Chapter Nineteen: An Evening With Logan

The dream had come again...

The same disjointed dream that had appeared to her every night, since the moment she'd turned six... she could hear the singing voices... could see bits and pieces of color... then bright lights... and smiling faces. Laughter... a birthday. She was just starting to see the wavering images... they were clearing up... and the muffled sound of the music was starting to make sense.

Happy Birthday...

However, before it could happen... before she could finally see the dream, just like always, a woman's scream of terror broke through the muffled voices, clear as a bell. She heard the unmistakable sound of an explosion.

Another scream broke through, this one from a male.

Then, as it always did... the small dream world abruptly imploded, twisting into a gnarled blood stain that crumpled towards her in an unbelievably rapid manner. Concrete and metal covered in blood closing in on her from every direction.

Then... nothing.

There was only darkness left behind.

The inside of her heart... beating slower and slower... red... a blinding glow all over her body, and...

"No..." Lyra spat, forcibly dragging her brain out of the nightmare and bolting upright. "No more..."

Her long hair was plastered to her skin and she was breathing heavily, muscles quivering.

I hate this, she silently muttered, rubbing her face. Fucking nightmares...

After blinking the spots in her vision away, she realized that her ears were ringing. The girl slowly rubbed her aching head, trying to figure out where she was. However, her brain felt strangely fuzzy... almost as though her thoughts had been muffled with a blanket of cotton or elastic tape. Nothing seemed to make much sense to her anymore. After a moment of panicking about where she was, she recognized her surroundings and shuddered.

She was still covered in a cold sweat and breathing unevenly for several minutes afterwards, though.

Taking a glance at the clock, she blinked since it was half-past midnight.

The darkness in the room pressed in on her, making her feel uneasy... and for the first time in a long time, she suddenly felt like she needed to be around someone, even if it was currently almost one o'clock in the morning. She didn't know who and she really didn't care as long as it was someone with a heartbeat. When the girl got out of bed and tugged her beige sweater, a skirt, and some stockings on... she turned to leave but stopped when she saw herself in the mirror.

She instantly winced.

Garish yellow eyes that were much too large for such a pale face stared back at her, and wisps of soft white locks framed her cheeks, looking—as always—like an old ragged curtain that had once seen better days. Too wide of a nose made her face look a bit pudgy, and her lips were way too full for someone with such high, angular cheekbones. They were fatter than Angelina Jolie's lips, which was a look many girls her age were going for... but it actually looked rather grotesque on a face like hers.

She wasn't surprised by the fact that Blob had called her Trout Lips…

Looking away from the mirror, the girl debated who to try and wake up.

There was no way she was going to try Kurt: that was just out of the question since he always made her pulse go crazy for some reason. Discounting him, that really left only Logan and Storm, and for some strange reason, Lyra felt drawn to the gruff-tempered man at the moment. So, after popping her head out the door and looking around, Lyra waited until she was sure that nobody would notice her departure.

Then, she silently padded out into the hall and quietly closed the door behind her, tiptoeing down the hallways towards Logan's room. His door was only a few rooms down since the school didn't have gender specific dorms, but the girl felt kind of guilty when she saw him lying asleep on his bed. Lyra thought about leaving and forgetting about talking to someone, but the ache in her chest wouldn't let her move.

It tightened around her heart with a desire that wouldn't let her be alone.

Not wanting to wake him up but not wanting to be alone, Lyralianna silently padded inside the room and sat on the floor against the side of his bed, quietly pulling her knees to her chest and burying her head in them. The girl's mind continued to spin out of control as she sat there, not knowing what to do. It wasn't until a few minutes later that she heard the bed shifting, the sound of him putting weight on his arm as he stared at her.

She knew he was wide awake now, but she still didn't move from her spot.

"What are you doing in here, kid?" he asked, moving to sit up—springs of the bed creaking a bit as he did so. Lyra silently lifted her head up a bit to stare at him, trying to think properly. In the end she decided it would be best to tell him the truth.

"I had a nightmare… and can't sleep," Lyralianna told him blankly, glancing up at him with a violent shiver; noticing her shaky reaction and the odd lack of reflective sheen in her eyes, the man sat up a bit more and moved his feet over the side of the bed. Before she realized what he was doing, he was sitting down beside her on the floor and staring at her expectantly. "I'm... sorry for waking you up."

