sorry for the delays! my written exam went well! fingers crossed for the practicals next week! Writing this makes a great retreat from facts and figures! thankyou Ginford for encouraging me to get going, as well as Mabb5 for the reviews which always spur me on, and knowing that people are following the story! So this double lengther is a thankyou

-0-0-0-

Chakotay

If I am going to have to wait and be a spectator when the woman of my dreams is trapped on a damned planet, life in danger, then I am better being active. I knew my request to go with the Mariner would be denied. Slipped or beamed aboard, it would soon become clear that I had gone with them, and we just don't know the adversary, and their intel lines. Damn. Pacing, and raging, and then being icily polite, and all denied. Made worse by the knowledge that if our positions were reversed, Kathryn would have already have arrived at Chin'toka, even if she stole the enterprise to achieve this. Damn, damn, damn. As an ex maquis only commander, I am outranked, outgunned, and I know that I need to prove Kathryn right, that we are loyal and not mavericks. Damn, but and I know I can trust Tom on this.

So here I am, nearing Dorvan, where I have dreamt walking off a shuttle with Kathryn on my arms to start a new, simpler, life. And none of that- None. Of. That - is happening. Instead, I have badgered with single minded determination until it is agreed that I am to be lead starfleet negotiator on her behalf. It had been supposed Picard would take that role. Paris accepted differently. To show unity, I will be having Glinn Dmek on my team in place of Harry. I knew it was the right choice, and went directly to ask him, a chance to show unity between us in a wider scale. Again, Paris understood, he is a swift and effective decision maker. The advantage was clear. We quickly organised all the practicalities, the complete signing off of the treaty made on Chin'toka which starts the process that will allow Cardassia to eventually join the federation. This allows cultural exchanges for cadets, our government figures and military. Glinn Dmek has just started a six month starfleet attachment, ostensibly to Enterprise. The negotiation team at Dorvan, a currently unaffiliated world still in the DMZ has approved the cardassian presence, it eases out lots of creases. It allows for peace. Spirits, but I started off in thrall to guerrilla warfare, and I return an agent of peace. Let the stuffier admiralty enjoy that.

My spirit guide is, thankfully, approving. It was with some hesitancy I followed a spirit quest, I have not done so since Kathryn was in jeopardy. 'Have faith' she says, and 'be bold'. When I ask as to whether I will ever bring my soulmate back to Dorvan she reminds me to stay with the true path I saw before, my voyager family, and cleave to the truth of Kathryn.

I feel refreshed in my faith as I welcome Glinn Dmek into my quarters on the Enterprise. As I look at the Cardassian, I nod and smile to acknowledge the journey I have taken. He nods to acknowledge the gulf we are reducing between us. Our conversation looks to the future rather than the past. We are both all to clearly aware that there is nothing either of us can do to alter the past, other than nod to its existence. However, we can make changes for a united future. I sit us down to a light meal.

We talk, and gradually we talk about peace, hopes. Glinn Dmek talks of the horror of the dominion war, the mirror that it held up to the wider Cardassian society. He talks of personal losses and epiphany. He talks that the DMZ had the hardest of hardline military, that it seems like it was the last flourish of military madness. He offers that Cardassia may have difficulty working towards Federated status, but it is certainly something a large enough proportion of citizenry want. Cardassia, reeling from the effects of the Dominion war, wants stability. There are those waiting for rebuiding to again try for military might, and those, and clearly Glinn Dmek calls himself in this group, that hope to move beyond this phase. His group is now very influential, with many forward thinking legates and Guls committed. After all, with the Klingons moving into Federation status, it is not so hard to see Cardassia might. I hold back the thought that at least Klingons understand honour. Something must have shown on my face, as he stops. I smile wryly. 'trust is hard, but I am no less committed to peace'.

Somewhere, over sharing tea, I find that I have after all gone into the past. I have poured out a personal account of what he already knew, the loss of my family, the hard years of the maquis, trying to save others. My friends lost, my close friends violated, tortured, injured. Then, through the unexpectedness of fate, I have redemption from the anger and pain. i fall silent, thinking of Kathryn. Kathryn who is currently in the hands of the unknown, maybe violently treated. My fists clench at that thought.

