All to Myself by Marianas Trench

Chapter 20: Penance

Mello felt surprisingly calm walking towards the Mafia hideout, duffle bag full of the stolen money in hand. He knew he shouldn't be; his plan was by no means foolproof and depended a lot on him stalling until backup arrived. One wrong move, and he and Matt would both be dead, so he should have been anything but calm.

He should have been nervous, apprehensive, anxious, but instead, as his feet shuffled though the overgrown weeds surrounding the dismal concrete building, he felt strangely peaceful if not apathetic.

He looked up at one of the security cameras and nodded, knowing that they were watching, waiting for him. If he were to just barge into the building on his own, it could be perceived as a threat as they had no way of knowing if he had any weapons on him, and that wasn't part of the plan. If possible, he wanted them to view him as completely harmless, even helpless. Hopefully it would give them a false sense of control.

Mello stood there, waiting for them to come out and get him, a bit surprised that there hadn't been someone out there already. He knew what he had to do; he was ready.

He was ready to fight for Matt, to get him back, to save him from the position he didn't deserve to be in. He would do whatever he had to in order to make sure they both made it out alive, including getting captured himself.

He heard a rustling in the weeds and turned to see two men coming around the corner. The first thing he noticed was the guns in their hands. They weren't aimed at him, but rather, held loosely at their owner's sides, a sign of overconfidence. For all they knew, Mello could have a gun on him; they should have been at the ready, prepared to shoot.

"Hand over the bag," one of them said, finally raising his gun, holding it sideways, and cocking it slowly.

"Not until I see Matt," he said, hiding a smile. They were trying to be intimidating, but it wasn't working. Holding the gun sideways was a scare tactic—he knew that all too well, having done so occasionally the first time he'd been with the Mafia—but it degraded the accuracy. This guy either wasn't planning on actually shooting or was an idiot for thinking it was a good way to fire a gun. Not that accuracy would be a huge concern at point blank range.

The man pointing the gun at him shook his head. "The boss—the real boss," he added with a sneer, "said to get the money from ya first." He motioned to the other man in Mello's direction.

Mello pretended to fight back when the man tied his arms behind his back and forcefully took the duffle bag from him. He couldn't just hand it over and be taken willingly—that would be too obvious—but the money was of little consequence, and his capture actually put him in a better position. "What happened to our deal?" Mello demanded angrily as he was taken into the hideout.

"You'll have to bring that up with the boss." The second he was in the building, all eyes were on him. It seemed that all the higher ranked members had gathered in the main room to witness what they probably thought would be his death. "Here he is, boss," the man holding the gun to the back of his head said, pushing him into the center of the room. The other man dropped the duffle bag at the boss's feet and immediately backed down, clearly at the lower end of the hierarchy.

"This is it?" the boss said, tapping the bag with his foot as if discerning how much it held. "I thought we'd agreed on more," he said, giving Mello a fake look of disappointment.

"Let me see Matt," he said firmly, though let his brave countenance waver, adding in a brief look of fear; he was quite proud of how his performance was going so far.

The boss let out an amused snort, slowly closing the gap between them. "You're not in a position to be making demands," he said with a sickening grin, pulling his gun out and bringing it to Mello's temple.

Mello's heart leapt into his throat, and for a second, he was actually afraid that he might be killed, but then the man hit him across the head, throwing him into the small wooden table nearby. The table buckled under his weight, legs breaking off as it collapsed to the ground with Mello, the bottle of gin that had sat on it shattering as it hit the floor.

"Rodney," the Mafia boss said, and a rather short man with greasy black hair stepped forward to yank Mello to his feet, holding a gun to his head. "Tell me, Mello. Why shouldn't I kill you right now?" the boss said, crossing his muscular arms over his chest.

"How do you know all the money isn't in there? You didn't even look in it." He hoped this would buy him some time, that maybe they would actually take the time to count it. Of course, they would end up finding that it wasn't nearly what they had asked for, but hopefully by the time they were done, it wouldn't matter anymore. Unfortunately, the boss didn't seem interested.

He bent down and unzipped the duffle bag to peer inside for little more than a second before closing it again. "It's not all there," he said, straightening back up, "Anything else?"

Mello looked down at his feet in defeat, not quite sure if he was acting anymore. "Just let me see that Matt's alive," he said weakly. "…Please," he added, bringing his eyes back up to meet those of the man who was responsible for his and Matt's capture.

