Marie D. Suesse And The Mystery New Pirate Age!

A Deconstruction, in which multiple readers will no doubt go: "HAH! I KNEW IT!".

Chapter 21: The Pirates of the New Age

When given a choice between dying and doing something, which choice you pick really depends on what kind of person you are. Most people, on being offered a choice, would pick the not-dying option, even if that option, if one stops to think about it, is pretty much the same as dying anyway, just delayed.

An example of such an option would be surrendering oneself to the mercies of a bloodthirsty pirate such as the so-called "First Mate of the Heart Pirates'".

Most people, however, don't have possession of a Logic devil-fruit, and as you all know, Mar did, which was why buckling to Squall's demands was not even in her list of options.

"I'm not going anywhere with you," said she accordingly.

"If I were you I'd think carefully before I'd say that. You're already in trouble for going around and calling yourself the Pirate Queen!"

"I—" Mar began.

"Hey! What do you think you're doing?" yelled a shrill voice. Mar recognised it as coming from one of the fangirls who had been mobbing her earlier. Mar vaguely remembered her name as Alu-something. The girl had run forward, and was belligerently confronting the so-called 'first mate of the Heart pirates'.

"You should feel ashamed of yourself, you—" (here the girl proceeded to string together a sentence which consisted of some very vulgar words) "—Pirate Queen Madelyn is the most amazing pirate in the history of the world and I've been her greatest supporter ever, so stop bothering her and seriously, f—" (and here the potty-mouthed girl once again let loose a string of expletives that would have given even Mr. Suesse pause, if he had been present).

Squall however, just laughed. "You didn't hear what I just said to her, did you? Well let me tell you now, little lickspittle, that that girl you're kissing the ass of isn't the real Pirate Queen."

"YES! THANK YOU!"

Gurnarde turned to look at Mar, one scaly eyebrow arched high at her apparent delight over the accusation.

"Captain, do you mean to say that you are not the Pirate Queen?"

"I've never claimed to be the Pirate Queen to begin with," Mar said with some asperity. "They all just assumed I was and no one even listens when I say I'm not!"

There was a stunned silence from the crowd.

"Wait- she's not the Pirate Queen?"

"She's just a fake!"

"You mean all this time she's been leading us on?"

Mar's head started to throb. "What are you talking about? I just said I've never called myself the Pirate Queen—"

Squall rudely interrupted with a loud guffaw. "You're expecting a mob of emotional people to be reasonable? What a fool!"

"Wait... I think... that is really 'Death-Mist' Squall of the Heart Pirates!"

This was followed with a sudden shriek of horror from the Alu-something girl.

"You mean I've just been rude to a real officer of the Heart Pirates?" The profane girl turned angrily and glared at Mar. "You awful girl, you ruined my chances to join my dream crew!"

Actually, she didn't exactly say "You awful girl", nor did she say "you ruined my chances...". In fact, if I had repeated her exact language, the author would have to up the rating for this fic and apparently she doesn't want to do that. So for any further dialogue from that particular character, I'm going to tactfully translate and let you use your imagination, ok?

Anyway, the girl had finished her torrent of unrepeatable language was now saying to the Heart Pirate:

"Mr. Squall, please forgive me! That imposter tricked me! I didn't know! I'm your biggest fan, really! My dream is to join the Heart Pirates! Please-oh-please put in a good word with The Pirate Queen for me! "

"Me too!"

"Me three!"

"Hey, let's teach that faker a lesson!"

"This not good," grunted Walker uneasily.

"Your supporters appear rather fickle-minded, Captain," Gurnarde commented, taking note of the shifting mood of the crowd.

Mar was feeling rather nauseous. "They're not my supporters. They're freaking opportunistic parasites!"

There was an angry bray from the mob at this.

"If you're so eager to egg on your own lynching, imposter girl," gloated Squall, chuckling. "Well, why don't I just speed things up?" And then he turned to address the rumbling crowd.

"Listen up! If any of you are truly for the Pirate Queen, then prove it! Capture that imposter and kill those fish-freaks. Whoever helps me now will find themselves in the good graces of the Pirate Queen Monkey D. Madelyn, the real captain of the Heart Pirates!"

"Now you're talking!"

"Take that faker prisoner!"

"Let's fry some fish!"

With an approving roar the crowd surged forward, but the sound of a gunshot stopped them in their tracks.

"Not my daughter, you won't!"

