Chapter 21: A Place to Belong

Balin's expression was sympathetic, and when he spoke it was with an apologetic sigh.

"It could have been any one of us."

Bella's shoulder dropped. She nodded and gave in to Bofur's urging her forward.

...But it hadn't been anybody else.

It was not long before the company happened upon an opening in the rock. A quick look told them it was size enough that they could all easily fit in, but the dwarves were wary. Caves in the mountain are seldom uninhabited.

Something about it felt odd, Nori claimed, feeling along the wall. Bofur and Bombur and Gloin nodded along, and Thorin had a frown on his face that said he agreed. But whatever it was the dwarves felt through the stone they could pinpoint it, and an inspection of the cave showed no signs of life. It was empty.

"No fire." Thorin stopped Oin and Gloin. "We do not know what it might attract. Bofur, first watch."

The dwarf nodded as he dropped his pack to the floor. There was a sullen air about the company and they moved about in silence. There was plenty to be miserable about: the lack of hot food, wet blankets and bedrolls, no fire to warm them.

On entering the cave Bella had done all possible not to meet anyone's gaze and had spoken shortly when required to do so. Too caught up in her mind, she had not even bothered to unpack her roll-mat. All she had found the energy to do was find a rock to sit on a good distance away from the others where she was out of the way and drew little notice from anyone apart from those who were looking. There she had buried her face in her hands and there she had stayed.

Bifur came and sat by her for a while, but thankfully did not attempt to get her to move from her secluded spot and wandered off after a few minutes of silence. She appreciated his brief presence all the same.

Bella wasn't quite sure how to act in light of events. At first she had been hurt and then she had been angry, then a mixture between two. She wanted to be angry, and had several times attempted to send glares Thorin's way, but every time she failed miserably. For one the dwarf was never looking her way (he was too busy pressing his hands to the rock and attempting to glare it down), and secondly whenever she set her gaze on him all the rage she had managed to summon was useless. A lump would rise in her throat and she would feel her eyes well up and that just made her even more frustrated. She did not want to cry, she refused to do so. They would only think less of her.

Within half an hour the dwarves were asleep, all expect Bofur, of course.

Bella sighed and rubbed circles on her temples. She could feel a headache coming. Everything was made worse by the cold - if the sun had been shining and the air warm she was sure she would not be reacting as she was.

Bella let her hands fall from her face and found Bofur staring at her from his place against the wall on the other side of the cave. He gestured her over and she gave one last self-pitying sigh before standing and picking her way across.

"Don't think too greatly over it, Bilbo." He tried to comfort as she slumped down opposite him.

Bella made a noncommittal noise and remained quiet for quite some time before a humourless chuckle escaped her throat.

"Thorin's right."

He didn't lie, he had no reason to. Besides, even she could see reason in his words-

"No!"

Bella jumped slightly at the volume of the dwarf's exclamation. Bofur too seemed at bit surprised at himself: they both quickly cast their eyes over the snoring dwarves, holding their breath. After a minute no one stirred, and they turned back to each other. The dwarf kept his voice to an urgent whisper this time.

"No, Bilbo." He leaned forward to rest his arms on his knees. "No-"

Bella shook her head. "It would have been better for everyone if I had not come."

"That's not true!" Bofur argued with a firm shake of his head. "If you hadn't joined us we would have never escaped the trolls-" You may have never been captured by them in the first place- "And I saw you shoot down that warg that came for you and master Kili!" Sheer dumb luck- "Without you who would make us wash our hands and scold master Fili for biting his nails and our Ori for staying up late scribbling in that book of his?" And that makes me sound like my father... "Who would I talk to? Ya know Bombur and Bifur - neither of 'em much good for conversation-" I'm sure you would have gotten by- "And we're going to need our burglar, if we weren't Gandalf would never have bothered going searching for one."

Bella barely held a wince at that. ...She wasn't a burglar.

They sat in silence for a while until Bofur spoke again.

"And for the rest of what he said - yer not lost, you know exactly where you are: in some dark, damp, miserable cave in the middle of bloody nowhere."

It was perhaps not the best of things Bofur could have said in the circumstances, and they both knew that it was not what Thorin had meant by her being lost, but they shared the smile it was intended to bring over it none the less.

The moment quickly passed and Bella sighed. She got up and wandered a few steps towards the entrance of the cave, close enough to the pouring rain that she could feel light splatters on her face.

Outside it was still dark, it was cold and uncaring and nothing like home. Mere days ago nothing like home had seemed a good thing. There had been cheer and it was still exciting and there had been so much to look forward to seeing.

Then the weather had set in, the tiring long days, the near death experiences. Those were things she had not wanted. She no longer felt the pull of what may lay ahead, the present was much too miserable for that.

"I should never have left the Shire, Bofur."

Bella gazed out into the darkness, and it occurred to her that she didn't even know which direction home was at that moment. She didn't like it. She didn't like it at all.

"Yer home sick, I understand-"

The dwarf's words were meant to be comforting, but Bella felt something snap inside of her at them. A wave of hysteria rose, her fists clenched.

"No! No, you don't! You're all used to this! Travelling on the road all the time, never belonging anywhere! Like I said, Thorin was correct. He said I have no place among you, and its because I have a home, I have somewhere I am meant to be, and it's not here!" By the time Bella realised exactly what she was saying it was too late to stop, the words just poured from her lips.

