Hewro :) This is a double update. Here it is, what many of you've been waiting for. The kiss! I didn't plan to tell you about it at all, I just wanted to spring it on you, but then I did. And yea, so here it is.
Tell me what you think please, please, please.
About my playlist this chapter, To Greet Me Here is one of my favorite songs...not that anyone cares lol. But I do suggest you give it a chance, it has a slow start, but it's worth it.
Playlist:
Whirling- The Icicles
To Greet Me Here- Mashlin
After Sunset-Styrofoam

Enjoy Chapters 20 & 21 [:

Chapter 20-Kim's POV

No attempts at small talk have been made.

Although, the silence is not entirely uncomfortable.

Jared's truck is decorated as expected -meaning: the floor is his trashcan, and the condition of the seats is poor.

But the air conditioner is still working, surprise surprise, and the brakes don't squeal or make any other frightening noises to worry about.

So I suppose all in all this is a step up from the truck I had envisioned in my dreams... Those dreams where Jared and I would drive down vacant roads, lined by a deep thicket of the greenest trees, hand in hand. Off, off into the glorious sunset...

In reality, there is no setting sun.

The sun set hours ago.

As a matter of fact, the day has taken a predictable turn for the worse altogether. A drastic turn which could only be possible in the Olympic Peninsula.

For, in but a few measly hours, the scalding hot heat of our earlier day has taken a complete turnaround into a slightly horrifying storm. Topped with a whole lot of thunder and about an hours worth of storm traffic to get out of the city.

I dare say I miss sweating.

The one good thing about storm traffic is the amount of time it provides me. Jared time. Perhaps today is just my lucky day. Yes. Yes it must be. Things this wonderful don't just happen all the time.

Life could not get much better.

"Why're you looking at me like that?" Jared asks, staring me straight in the face.

I might possibly be watching him in a creepy way. But it's not like he's being discreet. Even while driving he barely looks away from me.

Kind of weird sometimes, I'll admit. But, seeing as we haven't moved a fraction of an inch in over a half hour, I'm not too afraid of us crashing or anything.

"There's no escaping it now." I say in a grave, threatening tone.

He doesn't look the least bit phased, "Technically I could-" He starts, like a smartalick.

But I'm having none of that. Not this time.

I refuse to be distracted.

"Shh, shh, no. You couldn't." I insist, shushing him into silence with a finger over my lips.

He looks unhappy with being told to shut up.

I don't care.

He deserves it. He needs to stop trying to change the subject.

I watch him creepily again for a few seconds before continuing, "What was question two?"

Jared's lips press into a hard, thin, line. I must seriously be bothering him.

And yet, I'm oddly amused.

"You asked me why I stopped hanging out with my friends." He finally says, when I suppose he decides there is no way out of it.

Outside is the storm, inside is me. Poor kid.

"Oh, that's right." I mutter, just now remembering. I pause for an answer, which he doesn't give without encouragement. Most likely because he's trying to avoid answering at all costs. "Well why did you?" I prod hopefully.

Outside thunder strikes the nearby trees. Neither of us so much as flinch. He sighs, turning his body towards me as far as possible. He might as well turn off the car, we're not going anywhere.

Jared frowns, looking up at me through dark lashes, "It's a tough subject, Kim. And I'd rather not lie to you anymore," At once I open my mouth to argue, but he holds a hand up in truce, "So I'll tell you the truth." He hurriedly adds, causing my ears to perk up at the foreign word.

It has been a long time since I've had any real hope of the truth from him.

"But forgive me if it's not all you want to hear. I can't explain in detail..." Nevermind, there goes the hope.

I sit staring coldly at him, counting off the seconds until I recieve the typical half-ass answer he always gives. Jared pauses also, probably gaining courage.

I don't see why everything is either half the truth, or a flat out lie with him.

Everything.

It's absolutely retarded.

I wait impatiently for him to continue, twirling my thumbs. "I guess I sort of had to." He says at last.

He looks doubtful of his own pitiful answer -as if he knows it's as vague as he could've been, and is feeling guilty.

I grimace, poking for more information, "Had to? Why would you have to do something like that?"

"Many reasons." He murmurs, looking out the windshield to the thundering navy sky.

The next crack of lightning that comes causes me to jump a foot above my seat -straining on the seat belt Jared forced me to wear. I see him eye it cautiously, just as he did when I first buckled it -like it's an untrustworthy scrap of material.

"One of which was out of love for them." He continues after the obnoxious lightning subsides.

I snort quite loudly, making his frown dip even lower.

But that's just as retarded as the rest of the bullshit he throws out.

You don't ignore the people you love.

You just don't.

"You love something...so you leave it." I mock, rolling my eyes, "A tad cliche, don't you think?"

"That's not what I meant." He replies, offended by my quick conclusion.

What else am I supposed to think?

If he were any more vague, he'd be silent.

He inhales sharply, struggling for the right words, "Sometimes when you care about someone, and you want whats best for them... even if you see the best path leads them away from you... you know it's what's right." He tries to explain with some difficulty.

