A/N: Thank you for the alerts =) I'm toning down at this chapter...

Thanks for Miss Dorian Ditri for the beta-ing =) I must have caused her headaches...

Rating: Rated-T

Warning: Moments of self-thinking, and assumptions, mostly on my part, of how Kanda & Allen really thinks of their situation...

Disclaimer applies~

Kanda sat on the old bed that creaked at his every move. His eyes closed and Mugen was resting safely in his crossed arms. The evening meeting between Komui and the Exorcists had ended and instead of going for dinner, Kanda decided to retire for the night. There was plenty of thinking needed to be done and Kanda needs to be alone to settle that.

Lavi's whereabouts, General Yeegar's attack, the Innocence known as the 'Heart', the mission to locate roaming Generals…

…The message given during his mission at Denmark by The Millennium Earl, and received by Exorcists all over the world.

The time has come. Your seven thousand years intermission is over, and the play begins again, at last! Be ready for the new chapters, Exorcists, because this story belongs to none other but you!

Kanda was not in any way, distressed, but it did not mean he did not care. The swordsman does care despite his uncaring exterior.

He did.

He cared about a lot of things. He cared about the Black Order, the people in it, and the people not in it. The only thing he didn't care about was his life, because he knew that regardless of how much he wanted to, his life would never change.

His life is -will be- dominated by the lotus and its petals. It was inevitable. He would die once the last petal fell to the bottom of the hourglass.

No one in the Black Order knew except a handful of people, and Kanda felt relieved and pressured at the same time. The Japanese Exorcist did not want to form any human attachment. He didn't want to cause unnecessary despair when he left. Then, there would be no risk of anyone calling him back because no one would ever love him enough to do that. Thus, he put up a facade that would deter the others. It was a fool-proof plan, until Lavi decided to intervene. Lenalee had too unconsciously walked into his secluded life. The shield was further chipped with the arrival of one Moyashi.

Yet in Allen's case, it was more torturous than the other two. Kanda wanted to be near him, but his principles made him distance himself. This struggle to be close yet far was tormenting the swordsman.

No one knew what Kanda truly wanted.

He wanted to make friends. He wanted to be a normal teenager no matter how much he said he didn't. He wanted to be just him.

He wanted so many things to the point that he felt lonely and depressed.

However, Kanda knew that all these wants would eventually leads to pain, and thus he shut himself away from people. He would trust them, but never be close to them.

When the time cames to die, he would go alone. He would wilt away like a flower, and perhaps in his next life, all his wishes would come true.

He would be himself once more.

Kanda sighed.

Meanwhile, at the other room, another soul was doing self-reflection like the swordsman. It was a certain exorcist with white hair and a pentacle on his left eye, Allen Walker. He had been sitting at the bed since after dinner while Timcampy fluttered around his head questioningly. Timcampy knew Allen was troubled, but by what?

Allen was thinking of the past.

Since he was able to walk, Allen had never felt love till he met Mana. The man had showed him how it felt to be wanted, to be love, and to be able to return those feelings. When Mana died, Allen was as lost as a man in the forest without a map. Regrettably, the empowerment of such emotions made him accepted the Earl's proposal. Mana was called back, a being with his voice and soul, but not the man Allen loved. He was forced to kill the first man that had ever showed him affection.

Next was Cross Marian. Allen had to admit - disregarding the bad attitude, the love to torture him, the liquor, and the mountains of debts and being a womanizer - Cross was not that bad. After all, the General with flame-like hair did take him in when others wouldn't; and he had taught him how to protect the others with the help of his arm. Though Allen had claimed many times that Cross was a devil, the man had his respect.

Then there was the Black Order. Every time he thought of it, he could not help but feel a sense of guilt. Though the white-haired exorcist had claimed that the Black Order was his home and that everyone in it was his family, he had never been honest. He found himself unable to open up to them, like how he had with Mana and Cross. There was a part of him that hoped they would never find out.

Allen did not mind sharing his past or secrets, but he did mind sharing himself.

Allen knew it didn't make sense at all, but that was the truth.

