Leviticus

The first touch is like a sweet elixir, awakening every nerve in my body and spoon-feeding it life. I can feel my heart patter against my chest with the same rhythm of my shaking, and it feels like all of my blood has turned to water.

And it is only his fingertips against slightly exposed flesh. As my arms wrap around his neck and pull him closer, he holds both sides of me like morning coffee. Only calloused skin graces the very surface of my waist, but it's enough to make my breath quicken, short and hollow. He tries to kiss me in between them, but I only breathe hot breath onto his parted lips, and then I see them curve into a smile. He starts a path of kisses down my neck, and his fingers trace down the contours of me as though he is sketching me all over again.

I dig my hands into the mess of brown and comb through it, just like I've always wished to do. While it's coarse in all of its random splendor, there's something silky about it as well. Surprisingly, I can run my fingers through it at ease, and I hear him give something of a relaxed once, I am the wind.

He kisses my jaw line fiercely and starts coating my neck in little pecks, intensifying with every passing minute – or perhaps it's seconds; I'm not terribly sure. I can't help but try and slow down time, for I must savor every touch and mull it over in my head, wrap my mind around it and muse a little. I can feel my imagination run wild as I can hear something of a growl erupt in his throat, and suddenly he's biting at my skin in voraciousness.

I think my breath is gone. I think it left a long time ago, probably when I said I'd tell him everything. Everything, huh? Has everything truly been exposed and come to the surface? Is light suddenly blaring in my face, stinging my eyes with its glory?

Then why am I not breathing? Why are my eyes still cool?

I wince a little when he bites too hard, and suddenly his eyes are hot on mine. A trail of sorry winds its way out, and suddenly he stops to stare.

"Oh, shit."

Well, if that didn't ruin the moment.

"What is it?" My voice is much more hushed and breathy than I expected.

"Your...your neck..." The trail ends awkwardly.

My eyes flash open, and that's when I can feel them tingle. "What's wrong?"

He turns away like a ghost. "Go see for yourself." He peels himself away from me, and my body begins to scream in protest; every particle, every fiber, every molecule immediately hungers once more for the satiation of their yearning.

It takes a moment for my brain to force my muscles to move, but I get up from the bed and mosey over to the bathroom. I can hear my inner desires crying, sobbing from the tease, but my Taichi-san had stopped anyway... And what was this of which he was speaking? I reach the mirror and look up.

Oh.

I lift my head up and gingerly brush my fingers over the purple blotches that speckle my neck. Although I know that this is going to spell out trouble for the next day, for some reason my stomach does not tense up in dread. My entire being is as calm as the ocean; every one of my movements flows flawlessly like a dance. The edges of the mirror are still coated in soft steam, and as I look at my reflection, I am almost certain that I am in a reverie.

The blotches are no matter to me. My only concern is the man in the other room.

I pivot to return to him, but suddenly something pulls at me from the inside. I shudder as a thought roars through my entire body, a vibration that shakes the tips of my fingers, my toes, my lips. I shut my eyes, and when I open them again, I'm facing the medicine cabinet.

My cheeks glow slightly at my wandering mind. Well, perhaps it is not wandering; it knows exactly where it's going. I watch my hand reach out for the handle in a fog, and the next thing I know, I'm gripping a condom packet – one of the ones given to us during a sex education course at school.

I shake my head and purse my lips. My Taichi-san cannot possible be thinking this. Besides, it is too fast... I am wanting something that should not be in my reach for a long while. This desire... I've never felt anything like it, and I cannot help but feel that reminiscent pang of guilt deep in my gut. Yet somehow, I cannot bring myself to put the packet back on its place on the shelf. It is simply an impossible task.

I close the cabinet door. Just in case. My optimism is reaching wondrous heights tonight.

I stick it deep in my pocket and return to my room, where my Taichi-san is lying on his back, looking up at the ceiling with a brooding look on his face. He doesn't heed me any glance as I enter and sit on the edge of the bed, fidgeting with my fingers, clumsy and dazed.

