Vanderlyle Crybaby Geeks by The National

The stereo was playing Patsy Cline as steam had fogged up the mirror. I went over to it, wiping it away to look at my face—blue eyes caught blue. I put on facial cream, something that reminded me of my mother, but it was only a temporary memory. It was easily shut out with everything else.

The towel on my head shifted and I corrected it as I grabbed my body towel and went to open the door to my room, humming the song under my breath.

I sat at my bed, picking up the script with my dry hands, flipping over it and looking at all the highlighted lines I had to memorize.

I didn't even want to do it.

It was too late now, though. Armin had taken my measurements and sent them over to the fashion club. I glanced over to my backpack that was by my desk—the large math book peeking out of it like a sore reminder.

I flopped down onto my bed.

I really didn't want to think about it. My studies and tutoring for ballet and piano were going along fine. I was showing improvements every time father came back and asked to watch or listen.

What would he say if he learned I was struggling in math?

He'd be disappointed.

Disappointment.

I reached out, grabbing my purse at the edge of the bed, digging in it, humoring the thought of texting Reiner for help—but what if he was busy? I didn't want to bug him. It'd be better if I didn't at all. He probably was probably more burdened and stressed than me.

"Historia!" The door flung open and I immediately sat up, bewildered as Armin came in, grinning and waving the script around.

My arms wrapped around my toweled body. I didn't heard what he said.

My fingers dug into my ribcage and I didn't see him anymore.

I felt teeth on my neck, someone's tongue against my lips. I felt those worms come back, gnawing under my skin, making it hot and bruised, making me want to cry but I was too choked up.

"Historia?"

"G-Get out!" I snapped, grabbing my blankets and covering myself.

"I-I'm sorry—"

"GET OUT!" I screamed at Armin as he quickly did as I told, leaving without saying another word. When he was out I ran to my door, realizing my mistake in not locking it—stupid, stupid, stupid. I bolted it close and brought the chair right against it, barricading it like how I did every night, but this time the damage was done.

The memory was festering and leaped out of the darkest, forgotten corner of my mind—his rough hands, being seen when I didn't want to be, the word 'no' lost on the back of my tongue.

Girl.

I couldn't stand it.

My mind—I had control of it. It was mine. I didn't have to think of it—it was gone, gone, gone, GONE!

But yet those memories kept coming up against my own will. My mother screaming, my grandfather yelling and slugging the man, and then realizing—my hand went to my neck and shoulder, touching where it would have hurt, where those marks would have been, and it felt hot to my hand.

I tried to clear my throat as my heart drummed loud and hard. This feeling was like when I leaned too far back in the chair and about falling. Except there was no way to stop it. It just kept coming in waves, growing and growing until tears came down my face.

I didn't want to feel this—something was clawing at my back, something aching was in my stomach. Every part of me wished it could tear away, run away from this relentless fear.

I nearly yelped as I felt my bed vibrate. I glanced over to my phone, seeing it shift ever so slightly.

Reiner—written in glowing letters shone through with a little envelope underneath. Shakily, I brought my hand out, checking the message.

Hey. On the homework, there's a trick question. I had some trouble with it. Need help?

It was something to distract me. If I could pretend I never felt this, if I could pretend I didn't feel bad then maybe I would believe it and I would never feel bad.
I kept making mistakes as I typed, constantly shaking but slowly I was able to make something comprehendible.

I haven't started.

I sent it and within seconds I receive a reply back. It didn't give my mind time to indulge on what I left behind.

The problem or homework?

It was easier to type now that I was able to control my hands a bit better.

Homework.

I went to my backpack, lugging out the heavy book and brought it to my bed. I glanced around, trying to find paper and a pencil but I caught a glance at my reflection in the vanity—no.

No. No. No.

Another message resonated and I went to the dresser, quickly slipping into some lounge clothes before checking my phone.

Do you want me to come over and help?

No.

I didn't want anyone to see me.

It's fine.

Sent.