"I couldn't sleep, anyway," he muttered, shaking his head. "Was lyin' there for a while before ya came in, actually."

"Oh," Lyra murmured, not really knowing what else to say.

"You needed someone to talk to, huh?" he asked, letting out a sigh. "That why you came to me?"

The girl slowly nodded in response to his question.

"I can talk to you... right?" Lyra asked, thinking back to what she'd heard him say about her. "You won't be bothered by it?"

"Of course not," he replied, frowning down at her with skeptical eyes. "Did ya think I'd say no or somethin'?"

"I honestly didn't know what you would say, since you don't seem to like me very much," Lyra quietly explained, trying to keep her voice from cracking. "Logan... have you ever done anything so bad that it follows you wherever you go? Something that won't leave you alone, even when you sleep?"

The man remained silent for a moment, seemingly thinking about things as he sat there with her.

"What do you mean by bad?" he asked carefully. "There's a fine line between certain things."

"I mean, have you ever unintentionally hurt someone that you loved with all your heart… to the point where you couldn't ever take back what you did?" she asked unsteadily, looking down at her small, white hands. "Have you ever done something so awful... that it haunts you in your dreams? Even after years have passed?"

"I've done a lot of things that I'm not proud of," he explained with a wary expression. "I've even killed people."

That was Lyra's breaking point.

"So have I," the girl croaked, trying to keep a grip on her emotions and failing miserably. "I've killed people... and others were killed by people who hated me."

Logan started violently and blinked at her when she buried her face in her knees and let out a wavering sigh. After a moment, the pieces of the puzzle slowly fell into place and he gave the girl a dark look. With a gruff snort, he gently placed an arm around her small shoulders and pulled her close to his side, rubbing her arm.

"Who?" he asked, making her stiffen. "Care to tell me?"

She swallowed, but didn't answer.

However, he already had a feeling he knew who she was talking about, so he decided to confirm it.

"It was your family, wasn't it?" he asked, getting the answer when she stilled and shivered. "How long have you been holding this in?"

"Years," Lyra murmured, closing her eyes. "I wish... that I could turn back time... but I can't."

Not really sure what to do, he glanced down at her.

"Oi, squirt," he growled, staring at her with a slightly uncomfortable expression on his face. "You wanna go see if there's some ice cream downstairs?"

Lyra opened her eyes and blinked at him for a moment, seriously thinking about it.

For some reason she really liked the idea, so she nodded.

When they walked into the kitchen, the two of them found Kurt buried halfway in the upper cabinet, munching on a granola bar and stuffing another three in his pocket while he held another clutched in his tail. He glanced at them disinterestedly and dove back into the cabinet when they entered—but then he jumped, hitting his head, and whipped around to stare at Lyra with wide eyes. The girl clamped both hands to her mouth to muffle an unexpected laugh when she saw that his cheeks were puffed out like a chipmunk's.

"K-Kurt?" she squeaked, blinking at him in surprise. "What are you doing?"

He tumbled from the counter the moment she let out a strangled giggle that somehow clawed its way out of her mouth.

"I vasn't going to eat them all!" he stammered, waving his arms at her. "I vas… I vas going to share zhem!"

"Uh-huh," Logan stated disbelievingly, smirking when Lyra finally doubled over and started cracking up. "Sure you were."

"I vas!" Kurt insisted, countering his own protests by tucking the granola bars deeper into his pockets. "Gugh... you're up late."

"I was getting the Squirt some ice cream since she couldn't sleep," Logan grunted, looking highly amused. "We'll be in and out of here in a flash, so you can go back to mooching your horse chow. My lips are sealed since I fuckin' hate granola bars."

"I vas done anyway," Kurt sighed, disappearing with his catch in a cloud of smoke.

Lyra sighed, shaking her head as her eyes softened a bit, ears burning bright red.

"He's can be an adorable idiot sometimes, " she murmured, shaking her head when she blushed without realizing it. "Really."

"Eh, I guess," Logan said slowly, eyeing her expression with a sudden spark that made him quirk a brow. "At a first glance, he can be really intimidating, but I guess he would be kind of good-lookin' if you're into blue skin, tails, and a cheerful grin."