Glinn Dmek offers his hope for peace, that there is no easy atonement other than a commitment to the future. He tells me that as Voyagers, with our history, he had thought it a brave Federation choice for diplomacy. Then, he met our Captain Janeway. Very little of our voyage has made it to Cardassia, nothing of our personal stories and individual redemption. However, when he met her, particularly when she brushed all the history aside and really talked after the shield isolated them , he understood. He gifts me his recollection of the pieces of PADD strewn across the table, as she cuts through the diplomatic dance to a very pragmatic agreement. The sparkle of humour in her eyes. Indefatigable. He says it must have been something wonderful indeed to journey with her. I agree. Something most definitely wonderful.

He leaves me thinking as he returns to his quarters. Letting go of prejudice is difficult. It is difficult for me, even having watched Kathryn appear to do it so effortlessly time and time again. If she could reclaim me, the maquis and serried Borg, I have no doubt but that she can reclaim Cardassia. I wonder whether this will be our new future. Envoys to Cardassia. If she can be by my side, I will have no qualms. I pause. Even without her, if this is how I best serve her memory... I invited a Cardassian to my quarters, but it was an individual with whom I had started the process of friendship who left. The spirits surely have a wry sense of humour.

I look at the angry warrior I was, and know that I have put that role aside.

-0-0-0-

Seven

The voice that has plagued me during regeneration is in retreat. I dismiss it when it tries to communicate, and remind it that 'dismissed is starfleet for get out'. Quoting the captain that the voice claims to despise. It cannot compete with the woman whose presence gives me peace. She sleeps now where Naomi has slept. She sees me into my alcove with a soft kiss goodnight and she greets me as I awaken with nutritional sustenance. She sends me out on my day, and makes enquiries when I return. Our relationship is ostensibly built all around the small spaces in life. She tells me that personal interaction is the mortar that holds the building blocks of life steady. I should find it inefficient. Instead, it is comforting. She manages Icheb and I with the skills of an experienced and practiced mother. I am unexpectedly, but completely inescapably home in her presence.

I have slowly perceived that the seemingly inconsequential communication has been finely tuned and delivered with surgical precision. I have reassessed all that I knew of relationships on Voyager again through her non judgmental discourse. She has no censure, even though my actions clearly wounded her daughter, and on reflection were intended to do so. I was gaining my independence from a mother figure that I loved most dearly. I was craving her attention and I was challenging her leadership, confident in my superior reasoning and youth. I used the oldest method, and stole her mate. The mate that I was competing with for her attention. Now I perceive that this was illogical, failure was the most statistically likely result. The Captain would have stepped back, given us her blessing, and I would have lost that which I most craved. Her time and her love.

Through the quiet support of The Captains mother, I see that the Captain did indeed love me, as a daughter, a protegee. She was proud of me, and honest in her dealings. She would have allowed me to win her mate and marry him in the delta quadrant, and bravely be happy in our happiness. She would have been wrong in that sacrifice. Her mother allows me to see the flaws of the captain that I love, and the guilt and sacrifice that runs through her, without it demeaning the overarching generosity, quizzical humour and inquisitive intelligence that characterises so much of her personality. Gretchen allows me to forgive both of us, and so the voice is quietened. The inner voice, I understand now, was mine speaking as Borg. It was my clinging to the certainty and uneventfulness of Borg, the life where I was not required to make adjustments, to be challenged by humanity, to review my own actions. I have gained confidence to accept the perils of individuality and emotion. My heroes can be fallible and are no longer diminished by this. It was not the collective calling me back, but cowardice, an echo of my former self.

I see that my desire for Chakotay was a mirror only. that I desired to have the depth of love and companionship that he shared with the Captain. It was not for him that I loved. The relationship would never have moved beyond this. Through stubborn dedication we may have made it successful and been happy. We are saved this, here on Earth. I have the opportunity to find what it is that will make me content in a relationship, if I wish it. I finally am cognisant of the misplaced anger I feel towards Chakotay for the deception that after all he didn't commit. We were both sublimating other needs.

As I am drawn closer into the family of the Captain, I find laughter with Phoebe as a sister who uncover the humour in my personality. Mrs Janeway would like me to call her Mom, we compromise on mother. I prefer the formality. Mother, who shows me unconditional love. Then there is my relationship with Icheb, my not-son, in this Janeway family I find the peace that I never quite achieved with the Captain, except that once. The time that she rescued me with her own unconditional love, unusually freely shown.