"You're right," the boss said, a malicious grin spreading across his face, "he should be here to see you die." He turned to a man standing near the door with a cigarette between his lips. "Go get him."

Mello watched as he disappeared around the corner, trying to think of something that would keep them alive longer. He wasn't sure how long he had been there so far, but with how time was crawling by, it felt like an eternity; surely his backup should have been there by then.

"So, Mello," the boss started conversationally, "what made you think you could escape us? You know that's not how it works. Once you're in, you're in until you die, which is why we have to kill you."

He wasn't sure if he was supposed to respond to that, so he didn't. Quite simply, he didn't feel like it. He didn't feel like explaining that joining the Mafia again had been a mistake or that he had known there was a good chance something like this would happen or that he would do anything to protect Matt from his mistake, throwing himself back in the path of danger included. That was the only reason he was there: to protect Matt.

"See? He's alive," the Mafia boss said to Mello, a smirk on his face, "Too bad that doesn't change the fact that you don't have all the money I asked for." Mello looked over in the direction that he'd seen the man with the cigarette disappear in. He was back, this time holding Matt at gunpoint.

He was shocked by Matt's haggard appearance. Just last night, he had looked perfectly healthy, the bruises and cuts from his first encounter with the Mafia having healed nicely. Now, he looked near death.

His hair was matted and his bangs crusted to his forehead with dried blood. He had a pair of black eyes, the discoloration extending down his cheek on his left side, and as he walked closer to Mello, it could be seen that a splotch of red stained the white of his left eye next to the iris. The exposed skin of his neck and arms was either marred with large black and blue marks or covered in dried blood; the small areas which held neither stood out a stark white, unnaturally pale. The only spot which still held fresh blood though was the large split in his lower lip.

Mello tried his best to wipe the look of shock from his face, replacing it with an apologetic smile. He hated that this was what had been brought upon Matt because of his mistake, and although Matt might argue otherwise once they got out of this—if they got out of this—Mello knew the entire situation was ultimately his fault.

Matt returned the smile as he was brought to stand next to Mello, causing the wet blood on his lip to glisten slightly in the low lighting. "Hey," he said as if the entire situation was of little consequence.

"Yeah," Mello nodded with a small laugh, his grin widening slightly, "Hey." Matt was being entirely too nonchalant about the position they were in, and it put him at ease, gave him a bit more confidence that things might turn out all right.

"So," the boss said loudly, bringing Mello's attention back to him. "I'm thinking I should kill him first," he said to Mello, nodding in Matt's direction, "He's already been through a lot as you can see. It's best to just put him out of his misery—and you probably thought I had no compassion," he added with a demented grin. "Besides, you deserve to see him die. He's only guilty by association; you're the one that deserves to be tortured." He held the gun up, pointing it straight at Matt. "Any last words?"

"I-I…" he heard Matt stutter and immediately went to grab his hand, hoping to comfort him, but quickly discovered that his wrists were still tied together behind his back, making it impossible.

He looked over at Matt whose green eyes stared back, filled with nothing short of terror. Mello offered him a small smile and nodded, encouraging him to continue.

"I'm starting to get impatient," the boss said just as Matt opened his mouth to say something.

Matt glanced over at his captor and then back at Mello, a new strength in his eyes. "Will you marry me?"

Mello could only gape at Matt as the Mafia boss burst out laughing, the rest of the men in the room quickly following suit. Of all the things Matt could have said to him, Mello would have never expected a marriage proposal.

Matt had never even so much as brought up marriage before, so Mello could only conclude that he was proposing only because he thought they were going to die, and he wouldn't have another chance. "Matt…" he said, shaking his head slowly, a pained expression on his face. It wasn't that he didn't want to marry him, he just couldn't accept, not under the given conditions, not when he was sure it had been brought on by panic. He knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Matt—that wasn't the issue. Had Matt asked him the night before, he wouldn't have hesitated to say 'yes,' but this was different. "I love you, but I can't… not like this," he said quietly. He saw how his words hurt Matt, but this wasn't the right way to do it, not if Matt felt that he had to.

"Damn," he heard the Mafia boss say but kept his eyes on Matt, "He's about to die, and you won't even fucking humor him? You really are a heartless bastard. I should've given you more credit."