"And for the record, Monkey D. Madelyn was never the captain of the real Heart Pirates," a voice added.

"Disinfector! Dad!"

The crowd parted and Mar could see the Disinfector calmly standing at the back of the crowd, her father (now sporting a new backpack and armed with a revolver) at his side.

Squall noticed them too. "Ah, and there is the other outworlder man. Excellent, that will save me having to hunt him down."

"My dad too? What do you want with us?" Mar demanded angrily.

"You'll find out soon enough, imposter girl. Hey! You there! Disinfector! Hand over the man now!"

"The Disinfector declines."

"You don't get what's going on, do you, you penguin-suited freak? My armada is anchored offshore, and each of them has a cannon pointed at Hawker Island. If I so much as give the word, everyone on this island gets it."

"Hang on, that would include yourself! You'd get blown up too!" Mar pointed out logically.

Irritatingly, Squall ignored her and just continued addressing the Disinfector. "Or I could have what's left of your outdated little wreck blasted into smithereens!"

Mar decided to be just as irritating and continued addressing Squall: "You wouldn't dare! It was the ship of the legendary Straw-Hat Pirates! Isn't Madelyn supposed to be Luffy's sister? It's way too valuab-"

"Who cares which bunch of has-beens that ship belonged to?" Squall snapped at her, evidently annoyed. "That was the past! Who even cares about The Straw-Hats any more? They're all long dead! D-E-A-D!"

"Not all of them."

All eyes turned to the Disinfector.

"Just what is that supposed to mean?" demanded Squall.

But the Disinfector said nothing in response.

"What, you're not going to tell me you're actually one of those has-been Straw-Hat Pirates now, are you, Disinfector?"

For the longest moment there was no movement or sound from the Disinfector as he seemed to be in the grip of some internal struggle. And then, as if resigning himself to his fate, he shrugged.

"Why deny it anymore? Yes, I AM a Straw-Hat pirate."

The robotic persona and voice of The Disinfector had melted away into something undeniably human. Mar's mouth fell open. She had long suspected the Disinfector's identity, but to have it confirmed like this was never within her expectations.

Squall, who had been also staring at the Disinfector in disbelief, quickly recovered from from his shock. "S-so what if you're a Straw-Hat pirate? This is a great new pirate age, the likes of which outdated old relics like you don't belong. What can you do, anyway, old-timer?"

"I can slaughter each and every last one of you," replied the Disinfector, in a voice that left no doubt that he would.

"I'll help you!" volunteered Gurnarde with barely-suppressed glee. Walker grunted his approval.

"Fine! If you all want to die so badly, I'll be happy to oblige you!" Squall drew his sword at the threat. Its long black blade glittered in the sun, and drew the eye to the flower-shaped handguard.

Mar instantly recognised it and was filled with burning rage.

"That sword's Shusui! ... It was... YOU!" Mar had never hated anyone so much before. She wished that Squall would drop dead in the most painful manner possible. There and then.

But hers was not the power of random wishing, and nothing of that sort happened. Well... except for Mar screaming angrily at Squall: "YOU WERE THE ONE WHO DEFILED THEIR GRAVES! GO... GO DIE IN A FIRE!"

"Suesse..." The Disinfector said, never taking his gaze off Squall.

"Mar! Let's go!" While Squall and the Disinfector had been busy exchanging words, Mr. Suesse had taken the opportunity to make his way to them, and was now pulling Mar by the hand in an attempt to lead her out of the mob of combatants.

"But..."

"Leave it to them, kiddo," her father told her firmly.

Behind her, she could hear the Dinfector speaking in his now non-robotic voice:

"For robbing Roronoa Zoro's grave, and threatening the Sunny-go, Squall, I will cut your pitiful little black heart out."

"Easier to say when you can't do it! What are you lot waiting for? KILL HIM!"

Things began happening very quickly after that. Mar had a confused impression of being rushed by assorted pirates hoping to capture them. But those pirates quickly found themselves more than a little preoccupied, thanks to the combined intervention of Gurnarde and Walker.

"Go, little hunams!" grunted Walker, spiking several pirates who were busily shooting at the quicksilver Gurnarde.

Split-fin mermaids, Mar noticed, were a lot faster on dry land than their younger counterparts, thanks to actually having legs. Mar was surprised Gurnarde was still fighting for them, but right now was not the time to look at a gift horse in the mouth.

"Dad, where are we going?"