"Yeah, he's really cute, isn't he?" Lyra automatically sighed, voice coming out abnormally quiet and dreamy; however, the white-haired girl jumped and whirled to face Logan a split second later once she realized what she'd said. When she saw the huge, shocked grin on the man's face, the albino felt panic rising up her throat, swiftly and uncontrollably. "I-I-I-I... I mean, if you like that kind of guy..."

Oh god, why was her mouth suddenly working without her brain?

"And… what kind of guy is that?" Logan asked, folding his eyes with a smirk. "Come on, squirt... I'm curious."

"Well, you know," she explained, face turning bright red as she vaguely waved her arms around; when Logan raised an eyebrow, she twitched, mouth opening and closed before she let out a huff of air. Before the man could even blink, she hid her eyes and started fidgeting, shoulders hunching up to her ears. "I-I mean, the confusing kind."

The grin on Logan's face widened so much that his face nearly split.

"He confuses you?" the man drawled, looking amused for some weird reason. "The Elf, of all people... he confuses you?"

Lyra looked up at the man with a glare, wondering if all of the sense had just left his scatterbrained mind. Why did it matter if Kurt Wagner confused her like crazy? With the kind of issues she had, romance with someone else would probably never be an option, especially him.

He seemed to like her well enough, but there was no way he'd ever care enough to... well...

"Why are we talking about this?" Lyra squeaked, praying that Logan would shut up. "What happened to getting ice cream?!"

"He confuses you," Logan repeated, chuckling and shaking his head. "Damn, kid... he confuses you."

"Yeah, and right now you are scaring me," Lyra retorted in a harsh whisper, glaring at him. "Seriously, Logan, did you fall down recently? Hit your head? Because it seems to me like you've recently had a concussion or a stroke. You're not all there."

It was like she hadn't even said anything: Logan just kept looking at her with that smug expression. Right around the time that Lyra was really going to start worrying about the man's health, he broke the silence.

"You two would make a good pair," the man drawled, making her face flush crimson. "Really, I think so. Still, why does he confuse you?"

"Because he makes me feel weird, that's why!" Lyra squealed, flailing her arms in outrage. "I mean, one second I'm fine, then he suddenly smiles and... and... it's like my heart speeds up. I end up getting all hot in the face, and I don't like it! It's his fault, isn't it?! I don't like it!"

"Eh, not my problem," Logan snickered, going to the freezer and pulling out a bucket of ice cream. "Not my secret to tell, either. Don't worry, kiddo."

Grumbling, she sat down at the table and sighed, watching as he scooped some of it into a bowl and handed it to her with a spoon.

The moment Lyralianna took a bite of it, she nearly fainted: it had been so long since she'd had ice cream that she'd actually forgotten what it tasted like. It made her happy to say the least—and that was a major feat for food to accomplish with a girl like her. Unfortunately, she soon found herself scraping at the remains and sighing in dismay when it was all gone. Logan would have given her another scoop or two if it hadn't been for the time.

"Hey, Logan?" Lyra asked, looking up at him with curious. "Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah?" he asked, looking up from what was left of his Dr. Pepper ice cream float; ge had his spoon sticking out of the side of his mouth, much like one of his cigars. She still didn't understand why he smoked them: even if he had the ability to heal, it was still bad for his health. "Shoot."

"Well," the girl murmured, looking at the bowl, "is ice cream your answer for everything?"

"No," Logan instantly replied, frowning at such a dumb question.

"Rats," Lyra sighed dejectedly, snapping her fingers in mock disappointment. "I was hoping it was."

"You know what?" he snorted, quirking an eyebrow with a slightly more amused expression. "You're something else, kid."

"Obviously," she mumbled with a yawn, covering her mouth with a grimace; fatigue was starting to take over, but she wasn't quite ready to try and go back to sleep yet. Upon seeing her yawn, however, he grabbed the girl's bowl and placed it in the sink with his glass. After that, he unexpectedly grabbed Lyra around the middle and tossed her over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes, ignoring the resulting squeal of surprise."H-hey! W-w-what the hell? Put me down, right now!"

"Time for bed," he explained, moving to leave the kitchen. "And, nah... deal with it."

"But I'm not tired yet," Lyra whined from her upside down perch, "Really."

The man instantly stopped and sigh.

"Fine," he muttered, walking into the other room and tossing the skinny girl on the couch with little care. He watched as she bounced a few times on her back, blinking in startled surprise before the cushions finally held her still. "We'll just turn the television on and see how long you can stay awake, then. I'll give you ten bucks if you can stay up for more than an hour."