I skimmed through the pages until I found the homework and glanced over the problems. There were things I didn't even know—sin and cos? When did I ever learn that? We didn't touch algebra before.

Another message.

I don't mind. I'm not doing anything.

Pretend to be ok. Pretend to be fine.

I'm good at that.

Ok. Thank you.

I'd just have to go to the parlor and study there with him.

Maybe apologize to Armin.

I was gathering the things I'd need until there was another text. I glanced over.

Ok that I can come over…?

He was so cautious.

Yes.

What a dork.

-x-x-x-

Reiner must have been lying.

When he got here he didn't waste time to help me. What startled me the most was that he wore glasses—it was oddly fitting if not a little cute. He started from the first problem and breezed through them with ease, teaching me where I was lost and filling in the gaps. It was hard to believe that he had problems with the work at all.

"Where did you go to school before?" Reiner asked, slipping off his glasses and cleaning them with a napkin.

"Um—" right.

Why did I ever think it would never be asked?

"I mean… you should have learned that by now." Reiner put his glasses back on, staring at me.

"Yeah… my school was behind on things, but… I didn't know you wore glasses?" I peered up at him as we sat on the couch, pouring over our books and inevitably the scripts.

"Oh, yeah," Reiner laughed, "I wear contacts…glasses are too dangerous in football."

It made sense. It was just strange to see him with glasses on. At school, Mina and Hitch would daydream loudly about him in the girl's bathroom—his muscles, his eyes, and how handsome he was. It was true. I could see that he was attractive but I didn't see him as what they saw, I didn't see him as something to look at. I saw him as a person.

It was hard to see him that way—a person outside of school. His glasses only made it that more apparent.

I felt like he had other things about him. Things he didn't bring up at school or that he hid as well. I don't know what led me to believe it except that he played his part as the kind boy-next-door jock a little too well—perfect grades, great at sports, good looking, and a good person. It was almost unsettling to me, because I saw myself in that. Maybe that's how I knew because we were similar.

"Hm," Reiner caught my gaze and smiled a bit, "now that we're done, I can tell you about a few books that might help you—or did you want to do something else?"

"What do you like to do for fun?" I asked, leaning back into the couch. My anxiety from earlier was still bubbling and sloshing in my stomach like a sludgy brew, but it was more manageable right now. It was always easier around people.

"I like to play sports, read, and—"I was right. He listed off things that people would find admirable—hobbies that nobody could look down upon. They were just things people idolized.

Maybe I was morbid in wanting to see a fault in his own mask or maybe I wanted to get closer to someone who was a lot like me, but I couldn't help myself in wondering.

Did he hurt inside, too?

Did he get anxiety as well?

If he did he never showed it. He was always smiling, laughing, and helping others. In a strange way he reminded me of Freida in the sense he somehow achieved the face of perfection.

Was I anywhere close to that? No. No, I wasn't. I struggled with math and didn't play sports. I didn't even do anything to help others.

"Hey," Reiner called out and I was pulled out of my thoughts, "what're you thinking about?"

"Oh…it's nothing."

"Nah, tell me—don't worry. Just be honest. I don't mind." Reiner gave an encouraging smile. And what a smile it was—I was right in that he somehow achieved being the ideal person.

"Really?" I challenged quietly. He gave another nod.

"I was thinking…what you thought of me?"

Reiner's cheeks went red again as he glanced away in obvious thought.

Would he lie to me to make me feel better about myself or would he be good and true?

Either way, it was a trick question.

"W-Well," he crossed his arms, "I-I think you're a really wonderful girl… I know I just met you b-but I just… find you really nice. You're very soft with your words, you have this look—I don't know… I just really…really like you."

Oh.

I had forgotten.

He must've misunderstood my question, because I didn't really mind why he liked me or the reasons. I only wanted to know what he thought of me so far—what my mask looked like and if it had the effect I was hoping for.

I guess I wouldn't know now.

"O-Oh."

What was I supposed to say to that?