He's not looking at me now, but down at the black carpet of his truck. If he can see it. It's covered with papers and napkins. I think I spotted his insurance and registration down there a while ago... I'm just not sure if I want to ask.

I'm not sure if I want to know.
"What made it best for them? They don't seem to think of it that way."

He shrugs idly, still not looking at me, but now his eyes are cast down at his steering wheel. "They don't know why," He mutters softly, "They don't understand."

"Because you're not telling them!" I throw my hands up in an exasperated gesture. It's like he wants everything to be complicated, I swear! "Why won't you talk to them? They have no clue why you stopped communication. If you could just explain..." I try in my most persuasive tone.

Which is pretty pitiful.

Even Jared -who has seemed so attuned to my emotions thus far- doesn't look up from the steering wheel.

When he next speaks, he speaks to it, instead of to me. His voice literally projects towards it in a way that suggests I've been forgotten, "I can't risk that." He mumbles to the leather, "I can't. Imagine! If they were to say something -anything, anything at all- to make me angry. What I would do... I couldn't- I can't." He stutters miserably to his broken horn.

His words would be frightening -stomach churning-a threat.

They would be... were I not madly in love with him.

"What if they did?" I whisper, trying to force him to remember my existence, "What would happen?"

He shakes his head, looking up at me with dazed eyes, "That's an entirely different question." He says evasively, "Is that question three?"

I'll give him a question three. I'll shove it right up his butt.

"That's not fa-"

"It's complicated." He instantly says, ending my childish complaint. A muscle jerks in his jaw when he looks at my hopeful face, and he seems suddenly weak. For only a split second. It's so hard to remember sometimes, but Jared is just a kid. Just like me. "Please, Kim, don't. Please."

His tone is too heartbreaking to ignore.

"Okay, but finish answering question two." I give him my terms gently, so as not to break his fragile nerves, "You barely gave me an explanation. You said it was what was best for them, but you have to at least tell me why that is."

I figure that's a fair bargain.

"Because I'm dangerous." He immediately replies under his breath, keeping his eyes shut tight.

These vague answers will be the death of me, "Why?"

He huffs a sigh of frustration, opening his eyes again to look out his side window, "Again, is that question three?"

"You're unbelievable!" I snap, offended by his cold behavior. All I want is some answers! Is that too goddamn difficult?

"I'm sitting right here." He says mockingly, throwing me a dark look.

"HAHA," Like the immature girl that I am, I stick out my tongue. Then instantly regret it when his face scrunches up -because he's trying not to laugh. "Don't be a smartass." I scowl.

My cheeks are on fire.

He smiles at me, "What kind of ass should I be?"

"The nice, open, honest kind." I seethe through gritted teeth, my eyes nearly popping with rage.

He's tempting me. With that smile, and that mocking expression. He's trying to make me angry.

The jerk.

"Where's the fun in that?" He winks, his smile growing with each word.

My heart falls into my stomach, and I fight to keep a straight face. Why, why, does he always have to wink? Especially when I'm at my boiling point? When I'm actually being strong, he winks, and it all goes crashing back down. It's thoroughly a spirit breaker. Cause now all I want to do is rip his clothes off and do naughty, x-rated things to him.

Which makes this all so much worse, because that means I can't even be pissed at him. And I want to be. I deserve to be.

As if he can read my broken hope in my eyes he sighs, "Don't be mad." He whispers, leaning his head back against the rest as he stares me down, "Please don't be mad. Kim, I've told you...someday-"

"When is someday?" I interrupt, surprised when angry tears burn my eyes, "Someday could be never!"

"It won't be!" He insists, his grip on the wheel tightening until I can actually hear it's leather protest, "I just-I need time. Or do you think we'll stop being friends in just a little time?"

I scoff, rolling my tear filled eyes, "Who knows what could happen -you seem to have pretty unpredictable mood swings if you ask me."

"I'm sorry." He murmurs gently, looking down at the floor again.

These must be his safe zones. The floor, the steering wheel, the sky. Anything that isn't me.

"Now who's apologizing?" I mock, scrunching up my nose to keep the tears in. I look out the window, praying to God they won't spill over.

"Sorry." I hear him murmur, in barely a whisper.

There's a long silence as neither of us has anything else to say. Neither of us is happy with the other -and both of us are scared to start another conversation, that would most likely lead to another argument. Because every conversation of ours leads to an argument... Because of Jared and his secrets, and me and my curiosity.

Finally I hear him fidget in his seat, restless, "Shit," He mutters, and I instantly turn around.

My natural curiosity gets the better of me, yet again, "What?" I have to ask, cursing myself for being so weak.

Then he smiles.

...

...

Yepp, that's a smile. He's smiling. What. The. FRICK?!

At a time like this, of course Jared Tal would smile and melt my heart. Probably because he knows the power he holds over me, and he knows how to use it.

Jerk. Jerk. Jerk. Jerk.

"That's addictive." He explains, still smiling like an idiot.

I fight my own beaming. No, no Kim, don't smile. That's what he wants you to do. Resist, resist!

