23rd April 2014 - I'm sorry this update has taken so long. I've been so preoccupied with what's going on in the show at the moment that it's been hard to get my head back into THIS story. Hope you enjoy this last moment before we move on to the final showdown (which I pray doesn't take me forever to write!).
Also - side note - I discovered in a recent episode that the Charming's actually have a bathroom downstairs in their loft. Where the heck was that hiding all this time? Anyway... for the sake of me not having to edit previous chapters I'm just going to continue assume the bathroom is UPSTAIRS lol.
It wasn't the sound of birds tweeting with the sunrise that woke Killian. Nor was it the the cold, wet puddle of drool on the pillow beneath his cheek that stirred him from slumber. It was the painful pressure of his near-bursting bladder that finally forced him to wake.
He groaned as he attempted to open his eyes. His head began to pound with a merciless thudding and he had absolutely no clue where he was. Through squinted eyes he glanced to his right and saw Emma lying beside him, buried beneath a layer of blankets that covered her up to her chin. Is this Emma's room? How did I end up here?
It was a cold frosty morning and a sudden chill struck Killian. "Bloody hell," he muttered to himself, cautious not to wake Emma. He leapt out of bed with a sudden urgency and bounded out of the bedroom, looking up and down what he assumed was the Charming's hall for the lavatory. The one open doorway revealed a tiled room with the all-important porcelain throne that he'd grown to appreciate in this realm. It was far more civilised than a chamber-pot. His brain was foggy, but not so foggy that he forgot to lift the seat – a gentlemanly practice that Prince Charming himself had tipped him off about not so long ago.
Killian fumbled quickly to untie his pants, freeing himself and groaning loud enough to wake the entire household as he unleashed a torrent of liquid - urinating like a damn stallion into that shiny, white, porcelain bowl. The satisfaction temporarily distracted him from the growing thud inside his brain and the nausea that was building in his stomach. How much did you drink last night Jones? He didn't really remember coming to Emma's, but the more he thought about it the more flashbacks he had - getting into a fight at the tavern, Emma finding him, Emma taking care of him.
As he tied his pants back up he caught a glimpse of himself in the bathroom mirror and sighed. He was in a sorry state. His hair was a dishevelled and the dark liner around his eyes was smudged – enhancing the dark rings and bags beneath his eyelids. Not the worst he'd ever looked but certainly not the best. Killian combed his fingers through his hair before turning on the tap and leaning down to wash his face over the sink.
He staggered back down the hallway to Emma's room. Standing in the open doorway he looked over at her. She was sound asleep, her long blonde hair strewn across the pillow, her nose slightly red in the cold morning air. He wanted to slide in next to her warm body and pull her close, but therein laid the problem - he always wanted to be next to her. In fact he wanted to do more than just lie next to her. She was more addictive than rum. Just like the sea called to his inner pirate, Emma was the siren to his heart, as well as other less romantic body parts too of course.
Exhaling a quiet sigh, his heart sank as he continued to stare at Emma. He couldn't continue like this. Being around her, but not being able to have her was more than he could bear. What kind of parent would he be if he was forever distracted by this blonde-haired saviour? He refused to be like his own father – absent from the lives of his children, too preoccupied with seducing the local tavern whores and chasing the next big score. Like father, like son, mused Killian, but feeling comfort in knowing that unlike his father Killian would not abandon his children, or in this case child. Maybe it would be best if he left with Milah and found some corner of this strange world to make a new life. Emma would move on, find someone better – a man who could give her and Henry the kind of life and commitment they deserved. Best he leave now before she wakes and tries to convince him otherwise.
Killian carefully stepped over to the bed and picked up his leather vest from the back of the chair and pulled it up and over his shoulders, letting it hang loose over his chest. Then he picked up his coat and hung it over his left arm. He retrieved his hook from the dresser and clicked it quietly back into its brace. He looked around for his sword, only to have his blurred memory remind him that the barkeep had confiscated it last night. Something about 'occupational health and safety' he'd said, whatever that meant. Killian was going to have to stop by and pick it up as soon as possible. His belt felt too light without his beloved steel holstered to his hip.