"Wait!" Mello called out when he heard the gun cock. He turned to face him, hesitating momentarily when he noticed something he had not expected: Holly, the girl he had almost made the mistake of sleeping with, was peeking around a doorway almost directly behind the Mafia boss. "Uh…" he started, trying to ignore her. He felt bad for her as she had obviously not found a way out of this miserable life, but now wasn't the time. "Why does Matt have to die? He didn't do anything wrong. You can kill me or torture me or whatever you want, just let him go."

He sighed in return. "I thought we already went over this. Guilty by association. Besides, he knows too much. Can't have him running off and telling the cops, can we? Now say goodbye," he said, aiming the gun straight at Matt's heart.

"Bye," Matt whispered too him, squinting his eyes shut, bracing himself.

"Matt, don't-" but he didn't get to finish. He heard a scream and a gunshot, and Matt collapsed to the floor. "Matt!" he screeched out, dropping to his knees. With his hands still tied behind his back, he couldn't check for a pulse, but if he'd been shot in the heart, there was no hope. He tried to turn him over with his elbows to see if the bullet had hit its target, but looked away from him when he heard the Mafia boss let out a yell in anger.

He turned to see Holly being thrown to the ground. The scream before the gun was fired must have been hers as she'd flung herself at the boss. Her petite figure had been no match for his strength, and she was quickly deposited on the floor. She scooted away from him in fear, a hand pulling at her short skirt which had flown up, exposing her lace panties.

"Stupid cunt!" he roared, this time pointing the gun at her. Mello looked away, not sure that he could watch as someone else was killed because of him, but as he did so, he saw someone appear out of the corner of his eye.

"Boss, we're surrounded!"

Mello threw himself over Matt, shielding his motionless body as chaos unfolded around them. He had failed.

• • •

Mello felt numb, sitting there in the back of the ambulance. The police raid had passed by in a blur, the entire time believing Matt was dead. It wasn't until after the members of the Mafia had been arrested that someone had tended to him and Matt.

He'd refused to move from his position over Matt's seemingly lifeless body, and had his hands not still been tied behind his back, he would have fought against the police officer who'd had to pull him away. He was certain they had bigger things to worry about, so why couldn't they just leave him there? Another officer had been called over to check Matt since the first one had been preoccupied holding Mello back.

When it had been discovered that Matt had only been shot in the shoulder and had been knocked unconscious when his head hit the floor, Mello had started crying hysterically. Although Matt was certainly in bad shape, he would live.

They'd sent Matt away in an ambulance immediately, and despite Mello's protests, they wouldn't let him go with him, saying that he had to stay behind for questioning. Of course, they still hadn't gotten around to that, instead insisting that a paramedic take a look at him. He'd hoped that they would find something wrong with him so that he could go to the hospital with Matt, but besides the scrape he had acquired when he'd been thrown into the table, they told him he was perfectly fine.

They were wrong, of course—he knew he wasn't 'fine.' Although his hysterics had long since quieted, he felt anything but 'fine.' Matt had almost died because of his stupidity. He'd been stupid to join the Mafia again; he'd been stupid to think that he could escape them once he had; and he was stupid to believe that he and Matt could ever have a normal life together.

But he wasn't sure that he wanted normal. Certainly something a bit less life threatening than being held captive by the Mafia would be nice, but normal had never really held much significance in either of their lives.

He took a deep breath, trying to calm his nerves, and looked down at the cell phone in his hand, having just gotten off the phone with Amy. Only after the paramedic had given him a clean bill of health had they let him call her to tell her to go to the hospital so that someone was there when Matt woke up. He hadn't told her much, though she had pressed him for details. The most important thing was that she remembered to tell Matt that he was sorry and that he'd explain everything as soon as the police let him go.

He sighed, left with nothing to do except mull over his thoughts until they were ready to take him in for questioning. He didn't know how long that would be as it had seemed to take forever for all of the Mafia to be arrested and taken away, and they were just now getting to the women, charging them with prostitution. To them, he was low priority; he could wait until the sudden influx of arrestees had been processed.

His head snapped up, scanning the area for Holly. He couldn't let her get arrested, not after she had saved Matt's life. It had been her unbelievable show of bravery that had threw off the Mafia boss's aim, causing him to hit Matt's shoulder rather than his heart.

Not seeing her, he jumped out the open doors on the back of the ambulance, the paramedic saying something in protest, but he paid him no attention. "Excuse me," he said running up to the nearest police officer. "There was a girl in there with shoulder length dark brown hair named Holly. She's innocent," he said simply. The policewoman only gave him a look that suggested she was skeptical. "Please. She saved someone's life," he pleaded.

