Chapter 21

I was still a little achy, but I rolled out of bed early and crept downstairs. I ate a quick breakfast, then raced out the front door and down the porch steps…and froze when I saw Gianluca's tennis shoes at the bottom.

I looked down at the bruises on my legs and pictured Gianluca, cold and tired from searching for me.

I pictured the beach, the mountains, the forests and fields, and smiled and inhaled, ready to go out and lose myself in them.

"I'm sorry, Gianluca. I shouldn't have left without my phone."

"And without me."

"Oh, Gianluca…"

"Don't ever scare me like that again, okay?"

Oh, man…what was going on?

I sat on the steps, longing to go out, but not wanting to upset Gianluca. He didn't want me to leave without him, because he was worried about me.

But I didn't want him to be scared for me all the time!

The wind was calling me, and the internal battle raged.

Maybe if I picked a place to go to, and then left him a note... But I still needed to get my phone…

I stared longingly into the distance, itching to leave, my feet pleading to run.

"Naomi, you scared me so bad last night…I didn't know where you were, or what was happening to you. I was imagining all these horrible things that could be going wrong!"

I rubbed my eyes and held my head in my hands.

My heart wanted to go out and be alive in nature, but then my heart also listened to the words of Gianluca, being pulled in two directions, unsure of what to do.

I sighed, and looked up at the sky, a breeze rustling my curls.

"I just want you to be safe, Naomi," he whispered.

"Don't leave without me, Naomi, please?"

I slowly turned to go back inside, unsure of myself.

I raced up the stairs, and quietly entered Gianluca's room.

He was laying on his back, one arm hanging over the edge of the bed, the other over his eyes.

I went to sit next to him on the mattress.

"Gianluca?" I whispered.
He moved his hand, saw me next to him, saw the sun coming through the window…

He sat up quickly.

"What, Naomi? What's going on?"

He reached for my hands, confused, oblivious to my internal struggling. I was looking wistfully out the window.

"What's wrong?"

I looked into his handsome eyes and admitted defeat.

"Can we go out now?"

"Can we…? Naomi, I don't understand what's going on."

I was quiet, and he got up to get his phone.

He turned to me, looking confused.

"You turned off the alarm again?"

I nodded.

"Yet you're still here…Oh, Naomi!"

He smiled brightly as the realization that I had stayed set in, and he sat next to me on the bed, reaching out to hug me.

"You didn't leave!"

"No, I didn't…" I said quietly.

He took me gently by the shoulders and looked into my eyes.

"Alright, Naomi, you don't have to wait any longer! Let's go!"

We went out walking, and arrived at a huge forest with very tall, climbable trees. I pulled my hand out of Gianluca's and climbed one, and then started jumping from tree to tree, giggling with excitement.

Gianluca ran along at the bottom, calling for me to be careful.

"I've never fallen from a tree before!" I called down.

"Well, I don't want this to be the first time, then!"

I usually enjoyed Gianluca's company, but today, I just wanted to run and explore and disappear for a while. He didn't go exploring like me, and he couldn't completely grasp my longings for nature.

Gianluca was a noisy hiker, and he scared away the little forest creatures as he trodded on roots and dead leaves. I was fast for him too, and he panted and chased after me.

I jumped down and stood in front of him, making him jump.

"Gianluca, would you try to be quiet?"

He smiled.

"I'm trying, I'm trying!"

As I explored, or tried to, I often found myself alone, and then Gianluca would call me and I'd have to go back and find him.

This exploration just wasn't as fun as I imagined it should be, and I eventually took his hand so we could walk back home. I looked back at the forest, still wanting to run and explore, but knowing Gianluca wouldn't be able to keep up with me. The excitement was gone.

I was quiet as we walked, and Gianluca watched me.

Then he stopped, and I turned to him.

He looked concerned, and he tilted his head and gazed at me.

"Naomi, are you mad at me? Because I don't want you to go out by yourself?"

I shook my head and tried to answer honestly without upsetting him.

"No, I just… I just wish you'd let me go out and not feel as if you have to come and protect me."

"Oh, Naomi…"

"Oh, Gianluca…"

He started walking again, and we went home in silence, with me wanting to go back out and explore, and him worrying about me running off without him and getting hurt.

I don't think either of us were very happy at the moment.

Gianluca went off to practice with Piero and Ignazio at Piero's house, and I hung around the Ginoble house, giving myself things to do until after lunch. Then I went over to find the boys, hoping they weren't rehearsing anything too top-secret.

They were working on the music for the song about Italy, but mostly playing around, and they were trying to throw crumpled papers of lyrics into the trash can in the kitchen when I arrived. I went around to the back of the couch, and fell backwards so that I was sitting upside-down, my feet in the air.

Ignazio, who was next to me, laughed and they all watched me, waiting for me to say something.

"Sitting right-side up is overrated," I said, and the three of them laughed.

"I'm BOREEDDDD!" I explained.

