Author's note: Thank you very much for all the reviews (I'll try to reply to the messages today, I was busy yesterday, sorry!).

December, 21st

It just wasn't the same. Of course Jane enjoyed spending time with her mother but going to the Christmas market with her was just not the same as when she went there with Maura. The magic she usually liked so much didn't properly reach her this time around: all the cute little cabins looked almost boring now, not authentic. Even the music that played in the background was annoying.

"The mulled wine's good here."

She politely nodded at her mother but remained quiet. She wasn't in the mood to have fun which made her feel a tad guilty nonetheless. It was supposed to be one of these mother/daughter moments, she had to make an effort.

Angela had been so happy when Jane had accepted to come along that her eyes had glimmered with delight. They rarely did something together, just the two of them.

Jane forced a smile.

Her apprehension had melted into an odd excitement when she had come to pick up her mother at the Beacon Hill house. She had hoped to see Maura there except her friend had already left for an appointment at the spa with Constance. Jane didn't even understand her very own reactions: she had spent the last two days avoiding her friend at all cost then all of a sudden she had wanted nothing but to see her. It absolutely didn't make sense.

But then very few things did in the end.

"It's a beautiful ring you're wearing. It suits you."

Angela was desperately trying to start a semblance of conversation. It was sweet, too sweet for Jane to keep on ignoring it. She offered her mother another nod then cleared her voice to speak.

"It's a claddagh ring. It symbolizes friendship and loyalty." And love. Of course she preferred to keep this last meaning for herself. Everything was too confusing right now anyway to add this definition to the jewel. "It's a present from Maura."

"Oh I know what a claddagh ring means." Angela took a sip of her mulled wine as slowly as she could. "The necklace you offered her is very beautiful too."

And meaningful as well. Jane tried to focus on an invisible point in front of her. Alluding to Maura was painful. She hadn't overcome yet her ridiculous reaction after what had happened at her place a few days earlier. It was humiliating. Yet what really bothered her in the end was that she didn't understand Maura's move. Of course a part of her hoped for love – for real feelings – but since she didn't want to be disappointed then she desperately tried to clutch to the harshness of reality instead.

Everything didn't necessarily have to make sense. Perhaps that was what she had to keep in mind.

The issue was that it had slightly altered her plans. Obviously she wasn't as ready as she had assumed in the first place or else she wouldn't have freaked out the way she had. Being in love with someone was one thing, leaving behind the odd abstraction of feelings for something a lot more concrete was another story.

She knew how it was supposed to go from now on, what the letters she kept on sending talked about. But was she really ready to reveal who she was and how she felt?

There was nothing less sure anymore.

"You miss her, don't you? It's normal she's spending some time with her mother. She needs it, you know..."

Jane didn't even question this. Her mother was right and she agreed with her. As a matter of fact, she was even happy to learn that Maura was finally spending some time with Constance. They were catching back on many things they both had missed in the past.

"Yeah it's fine. We haven't had a chance to see each other a lot these past few days, that's all."

The statement caused Jane to blush. There was something a bit ridiculous in her remark. She spent a lot of time with Maura, a lot more time than most friends happened to spend together. They even worked together. They couldn't be so dependant from each other, it wasn't healthy.

She was forty years old after all. Nobody should expect from her the behavior of a teenager. Yet it was exactly how she subconsciously wanted things to be.

"Have you argued?"

There was nothing wrong in Angela's tone of voice. As a matter of fact, she was even being sweeter than what Jane had hoped for. There was nothing loud, nothing blunt in her questions. She simply seemed concerned because she saw that something was not how it usually was. She could notice the change even hidden behind a heavy silence.

"No, we haven't. We're good, ma'..." This wasn't entirely true but Jane felt too tired to say anything else. She was emotionally drained. Her plan wasn't as easy and beautiful as she wanted it to be and she didn't like it. "It's just we've barely had time to cross each other this morning."

A routine. This was exactly how Jane saw it. She and Maura were trapped in the loveliest routine she had ever experienced. The problem was that the mere little unplanned thing damaged their scheme for its frame was a lot more fragile than what it seemed to be.

Something shiny caught her attention.

She stopped walking and turned her head to look at the cabin where the powerful light came from. Dozen of bracelets and necklaces had been set on a velvet fabric except the forms of the jewels were intriguing, not really classic. Jane approached and squinted her eyes at them.

"These are molecule necklaces." The artist smiled at Jane. She looked young, probably in her twenties. "Each form equals to a famous molecule: dopamine, wine, chocolate..."

The explanation caused Angela to laugh lightly. She grabbed a bracelet and observed it for a while. She had chosen the chocolate molecule.

"It's funny... It's a good idea actually. Quite original. Don't you think so, Jane?"

Jane nodded at nobody but herself. She had planned the month of december from A to Z but reality was reminding her that she didn't control life. And perhaps being spontaneous had its perks. She had tended to forget it a bit too quickly.

"I'm gonna take one for Maura."

The idea seemed to please Angela. She put back the chocolate bracelet on the velvet fabric stand and smiled at her daughter. The moment was genuine, peacefull yet a bit strange for whatever reason. It matched Jane's bitter mood.

"Good idea. Which one are you going to choose? The wine molecule?"

Jane immediately shook her head. Something strong had just been released within her veins, something that caused her to lock her eyes with her mother's and entirely assume the confession in disguise she gave her in return.

"No. The love one."

...

"You look awfully stressed, Maura. You should have sex. Or more wine." Constance cast a glance at her daughter to make sure that she had understood her remark didn't have to be taken too literally. "Or both."

Maura rolled her eyes but the smile that began to play on her lips betrayed her inner feelings. At least her mother had the credits to make her laugh and it was quite challenging right now. She needed to find the right moment to talk to Jane but she had been extremely busy at work in the morning and had barely had time for a vague hello between two meetings.

She hadn't come to any particular conclusion after hours of analysis. She knew what she wanted and perhaps that was actually of the whole thing. She would have to be honest with Jane, no matter it may cost her their friendship. Keeping such secret for herself was impossible. It would eat her up and she knew how drastic the consequences would be.

"You need to buy mistletoe by the way, you haven't hung any at home. How are people supposed to kiss each other in this house?"

Maura observed her mother for a long while. In silence. She envied her capacity to show an audacity that flirted with a smart mischief. Sadly it wasn't something Maura had been able to learn herself.

"Nobody needs mistletoe to kiss a beloved one."

As fair as the remark was, it made Maura heavily blush. She could hardly miss the irony of the situation as she hadn't needed any mistletoe to capture Jane's neck between her lips.

"Then what are you waiting for, exactly?" Constance set down her glass of wine on the small table and locked her eyes with her daughter's. The current seriousness of her tone of voice contrasted with the lightness she had previously showed. A shrug followed, an apologetic one. "I've noticed the claddagh ring she's wearing. This is neither subtle nor discreet."

Several options lay before Maura: even if she couldn't lie, choosing her words wisely to avoid a confession wasn't to be discarded right away. It was coward but tempting. Then she could also say the truth, this blurry truth that had stolen her sleep and seemed to be devoring her days like a silent monster of some sort.

It was now or never.

"What for? It isn't mutual. It can't be."

The regret in her voice echoed the surprise on her mother's face. The words seemed to float for a while above their heads, not daring to go away completely. Their shadows were bitter, and dark; yet immensely sweet.

Constance winkled her nose in obvious disapproval.

"I beg to disagree."

Amount of days left: five.