I tell Irene Hanson that I am discontinuing our familial relationship. She appears momentarily surprised. Mostly, I believe, she is relieved as we have found no points of reference between us. I state without unnecessary emotion that I cannot make a familial bond in good conscience, that I had already given that role to my Captain, and will now aim to formalise that relationship. Irene acquiesces, noting that I should 'look forwards rather than backwards'. A singularly unhelpful comment. Feeling the stern expression of Mrs ...Mother, however, I agree.

It proves simple for Admirals Paris and Patterson to stand with Mother as she formally adopts me as her youngest daughter.I have a new designation, Seven Annika Janeway. Initially they had made light of the request, suggesting that it is an inappropriate requirement since I am an adult. A few well delivered and forthright intercessions from mother, enhanced by the clearly hereditary death stare, and the process is swift and uncontested.

Phoebe squeals, twirls and overwhelms me, Icheb grins and declares we were always destined to be family, and we all agree that we will officially announce this only when my oldest sister is returned to us. Mother reassures me that my biological parent status is unchanged, I have only realigned my future designation. I finally have family and a place in the alpha quadrant, home. Indeed I have the right family, and this is demonstrably more conducive to inner stability than a collective. I have what the Captain all along was offering.

-0-0-0-

Janeway

I find myself on the floor, with my head against the low cot. That will leave a bruise. reassessing, my 'convenience' has been emptied and there is simple food and water. This appears to happen twice a a day. Each time, I signal, and get the signals back. I must hope to be rescued, as I cannot find a way out.

-0-0-0-

Harry Kim

I have done it! I have found the Captain. i have found the captain! I look up from my station, to where Tom is poring over plans with Johnson and Murphy. He glances my way 'report' and I grin.

'I have found her Tom!' i can't help but continue talking 'she has something from the delta quadrant, it was only for a short while, but I found her'

I show Tom the data, her geographical locality and the short time window that her presence registered. Less than a minute, but should be able to transport in that time.

'it was the resonance of the metallic signature, ambient radiation was different in the delta quadrant, we required no medical adjustment, but I recalled that we changed our sensor sweep parameters to adjust for it. So I made a specific adjustment change that made it more sensitive. I used your wedding ring to fine tune the parameters'

Tom grins at me, and then sweeps me into a hug.

'you heard the guy' tom shouts, 'we have her! just need to transport her out'

'A skeletal lock' i say, 'difficult, but we can set it up with the next appearance of the captain's biosigns, such that we are ready' I look around, and Murphy is nodding enthusiastically.

'torres manoeuvre' he states 'she did it when we interrupted that species 8472 attack on the Borg vessel'

'do we have that manoeuvre here, on the flyer?' tom is in officer mode.

'negative' I respond, 'but I can recreate the programming. I believe we have 12 hours before we can attempt the extraction of the captain'

'let's do it' tom unconsciously mirrors the captain's tone and speech ' and harry, see if you can get comms to B'elanna. We may not get a second chance, so notifying the Mariner of the coordinates allows us to consider a joint approach.'

He sighs and runs his hands through his hair

'and we all know the captain will want us to have her captors if possible, and Gul Emen too. Mariner can work on that' 'johnson, Murphy, we need to review shielding, power sources, have an alternate plan to transporter extraction. we review options in 2 hours'

I run through the narrow bandwidth comms to the Mariner, to B'elanna, and with Tom beside me, briefly recount findings and plan. We are using an encrypted modulating frequency designed by Seven. At this close proximity, noting the paucity of comms to and from the planet, I have reassured Tom of the safety. B'elanna confirms the skeletal lock, with an adaption which specifically codes for the captain that she had planned for standard transporter. She is clearly angry that she didn't try a skeletal lock at the last extraction attempt. with the modification, she is certain of our success. The Mariner will aim to coordinate with destruction of shields and generators, and simultaneous removal of all other life signs direct to the brig. Assuming our success, we will then rendevous shielded with the mariner, the shuttle bay will be open to our approach. We will only have comms with b'elanna.

If we are not successful, at our signal, B'elanna will send notice and a prearranged team will transport down as she continues to scan for Captain Janeway and extract. We will break cover and attempt a low flight extraction. We synchronise our alert for an hour before the expected shield fluctuation that allowed me to detect the captain twice before. There are no wider comms, or reassurance. Even this link, as safe as we can make it, is a tactical risk. Any further comms risks exposure. We return to black ops mode.

