Jack's POV
February 2005
You've heard that traveling with little kids is hard right? Ok, well that was said by people who were driving or flying in planes. Imagine being stuck in a tiny spaceship with your four kids plus you son's (groan) fiancé. Becca's parents, Becca, Johnny, and Sam and I struck a deal. Becca comes with us to Atlantis. We accept that they are engaged. In return there is no sex, marriage, kids, or even so much as talk of sex, marriage, kids until they turn nineteen. They break this rule, and we send Becca back to earth that day. Of course in front of Becca's parents we said, "Back to America." They are not big fans of not knowing where their daughter is going. I'm just hoping we didn't lie when we promised them it was not dangerous.
Anyway, back to the trip. Puddle jumpers are small. You think something that is used to transport people into other galaxies would be larger. I suppose the problem is that the people who originally invented Puddle jumpers had no intention of it being a method to transmit people across galaxies, much less doing so with a load of kids. They are after all the same people who invented Stargates.
I get to drive. I'm not fooling myself. I know that Sam loves to drive awesome things at least as much as I do. The only reason I'm driving is Sam's complete lack of the ancient gene. That's right I'm flying a ship with my mind, can you say awesome?
Johnny and Becca are sitting very close together on the seat. It's not like we're in a Gou'ald cargo ship where there is only two seats. Not that puddle jumpers have excess seating, but there is room enough they don't need to be nearly on one another's laps. Davie and Gracie are trying desperately to see space. It's a bit hard considering the fact that Puddle jumpers are a little short on windows, and we're in a half finished space station.
"It's not fair, this is my first trip through the Stargate," Davie protests, "I didn't even FEAL it. In your stories about Stargates it was intense!"
"Inertial dampeners," I say with a shrug. I actually don't have a clue if that's why the trip is easier in the puddle jumper. But I do know that puddle jumpers have inertial dampers, and it sounds plausible. Even to my genius children.
Sam gives me a look of distain. Crap got that wrong. "Actually it's the greater surface area."
My genius children nod, because that is all the explanation they need. And I'm their teacher?
I wish the intergalactic bridge midway station was finished. As it is we are spending our entire quarantine in the puddle jumper. Davie is already pacing. Abby is fussy and clinging. She was trying to cling to me, but Sam told her not to bother Daddy while he is driving with his mind. Not that I am really driving. I mean it was for like a foot through the gate. Now we're just sitting here.
"I can't believe I'm in OUTER SPACE," Becca says quietly.
"It's pretty amazing huh?" I say with a grin.
"I was born in outer space," Grace says.
"No you weren't," Davie says with an eye roll, "You were born on a planet."
"Planets are in space," Gracie says.
"By that logic EVERYONE was born in space, because earth is a planet too," Davie says.
Grace sticks out her tongue at him.
"Daddy," Abby whines.
"Yeah, kid?" I ask.
"Daddy," she whines slower and longer.
Now I have a guess of what she needs, "Abby, do you have to go potty?"
She nods her head.
"Sam, do they make ships with a bathroom?" I ask.
"No, you'll have to put on space suits, walk to the finished part of the station, and then take off the suits…" Sam begins. I've figured out the procedure by now.
"Can you say design flaw?"I ask. Have you ever tried to put a toddler in a space suit? It's something what I imagine putting gloves on an octopus would be like. Not easy. I finally get her all suited up, and we're about to head to the bathroom when I feel her tugging on my shirt.
"Daddy?" she asks.
"What Abby?" I ask back.
"Nebermind," she says.
"What?" I ask.
"I went alweady." Worse than snowsuits.
"Ok, then we'll get you changed," I say with a smile.
"Jack," Sam says.
"Yeah?" I ask.
"What were we thinking?" she asks.
"Hey!" Davie protests.
"Anyone else need to go to the bathroom while we're at it?" I ask. Four hands go up. If only I could talk to an Ancient engineer.
A week later
Imagine teaching a child with ADHD in a freaking alien city on an alien planet. I've given up on his education for now (he's in that awkward between high school and college phase anyway). My main goal for Davie this week is to know his location most of the time.
Incidentally the same goal I have for his older brother. But really the punishment of never leaving Johnny alone is just a formality now. He realizes how stupid he was and isn't going to run away time soon.
