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I hope this story doesn't seem like it's meandering, because I've been driving toward the next chapter for a while. And now for some Kai-ness…
Kai and Dranzer © Nelvana and Takao Aoki.
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………………………………………by Destiny Kitty………………………………………
………………………… wonder where these dreams go…………………………
Divya, exhausted by the day, slept soundly through the night. Beside her Jace woke occasionally to check that the apartment was silent and still before dropping back into a deep sleep. And Kai dreamed.
They were not the terrifying dreams of the previous night and many others, overwhelming him with fear and hurt that felt like memories except that he had no recollection of them. Tonight's dreams were sweet, wistful, and perhaps almost nostalgic, something he definitely was not used to.
He woke with tears in his eyes and longing in his heart.
– … are you alright, Kai? … –
Yeah, I'm fine, the boy answered, wiping his eyes. He fingered the blade thoughtfully as he tried to figure out what had awoken him. Dranzer helpfully provided the information.
– … you dreamed of your mother… –
Kai stared off across the room, pondering the information. His mother… she was yet another part of his life that did not exist in his memory. He wondered if he had been happy with her, if she had loved him, what had happened to her.
– … the dream was pleasant… –
Kai knew Dranzer was right. He was not being plagued by any of the ill feelings that usually followed his dreams. So what does that mean? he sighed wearily.
Dranzer gave him a mental nudge.
– … perhaps the part of you that does remember her knows… –
But I can't find her in my mind, anywhere.
– … that does not mean she is not there… –
Fidgeting with the edge of his blanket, he tried to remember. It was like grasping at something just beyond his reach, something he could feel but not see. Frustration swept over him.
It's no use! I just can't.
He could sense Dranzer's disappointment, but the blade spirit only wrapped a ribbon of heat around him comfortingly. Kai asked, tremblingly, Why did I think of her tonight?
– … you must have been reminded of her in the day… –
He considered. Divya had stayed with him all day, held him, took care of him, saved him from that angry stranger. Those were motherly actions, he supposed.
Dranzer agreed.
So she reminded me of my mother, even though I can't remember her?
– … it would seem to be so… –
Kai sat back against the headboard, gazing out the window. Lights twinkled in the early morning darkness, resembling the stars that were not visible from the city.
…What does she think of me?
– … I sensed much concern from her throughout the day… –
So was she worried about me?
– … it is certainly possibly… –
Kai thought for a few minutes, staring out the window again. Finally he asked, in a childish manner that revealed his longing, Dranzer… we can't stay here, can we?
– … Kai, that decision does not rest with me… –
The boy curled his legs up to his chest and his arms around them, resting his chin on top to think. He was happy here. This place felt safe, and both Divya and Jace seemed willing to accept him into their lives and take care of him.
Yet something still nagged at the back of his mind, a need to run, a fear of being caught. He did not know what provoked these unsettling feelings. Even as Divya had gently cared for him, occasional twinges of terror had quickened his heart and heightened his guard. Surely that was not normal. He guessed that these bad feelings came from his previous experiences and had nothing to do with the couple in the next bedroom, but still it bothered him. Those two were content together. Did he have a right to remain if he was not satisfied as well?
Maybe I don't deserve happiness. Maybe I do not belong.
But I do want to stay.
Miserably caught between these conflicting feelings, he rolled over onto his side and tightened his grip on Dranzer, squeezing his eyes shut as distress choked his heart. A soft whimper escaped his lips.
Dranzer, what are we going to do?
Suddenly he heard a noise and went still, relaxing into the pillow of his borrowed bed to feint sleep. Footsteps entered the room, approaching him. Hands tugged the blanket over his shoulder and smoothed it out. Fingers brushed his gray bangs away from his eyes.
"Sleep well, little one," murmured Jace, straightening and retreating back out of the room.
Red eyes opened to watch the man's back disappear through the door and down the hallway, surprised at the unexpected reassurance.
"I suppose we could stay for a while," Kai whispered.
– …I will be wherever you are… –
Ok… thanks…
Dranzer sent another soothing tendril of warmth around Kai, feeling the boy become calm as his mind drifted away and sleep claimed him. The blade spirit stayed alert to the boy's thoughts, waiting for dreams to return as the night deepened and faded into morning light.
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