December 20th - Promise to Smile

Garcia fell asleep that night purposefully ignoring the fact that she hadn't answered any of the team's hundred calls. They still wanted to talk and she still didn't.

Talking about it didn't change anything, didn't make anything better, it just meant thinking about things she'd rather pretend weren't happening. Talking about it made it real. And it's hard to ignore what you know to be cold, unforgiving fact.

Before, she'd determinedly tried to just not think about it, she'd gone to great lengths to be happy even when she felt nothing of the sort. She was pretty sure the team thought it was because they were helping keep her mind off it. But they were wrong... You never forgot, it never slipped your mind. How could it? No, you just pretend it doesn't bother you, you just pretend it isn't an all-consuming hole of black nothingness waiting to swallow you whole when you're finally ready to admit defeat.

She couldn't pinpoint exactly when her outlook had become so grim, when she had become so jaded; she had really thought she was doing well avoiding the depression that so often went hand-in-hand with a cancer diagnosis. But somehow, she had fallen victim to it...

******

Garcia woke up hours later as the weak sunlight filtered into her bedroom; she felt as if she hadn't slept at all.

Another day...

Sighing, she rolled over to find her cell phone on the side table where she had abandoned it hours before. She was pretty sure that the team had flooded her phone with missed calls. On one hand, she was thankful that she had them by her side as she battled this awful disease. Yet, on the other hand, they were getting kind of irritating. While she understood that they genuinely cared for her, they wouldn't leave her alone...

Putting the battery back in and checking her messages, she found thirty-two missed calls and a video message. She wasn't surprised to find that they had called her so many times, but the video message was rather unexpected.

She opened the link and, watching the video, a lone tear traced a glittering path down her cheek. She had ignored their calls for the past eighteen hours straight, yet they refused to give up on comforting her. Instantly, she felt guilty for thinking that they were annoying. Her tears continued to trickle down her cheeks as she listened to their message.

"Hey. We know we must be annoying you a little, or a lot, but we can't help it," JJ smiled, "We need to know that our favourite tech goddess is okay..."

As the video came to an end, she had completely broken down. Even little Jack was rooting for her to get well and here she was feeling sorry for herself. She felt so stupid. She had an amazing group of friends wanting to help, but she insisted on pushing them away when she probably needed them more than ever.

Wiping away her tears, she got up from bed and rushed to the bathroom to clean herself up. She needed to look good for the video she was about to send...

******

"Did she call?" Morgan asked the room at large as he returned to the conference room with Reid.

"No," JJ replied sadly.

"You think she's going to be okay?" Emily asked worriedly.

Hotch sighed softly and said – more to himself than to the team –, "She's Garcia. She'll be fine..."

"Then, why hasn't she called?"

"She needs time to deal with the fact that instead of getting better, she got worse," Rossi replied, "We did what we could and now, we wait. Like hunting, we wait for her to come to us..."

"Let's hope it's sooner than later..."

And with that a short buzz from JJ's phone indicated to the team she received a message. A little despondently, she checked the screen and was instantly alert. "It's Garcia! She's sent us a video..." A split second later, everyone had crowded around to hear what she had to say.

The first thing that struck them was that she was dressed more colorfully than ever. That had to be a good sign.

"I'm sorry I've been ignoring you guys... I know you were just being annoying because you care, because you wanted to make sure that I was okay. I'm kidding; it wasn't annoying."

Making jokes, that had to mean she was in a more cheerful mood.

"In fact, it means the world to me that you're all here for me. I'll admit that I didn't want to talk to you; I just let myself get bogged down in all the gloom and doom and it was just easier to be depressed when I pretended like no one cared. But I know you do. I guess I just needed to be reminded of that."

They breathed a sigh of relief that they had gotten through to her. They had all been very worried that she was reaching the end of her rope and would just stop caring.

"And I'm not going to feel sorry for myself anymore, I'm not doing anyone any favors by being sad. I'm going to keep holding on, keep fighting. Because you're right... What would you do without me?"

It was a huge weight off their shoulders to see her smiling again.

"Oh, and Morgan..." She smirked and he suddenly got a sinking feeling. "You'd better worship me... You owe me... You know what I mean."

Under the table, he discreetly tightened his grip on Emily's hand. "Oh, I know..." he muttered, "And she'll never let me forget it."

"Now, get back to work!" Garcia trilled from the screen, "Don't you have anything better to be doing? If you're not back for Christmas eve...there's gonna be hell to pay!"

A/N: I'd just like to take the time right now to point out just how much this story owes to Confetti Leaves... Seriously, I can guarantee 100% that it would not be done so quickly or so well if it weren't for her! Especially considering that she even wrote much of this chapter for me... Not to mention helping me out by offering ideas, reading/editing chapters, rewriting passages, keeping me from getting distracted and forcing me to write (a HUGE problem...), keeping me motivated, and providing me moral support. So a big round of applause to her! And I really hope she sees this so she knows just how much help she's been, it literally wouldn't have gotten done without her, and I'm pretty sure that by the end of it I'll owe her my first-born child or something...