Disclaimer: If I owned Snape, I wouldn't be here. If I made money from fanfic, I'd be here waaaaay more often since I could do this instead of other work! Also, anything not caught by my beta Ozma914 is probably my own fault, because he's kinda awesome.

A/N: Consider this a mini-chapter, because I haven't had the time to work on much and there wasn't a good place to break the longer segment I have mostly done. If it gives you an idea of how crazy (but fun) my week has been, the unpolished version had a small section about 2 boys who were awesome and also ninjas that I typed up while I was being very adorably interrupted. Props to all the Moms & Dads out there. Next (longer!) chap in the next few days, with any luck tomorrow.

/\/\

Hermione woke up to the rumbling of Snape's voice and the sudden tensing of the muscles that currently functioned as her pillow. She squinted against the light and lifted her head from his chest. A blurry, sideways figure stood in the doorway.

"You're getting soft, old man. I was in the room a good thirty seconds before you tried to hex me."

Malfoy.

"What?" Well, she'd heard that tone before. Malfoy was screwed. Definitely.

"I'm trying to insinuate that your reflexes are not quite what they used to be. You're apparently either too sleep-ridden or too sex-clouded to comprehend my insult, which further illustrates my point."

Snape actually honest-to-goodness growled as the man stepped forward into the room. "I meant why are you in my bloody secret safehouse interrupting my-"

"Lucius!"

Hermione screeched and thrashed around in the bedclothes.

"The sheets! I can't believe you didn't say anything - how long have you been staring at-"

He rolled his eyes and let out an exasperated sigh (seriously!).

"I've seen breasts before, Her-"

A small sound of throat-clearing and the shuffling of feet interrupted his protest.

"Should I come back… after?"

In the doorway, a wide-eyed Wulfric held a tea tray. He swayed with hesitation, but otherwise held his ground.

Snape glared at the elf. "There will not be an after, Wulfric. Meet us in the living room."

Wulfric vanished with a 'pop'. Snape ran a hand down his face and looked back over to Lucius. He flung the sheet off his body and grumpily stood up.

"Severus! Gods!"

Lucius moved to cover his eyes, but not quickly enough. Snape sneered as he slowly walked, nude, to the bathroom. It was all Hermione could do not to fall off of the bed laughing. Serves him right!

"We'll be out in a minute. Do try to contain yourself after what you've seen."

/\/\

Once they were all properly attired and seated around a tea service, things seemed much less tense. An extra plate of chocolate biscuits appeared next to Snape; Wulfric, through some kind of magic house-elf knowledge or perhaps just intuition, knew and was immensely grateful that Severus had spared him fromthe full Monty. Lucius gingerly set his saucer down.

"I came by to confirm that you are both prepared for the Mixer tomorrow."

Snape glared over his cup, and remained silent other than the soft crunching of biscuits.

"Is there something we should know, beyond the crackdown on so-called 'deceptive' charms?" Hermione asked. "We've pretty much got that down. The only things we really feel like hiding are some… scars… and we've got a way around that."

Lucius cleared his throat and looked away awkwardly before replying.

"Indeed. One of the reasons they're requiring those who are already "Matched" to continue attending is that they'll be monitoring the couples via a handful of new Ministry Matchmaker Representatives. I am… much less concerned about your appearance as a couple than I was half an hour ago. Especially if your creative use of cover-ups doesn't work on those love-bites."

Snape ignored both the comment and the use of the word love. "What flaming hoops must we jump through now?"

"Subtle ones," Lucius said. "They will not be openly acknowledging anything of the sort, merely observing. I do not anticipate the two of you will encounter any difficulties now that you have been forewarned. I did not expect you to fail, but felt Severus' penchant for self-deprecation and sarcasm could set off red flags if said in the wrong time, place, or manner."

"Thank you," Hermione said. "We'll be sure to keep up appearances."

"Additionally, they will be on the lookout for some Muggle means of, ah, how did you put it, deception," Lucius continued. "Specifically drugs and heavy cosmetics."

The group strategically sipped their tea all at once, creating a strained pause. Hermione broke the silence.

"Do you have any other information, or are they keeping you high and dry as well?"

Lucius nodded and set down his teacup a little too forcefully. "The event is being held in my own home and I still don't know exactly what the itinerary is. There have been rumors that they'll be an announcement, but I haven't been able to confirm anything – anything – about it."

"Well, thank you for the heads-up anyway. I know if they're watching at all, they'll be watching us heavily to see if we slip up. Now we can prepare ourselves."

Severus made a noise that from anyone else would have been considered a snort.

"Heaven forbid the Ministry's forced marriages don't look genuine. Oh, we will be… prepared… indeed."

Lucius moved to stand, leaning a bit more on his signature cane than usual.

"I only wish I could have given you more time, and less vague intelligence. I apologize for running off, but I do need to be on my way: last-minute preparations and such."

"We understand." Hermione smiled at him as he left with very little of the Malfoy grandiose. Did I just speak for Snape? Are we a 'we' yet?