I don't care how cute and funny and wonderful he is. I refuse to smile.

I refuse to.

I refuse-

Oh what the hell, like I wouldn't smile back, who am I kidding?

Alas, I smile. I smile as wide as ever, and as always, the argument fades away with the next sheet of rain. Funny how Jared's smile takes away the rest of the world.

"Right?!" I find myself chuckling, unable to hold in my laughter.

He's laughing too, easily, and that's when I see the familiarity. Whereas now, in school, around other people, he is cold and distant. He's scary and standoffish.

But here, tonight, in this car, he's smiling, and he's laughing. He is only himself again around me.

I don't know why this is. I don't know how it's possible. But I can't deny I'm proud. I feel honored. I feel pathetically, and ridiculously, lucky.

Freaked out, a little, but so lucky.

The light in his eyes I used to see when he would speak with his friends, or laugh with his friends, or just be happy in general, is there again. And if possible, it's twinkling even brighter. His laughter is even more joyful.

I love him. I love him.

He jerks the car forward an inch or two and I want to slap myself for staring again. I focus my attention past the windshield. The cars ahead of us shift uncertainly, edging forward a bit. It may not be much, but at least we're moving.

I haven't decided whether I want to be moving, or be stuck here for eternity yet. Eternity in this car sounds pretty nice...

"So, question three." Jared says, clearing his throat. He had been staring just as intensely.

I'm so surprised that he's the one bringing it up, that I can't answer for a good minute or two. In my eyes this is equal to that of him sprouting horns and a tail. I never imagined he'd actually sound eager for another question.

This boy and his mood swings! He's so absurd! "Question three..." I start, racking my brain for a suitable question, "Kay, I've got one. Did you really have the flu? When you were gone? That's what everyone's saying."

I had always wondered the truth behind this rumor. The flu could very well have done the job. But somehow, for some reason, I can't imagine Jared home in bed, sweating and feverish, for an entire month. I can't even really imagine it for ten minutes. So a month is mind boggling.

And that excuse wouldn't explain others curious events that went on during that time. Like his parent's lack of explanation. His lack of communication.

Where do those fit in to his 'flu' excuse?

I look over at Jared and feel my stomach drop. Whereas a moment ago Jared had seemed ready for whatever came his way. My question appeared to have done it's job in wiping that slate clean. His eyes have returned to their guarded scrutiny, staring at me warily -seldom even blinking. "Why would you think otherwise?"

"I-I don't know," I stutter, uncomfortable under the hefty pressure of his gaze, "It just seems weird to me... And anyway, that doesn't matter. Just tell me, yes or no?"

He silently debates, his eyes narrowed. At last his face is relaxed, and the wrinkles on his forehead smooth, "No." He answers firmly.

There is a tense silence.

He looks away.

...

Seriously? That was-that was it?

"Then why were you out?"

"Ahh," He's grinning his devilish grin, "That wasn't the question. You asked yes or no, and I gave my answer. Now I'm afraid you're all out of questions." He says, faining pity with a faux frown.

"But-"

"Nope. I'm free tonight, no more interrogation." His eyes twinkle madly in the dashboard light.

I doubt he's ever been more relieved. And he certainly has never looked it.

Damn it. Damn it. Damn it all.

"No, no no no, I'm putting my foot down-"

"How? We're in a car, in case you hadn't noticed." He motions around us innocently.

"JARED TAL-"

"Kimberly Connelly?" He interrupts, his voice gentle and polite.

His smile reminds me -in an unpleasant way- of Tilly and Sonya Perks. With their Cheshire grins.

All evil grins tend to resemble that in my eyes.

"UGH, you make me want to kill something!" I yell, smacking my fists down on the seat.

And I kind of do want to kill something. Not anything big. Or like, a little fuzzy animal. Just something like an ant pile. I want to hose it down. It's not like people don't do it everyday, anyway...

"Long as it isn't me." Jared shrugs.

We take a wide left turn, forcing me to smack into my door. "Shit!" Jared swerves trying to look at me and drive at the same time. On this road there is no traffic. This is the road leading to La Push -barely anyone goes to La Push willingly.

"On the contrary, you're at the top of my list." I snap back threateningly. I've already recovered.

Jared shrugs again, his eyes still flickering from me to the road, "Bummer."

His tone isn't flattering. Am I that pathetic? Am I not intimidating at all?

"Only a bummer?"

He laughs, sensing my unease, "C'mon Kim, you can't kill me." He jokes, taking another jerky right turn. This one tumbles me into him, instead of the door.

My cheeks burn red as I push off of his -oddly hot- arm. When I look up he's already smiling.

Jerk. Jerk. Jerk. Jerk...

For a moment I situate myself properly in quiet humiliation.

"Can't I?" I ask, hoping he doesn't notice the tremor in my voice.

He's staring at my cheeks. Ick ick ick. I'm so brown, why am I the only brown person that can blush? Curse my genes!

Damn it. Damn it-

"No," He says, shaking his head. Then his smile returns, his face positively glowing, "I'm way too entertaining. Imagine how boring your life would be if I left now?"