We all have our tasks. Tom is talking vectors and orders with Johnson and Murphy, reviewing all the tactical data, making a physical extraction possible. I am keying in all I need for the skeletal lock transport. The captain has only used a transporter once since returning to the delta quadrant, but B'elanna took that stored pattern from the enterprise to base the key on. I keep to the back of my mind what Cardassian capture could mean this time. I had been too young and too innocent when I took up my first post on Voyager.

-0-0-0-

Chakotay

Spirits, but it is overwhelming to be here on Dorvan, kicking off my shoes, sitting with my sister at the end of the first full negotiation day. First and last effectively. Yesterday was publicity, official welcome, host and guest smiling and minimal discussions.

I returned to Enterprise, rechecked with Rovek and Glinn Dmek our positioning and near wept at the final version of Chin'toka, which Dmek confirms. An official Cardassian apology for actions in the DMZ. Help in rebuilding and familial reparations, though he admits that Cardassia may not actually have the ability. They would wish to help protect Dorvan from future invasion in the future, along with the Federation, allowing the spiritual community to flourish. Finally, and apparently at Kathryn's insistence, a complete pardon for all previous maquis, an agreement to release any that can be still found within Cardassia and relocation back to the federation for any medical care and rehabilitation required. Again, reparations for Tevlik. The Federation will also pardon previous maquis and offer a rehabilitation program. Rovek confirmed this has admiralty and federation government approval. I was speechless, and needed to remind myself again to never underestimate a Janeway with a hatred of bullies and a natural tendency towards reclamation.

So today I negotiated as a Janeway. Dorvan, on behalf of the DMZ worlds joyfully accepted all proposals. Starting with the reading of the Chin'toka Accord and a commitment towards peace, an understanding that the planet wishes for non technological spirituality. The discussions were straightforwards, and Dorvan and the DMZ planets are all now back into Federation Space as Federation planets. Each will support a small centralised federation hub, which will include hospital, technological and legal functions. All Dorvan citizens will have free access to these, and to go offworld, join starfleet, as their individuality suggests. Continued help to reclaim damaged land, free from contamination and then appropriate replanting with local custom. The grand picture is displayed and approved and signed. The government functionaires will now take over the implementation.

hence I am here, with my toes on Dorvan soil, sitting with my sister outside of her lodge as the sun sets. Her husband, a good man, is fixing the dinner, and my nephew is already asleep. Since I saw her last, only a month ago, I can see from the swell of her belly that our family grows.

'Se, I see that congratulations are in order' I wave my beer in the general direction of her abdomen. I am surprised that she frowns before her smile.

'brother, you need to return here, to your people. No!' she stops my interruptions 'please listen, we are few and we lost many of our leaders, we lost many of our bloodlines. Our tribe needs to be renewed, it needs you. You need to come home' she pauses, and puts her hand on my arm 'Kathryn is gone, what can hold you to starfleet?'

I start at that. Spirits! Sekaya has no knowledge of Chin'toka other than through FedNews. Even so, I am stunned by her easy acceptance.

'Dammit Se, we are not having this discussion.' I glare at her 'do you really think I could be relaxing here if I thought Kathryn lost?' i am angry with myself also, for relaxing on Dorvan instead of racing back to DS9 and the onwards. I had devolved responsibility for Kathryn, knowing they could do it and I was needed elsewhere, to make the appropriate picture. Spirits be damned, I have let Dorvan suck me in. My anger flared, I stand up to leave. 'I am going now, I should have left already'

Se grabs me harder 'Spirits weep, Chakotay, but I don't see it, I don't see you with her. What is her hold over you? She pushes you aside for seven years, snaps her ghost white fingers and you just go running? Its not as if you are even faithful? What about that Borg girl? O yes, I heard *all* about that. I *saw* the images from Voyager. What about Kira? Parading about on DS9 with no cares? No wonder I don't understand you, do you even understand yourself?' She sits down with her back to me. 'go! be a contrary! you leave and you are no longer my brother, no longer welcome here!' I stand, torn between indignant anger with the desire to rush after Kathryn, and the undying love I have for my sister, who clearly does not understand. The shake of her shoulders makes the decision. I love her. She is my family, and I need her understanding.

i move round to her and place my arms around her. 'Sekaya, sister, you must listen' I realise I have no idea to start what I need to say, and then I sigh.