She spun around and sucked in a breath. "I-I'm sorry! I didn't-"

"It's okay."

Bofur's face showed no contempt towards her, but the sadness in his eyes hurt to behold. He hesitated for a moment, taking in the guilty expression on her face, before getting up to throw an arm around her shoulders and draw her into a hug.

"Yer right though," He mumbled. "We don't belong anywhere. Some of us haven't for a hundred years, some of us never have. Its kind o' become part of us. I suppose sometimes we can forget that it is not the same for others."

When he finally released her it was to tug her back to his place in the cavern wall and pull her down to sit beside him.

"You miss the Shire a lot, don't yer?" Bofur played with the loose threads of his gloves distractedly as he thought and Bella did not see fit to give a reply to a question he already knew the answer to.

She watched as the miner's eyes travelled over to where his brother and cousin slumbered, over Fili and Kili who lay close together for warmth, Dwalin who's weapons stayed mere inches from his finger tips even while he slept. Gloin who did not seem to notice the uncomfortable rocks he was sprawled upon, over Ori who had acquired an extra blanket since falling asleep, and finally lingering on a shivering Nori, taking in with a grimace the way the dwarf had placed himself so that his back was to the wall and the way his arms had been habitually wound around himself so that they somewhat shielded his neck and face. Yes, they were used to this sort of thing.

"Yer wouldn't leave us, would yer?"

Bella startled slightly at the sudden question. She did not know what to say. She had not the heart to lie straight out to the kind dwarf. Truth was she would have left if she could. She had been considering it since she entered the cave, but was too much of a coward to do so. One look at the darkness outside, the sound of the harsh wind, the thought of the danger that lay on the treacherous trail, and she knew that she could not. She wanted to leave but was too scared to do so and make the journey back to Rivendell alone.

She couldn't face the dwarf. "I-"

In the end she did not know what she would have said, because at that moment her dropped gaze caught a glimmer of blue shinning at her side.

Bella leapt to her feet and pulled her glowing sword slightly from its scabbard. "Oh!"

And then Bofur was on his feet too, his mattock clutched tightly in his grip. Eyes wide, their gazes met. "Goblins!"

There was a strange rushing noise.

"We're under attack!"

Their shouts quickly woke the others, and Thorin was on his feet within seconds. "Everybody-"

When the floor opened up beneath them the less speedy to wake were given a very unpleasant shock (not that those fully awake and standing were anymore happy with it).

Bella felt herself falling, the pain of hitting a hard surface, sliding at high speed down a steep slope with the rest of the group, falling again, more pain...

With a groan she pushed herself up from where she had landed: thankfully at the top of the pile of dwarves. She had barely time to look around her when screeching calls fast approached them and Bella set eyes on some of the ugliest creatures she had ever seen.

They swarmed over the bruised and disorientated company with reaching hands, pulling the dwarves from their tangle.

Bella was for a moment frozen with terror, but as soon as she felt filthy fingers and saw their faces in more detail than anyone would ever wish to she squirmed out of the way and ended up rolling. She came face to face with Thorin, who was stuck underneath Bombur and gasping to get air into his lungs. Bella caught his eyes, for a second she imagined she saw a flicker of fear and...something else, something unrecognisable, but then it was gone and she doubted it had ever been there at all. No matter, she was more than scared enough for the both of them. For a moment they shared a look - not a glare, there was no anger, no dislike, no irritation, nothing, all that was forgotten: it was just a look. Hmm. Odd. Calming... Damn it. Distracting too. Goblins everywhere, time to start running and screaming, remember-?

And then Bombur was gone, surrounded by goblins, Ori and Dori were shouting as they were carried off, Fili was dragged away kicking, Kili stopped trying to get away so much because if they were going to take his brother then they were going to take him too. Bofur got an elbow to a goblin's face and the creature fell screaming from the narrow walkway, but then the struggling dwarf was pounced upon by five more and was completely out numbered. Dwalin knocked out a good number of goblin teeth, and fought all the way. Bella let out a cry when one of the creatures got a hold on her wrists, its snarling face way too close to her own, but suddenly it was gone, sent falling over the side of the walkway and into the darkness by a well placed kick from Thorin who had been dragged to his feet. Then the leader was pulled back by their grip and they had Oin and Gloin and Balin also.

Everything happened so quickly and in her panic it didn't fully register to Bella that most of the goblins pretty much ignored her presence compared to that of the dwarves. The dwarves were their priority. She was of little interest to them.

Bifur put up a fight to her left, however there was little he could do. Nori was good at slipping away from the goblins, but he too was eventually restrained. Bella herself was swept along in the confusion and found herself under Nori's arm, held firmly by her waistcoat. She pressed herself close, hardly daring to breath as she stumbled along despite the fact that the goblins on either side of the dwarf were able to see her as clear as day.

"I don't know if we'll live to get out of this." Nori did not turn his head from the direction they were going and his eyes stayed blankly on his brother's backs, but the murmur carried.

"They pay you no notice. Be careful, Mr Baggins. I wish you luck."

Bella had no time to question; the dwarf gave her no warning. She was shoved to the ground suddenly and with force.

Bella let out a noise more of surprise than of pain and moved her hands to cover her head as goblin feet fell around her, some even over her.

And then she was behind them, they were heading away...and they weren't looking back.

Soon they rounded a corner and were out of sight, cries fading with distance.

I simply must write something down here. The format of it all looks weird if I don't.