"Well, the Disinfector said to get you out of harm's way the moment fighting started. Originally we thought the ship would be the safest place, but if that punk creep's got cannons aimed at the ship, we need an alternative plan."

"Do you have one?"

"I was thinking: find a defensible position to hole up in until this whole mess ends. This should do!"

'This' referred to one of the houses near the docks. The front door had been left open. Mar wondered if the owner had fled or if they were one of the ones currently involved in the chaotic battle raging around them. She didn't have time to ponder long, she was too busy helping her father barricade the door while he checked to make sure no one was home.

"What now?"

"Upstairs. Better to take the high ground."

Fortunately for their purposes, the house had a balcony with some convenient cover. It also commanded a good view of docks, where they could see the battle unfold in gory detail.

"Are you gonna shoot at them from here, Dad?"

"Not with a revolver. Not a good weapon for long range shooting, kiddo."

"How'd you know so much about guns anyway? I thought you didn't like them."

"I don't. But I do work for a security company. Gun nuts everywhere. They even took us to a firing range for our orientation- shh!"

Any further conversation was halted as voices could be heard from below.

"...you sure you saw them come this way?"

"Yeah. They were slinking away like rats. They're probably the weakest ones of the bunch."

"Let's search for them!"

Mar paled a little as a rattling sound came from below. They had found the barricaded door and were trying to break it down.

"Stay here," her father whispered, and crept back towards the stairwell, gun in hand.

Mar hoped her father would be all right. Was he going to shoot those pirates downstairs in cold blood? Could he even bring himself to do such a thing?

To keep her mind off the question, she decided to keep tabs on the battle situation. From her vantage point, she could see Gurnarde swooping around wreaking havoc amongst the pirate ranks while Walker, slightly more sedate, held his ground and battered into a pulp any pirate foolish enough to get in range. And lastly, the Disinfector was fiercely engaging Squall and the another group of pirates near the Sunny, who was getting in on the action thanks to a mysteriously self-loading/self-firing cannon.

Part of Mar felt ashamed to be scared and hiding away while her allies fought tooth and nail, but the other logical part of her knew that she wasn't a combatant and the best thing for her to do was stay out of their way.

Suddenly, she heard gunshots from the stairwell.

"Dad!"

Immediately redirecting her attention back towards the stairs, she was surprised to find herself eye-to-eye with a giant frog.

Now if you're wondering how it should be that Mar could even be eye-to-eye with a giant frog considering she was hiding in a balcony above street level, the answer is simple. That pirate happened to be a tree-frog zoan who had made good use of his ability to stealthily jump up to second floor of the building instead of trying to break down the front door.

I regret to say he also made good use of the tree-frog's long and sticky tongue. Before you could say "Shanks!" the tongue had flashed out, caught Mar and bodily yanked her off the balcony and right into his giant gaping mouth.

As you can imagine, being trapped in such a confined space, barely able to breathe and covered in what felt like slime, Mar's experience in the mouth of a frog was somewhat disorienting and terrifying. Still, she kept her head and did not quite panic.

From the jerky jolting movement, Mar quickly deduced that the pirate-frog had jumped away and was taking her somewhere, presumably to be handed over to Squall. She also realised this was something to be avoided at all costs. Right now others could fight freely without worrying about Mar or her dad, but her being taken hostage would change all that.

"I'm not going to screw things up for everyone. I am not!" she told herself.

What she needed to do was find a way to make the frog-pirate spit her out. The problem was, she could barely move, her arms were partially trapped by the frog's tongue, and her feeble attempts to kick the inside of the frog's mouth didn't seem to be doing anything.

As one would have expected, she resorted to trying to use her devil-fruit powers. But much to Mar's disappointment, her mental arguments about how the frog suddenly wanted to cough her out did absolutely nothing.

It was a terrible time for her powers to fail her, but still, 'fail' did give her an idea. In her coat pocket, wrapped in a handkerchief, was the sea-stone swab the Disinfector had told her to hold on to while she slept. If she could just take it out and touch the frog with it, his zoan powers would fail and she might be able to escape.

It took some maneuvering, but she managed to slip two fingers into the pocket and grip the edge of the hanky with her fingertips. Inch-by-inch, she pulled the bundle out until the lump of energy-draining stone rested in her hand.

Most protagonists, on reaching this part, would now take this opportunity to spout a one-liner or two. Something along the lines of: "Choke on this!" or "Oh you just bit off more than you can chew, froggy!".

