A/N: Guys... I am seriously crap at updating, I'm so sorry!
Please forgive me? (Puppy dog eyes)

ANYWAY...
I have had a request to put up a timeline for people, because some don't follow the time jumps and I do agree that I could have a confused some of you so here it is:
(It seriously took me a while to figure it out, and this is it roughly for now)

Chapter One is set near the start of February 2009
Chapters Two till Eleven are set near the middle of August 2008
Chapter Twelve is set near the start of February 2009
Chapters Thirteen till 21 are set near the middle of September to the start-ish of October 2008

I might do the next chapter as one in February 2009 just to keep everyone happy with the aftermath kind of thing... although you might hate me for what I have planned for it...

Anyways, I am really sorry it has taken me this long to update, I should be shot, but for now read the chapter 'kaysies? :D

EPOV

I was disgusted with myself.

How could I have done this?

But then again, how could I have known?

I paced up and down my room, feeling nothing but contempt for myself.

I was such a bastard.

I looked out into the sheeting rain and rolling thunder and searched for any sign of my family.

My Bella.

I stood there for ten minutes, nothing.

I paced again, I couldn't do anything else.

I was scared, lost, helpless.

What could I do?

I looked out my window again.

I had lost track of the time but couldn't bring myself to look at the clock, knowing that each minute that Bella was out there was another minute that she would hate me for.

Another minute that my family were out there looking for her.

Another minute that I steadily crept closer to insanity.

I focused again, searching the expanse between the house and the trees for any sign at all that they were coming back.

I felt the tears start to roll down my cheeks as the bitter emptiness of the field stared me in the face.

How I wished that I could take everything back, start all over with Bella.

Too late.

I realized everything too late now.

It was like I was half-blind.

My pride, my ignorance, my dignity stopped me from seeing what I did to other people.

I wallowed in self-pity for a moment or two, until something inside me clicked.

Wallowing wouldn't help, feeling awful about myself helped everyone as much as my idiotic pride did.

I would change.

I didn't have to be myself, not like this anyway.

I could change, I could feel it.

I would make it up to everyone as well as I could.

At that moment Jasper burst into my room and threw himself against the door.

I didn't understand and for a second everything stood still in my confusion.

A scream shattered the stillness.

Bella.

My Bella.

"No, no, no..." I mumbled to myself. I headed towards the door.

Now I understood why Jasper was here.

"Jasper, please, you don't understand." I whispered.

"Edward I can't let you downstairs." He looked straight at me, I saw the haunting in his eyes.

I didn't care.

I had to see Bella, I had to try.

"Please Jasper, please," I begged, "I have to see her."

"Edward I can't let you go downstairs." He said softly again.

I snapped, I couldn't let him stand in my way.

Not with Bella screaming like that downstairs.

"Get out of my Jazz or I'll fucking make you move!" I shouted at him and all he did was stand there calmly.

"Fucking MOVE! I swear to God Jazz!" I said, picking up the first thing that my hand found and raising it above my head.

He ducked as the CD went whizzing towards him, the case smashing against the wooden door.

"Edward, please, don't do this. I just can't let you go downstairs." He said more sternly this time.

"How DARE you decide what I can and can't do! Let me through Jazz!" I picked up a book and chucked it straight at his head.

He ducked again.

"Jasper you DON'T UNDERSTAND! Let me through! I have to see her, I have to see Bella!" I shouted and ran at him.

He punched me in the face and I stumbled backwards.

"Edward, please just get a grip. You cannot go downstairs."

That was it, I was done with this stupid game.

I picked up my CD player, tearing the socket out of the wall and grasped it tightly.

"Edward, stop being stupid for fucks sake!" Jasper shouted at me.

I threw it.

He ran out of the way just in time and my incredibly expensive CD player smashed into my door.

I didn't care, the door was unguarded now.

I ran, and then flew through the air.

Jasper tripped me.

I fell face first onto the floor and quickly rolled onto my back to see Jazz jump on me.

"You aren't listening to me Edward. You cannot go downstairs. You'll make it worse!" He shouted, right in my face.

Everything kind of blurred from then on.

I fought with Jasper, and he fought back, and as soon as he was off me I ran for it again.

Throwing over my shoulder a "Sorry Jazz." I wrenched the door open and bolted down the stairs, following Bella's haunting screams.

I had no idea why I was doing this but surely seeing her had to be better than being holed up in my room wondering, torturing myself.

"Rosie! Alice! Please! What do I do?" I heard Emmett scream over Bella.

I stopped at the top of the last set of stairs, completely in shock at how small and broken Bella looked in Emmett's arms.

My shock broke as she screamed again.

"Bella!" I shouted and her scream cut off as I dashed down the stairs towards her.

I thought that I had made her stop, that I could make things better.

Her big brown eyes were wide open and they were full of pain and fear, her hands had fallen from her ears and she wrung them together in her lap.

I had taken about two steps towards her when she shook her head and screamed louder and longer than before, until her voice failed her and she burst into tears again. I could see her shaking from head to toe while she sobbed.

I looked up, bewildered, at Emmett's face and he was glaring at me.

I was so scared that when Alice shouted at me I actually jumped.

"Get away from her! Can't you see that you've done enough damage?" She looked ready to rip me to shreds.

"But..." Was the only thing I could say before I was cut off by a small quiet voice.

"Get out." Bella said quietly looking down at her hands in her lap.

I felt my heart swell at hearing her talking, not screaming. But then I understood what she had said and my heart broke.

"What?" I whispered, not wanting to believe that she said that.

"Get out." She said, stronger this time.

"Bella..." I tried uselessly to explain.

"Get out!" She screamed, whipping her head up and glaring at me.

I stood there utterly speechless, heart-broken and uncomprehending.

"Get out! Get out! Get out! GET OUT!" Bella screamed and burst into tears again, burying her head in Emmett's chest.

I couldn't breathe, it was like the utter hate in her voice had taken me and squeezed all the air out my lungs.

I felt a pair of arms wrap around me tightly and drag me back upstairs.

I was dragged to my room and shoved onto my bed.

I couldn't think.

I just cried.

The next two weeks had been agony.

Half of my siblings still hated me.

Surprisingly enough it was Jasper and Rosalie that forgave me first, even though I had messed up Jasper pretty bad with my fists and Rose had never been my biggest fan.

Emmett and Alice were coming round though, albeit slowly.

But the worst part was that Bella couldn't stand to be anywhere near me, and if she had to be she completely ignored me.

She never said a thing to me, never mentioned me, never glanced in my direction.

Not anymore.

Even though I had changed, I was better, nicer.

I was trying.

Jasper and Rosalie had tried to get me and Bella to talk to each other, but nothing worked.

Bella was in her own little world where Edward Cullen didn't exist, and I didn't blame her.

For so long I had been wrapped up in my own little world where my pride and my idiocy had been my best friends, where other people's feelings didn't matter that much to me.

While Bella was wrapping herself tighter in her little world, it felt like mine was crumbling before my very eyes.

Neither of us were ourselves anymore.

A path which was sure to lead us to disaster.

A/N: So... what do you guys think?
Should I continue with the past or go forward for a chapter to see what happens after they've kissed?

Tell me please, because I don't know what to do for the next one.

Love you all, I really don't deserve such awesome people waiting for updates on this silly story :D

X Seraphie X