"I-I got to go!" Reiner stood up, hastily snatching up his things and nearly sprinting to the door.

"W-What? Wait," I stood up.

I felt bad.

"I-I will talk to you tomorrow, Historia." He blubbered in embarrassment and was gone, leaving Armin wide-eyed in the hallway.

"When did Reiner get here!?" Armin asked.

"And what happened?!"

I only stood there, confused and startled as much as he was.

"Wait—no," Armin came up, putting down his cellphone and grabbing my hands, "don't tell me—" he must've saw it on my face because his eyes went wide as he grinned.

"Oh man!" He snickered, pulling away and laughing behind his hand like an evil mastermind. I could only watch and wait for Armin to enlighten me.

"He tried asking you out didn't he!?"

"…Not really…"

"What!?"

"Well… he said he liked me." I left out the really, really part.

"And what did you say?" Armin came closer, eager and looming over me.

"I—I said nothing?" I didn't even really get the chance to say anything, but even if I did—what could I say?

Did I like him, too?

"Nothing!? NOTHING!?" Armin was reeling with shock.

"No wonder Reiner went racing out! He thought you rejected him—wait, did you?!"

"I—I don't know…"

"What do you mean you don't know, Historia?! It's a yes-or-no question! Either you like the guy or you don't!" Armin went and flopped on the couch, putting a hand on his head, sighing dramatically.

"All this happens without me knowing! How could this happen?" He lamented to himself.

"I… I don't really know him… he seems nice, I guess?"

"He's a really good guy! He's been tripping all over you!"

Armin was right. It was painfully obvious Reiner had something for me.

"He's really nice to me," I agreed, "and I like being around him…"

He helped me without forcing me to feel like I owed him anything. He was just happy to be of help.

The more I thought about it the more it would make sense that I did like him.

Wasn't a relationship about being around someone and liking them? Girls who liked boys always spoke how great the guy was. I thought Reiner was a great person, too.

Maybe it was something.

"See! You like him, too, don't you? You don't have to be shy!" Armin nodded, trying to force me to see my own ways.

"Oh," Armin looked down, "um, I'm sorry for barging in without knocking… It was just… I came up with a new scene for the script that made it a lot better than the old one… I thought you'd like to see it."

I was surprised he wanted to share anything with me at all. We usually didn't talk much back at home—he went to his room and I went to mine and that was that. We never got the time to get close.

Though, honestly, I still held a grudge against him for being such…an asshole for the first two weeks.

It didn't matter really. He was always gone for some reason.

"Oh… It's alright, I—I just panicked," I gave a bashful smile, because he didn't deserve to know what actually happened. Nobody would see my weaknesses and vulnerabilities. They were mine only.

"…so, um, did you want to see it?" Armin ventured.

"Oh, yeah, I can," I nodded, going to sit on the couch with Armin as he flipped through the pages.

"It's such a mess. Everyone is racing to get this done last minute. We will be lucky if we remember half of the lines so I'm making this one final edit and handing it back out. I figured you guys only got the first couple of pages—this scene is the very last. I had to cut out the kiss since… you know…" Armin stopped, glancing up at me. I knew what he was asking silently, wondering if actually did want to kiss Reiner. It would be an obvious sign I was into him if I said yes.

"Well…maybe… we can add that."

"Really?" Armin lifted his eyebrows, observing me with a growing wicked, little smile that screamed 'I knew it'.

"Maybe," I emphasized, "I don't know how I feel still."

Prince Charming was always good—strong, handsome, kind, and loved by all. Reiner was a perfect fit.

Prince Charming always got the Fair Princess.

It was in every fairytale that I ever read. It was like the sky with its clouds—natural. Nobody questioned it.

Everyone around me seemed to be nudging Reiner and me closer like it was fate.

Maybe it was, maybe it wasn't.

Who was I to ask?

A/N:

Will the prince in shining white armor prevail through the darkness and save the princess?

Or will he get lost just like his beloved?