Sadly, Mar missed this golden opportunity to wisecrack, because as a devil-fruit user herself, bare contact with the sea-stone drained her too, and this caused her hand to fumble so much that she accidentally dropped the sea-stone down the frog's gullet.

The reaction was immediate. Mar found herself violently barfed out of the frog's mouth.

It took her several moments to collect herself and get used to the overwhelming brightness and noise. Then she sat up, wiped slime out of her eyes, looked around.

On the ground behind her was a pirate who seemed to be retching and spasming uncontrollably. Even if he no longer resembled the amphibian, he was obviously the tree-frog-pirate who had swallowed the sea-stone, so I don't regret to say Mar didn't spare him any thought or sympathy and simply scrambled away from him as fast as she could.

She was beginning to get her bearings too. The frog-pirate must have been planning to bring her straight to Squall, because the Heart Pirate was still busy fighting the Disinfector a scant fifty meters away.

A flash of movement caught her eye, she managed to dodge just in time as a huge metal war fan, almost the same size as Mar, came crashing down where she had been standing a moment ago. Mar glanced up to see the Pirate Queen's 'biggest fan', Alu-something-or-other (whose name I cannot be bothered to remember), standing over her with an expression on her face that wouldn't have looked out of place in a Psycho film.

"You are going to die horribly for trying to trick me, you distasteful imposter!"

Well, she did not actually say those words, but we've been through this already.

She sure wasn't kidding about the 'biggest fan' thing, Mar couldn't help thinking as the rabid fangirl raised the weapon again for a second attempt at Mar's life. And how is it even logical someone tiny like her can lug around a weapon THAT heavy and huge—

There was a blood-curdling shriek as her attacker suddenly crumpled beneath the weight of the massive fan.

Mar blinked, stared at the whimpering girl,who was now trapped beneath her own weapon, and came to a welcome realisation: Her Logic-Logic powers had returned.

And not a moment too soon, considering that she was currently in the middle of chaotic battlefield with no other means to defend herself. Another pair of pirates not too far away had spotted her and were coming for her, so Mar wisely turned and ran for the closest ally she could see: The Disinfector.

"Not so fast!" said the two pirates, who had transformed into a rather stereotypical-looking winged angel and a butterfly-winged fairy respectively. They were airborne and had a net between them.

Just to prove that swearing in front of your children does influence them to do the same (coughMrSuessecough), Mar swore as she fled. There was no way she could outrun the 'fliers', but then another idea struck her. It was not a very original idea. In fact it was directly inspired by what had happened to Ala-Aru-whatever. But that didn't make it any less good of an idea.

Wings that small shouldn't provide enough lift for those two to fly, Mar thought as hard as she could, consciously willing her devil-fruit powers to kick in. No way that would be enough to defy gravity. They should be falling, not flying!

And they did. This time the blood-curdling shrieks came in stereo as both girls hurtled towards the ground.

"Disinfector! Watch out!"

The hazard-suited man saw the falling path of the two pirate-girls (and net), and with the grace of someone who probably had enough practice dodging the Sunny's Boom of Doom, prudently disengaged and moved out of the way.

Coincidentally, Squall and his throng of groupies, whose respective ships' ghosts did not have homicidal tendencies, were all caught flat-footed and they went down in a tangle of netting and limbs.

"The Logic-Logic at work?" The Disinfector asked as she came running up.

"Er... yeah. I think I'm beginning to get the hang of it. It seems to work by—"

How exactly it seemed to work Mar never did quite get to explain properly, because the Disinfector suddenly shoved Mar away. There was a sharp clash of metal on metal, and from her position on the ground, Mar could see the fragments of the Disinfector's shattered autopsy knife tinkle onto the dirt, followed by drops of red blood.

"Disinfector!"

The man in question was still standing protectively over her. His defense against Squall's sneak attack had only been partially successful due to the destruction of his knife against the far-superior Shusui. The Disinfector's counter-attack on the other hand, had driven the stump of the ruined knife into Squall's chest.

But instead of crumpling and dying, the Heart Pirate just laughed and dissolved into a green haze.

"He's a logia!" gasped Mar, understanding now how Squall had gotten out of the net so quickly.

"Evidently," The Disinfector replied, calmly plucking out a shard of his own knife that had pierced his forearm. He didn't even seem concerned about the fact that he was bleeding.

"Why did you even bother to save her, Disinfector? Your ruse is up, you don't need your little impersonator anymore!"