And he still doesn't say anything.

"They're...not so bad..." I tell him encouragingly as I pry open my lips. "In fact," I continue, a thought dawning on me, "I actually have an old turtleneck that I can wear tomorrow to hide them."

"Okay." His eyes close, but then he turns to me and smiles. His eyes are half-lidded, but he still has somewhat of that Taichi-san smirk on his lips. "You don't even have the decency to kiss me back?"

I frown for a moment but then warm when I realize to what he is referring. "I-I'm sorry, my Taichi-san, I just..."

"I'm yours now?" He rolls over and cradles his head in his palm. "Or are you referring to me as royalty?"

My eyes widen at the slip of the tongue. My fists clench and I turn away hastily in embarrassment. "I-I didn't mean...! It was... I just..."

I can hear the bed creak slightly as he sits up. His hand is cool on my hot face as he turns my head to face his stolid expression.

"I hope it's the former," he says, "because the latter will never be true. Never compared to you."

"T-Taichi-san, I-"

He cuts me off with a sharp kiss, curving both hands around my face, and I grab at him hungrily. He slowly pulls me back down, and that's when I realize how eager he actually is. He actually...he actually wants to kiss me like this! He wants to cradle me in his arms and treat me like a king... Hold me until the morning when the sunlight pours onto my smiling face... He wants to love me.

"I can love you, too, Koushirou."

His lips are so soft, and they quiver like raindrops...or perhaps that's what my lips are doing, I can't really tell. I can feel his hands glide down me again, and I shiver in bliss, placing my hands gently on top of his, trying to conceive the reality that is washing me clean and repainting my dreams.

Suddenly, my hot skin prickles at cool air, and he is running his hands over my stomach, my chest, my waistline. I tense up at first, every muscle fluttering at the touch, but then I relax and let out a long, calm sigh, hushed but deep. His chocolate eyes peer into me, and I do not dare to blink. Our gaze doesn't break as he moves back up to kiss me once more, and I flinch again as his bare skin touches mine, melts with mine. His shirt hikes up as I run my hands over his back, letting just my fingertips circle around the closeness...oh, the closeness, the static, the attraction.

His hair disappears for a moment as he sheds off the fabric and throws it to the floor, and I feel my senses widen as he gives me a renewed look...different and terrifyingly captivating. My fingers press into his skin, as though they are grabbing it, and I can't imagine ever letting go. This is too exhilarating, too dream-like, too miraculous to break away.

I can feel desire pull me taut suddenly and expectantly. I don't want him to think I'm too eager, yet at the same time, I hope he's feeling the same. I'm silently praying that he doesn't notice, but before I can screen him for signs, I can feel him tug at me, and all of a sudden I'm on top of him and my shirt is flying over my head.

I look at him incredulously as it vanishes, and I am met with only that simple, wonderful smile. No, now it is a grin. And now it is on mine.

"Mmm...Koushirou..." he whispers into the kiss.

I can feel myself twitch and tighten again. I am like I was before – too breathy and exhilarated to kiss anymore. I break away with a gasp and the hot air forms the word, "T-Taichi-san..."

His eyes are closed meditatively. "What is it?"

"I..." A strand of his hair is wrapped around my finger. "This is...it's...well..."

He opens those wide eyes.

I blush and flick my eyes away. "It's...fast. I mean...you're...okay with this? You just...discovered this...emotion...hours ago. I-If you think we should...stop...I-I will."

To my surprise, he gives a little laugh. "Stop? How could I stop?" His hand touches my cheek and flows down. "Does it seem as though I want to? You certainly don't."

A harder flush. So he has noticed. He must have. "A-And what makes you say that?"

"Considering all of the lovely little noises you're making."

My head shoots up, my eyes wide in the biggest surprise, my mouth half-open. "What!?"

He blinks at me. "You mean...you haven't even noticed?"

"I...well..." I feel like my whole body is numb. "I...I suppose I haven't..."