Finally he leaned down to collect his boots, but didn't put them on, knowing all too well that the sound of him clobbering on the timber floor of the second story of the loft would definitely announce his departure.
Taking one final look at Emma his stomach began to twist – adding to the discomfort he already felt in his gut after a night of excessive drinking. He wanted one last kiss, one final touch, but he knew that if he reached out and felt her warm skin upon his fingers he would lose all resolve. His moral code, his honour - it would all get thrown out the window. But would that be so terrible?
With one last sigh he forced himself to turn away, tiptoeing toward the door when the wooden floorboards creaked loudly beneath his feet. Killian cringed and hesitated before attempting to take another step.
"Where do you think you're going?" said a quiet, croaky voice from the bed behind him.
Damn, she's awake, he thought, but couldn't deny the way his heart sang upon hearing those few sleepy words pass her lips. "How long have you been awake?" he asked, but didn't turn around.
"Long enough to know you're trying to sneak out of here. Answer my question."
"Emma I can't stay," was all Killian could muster.
"You're going to her aren't you?"
"If you must know," he replied reluctantly. "Yes."
"Damn it Killian..." started Emma with a stern tone.
He raised an eyebrow. Emma never called him by his name. In her sleepy state had she simply forgotten to call him 'Hook', or was she just making sure to get his attention? He paused and took a deep breath before turning around to face her. She was sitting up in bed now, dressed in a pastel-pink, flannelette nightshirt. Her eyes were half-closed and she was yawning, but she'd never looked more beautiful.
Emma stood and walked over to him, cringing upon feeling the cold air, hugging herself as she approached him. Her long smooth legs were bare beneath the shirt. "She's lying to you," she told him. "I came to find you last night to tell you that Milah is lying to you."
Killian couldn't help but get his defences up. He felt frustrated and tired – like the rope in the middle of two women playing a game of tug of war. He didn't know who to believe any more. "What reason would she have to lie?"
"Oh I don't know," said Emma sarcastically. "To trick you into to staying with her?"
Killian's jaw twitched uncomfortably. "And what's to say you're not lying to me too Swan?" It was way too early to pick a fight with Emma, yet here he was, pressing her buttons and riling her up. He knew it was his subconscious way of pushing her away – make her angry enough so she does it for him.
Emma was suddenly wide awake, her eyes flashing open wide before squinting closed again to glare at him. "When have I ever lied to you? I've been nothing but honest with you since the day we met back in the Enchanted Forest."
Kilian twisted his lips and gave it some thought. "It's not that you lie to me as such, but you're not exactly forthcoming with whole truths. It's what you don't say to me Swan, that leaves me wondering what you're really thinking."
She continued to scowl at him. "And what is it you think I'm not telling you?"
"Oh come on, you know the answer to that," Killian replied impatiently, goading her on just a little more.
Emma scoffed and folded her arms across her chest. "And if I told you what you're so desperate to hear, would it change anything?"
Killan began to pace in a small circle. Why did she always have to put it back on him? The woman could be so infuriating. "Yes...no...I don't know!" he replied feeling frustrated. "I'm just trying to do the right thing. Can't you see that?"
Emma growled under her breath. "And why can't you see that bitch is lying to you? She's not having your kid!"
While shaking his head Killian frowned. "Does your magic include clairvoyance now Swan? How could you possibly know?"
"Milah came to see me yesterday, and she was lying through her teeth when she said she was pregnant. I might not be clairvoyant, but you know I can tell when someone is lying."
"Are you sure?"
"I'm never wrong about this Hook. She's crazy."
"I'm not doubting your super power Emma but..." he trailed off, instantly regretting voicing his scepticism. He wanted to believe her. He wanted to trust his gut and listen to the nagging doubt that kept plaguing his thoughts.
"Wow, so you'll believe her but not me?" Emma turned angrily and walked to the bedside drawer, picking up a small glass vial. She stepped back over to him, reaching down and thrusting the vial into his right hand. "Here. I had Regina make this. It's a truth potion. If there is any doubt in your mind, you'll get Milah to drink this."
He held the small vial up to the sunlight that shone through the window, examining it's contents. "What's not to say that you and the Evil Queen conspired to make a potion to have Milah say exactly what you want her to?" He was throwing fuel on the fire now and could not for the life of him understand why.
