"Dearest, please speak to me. What can I do to help you?" asked a worried duke.
His duchess had been strangely silent since they returned from Longbourn. They separated for their nightly ablutions without speaking to each other and when he joined her in bed and tried to speak with her she refused. She asked him to hold her and fell asleep in his arms, but her sleep was not restful.
She was tormented with nightmares after he had found her, which of course, she never shared with him until about a fortnight following their marriage when he awoke to a sweating, panicked wife.
She reluctantly told him about the nightmares she had of the beatings, of her father being abused as she was, of them killing Mary and taunting her with her death, and even of him being harmed trying to rescue her from the servants' quarters she was locked in after they found her at the inn.
She said her nightmares had decreased as they fell in love and she felt safe and she rarely had them anymore. But her sleep was not disturbed by nightmares this night, she could not sleep at all.
He knew she constantly worried for her father's wellbeing while she was away and he did everything in his power to protect him. Jacobs had been a gem and had come up with ways to protect his master before being asked.
He spoke with all of the servants letting them know the sisters were safe and would be returning to their father as soon as they could. He let them know that the Lewises no longer had a say over the estate and that their first priority will always be the master and it was their jobs to keep him safe and well.
They set up ruses for the ladies to leave the home so that the duke's physician could come check on his father in law. They did not want the ladies questioning who the doctor was sent by so they made sure they would be away when he came to call.
He had a nurse installed as a new servant in order to see to his care. They did everything they could to keep him safe and well looked after. His wife was in constant correspondence with her father's nurse as well as the steward but she still worried and he knew she would until she returned to him.
As soon as she was well enough to walk around the estate she made plans to return to her father immediately and it took everyone to reason with her before she would relent. She was still not well enough or strong enough to go to him. They had to get her well in order for her to assist her father.
They had every reason to be hopeful about her father's recovery. The nurse told them he showed more signs of awareness each day. There was cause for alarm when she returned from breaking her fast one morning and her patient appeared to be weeping. He had tears on his cheeks but nothing else was amiss.
After questioning the maid who she left in her place, she found out his wife, had come to his chambers in her absence. They have no idea what happened but she obviously said something to upset him. She was never allowed inside his room again and the nurse and his physician continued to send good reports.
During everything they had to attend to, his wife always appeared strong and capable but he knew her father was not far from her mind and he was relieved when the time came for them to be reunited. He never expected this reaction.
They had sat with her father for most of what was left of the night. Elizabeth said he was looking better than when she had last seen him and she was happy with the care he had received in her absence. But she was still strangely silent as she sat holding her father's hand and never taking her eyes off of him. She even told him she felt him squeeze her hand which lit her face with joy. But something was still wrong with his duchess and he felt lost.
"Elizabeth, my love, please. You know you can speak with me about anything. Please tell me what is wrong. Is it your father? I know that you are pleased with his progress. Would you have rather stayed with him tonight? We can call for the carriage this very moment and return to him if you like."
"No, Fitzwilliam. I am fine I assure you. I just" she let out a sigh.
She knew she was worrying her husband but it was hard to give voice to the emotions she was feeling. She could not be more pleased with the care her father had received in her absence. He looked better than he did when last she saw him. He had instantly responded to her voice so she knew he was gaining even more awareness than the nurse had informed her of. He had squeezed her hand several times and his eyelids fluttered as if he was trying to open them. Her dear papa was coming back to them and she just knew he would be well which made her heart lighter than it had been for some time.
No, her father was not what was bothering her. Returning to this neighborhood and especially to her home was harder than she imagined. She never wanted to be made to feel weak again and speaking about how she felt walking into that house made her feel vulnerable.
"I am well, truly. I just, I just never stopped to think about what it would feel like returning to Longbourn. I only had my father's wellbeing on my mind and wanted to return to him as soon as possible. I never gave a care to what happened to me there until I walked in.
"I have fond memories of my mother there and although life was never the same after she died and the Lewises came to live there, it is still where I spent my childhood with my sister and papa. Papa did his best to shield us from the Lewises' vulgar ways and made sure Mary and I were happy and that is what I want to remember when I walk into Longbourn" she paused to turn in her husband's arms so that she could see his face.
It was lined with worry as she expected. She gave him a squeeze to reassure him she was well as she continued.
"When we first entered the only thing I had on my mind was confronting those people. I did not even stop to consider where I was, but as soon as I left that room to go see my father the memories came back. As I was walking up the stairs I remembered when I was pushed down them. As I walked down the hall, I remembered being dragged by my hair down the length of it. When I walked into papa's chambers, I remembered being forcefully removed from them" she stopped as tears racked her body and her husband held her tighter whispering loving words in her ear until she calmed.