At that I fall completely silent. That hit below the belt.

...The thing is, I don't have to imagine it. I already know.

I've lived it.

And he's right.

If he left now, I'd die.

Chapter 21-Kim's POV

"You seem jumpy." Jared notes, his eyes pondering as they size me up. "Are you anxious to get home?"

Ha. Anxious was not the word I'd use.

"No, no, the opposite actually," The far, distant, opposite, "My mom's going to murder me for being out so long. I left pretty early today, and it's been hours..."

I notice his tangible wince when I mention her violent punishment.

But it's true.

I'll be lucky to survive the night.

"Protective?" He asks nervously, clearing his throat.

He sounds nearly as afraid as I feel. Is he scared she'll drag him out of the car and beat him when we pull up? I guess he could drop me off down the street if he needs to...

"Mmm, not exactly." I try to assure him. Although I think he should be reassuring me, but whatever. "Let's just say she's not the type to notice detail -but she probably realized I wasn't home yet when she was eating dinner alone."

He nods his understanding, but is otherwise silent.

I wait for the words that never come. It would've been great if he had sympathized, or just said anything remotely soothing. Maybe relayed a funny family story, or explained that parent's usually love their children too much to do any real damage...

Instead he sits tight, staring through his windshield at the blank darkness.

Traffic is nonexistent now, on this desolate road. Here we are driving along in the rain, completely alone at a steady pace. I give us twenty minutes before we're in La Push. And then maybe another three to reach my house. Is that all we have left? Will that be it?

What will happen come Monday?

Jared is still quiet, and now I'm just freaking the fuck out.

I don't know why, but I don't like him thinking so much around me. Every time I see him going into a dazed thought session I have the sudden urge to make loud noises or smack him -or just anything to stop it from happening.

I guess I'm just afraid he's thinking about me. Or rethinking, I should say.

"What about your parents?" I ask, to bring him back to reality, and to calm my own ramped nerves, "Do they just set you free? I'm surprised they haven't been calling."

Come to think of it, that is odd. Jared's phone has been sitting idly in a cup holder for the entire drive. And other than one text message, to which he quickly replied, there's been no other grabs for his attention.

I suppose I'm not surprised he isn't being bombarded by friends -he 'gave them up for love' or whatever.

But I am surprised his parents haven't tried calling. It's nearly ten, and not even one phone call.

Jared is quiet, staring at a dead bug on the glass. He doesn't blink. It's as if I hadn't spoken.

"My phone is dead, so I'm safe, but yours should be ringing off the hook." I add, staring from him to the bug, back and forth.

At this, he chuckles. One loud, unamused, sound before his face goes still as stone, "What hook?"

I roll my eyes, fingering my own pitiful phone, "You know what I meant."

He nods gravely, "My parents don't notice detail either, Kim."

When he looks over at me, I see for the first time this odd little glare in his hazel eyes. For a while we are lost in each others heavy stares, falling into a peaceful silence.

Then his head tilts off to the side, like he's suddenly become too exhausted to hold it up any longer, "Or anything else."

"I'm sorry." I murmur. He turns back to the road.

I feel oddly negligent. How could I have not realized? After so many years of Jared stalking? I had always believed him and his parents were close.

I pray for him to stare back at me -to look back into my eyes in that intense, incredible way. I want to feel his pain. No, no, I want to take it away altogether.

He sighs again, this time on an impatient note, "Don't be. There are others out there alot worse off than me, Kim." He insists, tapping his fingers atop the wheel, "I've got food, clothing, shelter. I'm fine." He pauses, and then looks at me hesitantly, "I'm sorry too, though." He adds, frowning.

"Why?"

He's quiet for a beat too long. "Your mom should notice you."

"Oh, that." I laugh awkwardly. Who cares? He's right. As long as I'm fed I should be happy. "It's not a big deal."

My words seem to spark some twitchy defense mechanism in him, because he is suddenly turned towards me, his face stone-cold and serious, "It is. You deserve to be noticed, Kim." His teeth are literally gritted in his random fury. He turns back to the road jerkily, "More than deserve. I find it hard not to notice you these days."

I sit stupidly for a long time. Waiting for a punch line, or an explanation.

There isn't one.

So that's it.

That's it. That's it!

I can't do this anymore!

"Okay, stop." I command, fighting my nausea.

My whole body is instantly at war with my mind, begging and pleading for me not to end the heaven it's been experiencing.

"What?" He asks, confusion ebbed in his slightly frantic voice.

"Just stop." I repeat. "What? No, not the car Jared-" Jared swerves back onto the road.

"What do you mean?"

"Stop saying things like that." I explain vaguely. I'm sure he knows what I'm talking about though. What else would I be talking about?

Jared, as it turns out, does not know what I'm talking about, "I don't understand."

"You're so-You're just-You're ugh!" I shout, ripping at my own hair.

"Ugh?" He repeats, still lost.

