AN: Well, I don't know if I've gone too far with the Split Personality but it's my story therefore my choice what I deceide to do with the Characters. This Chapter is gong to involve a lot of memories from Derek's past which will tell us how he split into these 3 different parts of him that currently live inside of him.

Chapter 21 Visiting past ghosts

Derek's POV

As I make my way back to the apartment, I can feel how the Monster is trying to fight me to take over again but I don't want him back out. It's my turn right now. Usually I let him take over whenever bad memories threaten to overcome me, but this time I have to be strong. I have to stay in control. I need to face my demons... It's no longer just me they are threathening.

„Are you sure you can handle those memories, little sissy boy?" It's his voice once, again warning me. But he just wants to get back out and play more cruel tricks on poor Casey. „I'll face it, if it means you'll leave the girl alone." I say through gritted teeth, finally reaching the apartment again. „You'll be gone again in no time. Trust me once you see those memories you're bound to come back here, into the dark screaming." His voice is deadly serious and I gulp trying to ready myself for the images and memories I've tried to avoid for all of my lifetime. I know that if I am strong enough to face them maybe there is hope for me. Maybe these shattered pieces can be mend together again...

I turn the key in the apartment door and Casey is sitting on the couch with her nose buried in a book. Cautiously she peeks up at me and I am hit by how beautiful these blue eyes of hers actually are. She clears her throath. „Is everything okay with you?" She hesitates before voicing her Question making me sigh. She's too sweet for her own good. „Yeah, everything's fine." I mutter. „What's with this new look and the glasses? Were you trying to impress some chicks or what?" Immidiatly she flinches and hides back behind her books. She isn't used to beeing this snarky with the other part of me and getting away with it.

I take a step closer to her. „No, I need them I usually resort to contacts. I just never told anyone that I own these. But turns out I can't keep wearing the lences anylonger because they make my eyes itch." I shrug hoping the answer satisfies her curiosity. „You're dressed differently and act different. Is this a new scheme or something?" She asks and I grit my teeth. She misinterprets it tough. I wasn't gritting my teeth at her but at the other part of me. „Go ahead and try all you want. But she's mine." His voice rings out in my head. „No..No more schemes." I answer softly. This is just a different side of me." I say hesistantly. Not daring to explain myself to her further. I walk past her and almost instinctivly she jumps a little.

„Is this side of you here for good, or do I need to prepare myself for a visit from the Monster again, soon?" She asks her nose still buried behind her book but her voice trembles a little. „The Monster's out of order for a while. T...that letter you were never supposed to read...pushed him off the edge." I am careful, because I don't want her to go round rumerging through her Psychology book and go looking for things that she isn't supposed to figurue out unless I have them figured out myself.

„I see." She merely answers. „Dinner's in the oven if you want some." She adds before getting up and dissapearing into her room. What the hell was that? I think to myself before I lock the door to my own room behind myself trying to get ready to face the music I've been avoiding for years.

Casey's POV

That was by far the weirdest exchange I've ever had with Derek. What the hell is wrong with this man? Sometimes it feels like he's got a Split Personality Disorder, but that can't be because he wouldn't know what his other personalities do... I sigh, do I really want to spend my time wondering about what is up with Derek, or do I want to get back to my book...

I open up my Laptop and type „Split Personality Disorder" into the search engine that pops up. I wait for a few seconds and open up wikipedia and read the discription.

Dissociative identity disorder (DID), formerly known as multiple personality disorder, is a mental disorder characterized by at least two distinct and relatively enduring personality states. There is often trouble remembering certain events, beyond what would be explained by ordinary forgetfulness. These states alternately show in a person's behavior; presentations, however, are variable. Associated conditions often include borderline personality disorder, post traumatic stress disorder, depression, substance misuse disorder, self-harm or anxiety.

The cause is believed to be childhood trauma.In about 90% of cases, there is a history of abuse in childhood, while other cases are linked to experiences of war or health problems during childhood.Genetic factors are also believed to play a role.An alternative hypothesis is that it is a by-product of techniques employed by some therapists, especially those using hypnosis.Before a diagnosis is made, it should be verified that the person's condition is not better accounted for by substance abuse, seizures, imaginative play in children or religious practices.

Treatment generally involves supportive care and counselling. The condition usually persists without treatment. It is believed to affect about 2% of the general population and 3% of those admitted to hospitals with mental health problems in Europe and North America. DID is diagnosed about six times more often in females than males. The number of cases increased significantly in the latter half of the 20th century, along with the number of identities claimed by those affected.