Allen sighed.

...

"No…" Both Kanda and Allen murmured at the same time in spite of being in different rooms.

...

"Now isn't the time to think about this." Allen exclaimed, shaking and clutching his head. Lavi wass still missing and they had been assigned a new mission. How could he possibly immerse himself in something so irrelevant? With a groan, Allen plopped himself onto the bed, covering his eyes with his forearm. He would go and find the others tomorrow and discuss about their mission, after checking with Komui whether there's any news of Lavi.

"Yea…" He turned to his left, "I'll do that tomorrow."

Kanda decided to stop thinking. His eyes that had opened automatically to glue themselves on the hourglass were forced to close once more. That reminder of life and death was too much. It made him recall his past, his wants, and his pursue of someone that had been missing all these years.

So many unwanted thoughts, so much pressure; he could hardly breathe.

Quickly, he rearranged his thoughts. Now's not the time to think of his life, it is the time for the mission, the Generals, and Baka Usagi. Yes, the annoying red-head he had come to regard as his friend, though he would never say it aloud, was still missing. No one knew where he wass, and it is not like Lavi to disappear without a sound. There were only a few possibilities since the beginning.

One, he was stranded. Something had happened and trapped him there. He could not contact anyone due to the lack of reception.

Two, the red-head was on his way back and would contact them when he arrives somewhere close.

Three, the worse scenario Kanda could imagine. That stupid rabbit was dead somewhere, either murdered by a Noah with his Innocence crushed, or reduced to dust by the bullets of the Akuma.

No. That couldn't be.

Lavi is an idiot, and idiots tend to survive.

Isn't the moyashi a classical example?

...

In the other room where Allen rested, the young boy sneezed.

"Is someone talking about me..?"

Meanwhile, at Lavi's side-

It was hunger that had awakened Lavi from his dreams, and it was warmth and the aroma of food that had triggered the stomach's protest. It had been emptied for too long...

Wait, warmth? The scent of food?

Lavi thought he was hallucinating or that the fever was affecting his mind way too much. He opened his eye expecting to find nothing.

Yet his lone eye found something.

It was a small campfire he first saw, with a pot of steaming something hanging down a horizontal stick, supported at each side by sticks shaped into an inverted 'V'. He proceeded to search for the one who had set this up. It was a man with unruly black hair, fair skin, and a pair of silly glasses. He was tall and sitting beside the fire, poking it innocently with a thin branch. There were sounds of crackling wood and the flickering of flames as Lavi recalled the man as someone he met on the train. His eye widened. Yes. This man was the one who lost dearly in the game of strip poker against Allen. Lavi studied him for a moment before giving a soft cough, catching the man's attention immediately.

"You're awake!" The man exclaimed, both excited and surprised. Lavi recoiled at the volume his supposed rescuer had adopted. It was too loud for his ears. The man did not seem to notice though. He threw the stick aside and approached Lavi in haste, helping the younger one to sit up. "You must be thinking who I am huh? My name is Mike Tick - I happened to pass by this town and I saw you in the rubble! Man! You were so badly hurt I thought you were dead! Until you moved, that is!" Mike laughed loudly, and Lavi closed his eye to stop the pounding of his ears.

"Hi, Tick-san, my name is... Lavi." The latter introduced hesitantly, wincing as he moved his back. He must have strained his spinal area. "We met before, right?" Lavi inquired tentatively.

"Call me Mike, boy!" The older man chided good-naturedly, with a grin that befitted the purpose. "And yes, we met at the train before! You're the friend of that Cheater, right?"

'Cheater? Suppose you can call Allen that...' Lavi thought to himself. "Yes... Mike..." Lavi acceded to the request in haste, "Err, Mike, please tone it down? You're making me... deaf."

"Oops! Sorry, my bad!"

Lavi gave a sigh. Mike chuckled. The red-head felt that whoever this Mike was, he certainly was enjoying the process a little too much. After he was satisfied with Lavi's position and the boy did not complain of any discomfort, Mike went to fetch the food with a handmade wooden bowl. Finally, Lavi knew what the something was. The soup, broth mixed with bits of meat and vegetable, smelled absolutely delicious. The red-head felt his stomach gave a flip.