"That is none of your business. On the other hand, you might want to pay attention on how your numerous new recruits aren't even able to handle a single mermaid and fishman. And a security consultant." The Disinfector added as an afterthought.

True enough, the battle was almost over, and strolling towards them, over a battlefield of downed pirates, were two very bloody figures: Gurnarde and Walker. From the distant balcony, Mar could see her father looking out at them (and looking for her). It was hard to tell, but he seemed all right.

Squall spluttered as he took in the utter defeat of his forces. "I don't need a ragtag bunch of wannabe pirates to defeat you all! I don't even need my real crew! I am the Death-Mist! I alone will be enough!"

And with that, a mass of sickly green mist began rushing towards Mar again.

Now, the Mar of a few weeks ago would have probably just stood there frozen in panic and gotten killed for her pains. The Mar of a day or two ago, on the other hand, would have probably shrieked, dived out of the way and relied on one of her companions to save her.

But the Mar of today had been considerably hardened by her experiences. This Mar calmly held her ground and thought as hard as she could about how mist could not move of its own volition, and as the wind was blowing from her towards Squall, there was really no way that he could advance in that form.

Which was logical, but apparently not to now-backwards-wafting Squall.

"What the... why can't I move? What have you done, you little minx?" he snarled at Mar as he shifted back to his flesh-and-blood form. "How did you stop me from flying?"

It was an unfortunate choice of words and timing, as it was at this point when he was ironically sent flying by a few hundred pounds of charging fishman.

"Kelp fog not hurting little hunam captain!" roared Walker angrily.

Squall was not so easily defeated though. He quickly staggered to his feet again, turned back into intangible fog, and was promptly hit and knocked back into human form by an invisible wave of force.

"Did you know that Merman Combat works on all forms of moisture?" Gurnarde commented cheerfully, her palm open and arm outstretched in her combat stance. "Fog too. How incredibly inconvenient for a logia like you, don't you think?"

"Don't kill him just yet, Sand-Dragon—" the Disinfector interrupted.

The smiling line of Gurnarde's mouth turned down.

"—he has information we need."

Gurnarde's lips curled upwards into a cruel smile again. "Would you like me to coerce it out of him?"

This sent Squall into a rage. "You think you can make me betray my Queen, Sand-Dragon? Who do you think I am?"

"Kelp," said Walker.

"Absolutely nothing," said Gurnarde.

"A grave-robbing ass," said Mar, unable to help herself.

But it was the Disinfector's response that was most telling.

"A pawn who can lead me to her. And you will talk, Squall, make no mistake of that."

Realising he was outnumbered and outclassed, Squall desperately pulled out a den-den mushi and proceeded to scream into it.

"Squall to fleet: Shell the island! SHELL THE ISLAND!"

"He's going to kill everyone on this island? Is he crazy?" gaped Mar in horror.

"He is a logia, he can survive what the rest of us cannot."

It was impossible to get everyone off the island in time. Even now they could see first shots being fired, but luckily those fell short, hitting the waters (and a few boats that were not the Sunny) just before the docks. And more were coming.

Mar trembled in fear despite hereself. A zoan, a mermaid and a fishman... all powerful fighters, but against a shelling such as the one in Sabaody there was surely not much they could do? No, the only thing here that had any chance of saving the island and their lives was her devil-fruit ability.

But before Mar could run forward and attempt to use her powers, she was stopped by a hand on her shoulder.

"No, not yet, Mar. Leave this to me," the Disinfector said quietly as multiple reports of cannonfire heralded another incoming barrage. And then he stepped forward.

"What say you now, Disinfector? Are you now ruing the day you crossed the Pirate Queen Madelyn and the Heart Pirates?" Squall mocked in his mist form.

But the Disinfector seemed unfazed. "Like I said, that woman was never, ever the captain of the real Heart Pirates..."

A blue light was forming the palm of The Disinfector's hand. And even as Mar saw and understood what it meant, it rapidly expanded into a massive blue light-dome that engulfed the entirety of the island.

"... I was."

End of Chapter 21

A/N: And finally I justify my use of 'T. Law' in the 'Characters' field.

Thanks for the many kind reviews and recommendations. Oh, and well done to those of you who stuck with the "Disinfector is actually Law' theory (Trafalgar Riley, especially). It couldn't have been easy considering the sheer number of red herrings there were to make you think it would be Chopper, so I'm still amazed how you guys saw through it.

…how did you, anyway?