Becca is an obedient student. She's working on her senior year of high school. She's smart, but needs a bit more guidance than my other two.
Today, we're taking the day off.
"Sam, I need your authorization to borrow a puddle jumper," I said.
"What do you need a puddle jumper for?" she asks.
"Field trip," I say.
She grins at me, "Want to really fly one of them? Eh Jack?"
"I want to provide the children whose education I'm responsible for with educational opportunities that…" I begin.
"If puddle jumpers had keys I'd be throwing them to you right now," she says.
"I've already got the key," I grin at her, "I've got the ancient gene."
"Stop rubbing it in," she says knocking my shoulder. I would have been less eager if only I'd remembered what it's like to have five kids in a puddle jumper. Which still doesn't have a bathroom.
March 2005
"Jack," Sam's voice is panicked. Are the wraith coming? "Davie…" she stammers.
No, no, Davie is working on a computer program. He's fine. "What?" He has to be fine.
"He's…something shocked him," Sam says.
"Is he ok?" I ask.
"Yes…uh…I don't know. He isn't as effected as much as you would expect him to be. And that worries me."
"He's in the infirmary?" I ask.
Twenty minutes later
"As far as I can tell, he's fine," Dr. Becket says.
"As far as you can tell? He's my kid, be sure," I say dryly. Sam puts her arm around my back in a way that says both shut up you idiot, and I'm sorry you are in so much pain.
"I've run every test I can. Bloodwork, MRIs, X-rays, the lot. I found no anomalies in any of the results," Dr. Becket says.
"He was shocked by a device created by the Ancients! I mean, who knows what kind of long-term effects I could be in for. I mean, there's gross mutation, giantism, invisibility…?" I begin.
"Cool? You really think I am going to turn invisible, Dad?" Davie asks.
"Not cool kid," I say.
"I don't know Jack, you enjoyed it the time you went invisible," Sam says with a grin.
"When was dad invisible?" Davie asks. You can tell by the look on his face that he doesn't know if we're joking or not (we're not).
"I didn't think we were supposed to talk about that one Sam," I say.
"Bedtime story tonight, kid," Sam says with a mischievous grin.
"Now tell me what exactly you were doing touching some alien technology that you did not know the purpose of," I ask.
"I told you I was going to program a computer Dad," he says calmly. Sincerely looking as if he's confused by the question.
"So you were programming an Ancient computer?" I ask.
"Clearly," he says.
"Ok, for future reference don't touch Ancient technology," Sam says.
"Does this mean I have the Ancient gene?" Davie asks excitedly.
"Of course you have the Ancient gene," I say.
"You knew?" he asks.
Sam answers, "Honey, your DNA was taken when you were born."
"And you never bothered to tell me?" he says obviously offended.
"Hey Davie, you got your genius brain from your mother, and your ability to turn on alien technology from me," I say.
"So I can fly a ship with my mind?" he asks.
"Not until you are old enough to get a driver's license at least," I say.
"I'd go with eighteen," Sam says.
"Right eighteen," I say.
An hour later
Sam and I are eating in the commentary. Our kids like to eat with the Athonian kids, and it's a nice time for the two of us to chat. "Jack, how exactly was it that our kid was wondering around the uninhabited part of the base?" Sam asks giving me a glare over her lunch.
Davie turns from across the room. He tilts his head looking confused. He walks towards us looks right at Sam, and says, "It wasn't Dad's fault Mom," he says.
"What are you talking about, honey?" Sam asks him with a smile so sweet if I hadn't just heard her blaming me I would have thought her incapable.
"Mom, I heard you blaming Dad," he says squinting his eyes together. Probably wondering about all the other times his Mom has lied to him. I also find myself alarmed that Sam is a good liar.
Her mouth is hanging open, "You couldn't have heard that," she says.
"That's true, but I did hear it," he says mystified.
The cookie on my plate makes the slightest motion, and Davie looks at it startled. He holds out his hand to the cookie. It flies into his hand.
"Honey, did you forget to tell us you got superpowers?" Sam asks.
Davie burst into tears.
I jump up, and throw my arms around him, "Hey, hey, what's wrong buddy?" I ask.
"I…I don't know what's going on! I got zapped by alien technology, and….it did something to me!" he exclaims.
