Maka
They say that being a true bulimic comes mostly from the binge part of the cycle, so I kept telling myself it was okay what I was doing. After looking on the Internet, it was evident I had become an anorexic with bulimic tendencies. I skipped lunch and breakfast everyday now, eating half a serving for dinner and maybe a few crackers for bed. Some days I'd expel the meager food, others I'd hang onto it for needed nutrition. I was nearly always shaking, light headed, or cold now.
With my height of 5'4", I should've been around 120 - 130 pounds average. I was 103, and I can't deny the fact that I felt good about myself. My breasts had fallen from a B to an A, most of the fat being eaten up by my starving body, and my hips and ribs were so beautifully prominent. Not so terribly I looked like a skeleton, but the skin taught over bone looked absolutely gorgeous. I felt pretty. Sam thought so too.
See how flat your stomach is! He cheered, smiling widely and pressing giddy into my heart. You're so pretty, love.
I liked Sam. He was so kind, he was reserved, and quiet. Kept to himself a lot. He seemed like a child afraid to speak out of line, but he refused to lie. He liked the truth. He was my friend.
Friend? Hah. Look at that. Fuckin twiddle dee and faggot-ass twiddle dum are buddying up. How cute. Aggressive chirped, deciding to swim up to me and Sam. Don't you wanna be strong Maka? She asked sincerely, looking desperate herself.
Yeah...
Yeah but _, you're definition of strong is 100 percent self reliant!
Shut the fuck up! Don't say my name in front of her. Aggressive shouted, smothering Sam and blocking his mention of her name from my thoughts.
Why can't I know your name?
Because I told you it's none of your fucking business. Besides, I still hate you.
Why? What did I ever do to you?
Maka just leave it. Sam tried to chirp in, but he was overpowered by her loudness.
Why? Why do I despise you so much? You think you haven't given me reason? You're weak. You're pathetic. Just like him. She gestured to Sam, and he shrunk in on himself, trying to conceal himself in nothingness. You think you're the only one who feels that disgusting heart-wrenching pain? I hate that shit. And I don't have to explain to you what it feels like. Sam had completely disappeared by now, entirely gone from existence. If I tried to look for him, I could barely see him peeking out from his hiding spot. And you know why we get that feeling Maka? She actually expected me to answer, waiting for some response so she could rub it in my face.
No...
Because you're too fucking weak to look out for yourself! She exploded, and I reflexively covered my ears from how loud she was. You're too nice and fucking selfless, and everyone is walking all over you and expecting you to be there even if they put you through shit. You can't trust anybody. Only me. And when you realize that, I'll be here to pick up your broken pieces. Sam will have gone and he won't be your friend anymore. Soul will get tired of you and leave. And it'll be just you... And me.
Shut up! Shut up! Shut the fuck up! You don't know anything. I can't let her get under my skin... She's manipulating me.
And I'm the fucking best at it. Oh, side note? I like how much more you've been swearing. She grinned smugly, before also slipping from my awareness and back into the black of my heart.
My self esteem was horribly damaged, and I could only be thankful that it was only me cowering in this bathroom stall.
Three days into this week in school and I felt like I'd break into a million pieces. It was my fourth period, right after I ate lunch and Soul had bought me an entire meal. Sadly, the leftovers of his money were down the toilet now, and a cold sweat broke out on my forehead. I was convulsing horribly, and I didn't know if that was from my voices, my lack of strength, or if it was just this freezing tile floor. Leaning heavily on the bathroom stall, I steadied myself until I was standing on shaking knees.
Despite the aggressive being so mean and pushing me so hard, I couldn't help but want her approval. She was right... I would let everyone walk all over me, so long as they didn't hate me. Some days I truly did just want to disappear, to end it all and never have to think or try again. But there were some where I just truly wanted someone to be grateful of me, to be happy and thankful that I've been here for them through so much.
I unlocked the door and stumbled to the sinks, turning the water onto hot. God, I was so cold. I hugged myself and rested my head on the counter while I waited for the water to heat up. I groaned loudly, feeling my stomach cramping and twisting painfully. Deep breaths. In, out. In, out.