'I can tell you the start of the story, It's about an angry warrior, who lived his life in conflict with the rest of his tribe...' and I find myself telling Sekaya a story that i told Kathryn many thousands of lightyears away, a story to share my love for her 'And in that way the warrior began to know the true meaning of peace. ' I finish and smile and feel the anger leaching out again.

Sekaya is comfortable in my arms. I murmur and tell her of the joys and laughter, the bravery and spirit of my woman warrior, of her strength and wisdom, seeing the best that everyone could be. Her vision and leadership shining light on our pathway home. Without her, we would have settled and been lost in the delta quadrant, without her we would not have passed the Borg, and they would remain to threaten Earth. She is a visionary leader. More than that, she is my friend. I cannot live without her.

The sounds of Dorvan night begin, as birdlife is roosting and the crepuscular animals slink around the trees. I notice that the lights are shining from Sekaya's hearth, but we are left in peace, to make our peace.

I restart my love story of Kathryn. I talk of shore leaves, sailing on Lake George, Sandrines, talent nights, dinners by candlight whilst laughing about the antics of 'our children' Companionship as close as any marriage. Then, more slowly of bitter rows and how, inevitably, the strain both of us were concealing pushed us apart through misunderstanding, perhaps willful. How hard that was for me, but how devastating for her, and how it had in an alternate timeline driven her to the ultimate sacrifice. that she had given her life so that I could live and love Seven, and so that Seven, Tuvok and 26 other crewmembers would survive. She willingly gave her life so that we would come back in time to thrive.

The night has fallen and stars appeared as I tell her of that final day on Voyager, my realisation that after all she had kept one final piece of hope close to her chest, my warring contrary nature nearly pushed her away again. My tears fall on Sekaya as I recount that she released me from my promise, she would sacrifice her hope to my happiness, and I let her. I feel Sekaya as she hugs me, and her tears fall onto my shoulder.

I pause, breathing in the pure and fresh night air, and think how different things would be if I had let that future unfold. Instead, I tell her, I realised that I could release myself from the trap of safety, that I accepted the future that was always ours. I tell Sekaya of our kiss that sealed our future. That surrounded by friends and family on voyager, the noise of the universe was silenced as I held her in my arms. All I could hear was the beating of our hearts, insistent of the move together. All I could see was the brightness of her eyes, and the love reflected there. A smile so wide that I could live within it. She stepped forwards towards me, and I couldn't breathe, that the whole of time paused as I awaited her movement. she raised her face to mine in full surrender to the love that had bound us for Seven years, and the sigh that left both of us as I claimed her lips, her love, her life as mine. In that claiming, I relinquished my sovereignty too. There are no words to explain the rightness and joy of that kiss, that it was more than a promise, it was the completion of an unbreakable bond. All our choices and decisions led to that kiss, and following it, there were no more to make as individuals. We are pairbonded. We are soul mates. I feel the unutterable peace of this spread through me.

Finally, I tell her of the desperate deception and subterfuge that surrounds the Chin'toka mission, of an unknown adversary who mustn't know that we have not abandoned Kathryn until they show their hand. That we have a team who will, Spirits willing, rescue her at that point. She must say nothing. That after our meal, I will return to Enterprise and then from DS9 get myself to Chin'toka and tear the planet apart with my bare hands if necessary.

'So. Se, talk no more of Kathryn except with love. Talk no more of my returning to Dorvan and taking a wife from the tribe. Should the unthinkable occur, I am already a leader of a tribe, co-leader of our Voyager family, and my first duty is to them. If, with the fullness of time, the life of my heart is lost to me, only then will I return and offer what you have wanted. Do not wish it of me, Se.'

We continue to hug in the starlight, finding comfort and understanding. She stands first, wiping away her tears.

'come then brother, let us eat, and welcome you home. When you have your wife at your side, return to us, so that she can become part of our tribe too'

I need no further prompting, the meal smells good and I am very, very hungry. Arm in arm we enter her home and settle with laughter and new-found unity to enjoy the happiness of family.

So relaxed am I, that when my commbadge signals, and we play the streamed comms through my PADD, as Sekaya lacks a home comms system, I am completely unprepared. I stare with horror and the sensation of impending unmitigated disaster at the bruised, battered but still beautiful and unbowed face of my beloved.

Kathryn.