I'm prepared for him to laugh at me, but luckily he only gives an amused chuckle behind closed lips. "Koushirou, you're weird. But," he pauses, "you're mine."

"I'm..." We draw together in unison this time, and that when I finally notice that I instinctively and uncontrollably murmur a soft hum of satisfaction and need. But I see no reason to control it... Is it any surprise that I cannot suppress my desire? But by the sound of his tone, it seems as though Taichi-san actually...likes it when I do that.

I explore him; every bit of him that I can find mustn't go untouched. Every sense has been awakened, and while it all seems fuzzy, everything has never felt so clear, so real. I press a kiss on his stomach, admiring the ebb and flow of his quickened breathing, the curving, gentle lines of his strength and beauty. My palms are sweating and my pulse is rushing blood, and I tense up, trying to restrain myself. I trace kisses on his flesh, and the heat rising from him seeps into me. My hands wander aimlessly, and with one miscalculation of my travels, I gasp...for I discover that he is in the same state as I.

I pull my hand away quickly, but he grabs it and directs my gaze to him. He looks at me, hard and serious, then softens and places my hand there again.

I look up at him, and I know I must look frightened. His face doesn't change as his other hand traces my face again. Then he nods and lays his head back on the pillow as though this request is nothing unusual, as though I am nowhere near petrified of it, as though I have truly filled the role of sleeping beside him.

I'm breathing so hard now I feel faint. This is unbelievable, inconceivable... Am I really unveiling him, fumbling with a few tiny movements to have my eyes grace upon utter beauty? I am shaking like the chains of a playground swing, my fingers creaking like its rusty hinges.

Then I jump off.

Smooth like curve of a warm mug, like a slightly familiar quilt, a dream reincarnated as a perfect reality. I feel him radiate a sense of longing and eagerness – a venture, a path he never thought he would travel. And here am I, traveling down this excitement, shadows parting for my invading fingers, my breath exiting my lungs in quick puffs. For so long I've dreamt of this, and all I want is to make him happy...make him feel like a king, an emperor so worthy of my worship rituals.

My lips dance all over him, and I can hear him gasp in bliss, a soft purr dribbling from his throat. I've never felt yearning take over me like this before; I'm twitching in need, in relief, in satisfaction. Intensifying, my whole body stiffens, tightening my grip on him but loosening my grip on control.

I'm sipping him so smoothly, skimming the froth with the very tip of my tongue and savoring its richness. I feel like I'm almost drunk off his body, his heat, everything about him that ever drew me to him in the first place. Voracious and fiery I glorify him, refusing to let any inch of him escape my touch and taste.

I never want to stop. All I want is to be here for the rest of my life with my Taichi-san in my hands, watching him grip the sheets with fingers bursting, his head tilting back every so often. I want to focus on nothing else, just this passion and urgency.

"K-Koushirou..."

Just when I feel as though I might be getting close, he takes his pointer finger and touches under my chin, making me look up. His eyes are half-lidded, and my insides knot a million times at the way he is looking at me... He leads my lips back to his, except this time, he is gentle. He slowly wraps his arms around me, his fingers as light as butterfly wings, his kiss as soft as air. I somehow shiver in this immense heat, and as I let my chest touch his sweat-coated skin, I feel him pressed against me, and he shudders, too.

He runs across my flesh, slowly and tenderly, and I simply kiss him with everything I have, lacing my fingers through his hair in an intricate grip, trying to ignore that feeling...that thought that is making my entire body scream with a certainly unachievable request. My own tautness is begging for contact – any sort of contact from Taichi-san, but no, this isn't about me... This is about him.

Then I feel his touch tracing the edge of my pants, and my mind goes numb. It's as though my longing is washing away all thought processes and taking me over whole. He dips down below and I gasp, trembling, my eyes mechanically closing.

Now it is impossible to hold back any sound that escapes from my throat as he coils around me. I nest my head in the nook of his neck and shoulder, and my hands grasp his arms as I feel millions of sparks go off with every bit of me that he graces.