Fuck. You. In. out. She mocked, distracting me again.
Why do you insist on becoming more present? Remember when you didn't speak, just made me want to do bad things? Yeah, that was nice.
Whooaa. Didn't mean to sink your boat. She disappeared again, this time pulling herself into her 'room' and going dormant. Sam still cowered away, teetering on being in my conscious and out of it. I left him be for now, focused instead on the now steaming wisps that floated up to my nose. I took a napkin and soaked it underneath, watching pale hands go pink under the heat.
I wiped my face and arms a few times before loading my hands up in soap and writhing them under the water. I took some into my mouth and rinsed thoroughly before spitting it into the sink. Still so cold.
I walked out of the room as normally as I could, but I felt myself shuffling, curled in and trying to retain some warmth.
Easing the door open to my class, I couldn't help but react to the sudden onslaught of leering eyes. I kept my head down, trying to creep quietly to my seat. Paranoid, I glanced around, realizing no one was looking my way. Odd... I thought idly. Then why do I feel watched?
My shivers started up again, and suddenly Soul was staring at me and asking me a question.
"What'd you say?" I sputtered, staring blankly at him. He chuckled lightly, and held out his white hoodie to me.
"I said, are you cold?" He offered it to me, and when I didn't accept it right away, he rolled his eyes and draped it over my shoulders. Immediately coated in warmth, I snuggled down merrily into it, until I felt those watchful eyes again.
Glancing around, I almost skimmed past her emerald eyes. But as my watch strayed back, colliding again with the grass irises, I could feel the weight of Kim's glare. She was shaking too, but not from the cold, or from the purging or the voices.
Oh no, pure rage filled her expression, and murder was her message. Self-consciously, I grasped Soul's hand in mine and turned away, trying to work on notes.
Just ignore her... She's not there.
You know what'd be golden?
What's that?
If you punched her in the mouth. I despise that slut with everything in me.
I can't do that!
I'll tell you my name. I paused, considering what this meant. I turned to look at her again, the same even gaze ripping through my read. I hate her so much. Her face just pisses me off. My heart thunked loudly. She is terrible to you. My ears started to get warm. She is in the way of you and Soul. Fury and adrenaline sparked in my chest, and I didn't even realize I was looming over her now, tumbling words out of my mouth before I realized what it meant.
"Excuse me?" She sneered, recoiling from me. What did I just say?
"I said let'a take it the fuck out side for a chat, you snooty whore." Thankfully, she was in the hallway seat, so no one else could hear what my body was betraying me of. She narrowed her eyes before standing swiftly and leading us outside. I glanced around to see Soul watching us skeptically, but otherwise no one noticed.
The second she stepped into the hallway, my body grasped her collar and whirled her around to slam into the lockers. She look startled.
"You need to get the fuck out of my business you dirty slut." I spoke just above a murmur, with words clear and precise.
"Fuckin' let go of me you psycho!" I grinned maliciously at her, snapping my teeth at her and laughing hysterically at her terrified expression. I released her from my grip before turning into the doorway again.
"Stop staring at us. I don't like to be watched, lovely." Who was this that was acting and speaking for me? I tried to reach out to my body, but I was mentally forced back down. I felt like I was in a dream state - beautifully bliss and foggy in my head. Slowly, I eased back up.
You're welcome. She muttered smugly, and I could only freeze as I stopped abruptly beside my seat.
"What did you just say?" I whispered, panicked.
"I didn't say anything." Soul answered, looking up from his papers. "What was that about?" He gestured to the hall, and I glanced back, noticing she did not follow me back in.
How could you have done that? Oh my gosh, you're terrible. I could've hurt her!
Oh hush. That felt great. The name is Noxora by the way, but call me Nox. She smiled devilishly, and I could only gawk at my empty home work assignment lying in front of me.
When did I get so crazy?
A/N: Hey guys! I know this story has taken a turn for the worse for poor Maka and Soul, and I was hoping I could get some reviews on your opinions of this change. I'll be updating as frequently as possible, no more procrastinating! Although, I am in grade 12 so I may have alot of homework, along with the occasional personal issues.
Thanks for reading!