"I see," Ignazio said, and Piero handed me his iPod and his Beats, which I gratefully slid over my ears, and went in search of his Il Volo music.

They kept harmonizing, and I listened to the whole Il Volo "We Are Love" album, and then started to dream of the outdoors.

I tried to push the thoughts out of my mind, knowing Gianluca wouldn't go out with me now that they were practicing, and he wouldn't want me to go out by myself. I tried to ignore the longings, but they overwhelmed me.

I tumbled backwards off the couch and handed Piero his Beats. I went out onto the porch, and sat, staring longingly into the distance, at the mountains.

Oh, I just wanted to go and explore! Why couldn't Gianluca understand!? I could take care of myself! I knew that I'd be okay if I went, yet I stayed on the porch, held down by love.

The internal struggle began again, with my love of nature and my love for Gianluca pushing and pulling at each other.

"I'm sorry, Gianluca. I shouldn't have left without my phone."

"And without me."

"Oh, Gianluca…"

"Don't ever scare me like that again, okay?"

Abruzzo called to me, inviting me to lose myself in it, but I stayed put.

I rested my head in my hands, unsure of what to do or what to think, not wanting to stay and not wanting to leave.

I was surprised to find tears of frustration spring to my eyes and I tugged at my hair, feeling pathetic.

How do I satisfy this longing for nature without worrying Gianluca?
For several minutes I knelt, my mind and heart ablaze and contending.

The door opened behind me, and Gianluca walked down the porch steps to stand in front of me.

I looked up at him, and then avoided his gaze, swiping at my eyes. He looked down at me, concerned. He ran a hand through his hair and sighed.

"You want to go out?"

I was quiet, because if I said yes he would feel as if he had to go with me, and he wouldn't be able to keep up if I went romping through Abruzzo to my heart's content.

"I know that I can't keep up with you, Naomi. I'm sorry about that." he said, and I looked up in surprise.

We stared at each other. He looked strange, a little somber, but thoughtful.

"I see that this trip is not going to be much fun for you if I… chain you up like this."

I was quiet, unsure of what he was doing.

He came to kneel in front of me, and took my hands, pulling them to his chest. He leaned into me and tenderly kissed me, then rested his head against mine.

"I love you, Naomi," he whispered as he placed something in my hand. "Be careful…"

He let go, and I looked down at my phone in my hand. I sat up straight.

"You mean-?"

He stood up.

"Oh, Gianluca!"

I jumped up and threw my arms around him, and he fell backwards on the porch, smiling at me. I gave him several quick kisses, then jumped up and ran off before he could change his mind.

I went out miles into Abruzzo, just losing myself in all the life around me. For the next few hours, I was gone to humans and it was just me and the Earth around me.

Everyone talks about how the Earth is a place of suffering, and a land of tears, and I guess that it is compared to heaven. But still, God has given us a very beautiful place of waiting.

I experienced the world around me, smelling the wild flowers, spying on the creatures of Abruzzo, and even taking off my shoes to feel the warm dirt on my feet. I climbed the highest of trees to look at the land around me from above, and I tasted the water from a hidden, flowing stream.

I sat on a cluster of rocks, feeling the heat from them run through my body and my bare feet, and thought about Gianluca, at home worrying about me.

I closed my eyes and inhaled, more glad that he had let me go than he might ever know. If only he didn't worry about me, because I would always return to him.

I pulled out my phone and took a picture of me smiling on the rocks and sent it to him, in an attempt to decrease his worrying by showing him that I was fine and having fun.

This could be a regular thing, I thought, as I sent him the picture. I could send him occasional pictures of me to prove that I wasn't in trouble. I bet he would appreciate it.

I climbed down the rocks and started home, because it was beginning to get dark.

As I walked, I saw something shiny hanging from a tree branch, glinting in the sun.

I went up to it, reached up, and plucked it from the branch. It was a necklace of a silver eagle with outstretched wings, soaring. On the wings the words "Il Volo" were engraved, and on the back were the words, "Good Luck, Gian," but written in Italian. I smiled and clutched it to my heart.

He must have lost it while he was looking for me the other night, and not mentioned it to me!

Oh, I'm so glad that I'll get to bring it back to him!

When I got back, I found Gianluca on the porch with Piero and Ignazio, talking.

He jumped up when he saw me coming, and walked over to meet me, reaching out to embrace me.

I looked up and kissed him, trying to convey some of my appreciation for him letting me go out by myself.

"Thank you, Gianluca," I whispered, and he nodded.

We went to the porch, and he sat down with the guys again. I pretended like I was going inside, but stopped when I passed Gianluca.

Piero and Ignazio watched me, and I held a finger to my lips.

I held out the necklace and leaned down to Gianluca, placing it around his neck.

Then I immediately went inside and peered through the window to watch him jump up, pull it off, and stare at it in awe, then turn to smile crookedly at the door I had just walked through.