DID is controversial both within psychiatry and the legal system. In court cases, it has been used as a rarely successful form of the insanity defense. It is unclear if increased rates of the disorder are due to better recognition or sociocultural factors such as media portrayals. A large proportion of diagnoses are clustered around a small number of clinicians, which supports the hypothesis that DID may be therapist-induced. The typical presenting symptoms in different regions of the world may also vary depending on how the disorder is depicted by the media.

'Interesting... I know what may have triggered his personalities to show now, but I have no idea whether if he had therapy before? Did George send him to see a therapist after his mother left? What may have been the reason? I have no idea at all what happened in Derek's childhood... I'll really need to get to the bottom of all this and that other persona of Derek seems approachable. He seems to be cautious approaching me... Does he know what the...other Derek has done to me? Is it possible that these personalities are linked?' I'll need more information to figure this one out. I am eagerly awaiting my Psychology Studies, now even more than before. I should be heading to bed anyway, right now. I still need to eat the dinner I've cooked. I just left it in the oven.

Derek's POV

I gulp as I open his diary and gingerly sit down on the bed to read.

29th of February

Today Mom moved out. She said something about coming to visit us soon. She said, she dasn't want to leave us behind like she is, but she somehaw has to. I can't believe she's just leaving me behind like that... I will be alone with Dad... But she promised me that she would visit me soon. The fighting had gotten even worse. I could hear them scramig at each other through the walls. It sounded like it wasn't just words they were throwing at each other. They think that I don't know it yet. They think I am too young with my 12 years to understand. But I understand...

Why can't they be together like every other family? Lisa MtGomerys Family is picture perfect but she still hates her little sister. She thinks she's getting too much attetion, but her parents bring and take her from school every day unlike mine. Mom thinks it's Dad who's picking me up and Dad thinks its Mom and I am left to walk home all alone. Because I just can't bear to sit around and wait on the parking lot, while all the other kids leave with their paernts and smile and laugh happily telling them about how their day at school went... Dad barely listens when I tell him, or if he does he'll forget what I've told him in a split second... Mom isn't really herself anymore. It's getting to her, that Dad can't seem to keep his wits about. I can't bear the fighting any longer. I keep getting these really weird headaches and it feels like I loose time. But that can't be possible, right? Time can't just be lost, or can it?

Anyway I need to sleep now. So goodnight.

6th May

The days feel bland. Nothing is really the same anymore. Playing with Emily isn't really fun anymore and I've kind of just let it all slide. The headaches are getting worse and I kind of feel angry all the time. So I keep getting into fights at school. Dad has tried to talk to me, but I don't really care. I am just so fucking angry. I know I'm not supposed to curse like that, but this is just for me, right? So I can curse however the fuck I want to. Mom isn't here anymore to tell me what to do and what not to do. She doesn't care. So why should I? I can't be weak now. No why should I? I'm not going to let any of those idiots bully me around. I am going to show him, that I'm not a weakling „Who wasn't even worthy of a mother.."...

I put the diary down and gulp. So that's what were the Monster came from. He was hurt... I am silent, because I do not have any memories of that time. My part of Derek's personality built after that time. So I own none of the Monsters Memories. We might all be part of one Person, but all of us are from different times... Derek's lost childhood manifested himself in Smerek, I am the rational part, but I am the child who couldn't cope with our mom's loss, so I hid away. The Monster is the strong one, who kept us funtioning. So somehow I understand his anger and fear. He was the one who had to endure all of the bad times...He had to cope with the teasing at school, he had to cope with beeing there for Marti... He is the strong one. I shouldn't understaminate that...

He left for the first time when Edwin came into the family. He was angry at Dad for loving another woman. That's when I came back into focus. I met Edwin and liked him... kind of. He was dorky and so young but he was a real brother I could talk to, sure I never told him about my blackouts, but he didn't need to know any of that anyway, did he? A few years later Marti came along and he changed. The Monster actually changed. He seemed to figure out that not all woman are beasts and he too, loved Marti to pieces. But apparently he didn't like himself to get this soft spot for her. That's where Smerek entered the picture. He simply cut away that part filled with childhood and kindness from himself and truly became the Monster Casey came to know.

I sigh putting down the diary. „Are you done snooping? What did you find out peeking into my memories? Hm, did you find some kind of cure for us? Even if you did I am not interested. I enjoy my life-style the way it is just need to go, for good this time." His voice is ringing through my head like an angry alarm bell and my head feels like it's exploding. He wants the control back...

„No...It's my turn. I was gone for years... You had years to yourself." I repeat myself hoping to get him to stop assaulting me like this. He pulls back talking to me seems to cost him strenght. I make a mental note of that.

AN: So that's it with this chapter. I am hoping to get a few reviews, because I want to know if I'm taking the wrong path or if this is going okay...