"Right, scary stuff, kid. How about we finish our lunch, go to the infirmary and have Dr. Becket have another look at you? I'm sure it's going to be ok. We're going to figure this out," I say.
"Yeah, it's ok," Sam says smiling at Davie (a smile neither Davie nor I will ever trust in the same way again) "Super powers aren't scary."
Half an hour later
Before we even get into the infirmary I know that we will not be taking my son in there right now. Through the walls (even with normal ears) I can hear the hustle and bustle yelling that only happens when the place is being overrun by some horrible tragedy.
"We'll just wait here until things calm down," I tell Davie with a smile.
Davie acts like he didn't even hear me. He pushes through the door and into the gore. I know what happened as soon as we get through the door. One does not easily forget the smell of burnt flesh once one has smelt it. Davie walks over to a man so fried that it is almost difficult to tell he is a man. He puts his hands right on the burnt flesh. I'm terrified that when he pulls away the flesh will come with it. I've seen that happen. I don't want my kid to be seeing this. I desperately want to shield the child from this.
He holds his hands there, and a strange light radiates them. By the time the light fades from his hands the burn is gone. The man opens up his eyes, and looks at Davie. His mouth forms a silent and startled thank you. The smell of burnt flesh still lingers, but the horror of burnt flesh is gone.
Dr. Becket looks at my son, "What did you do?"
"I…I healed him," Davie says tentatively.
"How?" Dr. Becket asks.
Davie shrugs.
"Davie seems to be developing some ah…Ancient powers. Super hearing, telekinesis, healing," I say.
"Telepathy," Davie adds barely audibly. I frantically try to remember if I thought anything I didn't want my son to know in the last hour.
He looks up at me and laughs. Crap! Of course he could read that thought as well. "Dad, you are pretty much an open book," he says.
Well, I could find a lot of people who would argue that point. Particularly Charlie's mother. But I suppose with my kids, with Sam, I was far more open than I had been with any other person at any other point in my life.
"Well, let's get you checked out," Dr. Becket says.
A day later
Davie has been adjusting to his new powers pretty well. Especially since at any given moment he doesn't know what he is able to do, and what he is not able to do. It scares me how quickly his new powers are developing. But with a kid who is able to read minds, you cannot afford to be scared. Having your kid read you mind is actually a really good exercise in self control techniques.
We've been taking Davie in for tri daily check-up's since his unusual talents began to develop. Dr. Becket pulls me aside after one of them. By aside, I mean a long way away and with lots of doors between us. Even so Dr. Becket whispers, and I'm not entirely sure Davie can't hear us. Even if he can't there is still a pretty good chance that he'll be able to read whatever it is about all over me when I come back in.
"Colonel O'Neill, I'm concerned about the level of brain activity Davie has," he says.
"Davie is a smart kid," I say.
"Granted, and most of us use most of our brain each day. But we rarely use over 10% of it at any given time, Davie is up to 40%."
"Johnny has extra parts of his brain activated," I say.
"Yes, but those are specific, and fairly small areas. With Davie we are talking about large hunks of the brain which are not used to working together, working in overdrive," he says.
"Ok, what does this mean?"
He lets out a sigh of resonation. The sigh is so like the ones I'm used to hearing coming from Janet, that it makes me a little homesick for the doctor, "I'm not really sure. But I'm not too sure that it's healthy."
Just then Sam joined us looking pale and worried, "Jack, they just finished translating what was written on the devise Davie activated."
"What did it say?" I ask.
"It's an ascension machine," she says.
"What?" I exclaim.
"Apparently not all the Ancients ascended naturally. This machine alters the DNA of whoever uses it. It is supposed to hurry them along the path of ascension. But apparently there was a problem. The machine could help them along the physical path of ascension, but most of ascension isn't physical. There is a spiritual element to it. If they person is not psychologically able to ascend they…" her words choke off in a sob.
I hold her in my arms and she cries hard. Sam doesn't cry often, but when she does it is soul shaking kind of sobs.
"Die, our son is going to… die!" she says barring her face deep within my shoulder.
"No, he's not going to die. We'll find some way to stop the process. Or we'll find some way to get him to ascend. We know that you can descend after you have ascended. You work on the science, and I'll work on the spiritual. We'll save him, Sam. I promise," I say.
Sam lifts up her head, and she's already in warrior mode.
"How long do we have?" I ask Dr. Becket.
"His brain capacity has tripled in a day, so…" he begins.
Sam lets out a startled half sob.
"So, we'll hope it slows down," I say rubbing her back. But what I really want to do is go run to my son. Sam has much the same thought so we head out of the room together.
It turns out that we did get far enough away that Davie couldn't hear us. But as soon as he sees his face he knows. And he crumbles where he stands, like his legs have just been turned into jelly.
"I always thought…thought I would get to do something really great. That I would give the world something amazing. Something that would change the way people thought forever, and for always. Something that would get my name into the history books. I always thought I'd get to get married and have kids. Now…I feel like I've wasted all this time. I mean all that time I couldn't focus? All that time I spent running, doing jumping jacks? I should have been curing world hunger or coming up with the universal theory or doing something that mattered! I've wasted my whole life!"
Sam kneels down on the floor in front of him. She takes his chin in her hand, "You listen to me, kid. You get more time. I'm promising you more time. Do you understand that? Your life is not over. But you haven't wasted your life. You are just a kid. Kids are supposed to have fun, to learn. You've done those two things haven't you?"
He nods.
"Ok, we're going to solve this two ways. You are going to work really hard on learning how to ascend. You are going to meditate, and not worry about anything else. I'm going to worry about the science. You understand? Ok, your Dad is going to help you meditate. Try hard, just in case I can't fix it in time," she says with a worried face.
If we lose him, she's going to blame herself. That kind of guilt…that is the kind of thing that can crumple a person, destroy a life.
"I thought I'd call Teal'c, ask him if he could stop by and teaching him some meditation techniques. Until he comes I thought Sheppard would be useful, after all he did spend that time with Ancients," I offer.
"Good plan, and I'll send everything in the Ancient database that has to do with ascension through a speed translator. I'll get them to you as soon as they are done," Sam adds.
"Great, let's go relax, kid," I say offering Davie a smile. When I help him up his legs are still like those of a rag doll. He is barely functioning.
A few hours later
I've never been that big on meditation, prayer, psychology, philosophy and any of the many other things that take place only in the head with no outward evidence. I've always sort of presumed that people who claim to be meditating are really taking the world's best nap.
And now my son's life depends on his ability to become a world class mediator in a matter of days. Teal'c is coming to help in a few hours. Meanwhile we have an ascension machine that shows Davie how much of his brain is working on meditation at any given moment.
The hard part is trying to get someone with ADHD to meditate. It isn't even the motion that is the hard part of it. His mind can't focus on anything for more than a couple of seconds. It bounces through topics like a ping pong ball moving at the speed of light in a ten foot room.
There is no way in hell he's going to be able to empty his mind long enough to ascend.
"Dad," he says slowly. "I have an idea." With the ascension meter still plugged into his head he stands up and starts doing jumping jacks. His concentration level jumps from 40% to 60% with this simple action. Then he starts muttering "e=mc squared" over and over. It jumps to 87% for a little while before he loses focus.
"How did you do that?" I ask excitedly.
"Well I couldn't think of nothing. So I figured the next best thing is to think really hard on one really complicated thing. Did I make it?"
"Not quite, but really close," I say. I can't believe my son meditates better while running around than when he was lying on the floor relaxed.
A day later
I shouldn't have been nervous. Davie had hit the ascension mark time and time again. I was sure he could do it. Or at the very least I was sure he could do what we thought was required. I knew that after he ascended he could descend.
But I was terrified. Terrified that the glamour of ascension would take my son from me, that he would choose that life instead of his family. Terrified that the ascended beings would see through his cheap trick of ascending only to descend and either force him to stay ascended or let him die. Terrified that in the end he would be a little boy scared and unable to focus. Terrified that even if everything went right it still meant that I was going to have to watch my son die. Die slowly, painfully, without pain pills which would dull his ability to meditate in those last crucial moments.
"Mom, you still have my explanations of the meaning of life equations right?" he asks nervously.
"Yeah, I have them," Sam says with a smile. She isn't about to tell him that they don't make any sense to her. That they are way too smart for even one of the smartest people in the world to understand. She's afraid if he knew that he would try to hold on in order to fix them.
The meaning of life equations he's talking about are the physics portion of the combined knowledge of the four great ancient races: Ancients, Asgard, Nox, and Furlings. Sam has been studying them in her free time (ha, like she has free time) since before Davie was born. She's never been able to make head or tails of them.
But among Davie's many super powers was the unexplained ability to understand all the equations at a glance. When he still thought he might die he made it his mission in life to write explanations to the equations. He thought it would make it so humanity would be able to benefit from them.
But society will have to gain a few thousand collective IQ points before that happens. Sam figures his explanations are probably about halfway between what we can understand now, and the originals. Maybe in a hundred years we'll be able to grasp them.
"I need to stand up," he says his forehead wrinkled with worry.
"You're too sick," Sam says trying to calm him down.
"No! I need to stand up!" Davie shouts.
"Honey, you've reached the mark plenty of times lying down," I assure him.
"I need to be sure," he says with eyes that make my heart ache so much that I do the stupid thing, and I pull him up. He starts to run in place. He's so sick the motion is something between pathetic, and hilarious. He begins to mutter a formula. This time it's one from the Ancient knowledge. One that mere mortals can't even comprehend.
His lips move over the unfamiliar words, his arms and legs move in a frail attempt at a jumping jack, and then…his lifeless body falls. A light, much like the one that leaves his hands when he was healing, but much larger rises up. It pauses for one second above our heads. Then it waifs away.
"God Jack!" Sam screams. Some part of my brain is trying to comfort her, but I can't actually manage it because I am completely immobilized by my own grief.
Hours later
I'm sitting alone in Davie's room. Just sitting on his bed, with my head in my hands. An army of volunteers are with my grieving children. Just as well. I don't want to be an example of how to grieve. Sam wanted to say with me. I begged her to leave me alone.
I'm trying to worry about them. Trying to worry if they are ok. I can't. All I can manage is pain.
I remember when Sarah died. I felt like this. Like nothing mattered. Like I was sinking in quicksand. Like I didn't even want to live anymore. Not without Davie.
I wish there was a way to stop the pain.
My son died. I couldn't save him.
"Dad?" a tentative voice says.
Am I going nuts?
"Dad? What is wrong?" Davie's worried voice asks.
I turn to him. He's laying on his bed. An inch away from me.
"Davie?" I say.
"Yeah, Dad," he says.
"Oh, my God, are you ok?" I ask scooping him up in my arms. I don't even care that he's currently naked. He does.
"Jeez Dad, let me get dressed first ok?" he says.
"You were dead," I say stunned. But I loosen my grip on him. He gets up and starts getting dressed.
"Yeah, kind of part of the process, Dad," he says.
"But you are ok now? I mean are you in pain?" I ask.
He laughs, "No Dad, I'm fine."
"I mean the death part, it looked…" but I'm too choked up to continue.
He tilts his head. "Actually I don't so much remember the death part. I suppose that is probably for the best."
"So do you remember being ascended?" I ask.
He looks thoughtful for a long moment, "I remember there was something important. Something good. But I didn't care. I wanted to get back to you guys."
"And here you are," I said pulling him into a hug.
"Seriously dad," he protests.
"You just came back from the dead, I think you can put up with a couple of hugs," I say.
"Maybe you should go tell the rest of the family, Dad," I say.
"Oh my gosh!" I say heading toward the door.
"Wait…Dad," he says. I turn toward him.
"Uh…when I came back you were…." He begins.
"I was sad," I say looking in his eyes, and letting him see the pain deeper than words.
"It was more than sad Dad," he says, and he looks confused.
"Yes, I love you, kid. If you died it would destroy me."
"I don't like that Dad," he says slowly.
"Yeah, well deal with it kid, it's called parenthood," I said giving him a nuggie on the top of his head.
"Sam," I say. She doesn't look up, just reaches her arms to me. Preparing to grieve together. But Davie is the one who fills them. She squints at him in surprise, and I think her heart is nearly going to stop. I leave them there intertwined in other another's arms. I go off to find his siblings, each one of which greets him with the same kind of rapture.
May 2005
Earth-Gran's Cabin-Minnesota
It would be hard to not be reminded of my own wedding when attending my daughters. This would be true even if it wasn't at Gran's cabin. But that makes it even more personal. Cassie's wedding is bigger than ours is, but it's still an intimate affair by the lake. I tease Cass, because half of the people here are closer to our age (or at least Sam's age) than they are to Cass's. What can you do? The SGC is a pretty intimate little family, all told.