"You're confusing!" I yell, abandoning all formality, "You never say what you mean. You keep saying things that sound like something but probably aren't anything. You lie -you take evasive action to keep from telling the truth, as a matter of fact. And-and-!" I pause to catch my spastic breath. "You will either tell me what's going on right now, or just-just quit it!" I demand, lowering my fist on the leather arm rest.

"Quit what?" He asks, his eyebrow flickering -and if I'm not mistaken, his lips are twitching too.

He better not be laughing about this.

"Where did this come from?" He asks as calmly as ever

I, on the other hand, can not find my calm. My calm is gone. It went on holiday, or possibly just left for good. I might actually have gone insane tonight. "It came from everywhere! And everything! All of your funny jokes and flirty answers, STOP IT-"

"Stop being funny?" He asks, and now he's definitely smiling.

Is this funny?!!

"Alright, ha." He pauses to laugh, like an asshole, "Alright. Look, Kim, I want you to focus on being just a tad more specific."

I try to contain my fury, which rises within me and fights to rip off his smiling face. How can he be so insensitive?! This is really bothering me! "STOP ACTING LIKE-LIKE-"

"Like?"

"Like you... Like you li-you li-" Shit, I can't do it.

I can't do it!

I am a pathetic coward.

"Okay, I'm going to ask you something." I say, breathing through my nose loudly, "And it's probably going to be really humiliating, and sound really retarded." Jared shakes his head gently, his eyes still wide.

I'm not sure whether he's shaking his head in a disagreement -or as a weak attempt to stop me from continuing.

Does he already know what I need to ask? Has he always known? Was this his plan?

"Jared..." I start, the breaths through my nose getting louder and louder as I beat down my spiraling thoughts, "Do you.. d-do you..." Now I'm flat out hyperventilating, "Do you like me?"

Jared's eyes are huge. I wonder if they're a mirror of mine. "We've been over this-"

"No! No, I mean... When you told me you liked me, earlier, with-with what definition of the word.. 'like'... were you referring, exactly?"

He swallows too loud. His Adams Apple quivers under his suddenly pale skin.

"You've used up all your questions."

I smile sadly, shaking my head.

"And you're using up my patience."

"Kim-"

"Could you just, please, just give me this one?" I beg, my entire body exhausted, "Please? I'm sure your answer will be exactly what I'm expecting... But the way you're talking and the way you've been acting all night..." I trail off, unable to finish the thought aloud.

All night I've been given the impression there's something else going on here.

I may not have alot of experience with boys. But I'm not stupid. There's something happening, and it's killing me not to know. Why can't I be allowed to know anything? I'm not a child! I'm his age! I'm his friend!

But then again, why do I expect so much? I can simply look at the way he's treating his former friends to realize how important friendship is to him.

Am I another one of the many? Am I disposable?

I can't believe there isn't something else. Something deeper.

And there has to be a reason he's treating me so differently tonight... "I'd just like to hear you say it." I add to his silence.

I want to hear him say it's nothing. That we're nothing. I expect it. I just need to hear it. So that my foolish, hopeful mind can be silenced at last. It's been bugging me all night, and I don't think I can stand another second.

"What are you expecting me to say?" He asks in a steady monotone. His eyes don't flicker to mine as they should.

Am I losing him already? I shouldn't have brought it up! Why do I always bring these things up?

"All I'm expecting is the truth." I hurriedly assure him.

"What if-" He starts, running a hand through his hair in a finicky gesture, "What if what you think is the truth -is not the truth. And whatever answer I give you, you won't believe whether it's true or not? What would be the point if you're already so sure of the truth?"

I snort. Even now, at a time like this, Jared's tone is so evasive it's amusing, "I promise to believe whatever answer you give me, and not question it whatsoever."

"Whatsoever?" He repeats doubtfully.

He has every right to roll his eyes.

"Not a peep, promise." I insist, crossing myself to prove it.

He still doesn't look convinced, "Excuse me if I find that hard to believe." He murmurs under his breath.

"Sorry?"

He smiles gently -a quick smile that barely touches his eyes, "Nothing." He mutters shaking his head.

Without warning Jared begins to swerve off the road, into the trees that line the sides, "What're you doing?" I ask, barely interested. I'm more focused on his answer.

I might've been afraid of being raped and brutally mudered were I not with Jared.

But technically it's not rape if I'm willing, right?

"I don't want to crash." He explains simply, turning off the car.

The minute the lights go out, leaving us with only the dim lights of the street lamps, my heart begins to thud violently. "Why would you crash?" I ask in a shaky voice, to keep up conversation.

His eyes are dark in the night, and they watch me with heavy skepticism before he finally murmurs, "I don't want to risk it,"

We are both quiet, listening to my heart beat unsteadily. I can only barely see him smile, "If you're afraid of getting in trouble, we're only ten minutes away from town, and there won't be traffic to get into La push. Trust me."

I nod as though that's what has been troubling me all along.

But it's not.

The trouble is earlier, when I had been so happy that we were alone together, I hadn't really been aware of the true meaning of 'alone together'.

Alone together is here, in this car, on the side of a road completely vacant. It's just us, with light so distant and feeble that I can just barely make out the twinkle of his eyes and the glisten of his soft russet skin. I can only just see the strict chiseled bone structure of his severe face -gentled by my presence, but only in minuscule comparison.

I can barely see him. But somehow he's breathtaking even in darkness.

This car has a tense vibe. I'm not sure if it's a good sort of tense.

There are too many emotions circling us to be sure. But I know this is where I want to be. No matter what he says, or what happens.

Somehow this is right -being here with him. I know it.

"Okay." He starts, in a trembling voice. And I can tell he's feeling the intense surroundings just as substantially as I.

He gulps -pretty loud- and shifts his body to face me, as he did earlier.

"Okay..." He says again, looking down. "Okay-"

"You said that." I interrupt.

I see Jared grimace for a moment, "Okay..." He says one more time before sighing, "Earlier, when I told you I like you... The context of the word was meant in the more... intimate description."

That sounds kind of dirty.

"Intimate?"

He looks up thoughtfully, "Personal?"

Again, personal doesn't make any more sense than intimate had. "Like, private?"

He shakes his head, "No, more serious."

"Like, grave?"

He smiles, "Deeper."

"Intense?" In the more 'intense description'.

No, that's not right.

He sighs, "Forget that. Think.. affectionate."

My heart speeds up again. I'm sure he can hear it. He'd have to be deaf not to.

"So, passionate?" I ask, my voice cracking.

He laughs humorlessly, "That's an understatement and an overstatement all at once."

Sorry? "Huh?"

He's still smiling, "Less passionate, more meaningful."

That's true, passion isn't very meaningful. It's more full of lust than romance.

Than-Than romance.

"...more meaningful?" My voice shakes uncontrollably and Jared nods. "So... maybe... r-romantic?"

The car becomes more silent then ever. We don't even take breaths.

We are statues.

Jared stares so fixedly at me that I felt sick.

Two minutes I sit under his unwavering gaze -having just uttered the most horrifyingly humiliating thing possible- and he says nothing.

Then, at long last, "That sounds about right."

My mind blanched.

"No." I say automatically, in a zombie-like croak, "No, Jared, really."
He nods, his features grave, "Yes, really. That's the closest to how I feel that we're going to get tonight. So, romantic. I romantically like you."

Still not processing.

"Come again?"

He sighs, seeming displeased with having to repeat it over and over, "I like you, romantically."

"Like-like-"

"Like, if I were to tell someone I like you, I would mean it as more than a friend." He tries to explain as you would to a child. In a quiet, patient, voice.

There are many things I should have asked after he gave me that piece of information. But instead of being smart and logical, I ask the least important question. "Then why did you ask to be my friend?"

This is barely relevant.

"I was under the impression that was the first step." He says, in a surprised tone.

He probably agrees I should've started with a better question.

All night I've been throwing out important questions, and then this.

"Was I wrong to have tried that?" He continues, "Are you telling me I could've skipped it? Because if you are I'm going to shoot myself in the face."

"No, no!" I hurriedly insist, "I was just wondering..."

"I wanted to get to know you." He explains in a matter-of-fact tone.

How can he be so calm?

"Y-You don't though." I say, and then mentally stabbed myself, "I mean, not yet."

Wow, way to be obvious, Kim.

I quickly try to return the spotlight to him, "Why're you telling me this so soon, if you were waiting to 'get to know' me?"

At this he went quiet.

It was not a hesitation, or thoughtful silence.

"Hold on now. I'm not telling you. This is not me telling you, Kim." His tone is exasperated, "You've more or less forced me into saying it the entire night. Not even! The entire week! By all means, I would've waited longer, but you're making this more complicated than I planned." He snapped, turning back to face forward indignantly.

"Planned?".

He falters, "Imagined." He rephrased, glancing at me anxiously.

"You 'imagined' me?" I ask, my voice drenched in doubt.

Yea, right.

There's no way in hell he's telling the truth.

It's completely unbelievable. It's all just a joke.

Not that that's a bad thing.

I'm sure he's not doing it in a mean way at all. He's just having some fun. Jared deserves to have fun, he's been miserable all week. And if I'm the anecdote to his misery, I'd surely take the ridicule to spare him.

I only wish he would come out and say it.

How far will he take this?

"In a way." He explains vaguely.

"What way?"

"Questions! You're full of them!"

I shrug, my entire body shaking.

Any moment now... I only have to keep pretending like I believe him, and he'll admit to it.

Then I can go home and die.

For now I just wait...It won't be long. "I'm a very curious person." I murmur in a lifeless voice.

He grimaces again, looking out the windshield at a passing deer -we get alot of those- with it's mate. "I'm not sure whether that's a good thing or not." He murmurs deftly.

It will all be over soon...

I'm just now starting to feel the pre-mature pain of it.

Once he tells me it was all just a joke, that'll be it. Probably forever. Maybe every once and a while he'll tease me, just for few extra laughs -just to remember more thoroughly the epic joke he played once upon a time.

And maybe I'll get really lucky, maybe I really will have been such a good sport that he'll think I'm worthy of saying hi to every once in a while.

Maybe he'll speak to me now and then.

I bet if I tell Alex he'll get mad. He'll fight Jared. He'll try and defend me, or something. Or maybe he won't fight -seeing as Jared's so intimidating. Maybe he'll just help me feel better by shit talking Jared. Even though that probably wouldn't help. It would just make everything ten times worse.

I could never tell Alex, anyway. Why would I need to? After this I'm a goner, for sure. After he tells me it's over I'll simply slip away.

"So, you... so you like me?" I ask hesitantly.

Please god, don't let me cry. Don't let him see me cry, if anything.

Jared, who had been waiting patiently, sighs, "You're questioning it, Kim."

"N-No, really, I'm not! It's just..." I'm not a very convincing actor.

He's going to know that I'm onto him. Then he'll think I'm no fun.

"Just what?" He prods, turning back to me and scooting closer. Right into the light.

The light, however pouring golden upon him it may be, is still dim. But I can now see the outline of his muscles beneath his white shirt, and the tan glow of his face. I can see his eyes tinged orange and excited.

He looks so happy.

How can I take anything from him? "Nothing..." I murmur, trailing off.

Then he frowns, and his eyes darken, "It's not 'nothing'. You just don't want to tell me because you're questioning it!"
I wish he would stop. My heart's already breaking.

Adding pressure doesn't help.

"I'm not." I insist in a tortured whisper.

His eyes are still sour as they gaze down at me. His whole face is a mask of grave seriousness. He's so into it! He's so into playing a harmful joke on me. On someone innocent! Why? Why this?

Why can't it be real?

I can't-I can't get hurt like this. Twelve years of waiting for him, for what? Why can't it be real? "It's just not true!" I find myself yelling at him, unable to contain my pain.

I regret it.

But then again I don't.

I want his happiness. But this, this joke, is not worth the pain.

I would gladly die for Jared Tal.

Just not on these terms.

My epiphany has me reeling, but Jared seems just as determined as before, "That right there would be questioning it!" He seethes through gritted teeth, seeming very frustrated indeed.

How will I convince him to stop trying? That I'm onto him? That it's over? "I'm really not," I say calmly, "I could only question something that has a chance of being remotely honest. This, well, this is a joke."

Now he's the one freaking out while I sit calmly beside, watching, "It's not-Ugh-Just-Why in the hell does it have to be a joke?!" He asks, ripping at his hair and neck.

His eyes are huge, staring down at me. I'm not sure whether they look more stressed or agonized anymore.

He needs to stop being so serious. It's just a joke, after all.

"It's impossible." I explain quietly, adding a small smile for encouragement.

Maybe if he sees that I'm okay with it, he'll still drive me home.

But Jared just glares back, "Really, impossible? I'm sure crazier things have happened than a guy liking a girl, Kim."

I sigh, nodding, "Fine, then, it's improbable."

He just stares at me. I don't like this stare. It's not his usual stare at all. He's looking at me like I'm a random stranger who's just run over his beloved dog or something. What the hell? I'm not being mean. In fact, I'm being nice about the fact that he's being mean. I should be awarded a medal. I'm so frickin nice.

Finally he scoffs, making a disgusted noise with his tongue, "'Impossible'," He mocks, smacking his hands on the steering wheel, "Ridiculous!"

"I am not ridiculous!" I growl.

"Not you!" He snaps, "Your self-doubt! You're swimming in it!"

"Ha! And what does that mean?" I laugh, crossing my arms.

He laughs just as harshly, his nostrils flared.

His eyes are no longer orange. In fact, they have no color. Their black as the night around us.

"You know what it means," He snarls, "Don't act shocked. Only a person truly self-important would have the nerve to deny someone elses words of affection!"

"'Self-important'?!" I repeat at a yell, "I fail to see how my self-importance comes into this."

Jared laughs mockingly, shaking his head, "You're too busy thinking about your own self-doubt to just accept what's staring you in the face. You're too busy thinking about protecting yourself to think of anything else!"

Well, maybe.

No, no.

What right does he have to suggest that? I'm the one who's lived twelve years, day after day, hurt and ignored by him! The very person throwing the accusations! "Is that so wrong?" I scream digging my nails into my arms, my lower lip trembling.

Jared appears to be about a half second from yelling out something particularly nasty when he stops, his eyes fixed on my bottom lip.

It takes nearly an entire minute for my lip to stop trembling and his scowl to completely fall away.

Even after, he continues to stare.

"No, it's not, Kim," He murmurs in a surprisingly calm voice. His gentle words make the previous argument seem even more intense. He takes a deep breath, tilting his head again while staring into my eyes in that old way of his. That intense stare that never fails to melt my heart. "It's just...It's just a shame."

His disappointment is something unendurable. He's worse than a disapproving parent. Even more powerful.

How can he look so serious? How can he look like this is hurting him half as much as it's hurting me?

He looks so honest and true. Why can't he be honest, or true?

I just want to tell him -I wish he could know. Maybe if he knew how much I really, truly, love him, he'd stop this horrible game.

