Goodbye?

At school, Uncle Edward along with Aunt Bella came with me inside. I waited with them as they filed a withdrawal and I gathered myself together for goodbye.

Luckily, Nicole wasn't working the front, as I found out she was assisting some senior project. The boy behind the back handed me the papers and instructed me to give them to every teacher to have it signed and that I needed to empty my locker and bring back my books.

Uncle Edward hugged me as did Aunt Bella. She kissed my forehead, before whispering, "Be strong, dear."

I told myself not to cry. I chanted it to myself as I went to Spanish and saw William's desk empty. I chanted it to myself when students buzzed about his mysterious disappearance. I chanted it to myself at lunch when my friends wanted to socialize. I wasn't in the mood. I bought lunch though I didn't intend to eat it, so I picked at it.

"What's wrong, Hope?" Kayla whispered softly, but loud enough to draw the table's attention to me. "You haven't touched your food."

"Nothing," I lied.

Nicole peered at me closer. "Did you and William…breakup?" she asked, ashamed at her comment.

"No," I muttered.

"Did you guys have a fight?"

I swallowed, chanting I will not cry in my head. "You can call it that."

Everyone at the table gasped. But Sydney reached over for my head. "That's okay. Things will get better." She didn't know the story. She had no idea what was going through my mind.

I saw Lee Ann scan the cafeteria. "Where's William anyway? I haven't seen him all day." She craned her neck over the crowd, squinting.

"Umm…William's parents sent him to boarding school…in Europe." It was lie, but only partly.

"Do you know when he is going to be back?" Nicole asked.

"No."

"That's sad," Brielle whispered to Jennie. "I thought they were going to be together forever." Danielle shook her head, agreeing with the two.

"Uh, I am leaving, also." They all zoomed back to me with disbelief.

"Nuh uh. You got to be kidding me?" Nicole voiced. "Why?"

"I'm going home for awhile. I need to be home with my parents," I shrugged. That was a lie. I wasn't going home to see my parents; I was going to get comfort from my real dad – Jacob.

"So…this is goodbye?" Kayla choked with eyes as deep and wide as a puppy.

I will not cry. "Yes," I squeaked. "I guess this is."

"So…we will never see you again?" Jennie asked.

"Don't count on it," I said lightly. But they didn't find it funny.

"Well, this stinks," Danielle muttered. Nicole looked up at me with one lone tear in her eye.

"Will we keep in touch?"

"Sure thing." I was on the verge of tears.

"When you come back," Sydney started – I didn't miss how she used 'when' instead of 'if' – "Be sure to see us pronto."

I laughed and fanned my face. "You, guys, don't cry. Please." They laughed also, dabbing their eyes to keep their make-up from running.

I guess the chanting was a failure, because the tears came. All too soon, lunch was over and it was time to depart from my first and last friends here.

We exchanged hugs, numbers, email… Everything. They were serious about keeping in touch.

I gathered myself together enough to make it through the day. Until music class came. I could have called Uncle Edward to come and get me, but Aunt Bella said be strong. And I tried.

Ms. Spinet called me to the front. I walked up to her piano, feeling the class' eyes burning my skin. "Yes ma'am."

"Hope, could you play something on the piano, dear. I need to see that you are competent enough in my class." I thought I had already proven myself with my skills, but I sat down next to her.

"What would you like me to play?"

"Anything you like, dear." She smiled at me. And I started playing some Chopin. Something familiar to her ears. But the same panic came back to me. I was having difficulty breathing again and I was getting dizzy. I couldn't hold myself together.

I chanted repeatedly in my head, but it didn't help much. I finished the number and asked that I be excused to the ladies' room. She let me and I walked out. Fast.

I found the nearest restroom and crumpled over a sink. Trying to calm myself didn't work. Music was triggering something in me and it was upsetting. I couldn't take it anymore.

I screamed and thrashed into the air until my energy waned down. The sink held me up as I stared at the hideous person in front of me. I looked like a wreck. I looked sick. I looked…

Shatter. Damaged. A dejected spirit. I was on the verge of breaking the mirror to stop the reflection from casting this ugly representation when I saw something move on the privacy window high up on the wall. Quickly flew into a stall, afraid of what might be trying to enter in.

I heard a couple of grunts, but never heard if the thing ever got inside. But I didn't open the stall again.

"Hope, I know you are in here," a familiar voice called out. I unlocked the stall and crept out. Of course, Aunt Alice would be here. She pulled me into her arms. "We are leaving, now."

"No…" I mumbled, wiping the tears. "I can make it. I'm strong."

She stared at me sternly. "You don't have to prove to anyone that you are strong, but even Achilles had a weak moment. It's time to go, home."

"No," I voiced sharply. "I can't leave, yet."

She sighed. Brushing my hair with her fingers, she said softly, "The car is waiting. I cleaned out your locker and returned your stuff already. And you are not going to make it. Trust me."

"Okay," I gurgled out between another burst of tears.

She wouldn't let me leave the bathroom until I looked decent enough to be considered sick and not demented. Once I was socially acceptable, we walked out of school. Uncle Edward's car was running out front, but he was not in it. It was Uncle Jasper. I knew what he was here to do.

I climbed into the backseat. "You don't have to try," I said to him.

He looked over his shoulder and sent me an apologetic look. "Sorry, but I can feel everything you do, and it's hurting me. I have to do it." And the wave hit me.

I calmed a little, but not enough.

"She's suffering from panic attacks," Aunt Alice said to him. "She may need to see Carlisle before she leaves."

"That would be the best," he smiled at her. We drove to the house in silence. But the silence was alright this time. Silence didn't trigger my memories, which in turn didn't trigger my attacks.

This area brought back too many memories. Too much pain, though the pain was overseas. I was inwardly crying out to William, hoping he could hear me. I wonder if he was crying out to me, too.

Aunt Bella met us outside. I rushed into her arms. "Oh, honey. I am sorry. I am so, so sorry. I am so sorry…"

"Don't be sorry; it is not your fault. I should have known. I am not that strong. Not as strong as you." Aunt Bella looked at me.

She said with pride, "You are much stronger than me. I didn't care to do anything for months. I did want to do anything. I shut down. And I slowly found my way back out into the world. With your real father, Jacob. I wouldn't have made it. Never would have made it. And here you are…a trooper. I didn't want anyone to ever suffer the hurt I felt when Edward left. And here you have to. I caused this. I feel at fault. William and you…so young. So vulnerable. So in love."

She started on a tangent and I had to interrupt her. "You give me too much credit, but I will take it."

She smiled and led me inside where all of my bags were in the foyer. Uncle Edward had already begun to load them up in the car.

Everything was done in five minutes. It was too soon. "I have one request: I want to play Goldfish." Uncle Edward chuckled and pulled out a deck of cards from…nowhere.

"Alice told me," he confirmed. And I laughed. This would be my last game in the house. My last anything.

I gave everyone a hug and let Uncle Emmett ruffle my hair ruffle my hair one last time, before Carlisle showed up. He went to Uncle Edward and Aunt Alice, and I knew they were discussing me. I saw Carlisle slip them something. It was drugs. I don't need drugs. I was fine. I am fine.

But, I never did see the drugs again. Not that I wanted to, anyway.

Bags loaded. Goodbyes said. I was in the car.

The time had come; it was time to move on. Not in my heart, but with my healing. Uncle Jacob, here I come.