There are differences between Cassie's wedding and our own of course. Cassie has flowers that don't make any of her siblings nearly sneeze to death. Cassie's cake is store bought, and holds up to the gravity in all its relentlessness. The day of her wedding is sunny and bright, and the stringed quartet has no intention of leaving. And no one got near Cass's dress (Sam made sure of that!).
But when I put my daughter's hand in her husband's large one it was the exact same as our wedding, the exact same looks on the bride and groom's faces. You could tell they both thought they were the luckiest people who had ever lived just for having the privilege of marrying on another.
I didn't have any doubts that my daughter was picking the right guy to marry, but if I had had any doubts they would have evaporated when I saw that look of absolute adoration on his face.
When I slip back into the pew next to Sam I glance the ceiling. Someone's ring must be making a reflection as far as I can figure it. I've never seen Sam blubber like this unless she was having a flash back to her mother's death. But I don't see any reflection on the ceiling.
"Mommy ok?" Abby asks with her forehead wrinkled with worry. All the rest of our children are in the wedding party. Grace is flower girl. Johnny, Davie and Charlie are groomsmen. Becca, and Luke's twin sisters are bridesmaids.
"I'm…just….so…happy!" Sam blubbers.
Abby looks at me with a look that plainly says, "Mommy is nuts," and then turns to her mother, "Happy people supposed to smile, Mommy," she says.
And Sam does smile. Smile with tears streaming down her cheeks.
An hour later
It's funny how a year away can change things so completely. It's certainly true for teenagers. Davie is watching Hessina, Daniel's daughter, with a constant blush on his face. The two of them grew-up together, and were always good friends. This was especially true during the time they were homeschooled together by Sha're.
The last few years they went through that rocky 'opposite sex has cuddies' stage. They pretty much avoided each other on all the team nights for two or three years. They probably haven't had more than five minutes of contact in that time.
Then Davie goes to another planet for a year, they both hit puberty, and he's looking at her like she's an Ancient computer we're going to let him reprogram (he of course is not allowed to touch Ancient computers anymore).
She's wearing this truly gorgeous dress, and her hair in a ridiculous hairdo that probably took Sha're an hour to do. She's got her two little siblings, and every other kid with interest together in a big circle. She's got them spinning them around. I can tell my son is lost every time Hess thrusts her head back in a laugh.
"Why don't you go ask her to dance?" I ask sliding next to my son and helping him hold up the wall since this is apparently his new goal in life.
He looks pale as he chokes out," I can't do THAT dad!"
"Why not?" I ask.
He blushes, "It's HESS!" he says.
"Friendships sometimes turn into something more," I say looking at him.
He blushes even deeper, "But I'm going to be going back to Atlantis in a week. It wouldn't make any sense…" but he stops, he never finishes the thought.
"It's just a dance," I say.
He looks at Hess, who at that exact moment lets out a laugh. I have to admit, the girl has a gorgeous laugh. "What if I want it to me be more?" he asks so quietly I barely hear him.
"Then there is e-mail," I say. I like that idea. My son only being able to communicate with a girlfriend via computer.
Davie smiles, "Thanks Dad," he says. And he walks over. He stands behind Hess for a few seconds. Then he lightly taps her on the shoulder. She turns. When she sees him, she smiles. He bows low like a ballroom dancer. She smiles, awards him one of her giggles.
They begin dancing as only two fourteen year olds can-with much enthusiasm, and without much skill.
Daniel scurries across the room to me, "Is that...?" he asks.
"Well, I don't know what's going on in your daughter's mind. But Davie's certainly thinking romance," I say.
"Well, I like that!" Daniel exclaims.
"Is that a compliment to Davie, or a comment on the fact that he lives several trillion light years away?" I ask.
"Both Jack!" he exclaims.
Now four of my children are dating. Charlie broke up with his high school girlfriend, Liz shortly after he went to college. Since then there have been a few girls, but he wasn't really serious about them. He brought someone to the wedding, Jessica, but it's hard to know if they are serious. Certainly not as serious as either of his younger brothers.
I look over, and see Abby is dancing Teal'c's son. I groan inside. I don't need her growing up as well!