchen.
Going straight up stairs, he found Dora laying in their bed, her work robes still on. She cracked an eye open for half a second.
"I need a massage, love, you were too rough with me earlier."
"Teddy."
Dora didn't open her eyes; she took a deep breath before speaking. "Did they tell you?"
"Why would you hide it from me?" His voice was accusing and harsh.
She sat up. "Ever think that maybe I didn't want to believe it?"
"That we could possibly have a child?" He spluttered.
"That we could orphan our son!"
Remus took a step back, running into the open door. He silently closed it before looking back at Tonks who had her face in her hands.
"Remus, I didn't want to believe that I would get everything I ever dreamed of, just to die."
"How do you know for-"
"Oh just look at Harry with Teddy! That's more than a godson to godfather relationship. Ted looks at him like his only real father, same with Ginny, she's like his mother. He doesn't mention parents, just his Gran. Which throws the other issue that my father will not survive the war either! And you know what, Remus? It all scares the hell out of me!"
He took several deep breaths as he leaned over onto his knees. He groaned. "Why, why why..."
Tonks didn't say or do anything. He finally crossed over and sat down beside her on the bed. They were both silent for several minutes.
He felt her take another deep breath. "What are you thinking about?"
"How I let this happen."
She rested her hand atop his. "You didn't. All we did, or well, all we are going to do is because we love each other. And we'll love our son."
He pulled his hand away. "We shouldn't do this."
"No."
Remus felt a chill run through him at the tone of her voice. It was so...intense, so filled with determination. He chanced a look at her face.
"I will not let you go, Remus. If you think you're being noble here, you sorry git, then look at my face. Look at the pain you would cause."
She was right. He had literally sent her shaking with fear at the thought of him leaving. She moved closer to him and placed her hands on either side of his face and kissed him softly.
"Do I need to remind you?"
Remus felt his resolve crumble. Every thought in his head was telling him to leave, to prevent his son from being orphaned, being born. But the look on her face. He loved Tonks more than life itself. Could he really choose between the love of his life and his son?
"Maybe it would be better if Teddy is never born." He whispered.
He pushed her hands away gently and inhaled her scent one last time. She was still, frozen without any emotion on her face.
Remus couldn't look back at her. He opened the door and stepped into the hall, closing it behind him.
Every step felt more and more painful. He focused on Teddy. His son. How could he ever submit a child to a life as an orphan? To go without ever knowing his parents? To top it off to have a father that was a werewolf? He couldn't do it, no matter how much pain he felt being away from Dora. Or, most of all, the pain he causes her.
As he passed the drawing room, he heard giggling and peered in, not wanting to be seen. Harry and Ginny were playing on the floor with Teddy. Ted's hair was bright turquoise, showing that the dark blonde was just for show.
"Ted up! Ted down!"
"Harry!"
Harry continued tossing his godson up and down, grinning at the giggles it created. Ginny was smiling, occasionally reaching out to tickle the boy. Harry dropped him onto his chest dramatically with a sigh.
"Teddy you are too big! You wear me out, little man!"
"No, again!"
Ginny chuckled. "I think Harry needs a break, Ted. How about he tells you a story before bed?"
The boy nodded eagerly before a look of realization covered his face. "I need my wolf!"
Harry groaned. "Now? Can't you wait 'til bed?"
"No! I need him to transform!"
"Honey, you're not a werewolf." Ginny patted his head.
"If Dad was one, then I am too! I'll save the world with my wolf powers!"
"Make it through school first and then you can save the world. I'll get you a cape and everything. Just don't tell your Gran, she's planning you a boring career doing ministry desk work. She's determined for someone she loves to choose a moderately safe profession."
Ginny laughed. "Not going to happen."
"I'll go get wolfy!"
Remus watched his son happily climb the stairs to his room. Happy.
What was he doing?
He took the stairs three at a time and didn't slow down until he reached their room where he flung the door open. Heartbreak set in fully as he took in her lifeless face, tears streaming down. Her hair had even faded into the dull browns.
"What?"
He suddenly felt nervous, upset. "Teddy's happy."
"Yes, it seems we planned well for our deaths."
"How can I do the right thing here?"
Tonks screwed her eyes shut as she thought for a moment before patting the bed. He sat down.
"Remus, you and I both know that we're involved in something big here. The Order and everything...Let's think of it this way: We don't have him, we find a way to prevent me from ever getting pregnant. We still die in the war. Second option, we have him, that beautiful boy. And we still die. He grows up with an incredible grandmother and godparents raising him, he visits the Weasleys on the weekends. He grows up happy. Maybe he doesn't have parents. But neither did Harry. Harry will be able to make certain Ted is never without.
"Now tell me, do you honestly not want that child?"
Remus tentatively reached up and caressed her cheek. "No. I do want him. But I can't help but feel that we're feeding some kind of selfish fantasy at his expense. Dora, I would love nothing more than to have a dozen kids and live to be a hundred with you. But if we're going to die shortly after his birth..."
"Maybe that's how it's supposed to be. That's how it's going to be, love. It's set in stone, it will happen, remember what Hermione said."
"Forget about what she said. Right now, I'm thinking about what kind of a person I am, for letting myself orphan an innocent child."
Tonks turned into his hand a kissed it lightly. "A brave one. If you ask Teddy, he would want to be born. If you ask Harry and Ginny, they would want him. Now it's time we ask ourselves. Do we want to have a baby?"
Remus laid back and pulled her with him so they were spooning together. "I think I love you so much it hurts."
"I know the feeling. I want him, Remus."
"I want him too."
A/N: Makes me tear up...Anyways, we're fast approaching the end! I'm going to try and roll out the next few chapters quickly and then get out the final two by Septemberish :)
Review! It makes Teddy happy(: