For the next six months Yin underwent torturous training with several other disciples. They all lived in an underground bunker beneath the HQ tower. That of which Yin hadn't even known was a tower, considering the fact that they didn't let her out until then. Her mornings -feeling more and more like mourning- started before dawn, before the sun. Yin did her best not to resent this fact, and for the most part, she succeeded. Before all else they were ordered a random set of push-ups, sit-ups, and jump squats. None of which were under 20 reps. Once that was done they would run laps around the compound. After that they could finally have breakfast and rest for half an hour.
Yin didn't mind running so much. It was simple. Effortless. It was when she ran that her mind was clear. That she could drift away into dreams forgotten. Maybe running simply came naturally to her in a sense. She was always trying to run away. From home, when the pressure of losing her father and having her mother pulled away from her by a secret romance became too much. Or away from contractors and into their moon lit spectres. And even from the Syndicate. Though everything about her, even her body, was meant to be stoic, she was always ready to pick up her feet and go. But being here at Alucricity, Yin came to realize that there were some things you just couldn't run from.
After breakfast, the large group was paired off and were made to spar with one another. At first, their weapons were wooden. Harmless. But one day they were presented with their legitimate weapons. Few, despite their fear spoke for the group and asked for their old tools back. Those who decided to be brave that day were sentenced to run laps around the compound for the rest of the day, and late into the night. From then on the sparring sessions grew increasingly dangerous. They attempted to be as careful as they could, but their monitors weren't having that. Any sense of hesitation equated to slacking, which led to a harsh whack on the head by their bamboo sticks. It was clear that they didn't need real weapons to inflict serious pain.
And so injuries spread throughout the unit. Some wounds deeper than others, however. Some people faced crippling disabilities, while others were out of the infirmary within a day or two. And Yin was no stranger to injury. She would often times be hauled off to the infirmary in silent misery, not wanting anyone to mistake her suffering for ungratefulness. She knew she'd be judged if she expressed her pain too deeply.
Things only got worse during the final month. Yin and her peers were frequently sent out on crusades against enemy organizations. Whether their orders were to decrease enemy numbers, decrease enemy numbers, take a hostage, or even simply retrieving something, killing was always involved. It was whenever they were heading into a mission that Yin realized time and time again that she was in over her head. Of course she would find little ways to convince herself that things were fine and that she was the one overreacting to the situation. But there was something extremely unnerving about the way they traveled.
It was too complicated to drug such a large group. And drugging them constantly ran the risk of overdose -which Yin convinced herself that their wariness was a symbol of Alucricity's unyielding love for them- so they used another method of transportation, plane. Yin and her squadron however, all remained within the cargo hold beneath the aircraft. It was utterly packed in there with so many people and weapons crammed in there at the same time. They were forced to lean up against the wall in the "chair" position, and if they'd learned anything from their training they would remain absolutely still, their balance undisturbed even during the most violent cases of turbulence.
There were no windows down there so by the time they got out the place would already reek of sweat and dirt. The heat building down there only magnifying the putrid scent. The smell wasn't the only disadvantage of not having windows. The lack of those glass filled holes made the whole experience surreal and terrifying. Taking off made them all feel like they were being whisked away by some unknown force into their doom. Turbulence was just as nerve racking if not moreso. They could never tell what position the plane was in or how far up they were, so it was impossible to know whether or not they were plummeting to the ground, inches away from death.
The sense of panic grew quickly and it enveloped them in its ever growing reach all throughout the ride and deep into the mission. But that wouldn't hinder them, for if they failed, they'd meet a fate far worse. Being stranded with no way back to Alucricity. But it was when Yin was out on the battlefield that she felt true fear. Fear of the assailants pinned against her. Fear of her own abilities, what she was capable of. Fear of their cause. Fear of her own. Fear that their motives were more noble than hers.
Even the fear of her own peers overwhelmed her at times. What was once a group of timid but eager fighters, became a band of ruthless warriors unsure of whether or not teamwork was worth their time. Whenever they embarked on a conquest, all anyone wanted from the start was get back into torturous airplane and head back home as soon as possible. It didn't matter how many times they left for a mission, the paranoia was always fresh. They were ready and willing sell each other out, to lie to save their own skin. Disbelieving that forgiveness was an option in this community. And maybe, in terms of mindset, they were ahead of Yin in that area. But she still had hope! She still knew of the truth in Father's words. She still had a clasp on Shira's love. And for her, that was enough.
But Yin couldn't deny that there were times when she felt completely out of control. Especially on the battlefield. Most times she was forced to numb herself of all emotions. It was the best way to maintain her diligence. To distance herself from the dark crusader she held inside. But it was more than just clearing her mind. She pushed herself away from all that made her human, all that made hesitate and question her action. She hated it. That empty feeling gnawed at her for hours on end. And even after the mission had ceased, it still remained long enough to make her wonder if she really had control over it. Sometimes it showed up when she was alone, simply to remind her that it was still apart of her and ready flare back up at any moment.
In rare moments, Yin would wonder if she really did have a family there. Sometimes she felt so isolated and lonesome, even with so many people constantly surrounding her. In those moments, she'd gaze into the ever truthful ocean of the mirror through her spectre. She'd lift up her clothes and trace the scars littered her body she could've sworn that she'd never felt as low, or as disgusting than she did in those moments. When she could no longer look at the centipedes that were burned beneath her skin, she would rush into Shira's room fast enough to hide the tears that were quickly escaping her eyes.
It was as if she knew what Yin was feeling before she could even convey it, because before Yin even opened the door all the way, Shira was already standing, her arms wide open and waiting to envelope her in a hug. It was there Yin would confess to how ugly she felt and to how badly she needed someone beside her right then. Though she'd been through this time and time again, Yin always feared Shira would pass judgement or proclaim that her feelings were alien to her. But she never did. Shira showed her that she too knew what it was like to feel ugly in a way that you thought no one could understand, and that before her, there was a time when she also lead a life of loneliness, even when surrounded by others. Her fingers would trace Yin's scars with the gentle touch akin to a mother applying ointment to their hurting child but without the cream to aid her ...as if her fingers alone would heal. Yin would cry for a time, but Shira's soft voice and the light pressure of her fingers would lull her to sleep.
The next morning Yin would awake in her own bed, no matter what was going on. Even if there was supposed to be a mission and she was meant to be down in her bunker. But she would always awake swaddled within the softness of her satin sheets. And by then, the scars were gone.
Yin never thought she'd be so relieved to be back at the old hideout near tokyo. Of course this didn't mean the end of her fighting, or that she didn't have a new set of chores to take care of. Like chopping wood, tending to the crops when it was her turn, keeping watch over the camp, and going on supply runs. But she was mainly excited to keep the promise she made to a certain someone involving her return. So as soon as she was able, Yin set out for Hei's apartment.
As she approached his door, she felt a growing nervousness at her. It had been a while since she'd left the Syndicate. They couldn't honestly still be considered partners after all this time. Especially since she was technically working for the enemy now. She wasn't welcome here anymore, and if she knocked now, it would be fact. But a soft memory of him returned to her, like a whisper against the wind. She could've let it simply wash past her, something in her wanted to cling to it. The light whisper against her skin, which was admittedly closer than what would be considered appropriate for two 'friends'. She remembered the disappointed acceptance in his voice as he moaned, "I'll miss you," And Yin knew that if Hei were to say that to her in such a manner, then he must've meant it.
So she knocked twice, preparing herself for a quick goodbye if anything. She could hear some shuffling around through the thin walls and she feared her disturbing him would make for a bitter farewell. He opened the door a crack, his eyes squinting to a near close. He looked out past her, expecting someone taller. Overcome with an odd desire to see him, Yin dipped her thumb into her pouch and summoned a spectre. Yin took in his disheveled hair and overall tousled appearance. He seemed to be repelled by the light, and judging by the shades covering the windows of his apartment, it was safe to say it was pretty dark in there. Hei had always kept his appearance relatively neat, but now, he looked a little worse for wear. His pants' leg rode up against his shin and with none of his buttons buttoned, his shirt laid open, exposing his toned torso as if he'd just thrown it on upon hearing her knock. If the bags under his squinting eyes were any indication, he wasn't getting any sleep either.
After a moment, he looked down at her. His eyes widened, his shock overcoming the burn of the sun. He stilled for a good minute and to Yin, it felt like hours ticking past. She both dreaded and anticipated his reaction. He blinked at her a few times, wondering if her ethereal form before him was more than an illusion. But as he registered what was happening his expression morphed from that of mild annoyance to a mixture of surprise, relief, and even longing.
"Yin!" His voice cracked. Tears threatened to escape with his words so he feared to utter another sound. Practically leaping at her, he swallowed her up in the greatest, biggest hug he could muster. His right hand stroked her back up and down while his left pressed her head further past his shoulder as his fingers absentmindedly ran themselves through her hair. He trembled slightly as he held her, pressing the whole of his body against her's. Hei took in every sensation she induced in him. The softness of her skin and hair, the sweet watery scent she always carried, even the way her body fit into his stirred something in his stomach that he couldn't explain. Finding himself out control, and maybe even not wanting to control himself, he began placing open mouthed kisses all over her neck and jawline. Each one messier than the last, but none lack the hunger that throbbed within him during her absence. Yin stood for a long moment, his mouth stilling her. But she did eventually return the hug, her body heating in way she'd never felt before. Hei didn't seem to notice her pause. But Yin couldn't figure out what warranted this kind of outlandish reaction. She was utterly baffled by this sudden burst of passion. What could've happened while she was gone? Still, despite her confusion, she was moved by his affectionate zeal.
"Yin, where have you been?" Hei asked desperately. Yin looked up at him in confusion. Didn't she already tell him before she left? "What happened to the earpiece Huang gave you? I've been calling and calling-"
Yin pushed away him to look him in the eyes. "I've been at headquarters Hei, I thought you knew that..."
"You've been gone the entire time?" Hei's eyes were disbelieving as Yin nodded at him. "You said you'd only be gone a few days!"
Realization dawned on her as Yin finally registered how long she'd been gone. What he was suspecting to be a few days, maybe even a week, had morphed into seven long months. And Yin had merely allowed them to swallow up her time without question. She hadn't even thought, or even truly believed that she was leaving someone behind. Someone she needed to get back to. She felt a twinge of guilt as she thought of him calling her repeatedly, of all the sleepless nights he must've spent hoping she'd answer. She'd almost forgotten what it was like to be worried about. To have someone in your life who was actually concerned about your well-being. She'd almost forgotten that he was one of those people. She ignored the possibility of Alucricity distancing her from the feeling.
"I'm sorry Hei!" Yin apologized. "I didn't realize..."
He stared down at her for a long while, his mouth opening and closing in a clumsy attempt to convey how he'd been feeling all this time. He allowed his body to collapse over hers in a hug of desperation and longing. "God Yin..I- I was..." He said in a breath. But he didn't need to speak, Yin already knew that he missed her, just as he said he would.
"We should go somewhere private-" She pulled away from him, but he slid a hand around her waist.
"No, it's okay!" Hei explained. "You've been gone for a while now, no one would expect you to come back here."
He smiled at her and pulled her into the apartment. Once she was inside he realized how dark and dreary it was. Not only in lighting but in atmosphere as well. There was also somewhat of a mess of of his bullet proof jacket, a few masks that were battered and mostly broken, as well as some of his duller knives strewn about, a few were still pretty bloody. He promised himself that he'd sharpen them and cast them away into the proper hiding places, but he couldn't really get anything done lately... He was glad nonetheless that he didn't have much to make a mess with, otherwise things could've ended up looking much worse. Looking down at himself, he realized that he too appeared a bit scruffy. As he buttoned up his shirt a bit he ran a hand through his tousled hair while using his foot to readjust his pants leg. "Sorry, it's been a bit rough."
She navigated her way through the room safely, not minding the mess at all. She sat on the floor and leaned against the wall.
"I'll make you something to eat," Hei offered.
Yin thought of the sharp contrast between here, his apartment, and the Alucricity headquarters. Even the the hideout was much more extravagant than the apartment she currently resided in. Just a few days ago she was resting in a king sized bed snuggled between silk sheets and a mattress so soft she feared it would swallow her whole. Her walk in closet was furnished with rows and rows of clothes that she had no choice but to love, and even if she didn't she could send them away and have a new set at the snap of her fingers. The room was wide with more space than she'd ever know what to do with, and if she didn't like it, she could switch to any room wanted, even if it was already occupied.
But now, in this shrunken apartment with bare walls, no furniture, and seemingly no life, she'd felt the most at home.