"Eh?!" Lyra asked, giving him a stunned look. "You've got a deal! Ten bucks... that's a lot of money!"

He quirked an eyebrow at her, then grabbed his television remote and turned the flat screen on.

She blinked when she found herself looking at cartoons that had been off the air for many years, then smirked a bit.

"What're you grinnin' for?" he asked with a slightly cocky tone. "I thought kids liked this cartoon stuff."

"Yeah," Lyralianna retorted, giving him a blink, "but this was the first thing to pop up, so it means you were watching it. I never would have thought you'd be able to stand the Powerpuff Girls."

"Watching cartoons is a group activity now and then," the man snorted, rolling his eyes. "Might as well get used to them."

So saying, he lifted her up a bit by the back of her sweater in order to sit down on the couch. The albino poked his leg after he made himself comfortable, purposely trying to annoy him. However, he merely smirked and propped his feet up on the wooden coffee table, throwing her head up a bit. The girl was feeling too lazy to move, though, so he was just going to have to deal with it. She stared at his ceiling for a moment before turning her head and looking at the television screen.

Bubbles, Blossom, and Buttercup were flying through the air.

"I remember watching this show when I was really little..." she sleepily mumbled. "Brings back memories."

He merely looked down at her, noting how she'd curled up.

Her long hair was spread out over his leg and the couch in fine white strands, gleaming a bit in the dim light.

"I'm a pillow now, am I?" he asked, raising an eyebrow; Lyra's only response to his humorous question was to lift her head and pat his leg a few times, acting like she were trying to fluff out his leg. Once she was satisfied with her 'fluffing' she made herself comfortable again on his thigh, gazing at the television with a faint smile ghosting her lips. "Really?"

"Yep... much better," she stoically muttered, keeping her face blank. "Thanks for asking."

"You really are a goofy kid beneath that act of yours," he finally chuckled, grabbing a hold of her throat and giving her an extremely powerful noogie. "I thought you were extremely apathetic, but I guess I was wrong!"

Lyra instantly began to squirm, stifling both a laugh and a scream as she pushed against his arms to get away.

"Ow! Ow! Logan, stop it!" she squealed, beating at his arms with her tiny little fists; he simply laughed at the pitifully weak blows before letting go and allowing her head to fall back onto his leg. "Ow... jeez! Every time you do that, it leaves a bruise that lasts a week! Could you at least make it so they don't hurt so much?"

"Feh, sure," he snorted, quirking an eyebrow before he grinned at her, "but you do realize you just gave me permission, right?"

She twitched when she realized it, startled that she felt so comfortable around him.

Then, that strange sense of shock melted into something calmer... warmer, and safer.

This man wouldn't hurt her... for some reason, despite his gruff demeanor and brutal personality, that's just the feeling he gave off. Yes, he had a smart mouth, and yes... some of the things he'd said about her had smarted greatly, but his reasons for saying them had been legitimate. And in the end, all he'd really ever done was try to help her... he was an honest person. She had no reason to really be afraid of him... just like Kurt.

"Well, that's okay, I guess... I... I trust you," Lyra mumbled, letting out another tired yawn. "Still, I envy you, Logan… I wish I had the kind of strengths you do."

"You have to keep movin' forward," he replied, letting his arms rest on the back of the couch. "That's all you can really do."

"But it's hard," Lyra whispered, letting her eyes flutter closed. "How are you supposed to stand your ground when everyone wants to bury you beneath it?"

"Fuck what everyone wants... life in general is hard, Squirt," he explained, gently running a hand through her hair. "You just have to stand up and live it."

"Mmhmm," Lyra mumbled, only hearing a part of what he said since her mind was already drifting off. "Thanks..."

She had never known that Logan's leg could have doubled as such a comfy pillow.

She could feel him moving around a bit as she lay there, but he was probably just trying to get more comfortable. How he could feel even remotely comfortable with her lying on his leg was beyond her comprehension, but he seemed to manage it somehow since he remained on the couch with her. Lyra's drifting mind was suddenly surprised by how understanding he'd been. The thought of having him around was strangely comforting... it helped her to relax a bit more.

Why, she didn't know... but Logan honestly made her feel safe.