"Seriously?" Emma scoffed loudly. "Wow. Is that what you think of me? Unlike Milah, I'm not trying to trick you into staying with me. Clearly you've made your choice! If it's not me you want then fine, don't make excuses in some lame attempt to walk away from this." Emma gestured back and forth between the two of them then threw her arms up in the air. "I just thought you deserved to know if you're really going to be a father."
"Emma. I'm just trying to do what is best for my child, and if that means giving up the woman I love in order to give my child the best chance then that is what I must do."
"Oh my god were you always this dumb? I just want to slap some freakin sense into you." Emma growled loudly and reached out as if to strangle him. "Why the hell are you so desperate to believe her lies?"
Killian was flustered, struggling to find the words. He bit down on his lip and grimaced before a confession slipped from his lips. "Is it so crazy for me to want to be a father Emma? To have a family of my own?"
She looked shocked - her jaw agape with surprise. "That's what this is all about?"
"Aye, perhaps it is," he whispered quietly. "These past few months I have spent so much time with your family, seeing you with Henry. For so long I was too much of a villain to even care, but now, now perhaps I realise what I'm missing."
"And you want to have a family with Milah?"
"No, not necessarily, but I can't help but wonder if this if the universe's way of telling me this is my one and only chance to be a father."
"It's not your only chance," Emma replied flatly.
Killian raised an eyebrow as a smile tugged at the corner of his lips as he imagined Emma with a growing belly and swollen breasts.
"Whoa, slow down there buddy," She smiled back at him. "I'm not promising anything. I'm still getting to know you. Hell I'm still getting to know Henry. I'm not exactly ready to start bearing your offspring – not yet any way." Emma flashed him a coy smile. "I'm just saying this thing with Milah - it's not it."
"But what if she is telling the truth Emma?" Killian sighed. "No matter my feelings for you, I can't leave her, not even if I wanted to. Milah would never allow it. She'd run off and take the child away just to spite me. I won't let my child grow up without a father like Henry or Baelfire."
"We won't let that happen," Emma replied confidently. "Besides, if she took off, then we'd go after her. I find people for a living remember? She would never get away with it." She took a few steps toward him and reached out to toy with a button on his leather vest. "But its a moot point because she's not... having... your... baby."
Killian scratched his head. "I still don't understand why both Milah and Rumplestiltskin would lie about this? What would they gain from his?"
"This was never about you," Emma told him. "Well not directly."
"What are you talking about?" Killian looked perplexed.
Emma took a deep breath. "I never got a chance to tell you, but this was all part of Gold's plan to get you out of the picture and force Neal and I back together."
Killian's head was really hurting now. "But why? Milah wouldn't conspire with the crocodile. She despises that man as much as I do."
"Because she wants you all to herself. So much so that she'd say just about anything to keep you. Gold's just playing along with her games." Emma tugged on the hem of his vest, rubbing her thumb over the leather.
"And Baelfire? What does he have to do with all of this?"
"He's just stuck in the middle like you and I."
"Are you certain?"
"Absolutely." Emma nodded.
Killian sighed, stashing the truth serum into his pocket before reaching down to run his fingers over the back of Emma's hand. "I suppose I should go and talk to Milah and sort this out once and for all."
"No, don't just talk to her." Emma gently slapped his chest. "Give her the potion. Ask her to drink it. If she refuses then surely that should be enough to prove she's lying. If she does drink it, then you can have your answer with one simple question."
"And what if that answer is not the one we want to hear Love?"
Emma swallowed hard, taking his hand in hers and toying with his fingers. "Well then, the ball is in your court. You have to decide what you want."
Killian looked down at her. "And what about you Swan, what do you want?"
Their eyes met. The silence lingered as Killian tried to read her mind. Finally Emma leaned in and placed a soft and gentle kiss upon his lips.
"What I want, is you," she said with a smile.
6th July 2014 - Just a quick update for anyone reading this - I know it's been a while since I posted this chapter but I got hit with writers block. Rest assured I haven't abandoned the story though and I'm working on the next chapter at the moment. Hope to have an update soon! Wish me luck :)