"Taichi-san! T-Taichi-san..."

As his touch bathes me in ecstasy, his other hand proceeds to peel my covering away from me, and as he slides it down my legs, he suddenly stops.

And that's when I feel the packet press against me.

My heart stops as he reaches inside the pocket and slowly brings it out. I can't look at him; I'm too embarrassed. Why did I take it out of the cabinet? Why didn't I leave it there? Why did I let my hormones control my actions?

He's quiet...that can't be a good sign. I want to disappear forever, hide in the corner behind my bed and never come out. I start to move away, but he stops me. With fearful eyes, I dare to look at him.

He has that serious look again. My eyes flick away and then glance at him once more.

Then quietly he asks, "...Do you really want to?"

It's not angry nor is it mocking. It sounds like a mixture of surprise and hope...that I'll say yes, beg for him to take me, to become one with me, to love me...

"I-It's too fast!" I blurt out. "I-I mean, I'm sure you don't want to. I mean it's silly, isn't it? Absolutely ridiculous-"

"You want to," he interrupts simply, holding up the container.

"I-I'm sorry," I whisper, ashamed and glum, "I-I don't even know why I got it. Just…can we pretend that it was never there?" I can feel the mood slip away slowly, as though I'm trying to grasp dissipating mist. I've never felt more humiliated in my life.

There's a pause, silence suspended in the air. Then my Taichi-san says, "You still haven't answered my question."

"Remind me again?" I squeak.

"If you truly do want to."

I know what the answer is. I've been feeling it deep inside my gut; it's been pulling at me from below, sighing with the wind in aching yet doubt. My mind, my body, everything is screaming the truth, yet I know that one more slip of the tongue could obliterate this entire night…it could wake me up so I could feel the stickiness of such preposterous fantasies.

Suddenly, his touch graces me again and I can feel his tongue tangling with mine. How long have I been laying there with no spoken words? All thoughts disintegrate as I close my eyes once more and press into him, memorizing every move, every touch, every sound. He kisses me, deep and fervent, and he fumbles with me, making me gasp and cry as he trails around me, awakening my voice and connecting it to my thoughts.

"Taichi-san, Taichi-san…!"

Everything is suddenly spinning around me so fast, capturing me in a whirlwind and hugging me tight. I can feel him pressed against me with so little separating us, and everything inside me cries and begs for the closest that I could ever get to him…that he could ever get to me…

I thrust all of my coverings away from me vigorously and slide down him, sleek and electrifying. I rumble against him, and he pauses for a moment, recognizing and adjusting to this unforeseen territory. But I could never pause, not even for a moment, for I have never felt so alive.

"Yes…" A voice crawls out from my mouth. "Taichi-san…I want…need you…"

Then he bursts to life and grabs a hold of me, tangling his hands through my hair and holding on as he kisses me more ferociously than ever, grinding against me in lustful drives. Without warning, he lets go, a wave of fresh air hits me, and I breathe for the first time in forever. I open my eyes to see him clutching the packet, tearing it and taking out its contents. Then a thought grips me: What if he doesn't know what to do? What if I have to explain to him-?

He answers me as his lips are back on mine and I can feel tiny, glossy fingers searching me. I try to relax, but that is simply impossible; everything about me couldn't be more rigid. My legs unclasp and I unfold myself, and then suddenly, I wince as he finds me.

Panicking, I frantically think to myself, Dear god…if that pains me, then how…?

"A-Are you alright?" My Taichi-san's voice is breathy with a touch of fright…at this, at its magnitude, at all of it.

"Yes…" I reply instantly, the bite of pain starting to recede.

"Y-You sure?"

"Of course, my Taichi-san." My eyes are lightly closed, and I can feel my lips curve into a meditative smile.

Then I feel more of him and the brief twinge again, but I can feel him moving… This is...aah, more. His lips are on mine again, and I push against him, hungry and impatient. He and I are radiating attraction, for it is so thick that I can feel it in heavy, sensual vibrations. I am absolutely pleading for more of him, for as much of him as I can get, and I wrap my arms around his back and wrench him closer.

"Please, Taichi-san, please…"

He is gone, and I hear him shuffle around as I can only imagine that he is readying himself for the moment that I cannot even begin to fathom is approaching. I'm quivering so badly that there is no possible way I could ever relax, not to mention my own manifestation of wanting is become somewhat of a nuisance.

I open my eyes to see him poised above me, shaking yet…eager? He lays his slick hands on my shoulders to arrange himself, and then he straightens out like a snake, letting me view his lustrous masculinity…so beautiful and right.

He hovers close to me, inches away from my face, and I have never felt so nervous, yet so keen. He bores into my eyes like soft thunder, and I can't help but notice that they are glazed over with so much lust, so much carnal desire…

But can I truly say that I expected anything more?

Then suddenly, I feel him touch me. I know he is hesitating, for he casts his eyes down and purses his lips.

I can't take this. "Do it, Taichi-san…please…" I plaster him with kisses to coax him. I don't care that he doesn't love me yet. If this will help him along the way, then I'm willing to do it. And this…how could I not want this? I want it, I want it so badly…

He brings his gaze back to me and nods, and it takes all of my willpower not to cry out as he urges for admittance, pushing against me gradually. And then I feel him within, and it aches as he widens me, my eyes squeezing shut and slowly filling with tiny tears. I peek open my eyes and see that his are lightly closed, his neck dropped slightly and his mouth half-open, his breath raspy and fast. His eyelids flutter, his eyelashes flashing, and I can see his eyes roll back into his head in rapture as he persuades inside further and further.

The pain is unimportant. Just seeing my Taichi-san like this, knowing that I am the source of this indescribable pleasure…I feel so close.

Suddenly, he collapses onto me and digs his hands under me, hugging me near. He has stopped moving, and that's when I realize that it is impossible for him to get any closer. No one has ever gotten this close to Taichi-san, and I… I am the first and only one.

Nothing can match this closeness. I am complete, I am fulfilled, I am perfect. This is the closest both of us could ever get to someone, and its magnitude makes me quake with elation, shudder in tremors of Paradise.

And now, it's no longer lust. It's no longer sinful, taboo, or simply for the sake of satisfaction. I can sense it, breathe it, live it.

This is love.

In a burst of energy, he draws out and dives again, and while that pale throbbing lingers in the background, it's okay. Again and again and again and…this is more than okay… This is fantastic… He is stroking me now at the same time, but it's more than that… It's this bit of pleasure that creeps up my spine as he reaches me… This…this… I am building, mounting, arching as I feel… I… Aah...

I sink into the sheets of white as I let go, slowly float down from my pinnacle like a feather. It only took seconds, and as the bliss starts to subside, I feel it again as he moves within me in sharp, quick peaks. I moan and he grunts with every thrust… I say his name… He says mine… And suddenly he is quickening his pace, his breath forming, "Kou…Koushi…Koushirou…"

Faster and faster, my mind grows blanker, as though a white light is blinding me, the tap, tap, tap ringing in my ears. And then, he stops, and I am warm.

He gives an animalistic kind of grumble. He stays there for a moment, and I can only hear his breath, short and erratic. When he slowly pulls away, I expect everything to beg for him again, but no. Strangely enough, I feel...satisfied. Content. Heavenly.

He collapses beside me, chest heaving up and down with mine, his breath in rhythm with mine. I lie there in a happy mess and disarray, and finally I open my eyes to look over at him. He opens his eyes, too, and he has this expression that makes every nerve ignite.

He looks like he loves me. And I know he doesn't yet, but...he will. Right?

I feel like I've been sedated. Every inch of me is numb, but I like it. My lips curve into a smile as I give him my own enamored grin, and then I curl up next to him, nuzzling into his soft skin.

"I love you, Taichi-san."

I can almost feel him beam, his arm curves around me, and we lie there.

Me and my Taichi-san.