"Dearest, I am so sorry. I am so sorry that you were made to suffer so, but I promise you that no one will ever hurt you again."
"My love, I will never let anyone hurt me again!" she declared with vehemence.
"As I lay in that inn broken and battered I vowed that I would never let anyone make me feel that way again. Dearest, I wished for my death! That is what those people did to me. I always considered myself to be strong but I wanted to die."
The duke held his wife with tears in his eyes as he listened to her finally release what had been weighing on her. She had spoken about the abuse before but never how it made her feel and while it broke his heart to hear it, he was happy that she was finally speaking out.
"I knew if they found me in that condition that it would never stop but I could not go on. I could barely walk, it hurt when I crawled, and I was still too close to stop. I could not get far enough away and the pain was unbearable. I just wanted it to stop."
She crying too hard to continue again. Never had he felt so helpless. He did not know what to do but he prayed that once she spoke about it she would feel better. He could only hold on to her for dear life and give her as much comfort as he could.
"I still feel weak when I think about the abuse. How did I allow myself to be treated thus?"
"Dearest, no! You did not allow this! You could not stop what happened to you. You are a strong woman, the strongest woman I have ever met, and this would never have happened to you if there was any way you could have stopped it."
"I tried. I knew as soon as papa fell ill things would change. We never spent any time around them when papa was well. We lived separate lives. When he first took ill I hardly left his side. I could think of nothing else but caring for him. Then I realized I was not receiving any visits or correspondence.
"I knew how highly papa was thought of in the neighborhood and could not understand the lack of callers and at first I just thought they were speaking with his wife, but as I started to venture below stairs more I noticed everything had changed. All of the servants we grew up with were gone. None of our friends were calling and I was repeatedly told that no letters came for me. I wrote my godmother and my family but we now know she never received my letters nor I hers.
"Then she started putting restrictions on me and when I would defy her or ignore her like I normally would, the abuse started again. I could not get word to anyone and when they entertained, which they started to do frequently, I would be locked away. From then on most of my time was spent being abused or trying to heal, which I never really did. Every time one of her daughters would hit me I would always hit them back. No matter how many times they hit me, I hit them back. That would make her hit me more or harder but I always fought back until they would all start to hit me at once. The last time was the worst and no one will ever lay a hand on me again!"
"No my love, no one ever shall."
"I will always protect myself and my family. I will never be so weak again." she vowed.
"You are not alone, Elizabeth. You have a family that loves you and will do anything to protect you as well. Please remember that. When you are feeling this way, know that I will always be here for you and you can speak to me about anything. Speaking about it will help you heal as well. You do not always have to be so strong, dearest. Please never shut me out again."
"I promise I will not, my love. I will not let this or anything else come between us. I refuse to allow their actions to influence our lives any longer and if people like Caroline tries to use what happened against me, I will not stand for it. I was so upset I could have tore that shrew's hair out. How dare she try to use my abuse against me to humiliate me as if I was the one that had abused someone?!
"And that Jane trying to mock me after what she and her vile family had done to me? Is she out of her senses? Did she think I would just stand there and let them try to embarrass me in public? And that mother of hers thinking she can publically brow beat me into marrying that imbecile and not speak out about what she did to me? Are they ALL out of their senses? Ugh! Whether someone tries to physically or verbally abuse me, I will fight back!"
She was no longer crying. She was livid and it took the duke a while to calm her down as he hid his smile at his fiery wife. Her green eyes were ablaze and he loved it.
"I will take my home back, my memories back, I will not allow them to take Longbourn from me. I will not think about them when I go home. I will not let the vile things they did to me there be the only thing I remember about the place I so dearly love. Now Tom can actually come home and visit the estate that will one day be his. My mother's family can spend time where I grew up, the home my mother was so fond of. My friends and neighbors can meet my family and learn where Mary and I really come from and meet our handsome brother" she finished with a smile on her face.
"Thank you for finding me. I love you so dearly. Thank you for finding me" she cried over and over.
"We found each other, my love. I needed you too. I was so lonely though I would never admit it. Georgie was my world and I told myself that was all I needed. I refused to marry a vapid, scheming woman of the ton just to beget an heir. I began to keep in close contact with my cousin so he could easily inherit in case something happened to me before Georgie married and had a son.
"I was determined to never marry if the only women I had to choose from were the ones that have been hunting me since I entered the ton. One look at those fine green eyes and I knew I had found my duchess. I had never felt that way before. As soon as our eyes met I was lost. As horrible as the circumstances were when we met, I am so glad it was me that found you."