Wait... He eyed his bandaged body with a raised brow. Why was he topless?

"Where's my shirt?" He asked in a tone that's rough around the edges. Lavi wondered how long it has been that made his voice into this quality.

"Oh, I had to bandage you, so I took it off. It's right next to you."

Lavi's eye found the black clothing and grabbed it. The muscles protested at the movement, but Lavi ignored it. Hastily, he covered his torso and a blush graced his cheeks. Despite them both being the same gender, Lavi would not help the sense of awkwardness. Mike chuckled at Lavi's innocence.

The next thing Lavi checked for was his weapon. When he felt the tiny hammer still at his waist, he heaved a sigh of relief.

"Here, eat this." Mike offered the bowl of tempting food, and Lavi was happy to accept. With Ozuchi Kozuchi still in Lavi's possession, Lavi was certain Mike was not an Akuma or a Noah. If he was, he would have killed Lavi instead of helping him…but the Bookman Junior would not disagree with the possibility of this being part of his master plan should Mike Tick be the Earl's man.

Reaching for the bowl and spoon, Lavi thanked him. "Thank you, Mike... for saving me, and everything."

Mike smiled, giving those swirly glasses a push. "You're welcome!"

Lavi winced at the volume. Mike chuckled and apologized. As Lavi began to eat slowly, the two started an easy, friendly conversation. Lavi found himself choking more than once as some questions Mike asked were simply too difficult to answer. In the end, the young Bookman decided to be honest with Mike with a few details lacking here and there. Luckily, Mike accepted it without much objection.

Lavi learned that Mike was a quarry worker and when he was free, he would take up odd jobs. This time he was a deliveryman. There was a town close to this one across the forest and he was asked by a rich man to bring a package to the city as soon as possible. Mike knew that the shortcut would involve crossing this town, which had been abandoned due to appearance of those monsters. Despite all the apprehension and hesitation, Mike decided to take this route. The employer had consented that if he could get the stuff there in less than 3 weeks the pay would double. No one in the right mind would pass on that.

"Then when I was nearby, I saw fire and lightning shooting out of the town! When I reached this spot I saw you while hiding behind a building. You were unconscious and since no monsters had attacked you, I thought you were dead; lucky I decided to check to just make sure of it..." He laughed with a low voice, knowing now that any higher would make Lavi uncomfortable. "So, you fight those... things?"

Lavi nodded.

"Why?"

Lavi froze at the query. He had not expected that. The Bookman Junior had never questioned, or been questioned, 'why' he fought the hideous creatures at the risk of his life. Lavi had always just taken it as a must, no matter what persona his body held.

But Lavi did ask this before.

"Why?" He repeated blankly.

"Why?" Mike copied swiftly, his eyes never leaving Lavi's green one. There was a certain note of seriousness the man's voice.

Lavi appeared to be in deep thoughts for a moment, and then a wry smile formed on his lips, "Easy. Because I was never given a choice."

If possible, Mike's heartstrings felt a tug at the boy's expression.

"Why must we fight?" A smaller version of Lavi inquired. He was standing beside Bookman, overlooking a city ruined by Akuma. There was smoke, human's cries and screams, and the horror of understanding that there was no escape.

Bookman folded his arms, closing his eyes at the sight. Was that his show of empathy?

"Because there's never a choice," A swift yet accurate answer, "There's never a choice for anyone, idiot."

Lavi's eye slid closed at the memory.

Exorcists existed in History. They exist in those that knew of this War. Yet, like the Bookmen, they would never exist anywhere else.

Callasea: Ok, just want to say how Kanda thinks is really how I think he thinks. Ha. Don't kill me... I believe he is only cool/unconcerned on the outside and a total softie in the inside... like oyster! =D Allen's self-thoughts were pretty... expected, in some way. O, and I suppose many would know by now who the hell Mike Tick is! What does he want with Lavi? I wonder...