"Alright," she sighed, "I think I know who you're talking about." She led him to one of the police cars. She opened the door and looked in. "You. Someone's testifying on your behalf. You'll have to come in for questioning, but after that, you're free to go." With this, Holly stepped out of the car, and the handcuffs were removed from her thin wrists. She looked awful what with her hair in disarray and her makeup smeared down her face from crying, but he was happy to see her. "Go have the paramedic take a look at you while you wait," the officer said to her, pointing them both in the direction of the ambulance.

"Thank you so much," she said to Mello when the police officer was out of earshot, new tears forming in her eyes.

"It's the least I could do after you saved Matt's life," he told her as the paramedic disinfected the scrapes she had gotten on her bare upper back and shoulders when she was thrown to the floor.

"Matt's your boyfriend, right?" she asked him. He nodded slowly; it could have been fiancé had he said 'yes.' "Well, at least I know why you were so distracted," she said with a small, half-hearted laugh. He felt himself blush, remembering that day. It seemed like a lifetime ago. "Oh, I'm sorry," she apologized, looking over at him sheepishly, apparently having noticed his discomfort.

"No, you didn't do anything wrong. You have nothing to be sorry for," he sighed out. It was odd, sitting there, talking to her. He didn't blame her for the problems he'd had with Matt; it was his fault for even thinking that he could use sex with her as a distraction. It didn't matter that he'd decided not to go through with it. It had still been his decision.

But there was one thing that he didn't understand. "Why did you try to stop him? He would have killed you too if the police hadn't got here when they did." It didn't make sense. There had been nothing in it for her.

"Because you were the only one of them that was ever nice to me," she said, smiling at him. "Not that you're one of them," she added quickly, "I know that now."

"Yeah, I guess I'm not," he said with a small laugh. He didn't know how he had ever thought that rejoining the Mafia was something he could pull off, let alone what was right for him. "So what are you going to do now that you're free?" he asked, honestly interested in her wellbeing.

"Um…" She looked down at her hands, clearly embarrassed. "I don't know… I don't really have anywhere to go… I mean, I'm sure I'll figure something out…"

He watched her play with her hands nervously. She looked so young and had made a mistake that could have ruined her life and still might if she didn't have anywhere to go. She reminded Mello of himself when he'd left Whammy's, so young and naïve. "You can stay with us," he told her, making a snap decision.

"No, I-I don't need your pity. Really, I'll be fine," she said, looking at him with wide eyes, and he knew she didn't believe that any more than he did.

"You're right. You don't need my pity, but you do need a place to stay, and we have a perfectly good sleeper sofa that no one's using at the moment."

"But…won't Matt be angry?" she asked meekly.

He sighed, sure that at first, Matt would be. "You saved his life," he said, "He owes you. We both do. So you're welcome to stay with us. At least until you get back on your feet."

"Thank you!" she exclaimed, throwing her arms around him. It was a bit awkward for Mello, what with what he'd almost done with her. He felt better when she was once again sitting next to him rather than practically in his lap.

"So when this is over, we can go get you some, uh, real clothes," he said, noting that she was only wearing a strapless corset and a very short skirt, wondering if Amy might let her borrow some clothes, "and go visit Matt, mkay?" She nodded enthusiastically, positively beaming.

"We're ready to take you in for questioning." Mello turned to see the same officer he had talked to earlier standing nearby, looking impatient.

"Finally," Mello breathed out, not sure what the policewoman had to be impatient about; he had been the one who'd had to wait, not her. He hopped off the edge of the ambulance and turned back to Holly, offering her his hand to help her down. "Let's go."

A/N: Now that this story is almost over, I'm becoming extremely sentimental about it. Only one more chapter and the epilogue to go... And while this is only an extension of 'Dreams,' with the end of 'Cinders' approaching, it feels like 'Dreams' is truly coming to a close. My first ever story almost truly over...

But what do you guys think? How will Matt react when he finds out Mello told Holly she could stay with them? What exactly was Mello's plan, and how did it lead to the events that happened in this chapter? Everything will be revealed in the next chapter, but until then, what do you guys think will happen?

A special thanks to the following reviewers:
RavenBlackRoses, Midnightkisses10, VampirePrinssess, Dooseob, death2society, TrickledFingers, ViKsAtA, Chase Mihael Keehl, and an anonymous reviewer