My love isn't a joke, it isn't something that can be laughed off or made a fool of. It's not something that can be wiped away off a slate after it's done being used. It's real, and whole, and it means something. It's got to.

If he just knew...

"You know," I start quietly, not even sure if I'm doing the right thing, "You didn't even ask me how I felt about it."

He laughs bitterly, "I think that was clear enough."

"But if I were to believe you..."

My heart leaps, my ears ring. I'm throwing this up to fate.

It's in fate's hands to catch me.

"You didn't even care to know what I would say."

"I care to know more than you'd think." He bites his lip, debating whether or not to ask. Our conversations have been known to take odd ends and strange turns, at any moment we could start arguing again. "I'll bite." He decides, "How would you have felt about it, 'if you believed'?"

I smile hopefully, "Well, I don't believe you. It's ludicrous that you'd even ask, I can't believe you would be so bold!" I mock, rolling my eyes.

And just like that, he's smiling too.

Which is strange. Because it vaguely reminds me of... myself.

When Jared laughs, I laugh. Why does it seem like when I smile... Jared smiles?

"You're strange, Kim." He chuckles, interrupting my thoughts, "And that is a good thing."

It's now or never.

Now or never ever. I'll never have another shot like this. He just told me -even if he was kidding- that he likes me. I'll never be given another opening like that, and I'll never have enough courage to start the conversation myself. I have to do it now.

"If I believed you... If you were telling the truth..." I sigh, fighting nausea.

Stay down, vomit, please! Last thing I need is to barf in his car.

Not that it could get much dirtier, but still. It would be unattractive.

"We're friends, right?" I start, stalling for courage.

"Yea, of course. Ki-"

"Real friends?" I press, staring daggers into his eyes, "Jared. Look, Jared..." I pause, closing my eyes.

My breaths are coming out heavy. This is too hectic! Too serious! I'm just a girl! I'm just a little girl! We can only take so much drama. Well, some of us... "I'm so scared." I start, my tone hysterical, "I'm so scared that you're just going to turn around and start laughing any second now-"

"What do you mean?"

"That this will all turn out to be some huge joke-"

"I would never-"

"Let me finish!" I insist, "Gahh! I can't believe I'm even saying this... I-I feel like anything I say will be used against me, later. But I have to know... I have to know that this is real. That you're really my friend. I don't know if I'll believe you if you say it... But I can't- I can't- I don't think I can tell you some things until I'm sure."

"Kim." Jared stops me, shaking his head, "Kim, I could never lie to-"

"Ha." I interrupt a little rudely.

But, seriously, that would've been the worst possible thing to say.

He rolls his eyes, nodding his agreement, "Okay, wrong choice of words. But I could never hurt you. And so far I've been pretty good about that, so don't laugh." He smiles tentatively, "I would never tease you like that. Trust me."

Shocked, I gasp as I feel a hand cover my own. I look down at our hands, that are now entwined. "Trust me." He repeats in a whisper.

The look in his eyes is one I can't deny, "Alright." I murmur, giving in to the inevitable. "I don't-I can't completely trust you. But to be honest, I'm having the best time tonight. And I mean the best." Why don't I just go ahead and show him my diary while I'm at it? "So if it all blows up in my face, then so be it. I want to tell you. I think I need to. I have to tell you sometime, or I'll always regret not saying anything."

"Not saying what?" He asks, scooting even closer, as if this is some great secret, "Not saying what, Kim?"

I laugh humorlessly.

Here it goes. "Well, the best way to put it is..." Crap, no, not like that.

"If you were telling the truth, when you told me you like me...." Nah, that sucks too.

"If I believed you. I would tell you..." Shit.

Jared looks as impatient as I feel, "What, Kim? What would you tell me?"

Will this be the last time he'll look at me with those adoring eyes, so loving and careful? Will this be it?

I have to make the most of it.

Uninvited tears wet my lids and burn my eyes, "I-I, I like you too." A loud sob escapes before I can hold it in, "Romantically." I mock, laughing again.

Looking up, I see Jared's eyes sparkle. How odd.

Why would he cry?

Is he sad that he's going to have to turn me down? Is he regretting his cruel joke on such an innocent person? Then he laughs too, smiling toothily. "Come here," He whispers, nodding me closer.

I scooch about an inch towards him, causing him to laugh yet again and fill the rest of the distance I failed to occupy.

I'm not sure what's happening, but suddenly he's there, so close I can feel his breath on my forehead -and though I refuse to look up, I know our lips are too close for comfort.

Without another word, Jared places his pointer beneath my chin and tips my face up towards his.

He doesn't need any more invitation than the nervous giggle that escapes my lips. He kisses me. He really, really, kisses me.

This is both chapters 20 & 21, since I used chapter 20 to explain the delay. And I'm also posting chapter 22 -so that's like three chapters in one night lol. I hope that makes up for the wasted time.
Tell me what you thought of these chapters? I'd love to know.
Oh and next chapter I have an even bigger surprise -one I refuse to spoil by telling you about here.
I bet you can guess it though, it's gotta happen sometime, right? (hint hint)